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Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

"Yeah. That is a gun in my pants. But that doesn't mean I'm not happy to see you..."

Bob is a private detective. He's sitting in his office and waiting to meet his client, Alice. Bob has never met Alice in person before; he's only spoken to her on the phone. He has seen a picture of her before and, well, he ...likes what he sees. The door to his office opens and he stands up. In walks Alice. Alice is extremely beautiful in a Gaussian Girl or Hello, Nurse! sort of way. Bob tries to keep his excitement down at meeting this gorgeous woman and tries to remain all business. Alice, however, is all too aware of the sort of the effect she has on men. Noticing the look on Bob's face... and Bob's pants, she offers a sweet, sultry smile, and says, "Why detective, is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

A clever line originating from early Hollywood sex symbol Mae West, has now become a stock innuendo uttered by flirty women (or, occasionally, men). It's been said so much in media that subversions are more common; something else in his pants.

While the specific line just happens to be from Mae West, this one is arguably Older Than Feudalism:

Herald: I am a herald, of course, I swear I am, and I come from Sparta about making peace.
Magistrate: But look, you are hiding a lance under your clothes, surely.
Lysistrata, Aristophanes, 411 BC

See also Something Else Also Rises, Double Entendre, That's What She Said.

Examples

    open/close all folders 

    Anime & Manga 
  • Inverted in the second volume of The Kindaichi Case Files: Miyuki, wearing a low-cut dress, crouches down in front of Kindaichi, giving him a good look at her cleavage. As she stands up, she notices his reaction and scolds him for keeping stuff in his suit pockets.
  • After Sechs gets a male body in Battle Angel Alita: Last Order, the team's Deckman servant greets him with this line.
  • Done in the infamous Code Geass swimsuit Picture Drama. Cornelia's bodyguards Guilford and Darlton are standing watch as Cornelia and Euphemia try on swimsuits, with a lot of suggestive dialog. Immediately afterwards, we see Guilford looking down as he asks Darlton if that's really the best place to store his handgun (we later see that he's in a Speedo).
  • In episode 8 of the Shakugan no Shana parody Shakugan no Shana-tan, Wilhelmina and Margery are recast as prostitutes in a brothel Sabrac visits. Margery gets excited at how "large" he is down there, but he says it is the .44 Magnum in his pants.

    Comics 
  • A variation from Whatever Happened to The Man of Tomorrow??
    Hooker: I could break your heart for $50.
    Metallo: (Rips open shirt to reveal a grappling hook where his heart should be) I doubt it.
  • Cable & Deadpool:
    • Lampshaded:
      Cable: Did you go to a bar with a grenade in your pocket?
      Deadpool: Or am I just happy to see you?
    • Played with again in an issue of a later volume after taking a Groin Attack which hurt Black Widow as well. See the Page Quote. Cue Black Widow trying to hold laughter in.
  • An issue of DC Comics's series Young Justice featured Superboy, Robin and Impluse at a Halloween party. A cheerleader flirts with Robin asking if he has a Batarang in his pocket, or if he's just happy to see her. He responses "Um, I'm happy to see everyone here..."
  • In Top 10, after getting knocked into Dust Devil, Jackie Phantom says "That had better be a derringer in your pocket," to which Dust Devil replies, looking insulted, "Derringer?"
  • In Universe X, Venom (Mayday Parker) and dad Spidey are out of the fight with a gigantic Absorbing Man due to being hopelessly outclassed (he's taken on the attributes of Manhattan itself and is taller than the city skyline), so Spidey coaches her on one-liners "to make everyone think we have a plan". She finishes up with "Is that the Chrysler Building in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Everyone glares at them for making light of the catastrophe, and Peter responds with "Damn. We're in that much trouble?"
  • Inverted variaton in Soeur Marie-Therese:
    Camille: (Not wearing any pants) I'm so happy to see you!
    Marie-Therese: Yes, I've noticed.

    Fan Works 

    Films 
  • "Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?", supposedly said by Mae West at the railway station in Los Angeles upon her return from Chicago, when a Los Angeles police officer was assigned to escort her home in 1936. She delivered the line on film to George Hamilton in her last movie, Sextette (1978).
  • Its Pat: When asked if Pat has a banana in a pocket Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?, Pat simply whips out a banana and says "I, uh, have a banana in my pocket."
  • Who Framed Roger Rabbit: "Is that a rabbit in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" Rabbit, natch.
    • It should be noted that the rabbit is very obvious and her voice makes it abundantly clear it's sarcasm. Eddie immediately ask her to "cut the comedy".
  • An interesting use in Ace Ventura Pet Detective: First Ace feels what he thinks is a gun while Lois Einhorn tries to seduce him, and points it out ("Your gun is digging into my hip."). But later, when he learns who Einhorn really is, Ace gets promptly squicked and begins to cry "It wasn't a gun! It wasn't a gun!", with the Boy George song "The Crying Game" playing in the background.
    • When he originally asked that, Lois responded, "Don't you want me to read you your rights?"
    • Made even more hilarious if you speak any German, as "Einhorn" means "Unicorn" or, literally, "one horn".
  • From The Pirate Movie: "Is that a knife in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?" It turned out to be a knife that the pirate threw into the wall before demonstrating that he was indeed glad to see her.
  • Used in Blazing Saddles by Lily von Shtup, unsurprisingly. "Is that a ten-gallon hat, or are you just enjoying the show?"
    • "Oh, it is twue!" This would have been a subversion, if the censors hadn't objected to the next line: "You're sucking on my elbow."
  • Americas Sweethearts — during a dream sequence, we get this conversation between the ex-sweethearts: "Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" "Actually, it's a gun." *shoots her repeatedly*
  • Done in the Eddie Murphy remake of The Nutty Professor, by the main character's Jerk Ass alter ego. *hugs older woman from behind* "Is that a test tube in my pocket, or am I just happy to see you?"
  • Used for Ho Yay in The Big Red One. Two soldiers are sleeping close to each other.
    "Zeff, quit pockin' me with your rifle."
    "That's not my rifle, Johnson."
  • In The Chaperone, Triple H's character hugs a man, then says in disgust, "That had better be your fanny pack."
  • In Machete, the naked woman in the opening feels Machete's pants and asks, "What is this long, hard thing?" He answers, "My machete." It is.
  • Red 2. A Korean hitman is shooting at Frank Moss and Marvin Boggs with a mini-gatling. Frank hugs the pavement as vehicles are chewed to pieces around him, only to find Marvin clutching him tightly for equally ineffectual cover.
    Frank: Marvin, is that a stick of dynamite in your pocket?
    Marvin: Yeah, but I'm saving it for an emergency.
    Frank: Well, this is kinda an emergency, isn't it?

    Literature 
  • Discworld has the old Troll pickup line, mentioned in Moving Pictures, "Is that the legendary Sceptre of Magma who was King of the Mountain, Smiter of Thousands, Yea, Even Tens of Thousands, Ruler of the Golden River, Master of the Bridges, Delver in Dark Places, Crusher of Many Enemies *takes a breath* in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"
  • Dragaera: Cawti, visiting Vlad Taltos in his bedroom, noticed a bulge in the blanket and asked, "Is that a knife in your hand, or are you happy to see me?" Vlad answered truthfully, "Both."
  • In a moment that's a beautiful microcosm of the Dresden Files series of as a whole, Elaine, Harry's former girlfriend that he spent most of his life thinking he'd killed, returns suddenly with a "Hello Harry, is that a wand in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" Magic, noir mystery, Harry being a nerd, and Jim Butcher's fantastic sense of humor, all in one line.
  • An innocent variation in Animorphs: Morphing is a painless process, so Rachel is surprised when she starts feeling pain during the process of going from seagull to human.
    There was a pain in my back and I had this jolt of fear. Was I feeling the morphing itself? The Andalite morphing technology keeps that from happening, but was it failing somehow? The pain was pretty severe, like the pressure of a ... well, of a knee being driven into my back.
    "Jake, do you have your knee in -"

    Live Action TV 
  • A subversion from Scrubs
    Gift Shop Girl: Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket, or are you just having a really good time?
    J.D.: Actually it is a roll of quarters. (takes it out and shrugs awkwardly) Laundry day...
  • The X-Files:
    • The episode "Hollywood A.D.", the on-screen adaptations of Mulder and Scully have a moment. They roll into a coffin together, and Scully asks whether it's his flashlight or if he's just happy with their position. The joke is further extended when the movie Scully tells Mulder she's in love with A.D. Skinner. When asked by Mulder what Skinner has that he doesn't, Scully answers "bigger flashlight".
      Movie Scully: Is that your flashlight, Mulder, or are you just happy to be laying on top of me?
      Movie Mulder: My flashlight.
    • A deleted scene from the episode "Home" has the subversion when it's really an object in his pocket. Taken from the scene where the duo is doing an autopsy on a dead infant in an impossibly tiny bathroom (the "dead infant" part probably explains why the exchange was cut), Scully stops suddenly and looks at Mulder incredulously, who is behind her.
      Mulder: That's my penlight.
      Scully: Really? I thought a longstanding curiosity had just been satisfied.
  • Pee-Wee's Playhouse had a Getting Crap Past the Radar moment: It substituted "wrench", and had Miss Yvonne say it to Carlos. He had a wrench, obviously; The Radar isn't blind.
    Pee-Wee: Oh, here's my flashlight! Ha-ha! Hm, I can't find the button.
    Conkey: That's not a fl-fl-fl-fl-flashlight, Pee-Wee!
    Pee-Wee: Oh! Sorry, Conkey.

    Magic Screen: Ooh...wow...here's the flashlight.
    Conkey: M-m-magic Screen, th-thats not the flashlight! Th-th-that's not the flashlight!
  • Lord Flasheart does this to himself in series two of Blackadder. "Nursie! I like it firm and fruity. Am I pleased to see you, or did I just put a CANOE in my pocket?!".
  • Used in Pushing Daisies, though without the exact line. After Olive kissed Ned in a previous episode, Olive tries to make light of the awkwardness between them. When they bump against each other, she says "This is... what it is, isn't it? Unless that's not a rolling pin under your apron." Ned, of course, reaches under his apron and produces a rolling pin. Olive is quite the optimist, it seems.
  • There is an episode of Stargate SG-1 where Carter and O'Neill are laying together for warmth. It's purely a joke on O'Neill's part, since he's half-dead at this point and Carter wasn't feeling anything but drawing his attention to something else she'd noticed.
    Carter: Uh, sir?
    O'Neill: It's my sidearm, I swear.
  • Spin City:
    Caitlin: You're enjoying this, aren't you?
    Mike: What? No.
    Caitlin: Then what's that pressing against me?
    Mike: It's a cross wrench.
    Caitlin: I don't care what you call it, just pull it back.
    Mike: (produces cross wrench) It's a cross wrench.
    Caitlin: Well, what's that?
    Mike: OK, maybe I'm enjoying this a little.
  • Happens beautifully in the The Office (US), when Pam hugs Michael after he stands up for her.
    Pam:' Do you have something in your pocket?
    (long, awkward pause)
    Michael: A Chunky. (takes Chunky candy bar out of his pocket)
  • In The Thin Blue Line - PC Maggie Habib is getting into character for an entrapment operation, and uses the line on PC Kevin Goody - a naive manchild type character with a crush on her. After collapsing in embarrassment, he replies that "Actually, it's a Curly-Wurly" (chocolate bar)
  • In the 3rd Rock From The Sun episode "Why Dickie Can't Teach", Harry enters an executive meeting with a salami in one of his pockets (long story) and someone asks him if that's a salami in his pocket. He, of course, replies, "Nah, I'm just happy to see ya."
  • In Robin Hood TV series:
    Marion: Why Robin, is that Sir Guy's sword in your scabbard?
    Robin: No, I'm just happy to see you!
  • Referenced in the finale of The Detectives. "Um, no, actually, it's my inhaler".
  • NCIS. Ziva accidentally falls on top of McGee while inspecting a robot car.
    Ziva: "That had better be your handcuffs."
    • Abby enthusiastically hugs Gibbs after a long absence, then asks if that's his badge she's feeling. Gibbs naturally produces his badge.
    • Tony also preemptively denied it whilst rolling naked in a bed with Ziva. "For your information, that's my knee!"
    • And then again with Tony and Ziva, when she jumps on top of him to protect him from an explosion, and knocks him to the ground, staying on top of him.
    Tony: "This is nice. I miss the old Ziva."
    Ziva: "I can tell."
    Tony: "Don't flatter yourself. That's just my knee." (both smile at each other.)
  • White Collar, after a female suspect searches Neal very thoroughly for bugs:
    Agent Lauren Cruz: What is that? She making sure that's not a gun in his pocket?
  • Subversion in Comedy Inc.
    Woman: Is that a gun in your pocket or are you happy to see me?
    Man: Both. *Shoots her*
  • Lampshaded slightly in the series Alien Nation; a neighbor of Detective Matt Sikes gives him a plate of poached trout for dinner, in gratitude for an act of kindness that Matt didn't remember performing. He then visits Newcomer neighbor (and inevitable romantic interest) Cathy, who greets him teasingly at the door; "Well, Matt, is that a fish in your hand or am I happy to see you...no, that didn't come out right."
  • Subverted in an episode of the short-lived series The Commish. In a dream episode set in an old crime-noir setting, the main character pulls a gun out of his pocket to which, the Femme Fatale responds, "That was a gun? I thought you were just happy to see me!".
  • Happens in Bones when Booth and the title character go to a strip club, and the woman that they're questioning gives Booth a lap dance. He insists, "That's my gun." He does, however, send Bones away at the end of the scene.
  • Played with in Supernatural.
    Dean: Oh God, please let that be a rifle.
    Jo: (holding a gun to his back) No, I'm just really happy to see you.
  • In the climactic scene of the third episode of Sherlock :
    Moriarty: Is that a British Army Browning L9A1 in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?
    Sherlock: [Aims the gun at him] Both.
    • In the series three finale, Charles Magnussen's men frisk both Sherlock and John before their first meeting. Sherlock assumes they needn't bother with John, only to see he's carrying both a switchblade and a tire iron (having visited a drug den on a case earlier - he took the knife off someone who threated him).
    John: (to the guard) Doesn't mean I'm not pleased to see you.
  • On one episode of the mock talk show Night Stand With Dick Dietrich, two guests were competing for a free plastic surgery; a woman with a huge nose and a man with a tiny penis. Over the course of the show they fell in love and decided they didn't need the surgery. As they embraced for the first time...
    Woman: Hey, is that a roll of pennies in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
    Man: Well, I am happy to see you, but...(takes coins out of his pocket) yeah, it's just a roll of pennies.
  • Married... with Children played with this trope at least twice.
    • Peg once asked Al if that was money in your pocket or if he was happy to see her. She then realized it had to be money.
    • Kelly once had to play the role of Madame Curie and assumed she was some hooker but Bud quickly explained who Madame Curie was. The mistake wasn't mentioned during the rest of the episode but was referenced to when Kelly's version of Madame Curie asked somebody if that was radium in his pocket of if he was happy to see her.
  • Lois and Clark: At the two-part finale of Season 1, Lex Luthor bought Kryptonite from a dealer who tried to kill him to get the money and keep the Kryptonite. After the dealer and Lex's hired double killed each other, Luthor reclaimed the Kryptonite and searched the dealer's pockets for the Kryptonite, asking if there was Kryptonite inside them or if he was happy to see Luthor.
  • Subverted in Golden Girls: Blanche Devereaux asks one of the men at the local bar this. Turns out he really is carrying a gun in his pocket.
  • Parodied in Time Gentlemen Please:
    Janet: Is that a spanner in your pocket, or do you just have a six-inch metallic penis?
  • On Game of Thrones, Jon and Ygritte have to snuggle for warmth when they sleep. The next morning they are both surprised by Jon's reaction.
    Ygritte: "Did you pull a knife on me during the night?"
  • On Glee Sam and Blaine hug it out after Sam tells Blaine that he's fine with his crush on him. Then Sam asks if what he's feeling is a roll of breath mints in Blaine's pants. It was.
  • On the British sketch show Al Murray's Multiple Personality Disorder, there was a skit involving gay Nazi Ueberbombfuehrur Horst Schwul arresting an American soldier (played by John Barrowman) who had just parachuted into the German's camp. They quickly take a liking to each other, which leads to this exchange:
    American Soldier: "Is that a Luger in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?
    Horst Schwul: "... Both!"
  • Referenced on Arrow, when Roy's stolen police radio starts squawking in the middle of a date with Thea.
    Thea: Do you have a police radio in your pocket?
    Roy: No, I'm just happy to see you.

    Music 
  • Pet Shop Boys use a variant of this in "Pandemonium" to imply the subject...err... likes wild parties:
    Is this a riot, or are you just pleased to see me?
    Why aren't we holding hands and talking sweet?
  • This line appears in a Britney Spears song called "Kill The Lights": "Is that money in your pocket or are you happy to see me?"
  • "Bullet" by Jessie James.
    Be careful what you wish for, you get what you see
    Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

    Theatre 
  • The stage play Lost In Yonkers reveals that Uncle Louie does keep a gun in his pocket. He says that the ladies think it's something else when they dance real close.
  • From the second Bottom Live stage show, as Richie and Eddie, in prison, rehearse for Richie's forthcoming encounter with the jail's Mister Big:
    Richie: Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you pleased to see me?
    Eddie: Why, it's... [pulls out gun] A gun!
    Richie: My, it is a whopper, isn't i- FUCKING HELL EDDDIE THAT'S A GUN!

    Video Games 
  • Used in Monkey Island: "Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see us?" The hero had just stolen a banana from these guys. They weren't pleased.
    • Also in the PS3 version of Tales of Monkey Island, one of the bronze trophies obtained in Chapter 1 (when Guybrush sees the effects of the Pox of LeChuck on the inhabitants) is labeled, "Is That a Pox on Your Face, or Are You Just Angry to See Me?"
  • In Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis when completely dark room is entered, the "Look" command is replaced with "Touch". Indy can "touch" Sophia to which she'll respond with "Is that a ship rib in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?". (Indiana does have a ship rib in his inventory)
  • Both Civilization 3 and 4 give us this line from Catherine the Great, parodying the usual depictions of her as a sex-hungry slut:
    "Is that a treaty in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
  • Walking up to female villagers you saved in Overlord may cause them to say: "Is that a pumpkin in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
  • Used in one of the Gex games: "Is that a lightsaber, or are you just happy to see me?"
  • Final Fantasy XII has a sidequest NPC use this line:
    "Pardon me, Bhadra. Is that a bottle of Bhujerban Madhu in your pocket, or are you...it is?"
  • Played with in Uncharted 2 with the following exchange:
    Chloe: Is that an ancient Tibetan ritual dagger in your pocket?
    Drake: Maybe I'm just happy to see you.
  • In the Ultimate Spider-Man video game, upon seeing R.H.I.N.O., Spidey will attempt this.
    Spider-Man: Hey, is that a horn on your head or are you just...happy...to see...I'm so scared I can't even finish my lame joke.
  • Used in the 2009 game Bionic Commando along with another trope at the beginning of a boss fight.
    Spencer: Whoa, is that a long health bar, or are you just happy to see me?
  • Reading a shirt in NetHack may yield the following message:
    "Is that Mjollnir in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
  • One of the female Blood Elf /flirt emotes from Worldof Warcraft
    "Is that a mana wyrm in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
  • Used in Team Fortress 2, in the description for the "Itsy Bitsy Spyer".
    "Is that a miniature Spy in your pocket, or are you just happy to OH GOD STOP HITTING ME!"
  • A variant of this appears in Blade Runner, courtesy of Bullet Bob:
    Bullet Bob: Is that a .45 blaster under your coat, or are you just happy to be here?
  • In True Crime: Streets of LA during a scene at a strip club:
    Stripper: Is that a gun in your pants?
    '''Nick: No, I'm just happy to see you!"

    Webcomics 

     Web Original 
  • In Yu-Gi-Oh! GX: The Abridged Series resident Ditzy Blond Alexis manages to butcher this trope horribly.
    Is that an erection in your pocket or are you just a tennis ball?
  • Yugiohtheabridgedseries has Mai Valentine asking "Is that a lightforce sword in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"
  • In the third episode of The Brian And Jill Show, Brian uses the trope word-for-word in a game of "No Apparent Reason" as a clue to try and get the players to guess 'Banana.' Answers given included "whale sperm", "a pickle", "a roll of quarters", and "gum" before someone finally guessed it.

    Western Animation 
  • Futurama: Amy to Kif: "Is that your camouflage reflex or are you just happy to see me?"
  • Played with (and then immediately lampshaded) in Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil (while Lucy is stealing supplies from a dildo factory).
    Security Guard: Is that a dildo in your pocket?
    Lucy: No! I'm just happy to see you!
    Security Guard: I've heard that one. Every shoplifter uses that joke.
  • Played with once in Family Guy: Cleveland once begins with "Is that a banana in your pocket," but ends it with "or an erection in your pocket?", essentially explaining the joke before it's finished.
  • In The Simpsons, Lovejoy's wife hugs her husband and asks "Is that a train in your pocket or are you happy to see me?" He replies, "Both".
  • Comes up occasionally in Archer.
  • From The Venture Bros.:
    Shore Leave: This isn't my gun; it's an indication of how excited I am to be doing this. This is my gun.

    Real Life 


Operation JealousyAlice and BobPatchwork Kids
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Open-and-Shut CaseStock PhrasesOr My Name Isn't...
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