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John Pinette

French-Irish comedian (his stomach was Italian). His jokes centered on his life, his travels, and food. Especially food. Also a talented singer. And for all that, he was probably best known as the carjacked fat guy in the final Seinfeld episode.

Pinette died of a pulmonary embolism at a hotel in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania on April 5, 2014, just days after his 50th birthday.

Tropes associated with John Pinette:

  • Berserk Button: People who don't understand line etiquette.
  • Big Eater. Most of his jokes were about his love of food.
    • Lampshaded in the opening of "Still Hungry."
      • This bit him on the ass hard when he was able to take a trip to Italy. He relates how he knows how to say "Feed me, I'm starving" in multiple languages (including ancient ones, "just in case"). At the restaurant in Italy, he busts out one... and the restaurateurs make damn sure he doesn't leave the table unsated (although from the way he described it, it seems that this is standard practice for restaurants in Italy).
      John: Aren't we going to order?
      Restauranteur: Not yet. First, we gonna bring out-a some food.
      Later...
      John: They just kept bringing out food, and we weren't even ordering it! One guy we had with us, Timmy... he was too skinny... he died partway through the meal. They kept trying to feed him, they were putting food in his mouth, slapping him around, "Whassa matter, you don't like it?!" HE'S DEAD! (Beat) Pass that over here!
  • Catch Phrase:
    • "Oh, nay nay." Indicates sarcastic disapproval and rejection of an idea.
    • Also, in an Ewok like voice: "Get outa the line!" for those who hold up food lines with indecisive, or random banter.
  • Circular Reasoning: When buying a new TV, he got into an argument with the employee insisting he also purchase the extended warranty for the TV, which went something like this:
    John: What do I need the extended warranty for?
    Employee: In case the TV breaks.
    John: If the TV's gonna break, then I'm not buying it!
    Employee: The TV isn't going to break, sir. This is one of our finest products.
    John: Then what do I need the extended warranty for?!
    Employee: In case the TV breaks!
    And so on, and so on.
    • This culminates in John getting so mad that he drags the employee out to the parking lot and beats the crap out of him (hopefully he was just making this up for Rule of Funny).
      John: (mimes standing on the employee's throat) What do I need an extended warranty for?
      Employee: We get a $100 bonus if you buy it!
      John: Well, then I'll take it. Let me help you up.
  • Fate Worse than Death: His reaction to finding out he had a gluten allergy was first "I don't know what gluten is", and then after finding that out, desperately pleading to the doctor "Check again! Maybe it's just cancer!"
  • Impact Silhouette: When seated in an exit row, he cracked to the flight attendant he wouldn't open the door in an emergency; he'd make his own door, and everyone else would want to use his door because it would be as big as he is.
  • Ironic Hell: When on an uncomfortably tiny plane waiting for his flight to start, the guy next to him starts talking about how nutrition is his hobby. John immediate conclusion is "the plane crashed, and you're in Hell, and Hell is spending forever on the runway in a little plane talking about nutrition."
  • No Indoor Voice: Tended to yell a lot on stage.
    "What has gluten in it?... EVERYTHING!!!"
  • Running Gag: Besides the various food related jokes, Pinette also had a number of others, including a all you can eat Chinese Buffet which apparently banned John from ever eating there again. Went Up to Eleven apparently when on a comedy tour in Scotland, he went into different buffet to escape another meal of haggis with whiskey gravy...
    Child of Chinese Buffet Owner: "FATHER!!! The Forbidden One has returned!!!"
    • Stores that insisted he take advantage of special deals or warranties he didn't need nor want.
      • Related: Stores that make you give them your name, address, etc. to enter into their computer instead of letting you just buy something and leave.
    • Also people who hold up lines.
  • Toilet Humor: While on an extended drive, John accidentally let a fart slip.
  • Wham Line: In the Circular Reasoning argument above, John notes that "If the TV's gonna break, then I'm not buying it" was this to the store employee selling him the TV.
Emo PhillipsRecorded and Stand-Up ComedyBrian Posehn
John HemryAdministrivia/Creator Pages in MainJohn Ritter

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