Don't You Dare Pity Me - Television Tropes & Idioms

alt title(s): Dont You Dare Pity Me

"I think it's rather an impertinence to pity people," said the Dean.
"Hear, hear!" said Harriet. "Nobody likes being pitied. Most of us enjoy self-pity, but that's another thing."
— Dorothy L Sayers, Gaudy Night

"Every fuckin' one of them... They have the gall to take pity on me... and they don't even know... how much they're hurtin' me by doin' it. I don't do mercy. Strong, weak, infant, monster... I just smash 'em all to pieces... I don't give 'em a chance to get up a second time. I don't..."
— Nnoitra Jiruga, Bleach

An injured or suffering character is approached by another, eager to help, but the injured is offended by any show of pity. This reaction of humiliation and resentment may be spoken, acted upon, or merely felt, but it is some variation on "I don't want your pity" or "Don't You Dare Pity Me". This may be used as actual Stock Phrases, but the reaction does not have to be verbalized.

The more serious the problem, the more likely this is to cause conflict. Temporary situations can invoke it for a time, as when Manly Tears or worse Sand In My Eyes causes another to try to comfort the weeping character.

Obviously, this is the more likely the more touchy a character is. The Broken Bird, Troubled But Cute, The Tsundere, the Jerk With A Heart Of Gold and the Ice Queen are particularly likely to react this way. Indeed, it may develop that their touchy character stems from this and can be resolved if it is. The Woman Wearing The Queenly Mask doubly so, since anything for which she can be pitied is a weakness and danger. The Stoic Woobie is often this trope embodied.

There is a range of possibilities of interaction. At one extreme, an injured character tries to avoid insensitive or demonstrative "sympathy" that rubs salt in the wound. They might accuse others of having Come To Gawk. They might fear that any response to their problem will break them down, when they can not afford to break down. Or the pity may be effusive for a trivial problem, or something that the character doesn't consider as such. The Handicapped Badass is, thank you, managing just fine.

At the other extreme, the sufferer rejects sorely needed and selflessly offered help and suffers all the more for it. They might inflict suffering on others in the process.

Genuine pity is often portrayed as an affront to the dignity of the pitied, though there is also the popular Aesop that too much Pride is foolish and shallow. The injured character may hide from others to preempt pity. For any such character, mentioning their problem may hit a Berserk Button. The character can wallow in self-pity, but that's different.

The effect is more dramatic if the characters knew each other before the injury or if the problem is invisible, the pitying character may change after The Reveal. If the other person is in any way responsible for the injury, things can get very ugly indeed.

Compare Think Nothing Of It, for when a character wants to avoid praise for admirable behavior, and Bad Dreams, where the character's suffering is not displayed at all while he's conscious.