"You're the best listener that I've ever met ...
Alice and Bob
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits"
enjoy getting together for sex
, unrestrained bed-shaking
, so-loud-it-annoys-the-neighbors Idealized Sex
. With this much enthusiasm going on, you can just tell
that these two are perfect soulmates, bonded for life.
Except — they aren't.
As it turns out, their intense attraction for each other ends outside of the bedroom. Maybe their personalities clash, or neither of them wants a long-term relationship. When they're not doing the horizontal hula,
they could be Just Friends
, quietly indifferent, or even argumentative
. If they're on good terms, they might share relationship advice to help each other find true love
But until that happens, they'll get together to knock boots every Saturday. Just for the fun of it.
It is likely, but far from necessary, that they are both Ethical Sluts
Some draw a distinction between "Friends with Benefits" and "Fuck Buddies". In this view, "Fuck Buddies" are couplings with no
emotional relationship, just great sex. "Friends with benefits
", by contrast, provide sex and
friendship, but not as much emotional intimacy as a full-blown romance.
In fiction, such relationships are a convenient starting point for drama
. The setup isn't usually sustainable, as one or the other eventually decide they want a real relationship
. This results in either a Relationship Upgrade
(possibly signified by I Got You a Drawer
) or a breakup
Also see Everybody Has Lots of Sex
. Contrast with Will They or Won't They?
, Just Friends
, and Unresolved Sexual Tension
. Compare with Stupid Sexy Friend
, when one is trying (often in vain) to suppress
sexual thoughts about a friend.
The term has been around for a while, but it was repopularized in the nineties by the Alanis Morissette
song "Head Over Feet".
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Anime & Manga
- The (very explicit) Yuri manga Maka Maka is about two women who insist they're just this - though it's blatantly obvious to the reader that they're way beyond just friends.
- Akkan Baby focuses on two extremely naive Friends with Benefits who had zero idea of the potential consequences of what they were doing. Pregnancy ensues.
- Japan and Greece from Axis Powers Hetalia, who wind up having sex mainly because Japan ranked last place in a sex frequency poll and Greece (in first place on the same poll) decides to teach him how to enjoy doing it more. Though there are hints that Greece harbors genuine romantic feelings for his friend and it hasn't escaped shippers' attention that Japan doesn't seem to be the kind of person who'd sleep with someone on a whim alone.
- In the one-volume manga version of Heat Guy J Clair has a Hot Scientist around that is implied to be this.
- In ...Virgin Love, Kaoru and Daigo have what is supposed to be an anonymous one night stand, but then meet again at work. Kaoru doesn't want a relationship but thinks the sex is too good to give up so he and Daigo become sex friends instead. Daigo quickly falls for Kaoru.
- Lupin III: Lupin's on-again/off-again relationship with Fujiko blends this with Dating Catwoman. Because they alternate between being partners, rivals, and even enemies (on occasion), it's likely the closest they'll ever come to anything resembling a stable relationship - which Fujiko lampshades in The Castle of Cagliostro:
Fujiko: (to Clarisse) "We're friends, yes. We've been enemies, too. On occasion, we've even been lovers."
- In Kyo Koi O Hajimemasu, the male lead Kyota doesn't have a girlfriend, but he gets together with his senpai, Yuki, for sex. He stops once he's officially in a relationship with Tsubaki.
- iCarly fan fic iNever Knew and its sequel, iNever Knew This Would Be So Hard. While Freddie wants to be boyfriend and girlfriend, Carly wants to be friends with benefits, which they attempt, albeit by experimenting sexually but not sleeping together again. Carly is scared of a Relationship Upgrade because she's used to her and her brother wrecking their relationships and never speaking to the other person after they break up, so feels if they keep it casual, she can avoid hurting Freddie whilst still giving him what she believes he wants most. Freddie gets concerned that because Carly doesn't want to tell anyone, and that they haven't slept together again, that Carly thinks it's a mistake.
- The amicable arrangement between Earth male Philip Holtack and Discworld vampire Sally von Humpeding in Slipping Between Worlds.
- Diaries of a Madman: Nav accrues a surprising number of these though not all of them work out well.
- This is the relationship between Jia-Chien and her ex-boyfriend in Eat Drink Man Woman. They get together regularly to chat and to knock heels, but otherwise prefer to see other people.
- Also Tomas and Sabina in The Unbearable Lightness of Being.
- In Jackie Brown, Louis and Melanie have this sort of relationship. However, Melanie is a bit of a slut, although she seems to like Louis- he's an old friend whom she hasn't seen in a long time. This all goes to shit when Louis shoots her for trying to take the half million for herself, plus being overly annoying, even for her.
- In Vanilla Sky, the main character has a "Fuck Buddy" relationship with a model. The "buddy" in question takes things a little more seriously and when she finds out the true nature of the relationship, it doesn't end well.
- In the comedy No Strings Attached, Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman star as a pair of these. You can really tell because (a) They're both getting redressed on the movie poster and (b) It actually says on the poster "Friendship has its benefits".
- In the TV movie Stone Cold, Chief Jesse Stone and Abby have this kind of relationship until she's murdered by a serial killer.
- Ted and Annie in Bridesmaids — she hates him, but the sex is great. When she "dumps" him, he drives off with the line "you're no longer my number three!"
- The Guardian: Fisher, one of the Coast Guard rescue swimmer trainees starts hooking up with a school teacher named Emily. He tells her the he can do casual, but at the end, after he's finished training, he comes to her and says, "I can't do casual." Fortunately for him, she agrees.
- French Sci-Fi novel Malevil features Emmanuel and Birgitta. Emmanuel is a rancher and she was a German girl who would spend time in town and work for his uncle. After the uncle's death, she turns her eye on Emmanuel and makes their relationship very clear: recreational sex and nothing more. They have a happy affair for a while before she leaves for home and writes to announce her marriage. Emmanuel takes it harder then he should have, and has to remind himself of what their relationship was.
- The titular Fire and her childhood friend Archer from Kristin Cashore's Fire.
- Spoofed in parody self-help book Oh the Humanity, in which all of the Unreliable Narrator's relationships like this supposedly end with the sexual component curtailed for fear of "damaging the friendship". The actual phrases they use?
I never want to do that again. You have the muscle tone of gravy, but your caress has all the tenderness of a nail gun. I'd rather eat you - literally, cook and eat your flesh - than find myself in your arms again.
- Spendwell and Thorn in Frostflower and Thorn. Played straight without romantic complications, as Spendwell comes to entertain feelings for Frostflower and Thorn plans to get him off it by arranging a match between him and another young lady. In fact, I'd hesitate to even call them friends if they hadn't shown obvious caring for each others' welfare.
Live Action TV
- In Smallville, season nine, Chloe Sullivan seems to be content to have nothing except their "favourite indoor activity" with Oliver Queen.
- In Becker, Dr. John Becker has this for one episode with one of Reggie's friends from her modeling days to help distract him from smoking cigarettes, which he has been trying to quit. Unfortunately, she ends up leaving town by the end of the episode and Becker lights up shortly after.
- In Against The Wall, Abby wants her and Brody to stay as Friends with Benefits. He wants a Relationship Upgrade. They negotiate an in-between stage.
- Brad and Denise end up in this trope towards the end of season 2 of Boston Legal. Possibly lampshaded with Denise repeatedly claiming they are "only friends... with benefits."
- But the Friends With Benefits does lead to the two eventually getting married and having a kid.
- At one point on Boy Meets World after Shawn and Angela break up they try to have no strings attached sex but Shawn gets too emotional about it and Angela calls it off before they can even get past the makeout foreplay.
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Faith and Xander were not exactly friends, about as close as they got was him revealing that Angel was alive, and all for killing him. Nonetheless, in Xander's character episode he saves Faith from a group of vampires, then they do the deed, Faith later treating it as a casual fling. Then, when he tries to use their "connection" to talk to her about her accidental murder of the Deputy Mayor, this becomes a Moral Event Horizon crossing, as she refuses to listen, insists that guys only ever want one thing from her, pushes him onto the bed and starts forcing herself on him, and chokes him, before Angel knocks her out.
- On Community this becomes the eventual arrangement between Jeff and Britta.
- On Farscape Aeryn suggests she and John have one of these. Because he's in love with her, he turns her down.
- It should be noted that this verges upon being a Hat for the Peacekeepers, as their SOP requires that sex remain strictly recreational or procreative (when assigned). Fw B is their default relationship state.
- Aeryn's mother was ordered to kill her lover (and Aeryn's father) when their relationship was discovered.
- Walter and Isabela start off as this on The Finder though a Relationship Upgrade is on the cards.
- Monica and Richard attempt this in Friends after their breakup, but while he takes the new situation to the letter, Monica starts falling back in love. It culminates with her preparing a sexy surprise in his bedroom and him coming home with another sexual partner. Awkwardness ensues, and eventually Monica figures out it can't work.
- Chandler also had this deal with a woman he dated. Despite being thrilled initially, he broke it off when he realized he couldn't handle just sex and wanted a real relationship.
- Later on Monica and Chandler try for no-strings-attached sex in London. Considering how well their previous attempts to invoke this trope have gone down, you can imagine how well that went. At first its just sex in London, then only while on London time, then just 'goofing around', then...ok, safe to say it ends with them Happily Married. There's a reason the two of them are the poster couple for Sex Equals Love.
- Interestingly, Lisa Kudrow and Matt LeBlanc wanted this for Phoebe and Joey with no intent to turn it into a relationship later on, but the executives backed out.
- Chase and Cameron on House. Eventually leads to Sex Equals Love.
- On How I Met Your Mother Barney and Robin have this sort of thing going for a while. Then Lily holds them prisoner until they decide on being either friends or boyfriend/girlfriend. They eventually choose the Relationship Upgrade.
- Ted and Robin had this type of relationship in "Benefits", as part of the writers' continuing efforts to have them hook up at least once a season. In a neat little twist, despite a few worrying implications of Sex Equals Love, neither of them ends up being hurt by the arrangement: Barney is.
- When Lilly's dad and Marshall's mom hook up they refer to it as Family with Benefits. Squick
- What Dyson and Bo try to have in Lost Girl, but they both develop feelings for each other.
- Sonny and Gina on Miami Vice, for a little while.
- Kyle and Jade tried this on Neighbours, though Jade was already in love with Kyle by this point.
- On Scrubs, J.D. and Elliot attempt a "sex buddies" * FANFARE* type of relationship, but it doesn't work out.
- Ricky and Adrian from The Secret Life of the American Teenager had this kind of relationship on and off for nearly two seasons before finally calling it off for good.
- Jerry and Elaine try to do this on Seinfeld, "The Deal". They propose a set of ground rules by which they can have both "this" (with a gesture at the space between them as they sit companionably on the couch) and "that" (pointing towards the bedroom). They soon find that it doesn't work out without having "this, that, and the other"—i.e., a full romantic relationship. George tells Jerry An Aesop message about how "it can't be done—" and that people have tried to do it it throughout history, to no avail. Naturally, he's proven right.
- In Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw gets into a detailed discussion on the distinction between Friends with Benefits and Fuck Buddies.
- Nate and his friend in Six Feet Under, lampshaded by his sister ("So you're like, what, Fuck Buddies?"). They eventually get a Relationship Upgrade.
- Damon and Rose apparently, in The Vampire Diaries
- In Wonderfalls, Mahandra believes this is what she and Aaron are engaging in; Aaron wants more. Mahandra does too, but she's in denial.
- In Defying Gravity, astronaut Nadia Schilling is in a "friends with benefits" relationship with a fellow astronaut. She even uses the term on several occasions.
- In Friends with Benefits, the series starts off with Ben and Sara as friends with benefits, who ask each other relationship advice after each session.
- The Sparks' "All You Ever Think About Is Sex":
In a world of lovers
we don't love each other much
Fact is we're too busy
to love each other much
- "Get Mine Get Yours" by Christina Aguilera is about a relationship like this.
I want your body, not your heart
- In The Dark by Jojo is about this type of situation.
Sometimes I need to paint, you can be my canvas/Sometimes I want to escape, even though it’s selfish
As the clock strikes twelve I’ll be freaking you out/Make us both forget what we were worried about
If I waited for you, I'd just be waiting alone/So when the clock strikes two, I'll be on my way home
- "Urgent" by Foreigner. The speaker seems to want a Relationship Upgrade, even though he tells himself he just wants sex.
- One common interpretation of Todd Rundgren's "Hello It's Me" is that it's about this.
- Lady Antebellum's "Need You Now" is interpreted as being about this.
- "Looking For A Good Time" is also thought to be about this as well.
- In K.T Oslin's "I'll Always Come Back", she either dated or had a brief fling or a one night stand with her bed buddy:
Well there's a wooden wonder from a way down under
They call a boomerang, if you handle it right, it'll come back
But you must have had one when you were a boy
'Cause you've got the touch that turns me into a toy
- "Round and Round" by RATT.
- The female Shepard's relationship with Garrus in Mass Effect 2 at the beginning fits this to a T. Initially, there is nothing romantic whatsoever about their get-together: Shepard just offers to sleep with Garrus in the middle of a conversation and Garrus replies "Well, why the hell not?". The dialogue that ensues is initially all about reconciling the fact that it's an Interspecies Romance but the focus rapidly and subtly shifts to Garrus revealing how lost and lonely he really is, how he's filled to the brim with self-doubt and how Shepard is the only person in the galaxy who can give him even a moment's solace. At which point it stops being this trope.
- If you didn't romance either Garrus or Tali in Mass Effect 2, then its heavily implied that they become this near the end of 3. Tali even outright tell Garrus "I'm just using you for your body." but its unclear if she's being serious of just joking.
- Morrigan and Zevran both view a relationship with the Warden in Dragon Age: Origins to be this at first, though in both cases it evolves into something deeper if you pursue it.
- One option with Isabela in Dragon Age II is to not mention love at all and just keep on having sex. If neither of them is romanced, Isabela and Fenris seem to develop this kind of relationship.
- This sums up the relationship between Telia and the Wanderer in Visions & Voices, at least in the Back Story. Their in-game relationship follows the standard Belligerent Sexual Tension pattern, except for the minor detail that they're already screwing like rabbits before love and romance even become an issue.
- Combined with Puns in the Portal 2 achievements. There's an achievement called "Friends List With Benefits" for hugging three people on your Steam friends list. Although hugging is the closest thing ATLAS and P-Body get to romance or sex, at one point GLaDOS asks the bots if they know what could happen as a result of hugging...and makes it sound for a moment like it could result in STD's.
- In The Sims 3, it's possible to make your Sims be friends with benefits, and will react slightly differently after woohooing. In fact, unless they choose to go steady, they can have sex without actually considering themselves in a romantic relationship. This is quite different from The Sims 2, where just chatting each other up can result in them basically making it official, and you need a Game Mod for them to ever have sex outside of a relationship.
- In Borderlands 2, one of the loading screen tips notes "Shields are like friends. The best ones come with additional benefits."
- Stan and Brandi in Penny and Aggie are this trope on and off for over a year, until their failed attempt at a Relationship Upgrade (apparently prompted, however, by Stan accidentally kissing his Friendly Enemy Penny and wishing to avoid the ramifications). Subsequently, Stan and Lisa become friends with benefits.
- Sven and Faye from the web comic Questionable Content have a thing like this for a while.
- It's implied in a guest strip that their intimate moments involve intense amounts of hostility. Which makes it better.
- Though it's obvious Faye thinks of it as more than just random sex: when Sven sleeps with another girl she gets all heartbroken and stops seeing him at all. Sven seems to have become very attached, though he seems to be telling himself it's just the sex.
- Candi had a few characters trying this out, but it eventually gets too complicated.
- In this comic, Desirae of Alone In A Crowd suggests this to her niece Sara and her best friend Marty much to their mutual annoyance.
- In El Goonish Shive, Noah tells Elliot that he and Melissa "provide comfort and pleasure to each other" while Melissa is still in love with Justin.
Nanase: Besides, you and I know this relationship was little more than two good friends giving each other privileges.
Elliot: I never liked to think about it that way.
Nanase: But that's what it was. Name one romantic thing we ever did together.
Elliot: Does making out in the car outside the movie theater count?
- Most notably, Miriam and Steven, post-breakup, in Out There. A few other pairings have taken place (or are implied to have taken place) as a part of the back story: Sherry and Steven, Miriam and Wally, and possibly even Miriam and Sherry; there is also a reference to a Friends With Benefits relationship between Miriam and a character named Carlos in one of the flashback stories in the third Out There book.
- An ambiguous case between the succubi Fuchsia and Baby Blue in Sinfest. They both regularly tempt men with gay-for-pay shows, and they clearly have a friendship with each other beyond what they do for their jobs, but it's very different from Fuchsia's chaste but romantic relationship with Crimnee.
- Erik in Roommates agreed to such a relationship with Mag but the guy doesn't even know what the expression means (cue Face Palm even from his celibate friend). In spin-off webcomic Girls Next Door the OC Cheryl broke out in a monologue about the trope itself spontaneously... probably she wanted to say something to the boys present.
- Ally and Lisa of Sunstone started out as this after several months of interaction on the net. It lasted for all of three days before deeper feelings for each other started making themselves known.
- Ron and Alex in The Eye of Ramalach, which at one point scares off a girl that Ron's friend had been trying to set him up with. And there's yet another girl that Ron kind of likes but has trouble asking out.
- Vampire Cheerleaders: Suki has this type of arrangement with Leonard, which gets lampshaded several times, during the "Adventures in Space... and Time?!" arc.
- In Ménage à 3, lead character Zii and her old school friend, the ex-porn star Amber, get into a friends-with-benefits relationship after Zii calls Amber in desperate need of stress relief.
- Zeke and Lizzie of Seeking Truth.
- Played for drama since Zeke only admits his love for her after she's murdered.
- This was the premise of College Humor's former show "Full Benefits", where this sort of relationship occurred between fictionalized versions of staff members Sarah and David. Later they tried to "take it to the next level" by becoming romantically involved as well.
- In The Wulf Archives, Wulf has a few serious lovers, but the other women in his life are this trope, who like him and make no demands on him beyond an open invitation to their beds when he comes around.
- The Guild has Wade and Riley. Surprisingly, when Codex finds out that they're only "<bleep> buddies", she no longer sees Riley as a rival for Wade's affections. This stops when Riley starts sleeping with Zaboo, but by that point Codex has realized that Wade is a Jerk Ass.