->''"Then I drive him out to the woods. Badda bing badda bang. Three in back of the head, that's the end of Little Paulie. So what do you think Frankie says when I report back in? 'Little Paulie? Nah, I told you to pop ''Big'' Paulie!' That's the problem with our business, too many guys named Paulie."''
-->-- '''Cicci''', ''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine'' ("Badda-Bing, Badda-Bang")

What do you do when you need some big, tough guys to menace the heroes, but don't want to risk having them actually, you know, ''hurt'' anybody? You call in The Family for the Whole Family. They're not the scary, make-it-look-like-an-accident mobsters seen in [[TheMafia Mafia]] movies; they're the [[HarmlessVillain harmless]], ineffectual, and very, ''very'' [[StupidCrooks stupid mobsters]] that are a staple of family-oriented comedies. No matter how many of them are in their group, you can be sure of two things: there will only be one shared gun among them all, and they'll always forget that there's a trigger on it when they want to threaten someone.

Despite the name, this brand of goon doesn't necessarily have to be a member of TheMafia. They can be from any group who is normally considered [[VillainByDefault dangerous by definition]] (i.e. gangsters, thieves, spies, hitmen, {{Yakuza}}, escaped criminals, et al), but when appearing in the context of a PG-rated film becomes highly susceptible to messy booby traps, {{banana peel}}s, and precocious youngsters who [[IKnowKarate know karate]].

In the 1990s, it was popular to add these characters to DomCom movies to pad the script with villains for a ''Film/HomeAlone''-inspired climax. (Creator/JohnHughes, who wrote the script for ''Home Alone'' and a few of the other examples on this page, ''loved'' this trope.) Just to drive home the point of them being totally superfluous to the point of the movie, they are totally absent from most trailers and summaries of the film - only existing for some B-plot slapstick gags to add an extra 20 minutes on to what would otherwise be only 1 hour of screentime.
Obviously a subtrope of IneffectualSympatheticVillain.

See also TerribleTrio, NeighbourhoodFriendlyGangsters and ThePiratesWhoDontDoAnything. Contrast QuirkyMinibossSquad, HarmlessVillain, BadButt. When the bad guys at least ''try'' to shoot people but fail miserably, that's ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy.

'''Keep in mind that this trope is ''not'' "Villains who are not very evil." This trope concerns villains who are ''willing'' to commit heinous crimes, but are simply incapable of doing so because of their incompetence.'''

[[noreallife]]
----
!!Examples:

[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder:Anime & Manga]]
* The Dola Gang from ''Anime/CastleInTheSky'', moreso the sons than Dola herself
* The Air Pirates in ''Anime/PorcoRosso'' aren't very skilled, either. Curtis was more dangerous then the whole bunch of them.
** The pirates seem less effectual than they actually are because we only ever see them fighting Porco, who is quite possibly the most skilled ace in the Mediterranean. At the beginning of the film, the Mama Aiuto Gang manages to heist a cargo ship and take a group of schoolgirls hostage. Given, the girls proceed to walk all over them, but that illustrates their latent honorable tendencies.
* The "[[{{Yakuza}} Very Nice People]]" in ''Manga/HayateTheCombatButler''.
* Surprisingly, [[Anime/{{Pokemon}} Team Rocket]] is only on the border of this. Sure, the TerribleTrio are G-rated {{Harmless Villain}}s, but every once in a while you're reminded that they're the oddballs of a larger and much more dangerous syndicate. In fact, Jessie, James, and Meowth are very lucky to still have their job!
-->'''Max''': All those Team Rocket guys, and us only having three to deal with? We're lucky.
** Giovanni straddles both sides of the line, actually. First off, there's especially his sinister and monomaniacal side which he showcased on the Mewtwo movies. And then...there are scenes...like...you know when... [[FetishFuel That hunkahunka manloaf is covered with insect Pokemon]], and his Greek god body in general. His random bouts of Pokemon-related psychosis can also make him [[NightmareFuel seem more scary to some.]] Never get between a man and his dreams...[[BerserkButton or obsessions, after all.]]
*** The scenes mentioned were only [[ImagineSpot Meowth's boss fantasies]]. ([[HoYay Take that as you will.]]) Though who knows what Giovanni does in his spare time...
* The Oedo Family in ''Manga/{{Gokusen}}''. The town's people loves them, the grandfather utterly loves his granddaughter, and they are ready to help anyway they can. Did I mention they are one of the most powerful yakuzas in Japan?
* The Wong Family in ''Manga/RosarioToVampire'' employs numerous powerful and intimidating monsters, they were founded by one of the Three Dark Lords, and they're currently headed by the most powerful SwordAndSorcerer BattleCouple around. They throw a ridiculously lavish and flamboyant welcome party when the heir brings home friends, and Inner Moka notes them to be "a noisy bunch". Overall, they're more cheerful than you'd expect.
* ''Anime/BodaciousSpacePirates'': They rob tourist yachts and take on bounties for odd jobs. Really, the whole "space privateer" thing has already been bogged down by the local bureaucracy, making teenage girls the perfect star-system neighborhood tax collectors... And then they kidnap a multibillionaire heiress so she can dump her hipster fiancée and get married to her girlfriend. And take down a prototype battlespace fortress.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Films]]
* ''Film/{{UHF}}'' ultimately subverts this: the goons at first try to simply keep Stanley out of the way to sabotage the U-62 telethon, but after one pratfall too many, they get pissed off enough to decide on taking both him and George for "the long ride." The only thing that stops them from just shooting the two is a certain [[BigDamnHeroes "SUPPLIES!!"]] waiting in a utility closet.
* The ''MagicKid'' movies, starring teen-aged fight choreographer T.J. Roberts.
* The Mob movie spoof: ''Creator/JaneAusten's Mafia!''
* The idiot burglars Harry and Marv from ''Film/HomeAlone'' are a classic example, though also somewhat of a deconstruction. Although they are incompetent enough to fall into Kevin's ill-conceived traps, the traps don't actually stop them, but instead just piss them off. Although they originally just wanted to loot the house of its valuables and weren't interested in hurting Kevin, their focus ends up shifting from robbing the house to getting revenge for all the pain that the kid has put them through. Eventually they ''do'' catch him, and he is only saved from their wrath by a neighbor coming up behind them and [[TapOnTheHead knocking them out with a shovel]].
* The idiot kidnappers from ''Film/BabysDayOut''.
* The mafia mooks in ''Film/ManOfTheHouse''.
* ''Film/ThreeNinjas''; a movie series where NINJAS are effortlessly defeated by children, who realistically, would get slaughtered like helpless puppies. Particularly pathetic in the case of Tum-Tum, the youngest of the group, who looks to be about only five years old. Sure the ninjas in the films weren't exactly of the finest order (wearing black outfits in broad daylight, among other things), but still the idea that a small child can beat up legions of grown men, trained to be dangerous combatants, gets a little ridiculous really quickly. He even rated second place on [[http://www.cracked.com/article_16433_6-supposed-action-heroes-you-could-probably-take-in-fight_p2.html 6 Supposed Action Heroes You Could Probably Take In A Fight]].
--> ''You know what happens when a 5-year-old performs a flying kick against a grown man? The kid falls on his barely- out-of-diapers ass. Why does this happen? Physics. It's the law and everyone knows you can't fight the law, especially if you weigh 30 pounds and stand 3-feet-tall.''
* The movie musical ''Film/BugsyMalone'', with its rival gangs of kids whose Tommy guns fire custard instead of bullets.
* The Rat Pack, particularly in ''RobinAndTheSevenHoods'' and the original ''Ocean's Eleven''.
* ''Film/{{Houseguest}}''. The mob boss even calls them out on their stupidity...but he still gives them repeated chances to go after Franklin (instead, you know, ''sending in someone more competent''), putting his intelligence in question as well. Unlike some of these examples though, the mobsters might be inept but their presence is what drives the plot of the movie.
* ''Film/{{Bushwhacked}}''.
* ''ComicStrip/{{Dennis The Menace|US}}: TheMovie.''
* ''Film/CorkyRomano'' plays this painfully straight. While the underlings certainly act tough (they're not), the Don swears to his son that he's never done anything serious like kidnapping or murder. [[FridgeLogic Then why is the FBI so desperate to get him?]]
* The sharks in ''WesternAnimation/SharkTale''.
* A group of mobsters help out Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger and Vanessa Williams in ''Film/{{Eraser}}''. They're a bit of a subversion in that they're fairly competent when they have to be (skillfully slaughtering their more evil counterparts), but they're still pretty stupid much of the time.
* ''Film/SomeLikeItHot'' has "Spats" Colombo and his gang. They're briefly competent at the beginning (they supposedly commit the St. Valentine's Day Massacre), and then spend the rest of the movie being completely ineffectual until they're eventually killed by rival gangsters (who themselves are stupid enough to do this by having another gangster with a tommygun jump out of a giant cake ''in a crowded hotel in a room where all the gangsters are meeting'') near the end.
* ''Disney/OneHundredAndOneDalmatians'' has Horace and Jasper, the pair of bumbling, oafish criminals hired by Cruella [=DeVille=] to help with her plans to make a Dalmatian-fur coat.

[[/folder]]

[[folder:Literature]]
* ''Theatre/GuysAndDolls'' has Big Jule from Chicago. Although he carries a gun, he only uses its existence to threaten people and is easily disarmed with one punch.
* [[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 Mike Nelson's]] novel ''Death Rat!'' features several expatriate Danes observing the protagonist. Their ineptitude stems mostly from the fact that they aren't really even bad guys; they're just old associates of the antagonist who had been browbeaten into assisting him. The only time they stand up to him is when he makes the mistake of [[SeriousBusiness insulting their beloved pickled herring.]]
* While not as inept as other examples, the Mob in the ''Literature/MythAdventures'' novels is bizarrely gullible, falling for even more elementary con games than the series' average villains.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
* The well-documented [[http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Sesame_Street_Gangsters criminal underbelly]] of ''Series/SesameStreet''.
* The Tony Pajamas sketches from ''Series/TheAmandaShow'' {{parody}} movie gangsters.
** Instead of shooting Tommy Guns, the rival gang throws eggs and donuts through the window.
* ''Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus'' had Luigi Vercotta, and in one episode, the Piranha Brothers.
* ''Series/{{Psych}}'' gave us some pretty pathetic mobsters in the pivotal episode "Deez Nups." For starters, they have their clocks easily cleaned by a slightly overweight woman - though, granted, it's a slightly overweight woman who is [[IKnowKarate well-versed in]] [[IKnowKungFu Muay Thai boxing]]. Then they actually fall for the lame [[PaperThinDisguise "put-a-hood-over-the-hostage's-head-to-conceal-that-he's-a-decoy"]] trick, ''despite attempting the same ploy themselves''. They finally seem to have [[TookALevelInBadass Taken A Level In Badass]] when they [[WeddingSmashers crash a wedding and open fire on everyone]]...but no, as they are foiled hilariously when it becomes obvious that [[EveryoneIsArmed half the guests at the wedding are cops, and they open fire in return]].
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Theater]]
* Most of the plot of the stage musical ''Theatre/KissMeKate'' is driven by a pair of humourously ignorant gangsters, although they have a few BlackComedy moments as well, such as when they reminisce about dumping people in the Potomac.
* Likewise, ''Theatre/GuysAndDolls'' has Big Jule from Chicago. Although he carries a gun, he only uses its existence to threaten people and is easily disarmed with one punch.
* The concept is lampshaded in ''Theatre/TheDrowsyChaperone''.
* Moonface Martin in ''Theatre/AnythingGoes'' is a perfectly harmless gangster who genuinely tries to help the hero and also smuggles a tommy gun on board... just in case.
* ''Sugar'' is essentially the musical version of ''Film/SomeLikeItHot''. "Spats" Palazzo is no more effectual post-Massacre than "Spats" Colombo was. Hilariously, he and his gang do a ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VScUb5Uomw4 tap dance]]'' while chanting "We're gonna tear this whole damn town apart" (looking for the escaped witnesses), which just hangs a lampshade on how credible of a threat they're going to be.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Video Games]]
* Almost all of the [[{{Mooks}} Grunts of various teams]] from Franchise/{{Pokemon}}. They never truly pose a threat past Poisoning all of your Pokémon to a knockout with their [[GoddamnBats Goddamn Zubat]]. Once you get to the Commanders, Admins, and Leaders, though...
** In the games, Giovanni of Team Rocket is just plain ''bad''. The first two times you run into him, he threatens that he will make you "experience a world of pain!" Yeah, that guy threatens an eleven year old with physical violence.
** Averted in ''VideoGame/PokemonColosseum'' and ''[[VideoGame/PokemonColosseum Pokemon XD]]''; while various members of Cipher [[LaughablyEvil could be goofy]], the entire organization, even the low-level flunkies, was treated as incredibly dangerous--silly goons were the exception, not the rule.
* In ''VideoGame/ProfessorLaytonAndTheUnwoundFuture'', the mafia is actually referred to as "The Family". However, the only run-ins you have with them are solving puzzles. There's even a LampshadeHanging that they're not allowed to hurt you.
* The Mafia of Cooks from ''VideoGame/AHatInTime'' do seem to rob people and drive non-Mafia restaurants out of business, but they also do things like punch barrels dressed as old ladies to scare people.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Western Animation]]
* There was a short on {{Animaniacs}} in which Yakko, Wakko, and Dot completely humiliated a Godfather-esque mafia boss who tried to kick them out of "his" table at a small Italian restaurant. The Don was actually played fairly straight, but was totally GenreBlind to the fact that he was up against a [[KarmicTrickster group of Cartoon Tricksters]] who didn't care who he was and had the ability to [[RealityWarper violate the usual]] [[CartoonPhysics laws of reality]] in order to BreakTheHaughty.
** The Goodfeathers are a pigeon version of this, as well.
* Many episodes of ''WesternAnimation/TheFlintstones''.
* The Mafia's appearances are mostly played for laughs on ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', as is the Robot Mafia on ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}''.
** ''The Simpsons'' mafia can be consider something of a subversion, as some of the stuff they do is ridiculous and played for laughs, and other stuff is actually violent or highly illegal (like making loans and beating people when they can't pay them, or rigging sports events) yet [[CrossesTheLineTwice it's also played for laughs]]. They ''are'' shown dumping a dead body (wrapped in a length of carpet) into a trash bin in a 1999 episode, so they clearly are able to commit murder when necessary.
** The Robot Mafia plays this up. The mafia is only three robots[[note]]four when "Blotto" (Bender) briefly joins[[/note]]. They act tough, but so far they haven't killed anybody onscreen. They machine gunned a robot who owed them in their first appearance, but being a robot, he just got back up (it's clear they didn't even intend it to kill him, as they say "Consider that a warning"). One of them mentions giving somebody CementShoes, which he enjoyed, because they were lighter than his lead ones. They came pretty close to burning the Planet Express crew up though, and they would have killed Flexo if Bender hadn't bent the unbendable girder they dropped on him. Of the three, Clamps is probably the most violent, but generally he's restrained by the Donbot (or, sometimes, by Joey Mousepad) from carrying through.
* Big Daddy's organization in ''WesternAnimation/TheFairlyOddparents'' acts like your typical gangster family, with Big Daddy himself even voiced by [[Series/TheSopranos Tony Sirocio]], but they work in garbage collection with mob-like tactics and some gangster work on the side.
* Luigi Vendetta, the opera-singing juvenile {{Canad|aEh}}ian Mafia boss Kick sends to exact revenge on his brother Brad in ''WesternAnimation/KickButtowski''.
* The Crooks in ''WesternAnimation/{{COPS}}'' are supposed to be a mafia organization, but since stealing is basically the only crime you're really even allowed to show on a kid's cartoon, they spend most of their time (unsuccessfully) robbing and burglarizing rather than racketeering and legbreaking.
* Boo Boo the ghost on ''WesternAnimation/RubyGloom'' is part of a ghost mafia where he tries in vain to scare others.
* The original ''[[Series/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles1987 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]'' series featured a group of gangsters who [[CoolAndUnusualPunishment torture their victims]] by [[TickleTorture tickling them with a feather]].
* In ''WesternAnimation/JackieChanAdventures'', the heroes often fight the Enforcers, a bunch of hired goons who worked for a gang called the Dark Hand. However they are ''very'' [[IneffectualSympatheticVillain woefully incompetent criminals]], usually treated as recurring joke villains instead of actual threats. The Dark Hand Enforcers never even use any guns in combat (Finn did own a pistol at one point, but he never gets the chance to fire it).
* A pair of gangsters appears in an episode of ''WebAnimation/TwoMoreEggs'' and hires Dooble to drive an "important package" across town for them in a [[BlatantLies "very unsuspicious"]] unlicensed car [[TheAllegedCar with no left front tire]]. As if that plan wasn't boneheaded enough, hiring CloudCuckoolander Dooble turns out to be a big mistake as well. The trunk is revealed to be containing a body bag... [[SurrealHumor that turned out to contain Dooble himself]]. And they lived happily ever after and no one got arrested.
* An episode of the ''Disney/TheLittleMermaid'' TV series did this, with Ariel and one of her sisters having to find off a pair of bumbling saltwater crocodile thieves while they were "beached" (that is, grounded) at the palace.
[[/folder]]
----