"If men could control their dicks, do you think we would wake up every morning hard? Do you think I wanna deal with that in the morning? No, I just wanna get some coffee, read the newspaper."
— Franklyn Ajaye
An erection isn't always wanted, or even the result of sexual arousal. Such a "Raging Stiffie" may not be erotic, but it is a staple of comedic fiction.
Common causes of an unwanted or unexpected erection prevalent in fiction include:
Overactive hormones: An unwanted erection with no or minimal stimulation is a fairly common (although hardly universal) side effect of being a male in real life. In fiction, sufficient reliance on Refuge in Audacity or a sufficiently adult target audience enables this trope, allowing for comedic consequences and an exploration of "coming of age" issues.
"Morning Wood": In real life, some males often wake up with an erection, particularly if warm. In fiction, any treatment of this inevitably degenerates into seriously off-color comedy. The correct medical term for this is nocturnal penile tumescence.
Viagra: This wonder drug does have the comedic effect of inducing erections that last a long time even if they are unwanted and the situation is inappropriate.
Most of the time this is Played for Laughs, and doesn't last longer than a few minutes. However, the condition known as priapism (prolonged erection) is dangerous, and can lead to penile amputation. That's why Viagra commercials tell you to "seek immediate medical attention if an erection lasts for more than four hours."
Just as a point of note, men have erections from the time they are infants. In fact, a male has his first erection inside the womb. (Baby and fetus girls do the same.) Unfortunately, since Most Fanfic Writers Are Female, it's not an uncommon trope for a male character just on the cusp of puberty to be "shocked" that his penis has suddenly become rigid. This would not shock any male. What shocks males is that it's now happening so often and at the wrong time. Of course, actual penile ejaculation doesn't occur until within the first year of puberty, so young boys being "shocked" about nocturnal emission isn't so far outside the realm of probability.
Contrast The Loins Sleep Tonight. See also Something Else Also Rises. Compare Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?, which has more erotic undertones than this trope. May be caused by a Potty Emergency, or vice versa. Jizzed in My Pants is this trope taken to eleven.
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For sneaky instances in manga, look for the Unsound Effect "kin kin kin" combined with any degree of blushing or nervousness.
"Come on, GET UP!" *Beat* "You stupid pervert, I didn't mean to get THAT up!"
Also, his "thermal expansion" when overhearing Asuka and Misato at the hot springs.
The morning version is practically a defining trait of Ryo from City Hunter (manga only). As he says, "It just means I'm healthy!"
The second volume of The Kindaichi Case Files manga had Hajime suffer from this. Worse yet, Miyuki thought it was something in his pocket and started going through them. The next scene Hajime has a slap-print on his face.
In the Higurashi no Naku Koro ni manga, Mion comments on Keiichi being "perky" in the morning (with an arrow following her gaze to his crotch, if the innuendo was too subtle for you). She may just be teasing, though... Keiichi does make a comment on how its her fault he'd be "perky" though.
In the first arc of Kai, Rena survives becoming a zombie in Zombie Tag when she induces this in Keiichi.
In Genshiken, Sasahara is implied to have one during his date with Ogiue after she whispers in his ear.
In Full Metal Panic!, the novel version of End of Day By Day, when Gauron was reminiscing about how he first saw Sousuke, as well as talking about how Sousuke was a beautiful Assassin Saint that he wanted to kill and rape, Gauron starts taunting Sousuke... and through the darkness, Sousuke notices something from the middle of the bed that seemed to be rising and "beckoning" him. Since Gauron had no arms... or legs... and there's really nothing else other than that thing between his legs that could possibly be coming from the middle of the bed... yeah. It's sufficient to say that Sousuke was thoroughly freaked out.
In Ladies Versus Butlers!, Sanae straddles main character Akiharu's lap in order to scrub his back (she apparently didn't think it through very well) and can't seem to work out what is poking her in the butt  (NSFW)
There is a notorious panel in Parasyte where the main character (who has an alien in place of his right hand) gets aroused... and the alien, reflecting this arousal, turns into a giant penis.
Saiga of Speed Grapher gets an erection whenever he takes exciting photographs with his camera.
Oyasumi Punpun: Punpun goes on a date with a classmate and has a boner the whole time just from being with a girl and anticipating getting laid. She doesn't notice it. Goes into squick territory when he tries to rape her.
Keitaro of Love Hina has been caught with one of these more than once throughout the series, due to the first two types. Much to his embarrasment.
In Tenchi Muyo GXP this trope shows up in an early episode. Since main character Seina won't wake up and get out of bed his friend Kiriko tears the covers off only to discover his morning wood, he is shown in the very next scene eating breakfast with a large red (undeserved) slap mark on his face.
Pokémon: There is a G-Rated version of this trope in Brock whenever he meets a charming lady (regardless if they are already married or not). Basically, it's gotten to the point that when he doesn't have this around someone, he starts getting suspicious (often he's right; it's Team Rocket or someone else disguised as Nurse Joy or Officer Jenny).
The titular character of Hajime No Ippo is repeated victim, as if being mocked by his gymmates for his Gag Penis wasn't enough. One of them happens in the water, when he sees his Love Interest in a swimsuit for the first time.
Kumi: Be careful Nanako, his muscles are very stiff.
The Umisho manga occasionally shows Takeda's reaction to the Fanservice surrounding him.
Satou gets one twice in Ben-To — one in Episode 5 while Matsy takes care of him after he gets the shit beaten out of him by the Monarch and another one in Episode 7 after seeing the Brunette's top fall off. He manages to weaponize the latter by using it as a rudder.It Makes Sense in Context.
Heavily implied in a Wandering Son chapter. Shuichi is getting a massage by his girlfriend but ends up getting an erection. His older sister walks in right when it happens, causing a stir. This is an even bigger issue since the protagonist is Transsexual.
This happens a lot to Tomoki in Heaven's Lost Property. In the first episode, Sohara wakes him up because he's almost late for school, and when she sees that he has a massive erection, she freaks out and calls him a pervert. Following examples of this happening usually results in Tomoki getting the crap beaten out of him, including his erection being on the receiving end of Sohara's infamously life-threatening karate chops because of it, as if it's always his fault.
Happens to Bird's Nest of Copernicus Breathing when he unexpectedly runs into Leo, the juggler of his old circus troupe. It was implied earlier that Bird's Nest had a thing for Leo based on the small smiles he gave him, but this confirms it. Ends in a A Date with Rosie Palms. Helps lead into one of Bird's Nest's Break the Cutie moments when Leo messes up his juggling routine and drops 16 pins on his head, causing one of Bird's Nest's Freak Outs.
In My Bride Is a Mermaid, Lunar sits on Nagasumi's lap while he is helping her with her homework and eventually taunts him about how he is getting a little excited.
In Madan no Ou to Vanadis, this is of the second variety, and played for humor. Tigre offhandedly mentions in Volume One that this is a bad thing to have when Teita wakes him up in the morning and his body is uncovered, and he later has another when sharing a bed with Olga, the wandering Vanadis, which she calmly points out and doesn't hold against him.
In the light novel version of the Angel Fall arc, Kaori Kanzaki forces Touma Kamijou to strip and then starts poking and prodding him to check for injuries. Naturally, he gets an erection.
During a meeting of the world leaders, Roberto Katze, the President of the United States, reads a dirty magazine and shamelessly hits on the females in the room. His secretary looks down and is disgusted by what she sees.
In episode 10 of Onegai My Melody, after Kikuchi helps save the day, he confesses his feelings for Kanade. Then he looks down at his crotch and embarrassed, turns away and pulls his shirt down.
Causes a problem for Thugboy when he is sharing a bed with Ninjette in Empowered.
The Boys features a Russian super named "Love Sausage''. He runs into a topless bar and is incapacitated because he can't run straight with a massive erection.
In the National Lampoon comic strip Timberland Tales by B.K. Taylor, Maurice the little Canadian-Indian boy inadvertently sees Kathleen in the shower and gets a sudden erection - he panics and cries out "'Alp! Some kind animal in Maurice's pants!"
New 52: Blue Beetle gets one when he meets Red Lantern Bleez. He gets embarrassed and unsuccessfully claims that the stiffie is just part of his armor.
In Nightwing Annual #2, a flashback to Robin's and Batgirl's teenage years showed them trapped in a safe together, with Batgirl's Sensual Spandex causing some problems for Robin. When Batman gets them out, Robin hunches over and holds his cape in front of him, prompting Batman to ask if he's okay.
When Charlie Sheen's character came Back for the Dead in Scary Movie 4 this was part of his death. He accidentally swallows a whole container of Viagra in a failed attempt to overdose. His penis inflates to ridiculous proportions and he throws himself out of a window, landing face down, with his hips nowhere near the floor.
Veronica: Mr. Burgundy, you have a massive erection. Ron: Really?... Yes, I do... Um, I'm sorry, it's the... it's the pleats. It's actually an optical illusion. It's the pattern on the pants. It's not flattering in the crotchal region. I'm actually taking them back right now. Taking them back to the pants store... Oh, this is awkward... I'm gonna walk... I'm gonna walk this situation off... and I will see you later... Nothing to look at... Go back to work, everyone... Don't act like you're not impressed.
The title character in The 40-Year-Old Virgin twice wakes up with morning wood and has trouble, uh, aiming while going to the bathroom.
Parodied in The 41-year-old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall And Then Felt Superbad About It, where it manages to reach his chest and then his forehead. It's then implied that he can use it (once it has shrunk back, presumably) to turn the pages of the newspaper he's reading.
Similar to the above, in 40 Days and 40 Nights Josh Harnett's character wakes up with an erection that causes him trouble when doing his breakfast... and later has problem when he is visibly aroused during a work meeting.
In his documentary A Complete History of My Sexual Failures, Chris Waitt is suffering from erectile dysfunction and takes loads of Viagra. He gets an erection that will last for about eight hours and runs around the streets of London accosting women and asking them to have sex with him, a quest which ends with him spending the night in a police cell.
Occurs in Peep World with Nathan, during a medical exam based off his premature ejaculation.
Happens in Bad Teacher to one of Cameron Diaz's underaged students when he watches her washing a car in skimpy, wet clothing during a car-wash fundraiser (for the class, but actually for her breast enlargement). She's doing it to seduce her rich colleague, but it works on several others as well.
Emperor Nero uses this to his advantage in History of the World Part I to find out which of his wife's attendants is an imposter. (The rest are eunuchs.)
A conversation between Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle in Batman Returns (after Bruce has just apologized for suddenly leaving during their previous date, and they are pressed closely together while dancing on a ballroom floor):
Bruce: So...no hard feelings?
Selina: Well...semi-hard, I'd say.
[Bruce looks down and becomes embarrassed.]
In Love and Other Drugs, Jake Gyllenhaal plays a pharmaceutical rep who becomes extremely successful when he starts selling Viagra. While on hiatus with his girlfriend, he goes to a pajama party thrown by a sexy coworker and has a threesome with her and another woman, right after the coworker pretty much force-feeds him a Viagra pill. In the morning, he finds out that this trope is in full effect and he runs to the hospital in his bathrobe to get it looked at. Apparently, they don't tell sales reps the side effects of the stuff they're selling.
In Without A Paddle, the boys get stranded in the woods in their underwear and are forced to share body heat to survive. Dan gets an erection while thinking about the hot girls they met earlier that day, which freaks the other two out.
Gerald': What if it happens in front of 400 women?
Horse: Just think of the most boring thing you can come up with. ... Gardening. The Queen’s Speech.
Guy: Nature programs.
Gerald: I like nature programs.
Guy: But they don’t give you a hard-on, do they?
In an interview with Olivia de Havilland in The Adventures of Errol Flynn, she revealed that they had to film their kissing scene 8 or 9 times. The first of those were naturally to get multiple takes to chose from. The last ones were after Flynn had to take a break because he started getting fairly "uncomfortable in his pants".
In a Deleted Scene of Lolita (1997), Humbert gets sexually excited while tussling with Dolores on the sofa. She asks if he's ill because he's bending over while going up to his room. Humbert claims a toothache and quickly returns to the sofa.
In Sex ComedyPretty Cool, protagonist Howard uses his mind control powers to give a bully this while he's stood at the front of class.
And in the sequel, the new protagonist Walter gives one to himself using his mind control phone. Hilarity Ensues when his parents come home, and he's separated from the phone.
Nimue Alban in David Weber's Safehold books learns just how "fully functional" her robotic body is when, as the male Merlin Athrawes, he learns that the Safeholdian version of rugby is played in the nude, and Nimue, for all her body was male, was still a woman where what was attractive to her was concerned.
When Cayleb learns Merlin's true identity and is reminded of this incident, he finds it absolutely hilarious.
"Oh, my God! That was why you stayed in the water! Why you were so damned careful about that towel!"
Sir Harry Flashman finds that his rather ragged trousers are quite incapable of disguising his - er - respect for the shapely but quite mad Queen Ranavalona of Madagascar.
Judy Blume's book Then Again, Maybe I Won't is about a boy going through puberty. He often gets erections at embarrassing times, such as in school.
In The Pursuit of Happyness, Chris Gardner relates that, as a teenager, he often had unwanted erections at completely random times. One particularly embarrassing one happened while he was about to help up an elderly woman he used to take care of.
In Bridget Jones Diary, Bridget dances with a teenage boy she meets at a party during a smoke break.
"... the trouble was, he seemed to have, well, not to put too fine a point on it, the most enormous erection I've ever had the good fortune to come across, and us dancing so close it was not the sort of thing one could pass off as a pencil case."
In a short story by Stephen King called "Autopsy Room Four", a paralyzed man about to be autopsied by doctors who think he is dead is saved at the last second when he gets an erection.
In The Dresden Files book Cold Days Harry ends up getting one during a life-or-death fight, while riding behind Murphy on her motorbike. While it is played partly for dry comedy, it has some pretty serious undertones, as it contradicts Harry's assurances that he's got his Blood KnightSuper-Powered Evil Side, ie the mantle of the Winter Knight, under control.
Chris from Skins has this problem in one episode, due to taking a whole lot of viagra. It gets really awkward later when he dances with Angie(whom he likes) and she notices it and leaves.
Something like it happened to Kryten on Red Dwarf when he became human; though it didn't cause embarrassment so much as curiosity. And two polaroids.
Word of God says that Craig Charles's funny reaction to being handed the pictures was real, because the 'prop' pictures were replaced with real ones at the last minute without telling him.
In another episode of Red Dwarf, in order to win a basketball match, Lister and Rimmer spike the opposing team's drinks with a 'virility enhancement drug'. As The Cat put it, "try moving fast with a fishing pole in your pants!"
Captain Hollister takes a swig too, and later complains of having to do a handstand every time he wanted to use the urinal.
In the CSI: Crime Scene Investigation episode "The Accused is Entitled", one suspect cannot stand up after having popped some Viagra on the plane. When Catherine finds out that the erection has lasted for several hours, she tells him to seek medical attention.
This apparently happens to Jake during his birthday party on Two and a Half Men after he mistakes Viagra for vitamin pills.
Meredith on Greys Anatomy has a one-night-stand with a guy who turns up at the hospital the next day. "It hasn't gone away since we... you know..." Meredith was humiliated, Bailley was annoyed, Derek was hurt, and Cristina found it freakin' hilarious. "What? It's not my fault you broke the guy's dick!"
In an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, the perp gets one during his trial. Everyone can't help but stare at it when he, without thinking, stands up. Worse, it was being established that he liked torturing women.
Happens in the first episode of The Inbetweeners, where Simon gets hard off a girl he likes when she flirts with him. His mate spots it and shouts out to the whole room that he has a boner, and from then onwards Simon is known as "Boner".
A subversion in the fashion show episode; Simon is wearing ludicrously small, tight pants for aforementioned show and his friends repeatedly warn him of the perils of an unwanted erection. Instead one of his testicles falls out.
Queer as Folk did the Viagra version of this with Ted, giving him what appeared to be a 24-hour erection.
In a recent episode, Saturday Night Live had a fake commercial for an anti-virility drug, designed to prevent unwanted boners, like when driving your daughter's cheerleading friends home from practice.
An an earlier episode had an ad for "Dr. Porkenheimer's Boner Juice", which proclaimed, "If you experience an erection lasting more than twenty-four hours, call a friend and brag about it!"
Cash slips Cameron pills that do this in Breaking In as part of their prank war.
Joe from Glee gets one of these when he's helping Quinn out with her physical therapy.
John Cena thinks that Trish Stratus is utterly gorgeous. So when Santa gives her to him as an early Christmas present (she was his partner in a mixed tag team match in December) he can't help but show how... well, how excited he is.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Xander wakes up from a dream involving scantily-clad teenagers having a pillow fight, to the reality of frumpy girls in pajamas complaining about a blocked toilet. He asks them to give him a moment before getting out of bed, as he 'has a cramp'.
In the comics,befalls Giles, of all people, with Faith when she comforts him by hugging him. Give him a break though, he was resurrected as a twelve year old.
Angel. Darla has been trying to corrupt Angel by using magic to send him dreams of his vampire kills. He claims to find them nightmarish, but...
Bethany: "It looked like a pretty happy dream - or maybe the covers were just rumpled."
In the Rizzoli & Isles episode "This Is How A Heart Breaks", Maura realises a 'corpse' just delivered to the morgue is not dead when he gets an erection and she feels a pulse in his penis.
Jacob, one of the eponymous guest characters in the second-season 2 Broke Girls episode "And the Three Boys With Wood."
Game of Thrones: The morning version happens to Jon after being forced to sleep huddled up close to Ygritte to stave off the cold.
In the Haven episode "Lay Me Down", Audrey wakes Nathan up while he was having an Erotic Dream about her. He looks down and awkwardly covers his lap with a pillow.
The Replacements song "Gary's Got A Boner".
'80s Hair Metal band Dangerous Toys had a song titled "Sportin' a Woody"
"Erection" by The Faint.
In anygenrewhereyouhave men in tight pants this trope is almost guaranteed to happen at least once on stage. Usually far, far more often than that, although it's almost always desired to show off.
Has become Memetic Mutation for Yoshiki of X Japan and Violet UK, alongside jokes that he either has a camera fetish or takes a certain blue pill before photoshoots and shows, due to the somewhat large and growing collection of pictures from photoshoots and performances. It's also arguable that if it is on purpose, it is as much as a subversive protest against Japanese censorship ideals (and possibly Western racist stereotypes regarding Asian men) as much as it is for fanservice.
The Angel: The stiffening of your penis is of no consequence!
Prior: Yeah, try telling it that.
"Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love" from A Chorus Line, being a montage of adolescent experiences, touches on this subject.
Happens to Shiki waking up one morning in the Visual NovelTsukihime. His personal meido who comes to wake him up is either oblivious to why he's staying under his blanket or is deliberately trying to embarrass him. Hilarious, right? Then on Ciel's route, it becomes extremely unfunny when he can't get it down for a much more serious reason: his body is no longer solely his own, and now Shiki has urges to kill people and gets off on it. This requires... you guessed it... a Deus Sex Machina to resolve.
In Edelweiss Eiden Fantasia, Kazushi's friends want to help him resolve his sexual tension with Sakura. So what do they do? Well, obviously they trick him into taking a strange pill which gives him a raging boner, and then lock them in a storeroom for several hours. Hilarity Ensues.
In one strip of Ghastlys Ghastly Comic, Smokey wakes up and notices that he's harder than he's been for twenty years. Then he notices that the erection is on the side of the bed he isn't.
Venus Envy's has the main character Zoë, a preoperative male-to-female transsexual teen trying to hide the huge erection she's having due to seeing both a hot new guy, and her school's football team running around shirtless.
In Skins Rabbit meets Tyr in the elevator after having had an intense HomoeroticDream about him the night before. In the last panel, he looks away blushing, hands cupped over his groin.
In an early strip of Questionable Content, Faye hugs Marten, and decides to pretend he has a roll of quarters in his pocket.
When Rayne for Least I Could Do encounters a particularly hot woman, he occasionally gets an erection big enough to cause him to fall forward.
In an update of Homestuck, BrainClone!Dirk threatens to give one to Jake.
Phase from the Whateley Universe mostly looks like a very pretty 14-year-old girl, but still has male genitals and thoughts. And he showers with the girls in the morning. Several of whom are superhumanly attractive. He spends a lot of time brushing his teeth every morning, in front of the most strategically placed mirror in the room.
Played for comedic effect a few times in reviews from The Cinema Snob. Evidently his penis is around 10 inches long, and at one point he even taps it to show that he's gotten literally rock hard from the scene in question.
Jimmy of South Park once had this problem, and not even sleeping with a hooker helped.
There was an entire episode of Beavis and ButtHead which centred on the morning wood. It turned out the reason for it was a "Morning Wood Fairy".
In another episode, they go to get their hair cut from a buxom hairstylist. Just being near her breasts while she shampoos their hair gives them erections that last all day. She waits so long for them to go down that Todd shows up and decides to cut their hair himself so that he can take her out on a date.
In another one, they go to an erectile dysfunction clinic, somehow concluding they can score there. Given a test to see how long an erection they sustain looking at provocative pictures, they look at the first picture and pretty much stay up the rest of the session.
And when Beavis' starts to go down, Butthead reminds him that they get to have sex with the girls after, it's right back up.
The Simpsons: One of Springfield's surprising number of prisons is called Morningwood Penitentiary.
Although nothing is shown, Skinner suffers from an unwanted erection after Bart spikes his coffee with Viagra.
Another skit involves Sailor Moon where a monster was aroused by her sexual poses. They decided not to fight, since his erection ruined the moment. The next part has the monster aroused by Queen Beryl's anger. Lastly, she's apparently aroused by Sailor Moon after looking at her picture.
The Venture Bros. - a nearly-drowned Hank is given mouth-to-mouth from Molotov. He acts suave and worldly until he sees the erection in his shorts, and runs screaming "My pants are haunted!!!", after dealing with the ghosts of an Indian burial ground earlier in the day.