They grow up so fast these days.
We had lots of babies offered in the beginning — all the way from Eugene Sloper who was so new he was still red, up to Junior Caudill who was almost four (his mother said he could scrunch up).
A subtrope of Dawson Casting
, one specifically about newborns, or at least TV "newborns". Whenever a supposedly just-born child appears on TV, the baby you will see will actually be several months old. Put this down to a mixture of simple ethics, employment laws, and casting laws that make it unacceptable to cast a real newborn in such a role. This is because sound stages are hot, bright, stuffy, dirty places—not a great environment for a newborn infant prone to infection and unable to control body temperature.
This can have an unfortunate side effect
, due to the fact that Reality Is Unrealistic
, making a person's first encounter with a real newborn possibly squicky
. Real newborns aren't clean-looking gurgling bundles of cuteness. Real newborns are covered in mucus, blood, amniotic fluid, and other bodily substances, up to and including fecal matter. There is a chance they could be covered in a peach fuzz-like substance called lanugo (a remnant of when our ancestors were a lot hairier than we are now; most fetuses lose it before birth, but obviously, a few don't). Their skin will usually have a red hue to it as well and look somewhat "wrinkly", especially if they are considerably premature. On top of all this, most newborns have noticeably misshapen heads from the birth process, since their skulls aren't yet closed and their bones are very flexible. To say nothing of the placenta that should be popping out with the babe. Even newborns that have been cleaned up and are a couple days old are generally Ugly Cute
at best. It's been said that all newborn babies look like Winston Churchill
This can even carry over to newborn animal babies, which fiction likes to depict as the cutest, smallest things
ever to arrive, when in actuality, most newborn animals arrive slimy, hairless, and often eyeless
because their eyes may be covered by a layer of skin that takes some time to wither away. Take a look at a newborn rabbit◊
, and you'll think your bunny just gave birth to a dumpling.
In fiction, birth is a much cleaner, nicer
(but still painful for the mother
) process, and in American films and TV shows, usually happens in a tent. The four-month-old tot pops out of his/her mommy as clean as whistle, gets bundled up, and is handed to Mommy (or possibly Daddy), looking around serenely. Don't expect this in real life.
This is an Omnipresent Trope
, so only aversions, subversions, inversions, parodies, and the like should be added.
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Anime and Manga
- Blood+ has two examples, which are both justified, since the babies in question are chiropteran babies:
- The newborn Saya and Diva were described by the first Joel as having the appearance of two-month-old human babies.
- Diva's daughters are an even better example. When they emerge from their cocoons, they already have full heads of hair, as opposed to small tufts on their foreheads as Saya and Diva had, and after a moment or two of crying, they quickly shift to smiling and giggling.
- If the third InuYasha movie is anything to go by, the title character was born with a full head of hair.
- A subversion in Chapter 13 of the Superjail! fanfic Extended Stay when the Warden and the Mistress's twins are born. Sure, they had umbilical cords, but there was no mention of them being covered in blood or other fluids for that matter.
- Link and Jenna's child in My Inner Life is cute, clean, and cooing in his mother's arms just seconds after his birth. He's smiling, giggling, and doing math not long after. There was also no mention of an umbilical cord, and apparently, the birth only took... eh, maybe five minutes?
- Aversion: Children of Men used a CGI baby in the birth scene.
- Ditto for Revenge of the Sith, where both Luke and Leia are CG and so is the droid midwife. Yet they still looked like this.
- Attempted aversion/bizarre example: Judd Apatow wanted to shoot an actual birth for Knocked Up; Anne Hathaway is said to have turned down the project because of this. Apatow abandoned this plan when he realized that he would need a worker's permit for the unborn child.
- Taken to its most insane in Rudy Ray Moore's Petey Wheatstraw, the Devils' Son-in-Law, where the titular character emerges from the womb looking about twelve years old and wearing a diaper! He then attacks his doctor.
- The Nativity Story is odd in the fact that while the baby playing Jesus could maybe pass for newborn, the baby John the Baptist comes out of the womb looking as if it's already attending preschool. The contrast between them makes the problem much worse than if they had used two older babies.
- Total aversion in the film Window Water Baby Moving by Stan Brakhage, in which Brakhage actually films his own wife in the few days before giving birth, as well as the filming during the birthing process... from up close. The fact that the film that there is no music or dialogue only highlights the intense (and squicky nature) of birth. The camera only being a foot away from his wife's... "area" also lends to this feeling.
- Spike Lee's She Hate Me averted this in a rather traumatizing fashion. Not one, but two births were actually filmed and used in the movie. Pretty squicky stuff, especially since you expect the standard "mother screaming/cut to clean, swaddled child." Nope. You get two real kids popping out of real mothers right before your very eyes.
- In the TV movie Million Dollar Babies, about the Dionne quintuplets, the producers used animatronic dolls for the newborn quints. Using older babies to represent the newborn Dionne girls, who were two months premature, and small for that, would have been ridiculous, and defeatist as well, since it's a major portion of the first half-hour of the film that the girls are tiny, premature, and not expected to live. In addition to that, finding five babies who looked alike would be difficult. Obviously, using real, underweight newborns or preemies was out of the question. The film was made before CGI was an option.
- Junior has Arnold Schwarzenegger give birth, and like George Lopez, they CGI his adult face onto a CGI baby... It's Nightmare Fuel for everyone, including Arnold, which is fair, as it is a nightmare in the film.
- French film Romance has what appears to be an actual birth. Close-up of vagina and everything.
- In Tangled, when Rapunzel is supposed to be so young that her parents are still celebrating her birth, she has flowing (magic) hair and can hold up her own head and focus and otherwise act months older. The narration describes the period of time before Gothel abducts her as "a moment."
- Averted as much as possible in Man of Steel.
- In Anne Of The Thousand Days, Elizabeth is a rather sprightly toddler for someone who would not even be three years old at the time the film ends. This was averted in the original play.
- Averted in the Tom Clancy novel The Bear and the Dragon, where President Ryan allowed the press to briefly film his newborn fourth child shortly after his birth.
- Inverted in the Vorkosigan Saga, Bothari tries to pass the newborn Ivan Vorpatril as being a few months old, but the person he's trying to fool quickly figures out that the boy's stated age would be correct if he changed 'weeks' to 'hours'.
- In Ramona Forever, Ramona is quite confused upon seeing her newborn sister, with her red-tinted skin and wild hair. It takes her aback to hear that she looked like this when born, but accepts it and decides it's not so bad if she grew up to be "wonderful, blunderful me".
- The Onion satirized this with one of its headlines: "Woman on TV gives birth to four month old baby".
- On one of his comedy albums, Bill Cosby describes how unprepared he was for his newborn's appearance:
"...As they started to clean it off... I went over to my wife, kissed her gently on the lips, and said, 'Darling, I love you very much. You just gave birth to a lizard.'"
- Ironically, when he got his own sitcom in the Eighties, he played an obstetrician.
- Robin Williams, in his concert at the Metropolitan Opera House, refers to his newborn son as "a little old man, dipped in 40-weight" (presumably, 40-weight motor oil).
- Swedish comedian Jan Bylund about when his daughter was born:
So I called him right away and said "You're a grandfather!", and my dad asked "Who does she look like?!"
Twenty minutes after a child has been born, you should not answer that question honestly, I tell you. "Who does she look like?!" Yeah, well... E.T.
, except blue.
- Played with in Beyond: Two Souls. In the "Homeless" chapter, Jodie helps a woman give birth, and part of the mission involves cutting the newborn's umbilical cord. The baby, however, is otherwise completely clean.
- On Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, Daniel's baby sister Margaret is introduced in the second season; she is essentially this, if not exaggerated. She is soon shown crawling, even doing a bit of walking, and wanting to play with her big brother.
- Quite common in paintings depicting Jesus's birth.
- This was taken to extremes in Medieval paintings, where all babies looked like miniature adults instead of like actual children.
- A So Bad, It's Good birther video purporting to be proof that Barack Obama was born in Kenya featured, among its many errors, a newborn that appeared to be six months old.
- Guinea pig pups are born fully furred, with open eyes, running around. They are essentially born as three-month-old newborns.
- Same thing goes for hares, as well a any other animal that stand and walk soon after birth.
- A bizarre case overlapping with real life that also showed Reality Is Unrealistic in 2004 when Bobbie Jo Stinnett was murdered by Lisa L. Montgomery and had her baby crudely cut from her womb, with Montgomery claiming the baby was hers and taking her home. When investigators arrived at Montgomery's home and saw the infant, they noticed that the day-old baby's head was round and not conical, which was an indication that the child had not been delivered vaginally, as Montgomery claimed.
- For those wondering: a newborn's skeleton is mainly formed by cartilage (the flexible structure in your nose or ears), rather than bone. And being pushed out of a vagina puts a fair bit of pressure on the infant's skull.
- Anatomy texts depicting childbirth show the infant in correct proportion, but generally omit the blood, fragments of amniotic sac, and other messy elements because it would obscure details in the illustration.