->''"This is one Hollywood lesson that's legitimately dangerous. Real crooks show up pissed off, desperate and with weapons. And, even strung out on meth, they're not stupid enough to be foiled by quickly scampering under coffee tables (even crackheads are known to negotiate simple obstacles). The real world has a term for [[Film/HomeAlone kids who try to use Micro Machines to outsmart bad guys during a robbery]]: missing and presumed dead."''
-->-- '''Joe Russo''', ''Website/{{Cracked}}'': [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16694_6-horrible-lessons-hollywood-loves-teach-kids.html "6 Horrible Lessons Hollywood Loves to Teach Kids"]]

What do you do when you need some big, tough guys to menace the heroes, but don't want to risk having them actually, you know, ''hurt'' anybody? You call in The Family For The Whole Family. They're not the scary, make-it-look-like-an-accident mobsters seen in [[TheMafia Mafia]] movies; they're the [[HarmlessVillain harmless]], ineffectual, and very, ''very'' [[StupidCrooks stupid mobsters]] that are a staple of family-oriented comedies. No matter how many of them are in their group, you can be sure of two things: there will only be one shared gun among them all, and they'll always forget that there's a trigger on it when they want to threaten someone.

Despite the name, this brand of goon doesn't necessarily have to be a member of TheMafia. They can be from any group who is normally considered [[VillainByDefault dangerous by definition]] (i.e. gangsters, thieves, spies, hitmen, {{Yakuza}}, escaped criminals, et al), but when appearing in the context of a PG-rated film becomes highly susceptible to messy booby traps, {{banana peel}}s, and precocious youngsters who [[IKnowKarate know karate]].

In the 1990s, it was popular to add these characters to DomCom movies to pad the script with villains for a ''HomeAlone''-inspired climax. (Creator/JohnHughes, who wrote the script for ''Home Alone'' and a few of the other examples on this page, ''loved'' this trope.) Just to drive home the point of them being totally superfluous to the point of the movie, they are totally absent from most trailers and summaries of the film - only existing for some B-plot slapstick gags to add an extra 20 minutes on to what would otherwise be only 1 hour of screentime.

As the above quote from Cracked.com states, this is a FamilyUnfriendlyAesop.

See also TerribleTrio, NeighbourhoodFriendlyGangsters, IneffectualSympatheticVillain and ThePiratesWhoDontDoAnything. Contrast QuirkyMinibossSquad, HarmlessVillain, BadButt. When the bad guys at least ''try'' to shoot people but fail miserably, that's ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy.

'''Keep in mind that this trope is ''not'' "Villains who are not very evil." This trope concerns villains who are ''willing'' to commit heinous crimes, but are simply incapable of doing so because of their incompetence.'''

[[noreallife]]
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!!Examples:

[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder:Anime & Manga]]
* The Dola Gang from ''CastleInTheSky'', moreso the sons than Dola herself
* The Air Pirates in ''PorcoRosso'' aren't very skilled, either. Curtis was more dangerous then the whole bunch of them.
** The pirates seem less effectual than they actually are because we only ever see them fighting Porco, who is quite possibly the most skilled ace in the Mediterranean. At the beginning of the film, the Mama Aiuto Gang manages to heist a cargo ship and take a group of schoolgirls hostage. Given, the girls proceed to walk all over them, but that illustrates their latent honorable tendencies.
* The "[[{{Yakuza}} Very Nice People]]" in ''Manga/HayateTheCombatButler''.
* Surprisingly, [[Anime/{{Pokemon}} Team Rocket]] is only on the border of this. Sure, the TerribleTrio are G-rated {{Harmless Villain}}s, but every once in a while you're reminded that they're the oddballs of a larger and much more dangerous syndicate. In fact, Jessie, James, and Meowth are very lucky to still have their job!
-->'''Max''': All those Team Rocket guys, and us only having three to deal with? We're lucky.
** Giovanni straddles both sides of the line, actually. First off, there's especially his sinister and monomaniacal side which he showcased on the Mewtwo movies. And then...there are scenes...like...you know when... [[FetishFuel That hunkahunka manloaf is covered with insect Pokemon]], and his Greek god body in general. His random bouts of Pokemon-related psychosis can also make him [[NightmareFuel seem more scary to some.]] Never get between a man and his dreams...[[BerserkButton or obsessions, after all.]]
*** The scenes mentioned were only [[ImagineSpot Meowth's boss fantasies]]. ([[HoYay Take that as you will.]]) Though who knows what Giovanni does in his spare time...
* The Oedo Family in ''{{Gokusen}}''. The town's people loves them, the grandfather utterly loves his granddaughter, and they are ready to help anyway they can. Did I mention they are one of the most powerful yakuzas in Japan?
* The Wong Family in ''RosarioToVampire'' employs numerous powerful and intimidating monsters, they were founded by one of the Three Dark Lords, and they're currently headed by the most powerful SwordAndSorcerer BattleCouple around. They throw a ridiculously lavish and flamboyant welcome party when the heir brings home friends, and Inner Moka notes them to be "a noisy bunch". Overall, they're more cheerful than you'd expect.
* BodaciousSpacePirates: They rob tourist yachts and take on bounties for odd jobs. Really, the whole "space privateer" thing has already been bogged down by the local bureaucracy, making teenage girls the perfect star-system neighborhood tax collectors... And then they kidnap a multibillionaire heiress so she can dump her hipster fiancée and get married to her girlfriend. And take down a prototype battlespace fortress.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Films]]
* ''Film/{{UHF}}'' ultimately subverts this: the goons at first try to simply keep Stanley out of the way to sabotage the U-62 telethon, but after one pratfall too many, they get pissed off enough to decide on taking both him and George for "the long ride." The only thing that stops them from just shooting the two is a certain [[BigDamnHeroes "SUPPLIES!!"]] waiting in a utility closet.
* The ''MagicKid'' movies, starring teen-aged fight choreographer T.J. Roberts.
* The Mob movie spoof: ''Creator/JaneAusten's Mafia!''
* Harry and Marv from the first two ''HomeAlone'' movies.
** By that same token, the bumbling spies from ''HomeAlone 3''. Bumbling burglars are believable; but the inherent stupidity of a band of highly-trained secret agents doing anything other than simply shooting the little brat between his eyes caused most viewers to pretend this installment [[FanonDisContinuity never happened]]. Well, that and many, many other reasons.
** Actually, the ends of both Harry and Marv's appearances subvert this trope. They eventually ''do'' catch the kid, and they ''are'' planning to kill him (with ColdBloodedTorture in the first one), and they're only stopped by the intervention of an adult.
** In fact you could argue that Harry and Marv are a subversion, as in the beginning they have no plans to harm Kevin at all, simply tie him up and get him out of the way while they empty the house. It's only after going through all of Kevin's traps that they get pissed off enough to actually kill him. It's ''Kevin'' that gets HoistByHisOwnPetard.
** They still play it straight enough by falling for said traps repeatedly.
* The idiot kidnappers from ''Baby's Day Out''.
* The mafia mooks in ''ManOfTheHouse''.
* Pulled off substantially better in ''WesternAnimation/FlushedAway'': the main minions are rats, but later a frog hitman shows up, along with [[AcceptableTargets French]] [[McNinja ninja-frogs]]. It would be kind of mean except that their leader is voiced by French-Moroccan actor Jean Reno, who's clearly in on the joke.
* ''ThreeNinjas''; a movie series where NINJAS are effortlessly defeated by children, who realistically, would get slaughtered like helpless puppies. Particularly pathetic in the case of Tum-Tum, the youngest of the group, who looks to be about only five years old. Sure the ninjas in the films weren't exactly of the finest order (wearing black outfits in broad daylight, among other things), but still the idea that a small child can beat up legions of grown men, trained to be dangerous combatants, gets a little ridiculous really quickly. He even rated second place on [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16433_6-supposed-action-heroes-you-could-probably-take-in-fight_p2.html 6 Supposed Action Heroes You Could Probably Take In A Fight]].
--> ''You know what happens when a 5-year-old performs a flying kick against a grown man? The kid falls on his barely- out-of-diapers ass. Why does this happen? Physics. It's the law and everyone knows you can't fight the law, especially if you weigh 30 pounds and stand 3-feet-tall.''
* The movie musical ''BugsyMalone'', with its rival gangs of kids whose Tommy guns fire custard instead of bullets.
* The Rat Pack, particularly in ''RobinAndTheSevenHoods'' and the original ''Ocean's Eleven''.
* ''Film/{{Houseguest}}''. The mob boss even calls them out on their stupidity...but he still gives them repeated chances to go after Franklin (instead, you know, ''sending in someone more competent''), putting his intelligence in question as well. Unlike some of these examples though, the mobsters might be inept but their presence is what drives the plot of the movie.
* ''{{Bushwhacked}}''.
* ''ComicStrip/{{Dennis The Menace|US}}: TheMovie.''
* ''Film/CorkyRomano'' plays this painfully straight. While the underlings certainly act tough (they're not), the Don swears to his son that he's never done anything serious like kidnapping or murder. [[FridgeLogic Then why is the FBI so desperate to get him?]]
* The sharks in ''WesternAnimation/SharkTale''.
* A group of mobsters help out Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger and Vanessa Williams in ''Film/{{Eraser}}''. They're a bit of a subversion in that they're fairly competent when they have to be (skillfully slaughtering their more evil counterparts), but they're still pretty stupid much of the time.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Literature]]
* ''GuysAndDolls'' has Big Jule from Chicago. Although he carries a gun, he only uses its existence to threaten people and is easily disarmed with one punch.
* [[MST3K Mike Nelson's]] novel ''Death Rat!'' features several expatriate Danes observing the protagonist. Their ineptitude stems mostly from the fact that they aren't really even bad guys; they're just old associates of the antagonist who had been browbeaten into assisting him.
* While not as inept as other examples, the Mob in the ''MythAdventures'' novels is bizarrely gullible, falling for even more elementary con games than the series' average villains.
* The Franchise/StarWarsExpandedUniverse is famous for its [[RootingForTheEmpire lovable villains]], but there are a few villains--and heroes-- of this sort:
** The Diversity Alliance, a human-hating Marxist group in Young Jedi Knights. Being a children's book, yeah.
** The Lost Tribe of the Sith, who don't seem as dark as Bane's Sith, Kun's Sith, or Lumiya's Sith. That said, they have plans to use Ben's DNA to create a master race of Sith.
** Finally, Abeloth. Relative to {{Eldritch Abomination}}s in other literature, Abeloth is relatively tame. Also relative to [[Literature/NewJediOrder three]] [[Literature/DarkNestTrilogy previous]] [[Literature/LegacyOfTheForce series]], she's definitely LighterAndSofter. Though that says a lot about just how dark those prior stories were that an insane, murderous EldritchAbomination was a LighterAndSofter villain.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
* The well-documented [[http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Sesame_Street_Gangsters criminal underbelly]] of ''Series/SesameStreet''.
* The Tony Pajamas sketches from ''TheAmandaShow'' {{parody}} movie gangsters.
** Instead of shooting Tommy Guns, the rival gang throws eggs and donuts through the window.
* Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus had Luigi Vercotta, and in one episode, the Dinsdale Brothers.
* ''{{Psych}}'' gave us some pretty pathetic mobsters in the pivotal episode "Deez Nups." For starters, they have their clocks easily cleaned by a slightly overweight woman - though, granted, it's a slightly overweight woman who is [[IKnowKarate well-versed in]] [[IKnowKungFu Muay Thai boxing]]. Then they actually fall for the lame [[PaperThinDisguise "put-a-hood-over-the-hostage's-head-to-conceal-that-he's-a-decoy"]] trick, ''despite attempting the same ploy themselves''. They finally seem to have [[TookALevelInBadass Taken A Level In Badass]] when they [[WeddingSmashers crash a wedding and open fire on everyone]]...but no, as they are foiled hilariously when it becomes obvious that [[EveryoneIsArmed half the guests at the wedding are cops, and they open fire in return]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Theater]]
* Most of the plot of the stage musical ''Theatre/KissMeKate'' is driven by a pair of humourously ignorant gangsters, although they have a few BlackComedy moments as well, such as when they reminisce about dumping people in the Potomac.
* Likewise, ''GuysAndDolls'' has Big Jule from Chicago. Although he carries a gun, he only uses its existence to threaten people and is easily disarmed with one punch.
* The concept is lampshaded in ''TheDrowsyChaperone''.
* Moonface Martin in ''Theatre/AnythingGoes'' is a perfectly harmless gangster who genuinely tries to help the hero and also smuggles a tommy gun on board... just in case.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Video Games]]
* The Pianta Syndicate from ''VideoGame/PaperMarioTheThousandYearDoor.''
* The ''VideoGame/AnimalCrossing'' games have Sonny Resetti, a mole who blows up at players who shut down without saving, but never does anything to them. Which is good, because you'll see him even if the game froze and you ''couldn't'' save.
** Probably more related to this trope would be "Crazy Redd", a fox who runs a furniture black market. Complete with needing a password to get in, police on the watch for him, and the occasional painting bought from him being a forgery. However, most of this is played for laughs, and if you have good insurance, you'll get refunded (at least some) for the phony paintings.
** Tom Nook, THE resident mobster. Redd is just a crook, but Nook brings his nephews into the mix.
* The Plob from ''VideoGame/DragonQuestHeroesRocketSlime''
* Almost all of the [[{{Mooks}} Grunts of various teams]] from Franchise/{{Pokemon}}. They never truly pose a threat past Poisoning all of your Pokémon to a knockout with their [[GoddamnBats Goddamn Zubat]]. Once you get to the Commanders, Admins, and Leaders, though...
** In the games, Giovanni of Team Rocket is just plain ''bad''. The first two times you run into him, he threatens that he will make you "experience a world of pain!" Yeah, that guy threatens an eleven year old with physical violence.
** Averted in ''VideoGame/PokemonColosseum'' and ''[[VideoGame/PokemonColosseum Pokemon XD]]''; while various members of Cipher [[LaughablyEvil could be goofy]], the entire organization, even the low-level flunkies, was treated as incredibly dangerous--silly goons were the exception, not the rule.
* In ProfessorLaytonAndTheUnwoundFuture, the mafia is actually referred to as "The Family". However, the only run-ins you have with them are solving puzzles. There's even a LampshadeHanging that they're not allowed to hurt you.
* The Mafia of Cooks from ''VideoGame/AHatInTime'' do seem to rob people and drive non-Mafia restaurants out of business, but they also do things like punch barrels dressed as old ladies to scare people.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Western Animation]]
* There was a short on {{Animaniacs}} in which Yakko, Wakko, and Dot completely humiliated a Godfather-esque mafia boss who tried to kick them out of "his" table at a small Italian restaurant. The Don was actually played fairly straight, but was totally GenreBlind to the fact that he was up against a [[KarmicTrickster group of Cartoon Tricksters]] who didn't care who he was and had the ability to [[RealityWarper violate the usual]] [[CartoonPhysics laws of reality]] in order to BreakTheHaughty.
** The Goodfeathers are a pigeon version of this, as well.
* Many episodes of ''WesternAnimation/TheFlintstones''.
* The Mafia's appearances are mostly played for laughs on ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', as is the Robot Mafia on ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}''.
** ''The Simpsons'' mafia can be consider something of a subversion, as some of the stuff they do is ridiculous and played for laughs, and other stuff is actually violent or highly illegal (like making loans and beating people when they can't pay them, or rigging sports events) yet [[CrossesTheLineTwice it's also played for laughs]]. They ''are'' shown dumping a dead body (wrapped in a length of carpet) into a trash bin in a 1999 episode, so they clearly are able to commit murder when necessary.
** The robot Mafia plays this up. The mafia is only three robots. They act tough, but so far they haven't killed anybody onscreen. They machine gunned a robot who owed them in their first appearance, but being a robot, he just got back up. One of them mentions giving somebody CementShoes, which he enjoyed, because they were lighter than his lead ones. They came pretty close to burning the Planet Express crew up though, and they would have killed Flexo if Bender hadn't bent the unbendable girder they dropped on him.
* Big Daddy's organization in ''TheFairlyOddparents'' acts like your typical gangster family, with Big Daddy himself even voiced by [[Series/TheSopranos Tony Sirocio]], but they work in garbage collection.
** [[BlatantLies Yes...garbage collecting]].
*** Subsequent episodes (as well as the premiere) show that yes, Big Daddy's company ''does'' do actual garbage collecting, just...with mob-like tactics and some gangster work on the side.
* Luigi Vendetta, the opera-singing juvenile [[CanadaEh Canadian]] Mafia boss Kick sends to exact revenge on his brother Brad in ''WesternAnimation/KickButtowski''.
* The Crooks in ''WesternAnimation/{{COPS}}'' are supposed to be a mafia organization, but since stealing is basically the only crime you're really even allowed to show on a kid's cartoon, they spend most of their time (unsuccessfully) robbing and burglarizing rather than racketeering and legbreaking.
* Boo Boo the ghost on ''WesternAnimation/RubyGloom'' is part of a ghost mafia where he tries in vain to scare others.
[[/folder]]
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