Dowry Dilemma

Feyre: We can't afford a dowry. For either or you.
Nesta: We're in love.
Feyre: Love won't feed a hungry belly.

Congratulations! You've found the love of your life! You've overcome nearly all the trials lovers need to overcome and you're this close to announcing your relationship to the world. You already have a wedding date planned and everything.

There's just one problem.

Your family can't pay the dowry.

A dowry (or dower) is an ancient practice, possibly predating the Code of Hammurabi. Basically, it's payment - be it in the form of livestock, goods, property, money, or any combination of the four - that the bride's family pays to the husband's family. This is usually done to ensure that the newlyweds have some "seed money" to start a household - ie, they don't start their married life broke. It's also useful incentive for the hubby to not be abusive, as the woman has certain rights to her dowry.

The practice of calling off a marriage - be it arranged or otherwise - due to the bride's family being unable to provide for her dowry - was widely practiced in Europe and Asia. This presented a problem, especially to those who were marrying their daughter off for money.

The gender-inverted, less-done version is the bridewealth, in which the husband's family pays the bride's. Dowry and bridewealth are common in societies that favor arranged marriages. If the inheritance laws or customs are designed to keep the family wealth intact (e.g., Primogeniture), then the dowry is a substitute for the bride's claims. Among renaissance Italian families women were often considered a net loss and men a net profit because women took a dowry with them whereas men brought a dowry in.

A dower can also refer to the money, goods, or estate given to support a postulant at a convent, but that's not to be confused with this trope.

A stereotypical situation is for a Funny Foreigner (usually from Qurac) to see a woman and instantly offer any number of barnyard animals to marry her, and be completely confused at the outrage, when five camels and a goat is an incredibly generous offer. Expect this trope to turn up in period pieces. Occasionally, the trope is inverted in the case of difficult, well-off brides, whose families are forced to raise their dowries just so someone will want to marry them.

Sister Trope to Unable to Support a Wife, another financial hindrance that gets in the way of a couple's happiness.

Examples

    open/close all folders 

     Anime and Manga  

     Film  

  • Inverted in The Quiet Man, where argument over a dowry provides the conflict. The husband cares nothing about the dowry that his brother-in-law refuses to pay, but his wife is very upset about her husband not receiving her dowry and is mad at her husband for not demanding it (not for the sake of the money itself, but what it represents).
  • In Lajja, Maithili is marrying her college sweetheart, and her soon-to-be in-laws are demanding an extremely lavish dowry...which her family cannot afford. If they can't come up with the money, the wedding will be off...and Maithili and her entire family will be disgraced. Vaidehi advises her to talk to her fiancÚ, but he won't stand up to his parents. They encounter a prostitute arguing with customers who are trying to cheat her out of money, and she says she's doing it because she doesn't want her sister to end up like her, shamed, rejected, and selling sex because her family can't pay a dowry. (Implying that she may be Maithili's older sister, though this is never confirmed in the movie.) Not only that, but some of the groomsmen try to rape Maithili and then start Slut-Shaming her. Maithili finally stands up to her would-be in-laws, and calls out her fiancÚ for not standing up to them, and the wedding is off.

     Literature  

  • A large part of the plot in Tomie dePaola's book Helgas Dowry. An attractive but poor troll maiden named Helga finds that she may not be able to marry her boyfriend Lars without a dowry to match that of her rival, Inge (which would in turn condemn her to wander the earth forever), so she sets out to earn one. Ultimately, she does, but winds up ditching Lars, having realized he's more interested in her goods than her. She doesn't wind up needing it, as the Troll King wants to marry her, and he already has much more than he needs.
  • Sostratos' sister had this difficulty in Over the Wine-Dark Sea.
  • Shows up in many of Jane Austen's works (at a time when the trope was Truth in Television), as her protagonists are often the daughters of not-particularly-wealthy gentlemen who cannot afford to give their daughters large dowries.
  • In the Daughter of the Empire trilogy of the The Rift War Cycle, Mara of the Acoma very nearly inverts this trope. She has quite a substantial dowry, but her estate's suffered such a huge military loss that the problem is finding an adequate protector who A) isn't an enemy and B) is willing to shoulder the burden of protecting the estate without gaining control. Mara decides to Take a Third Option.
  • Sherlock Holmes has a situation where a lady is looking for her recently-disappeared fiance. It turns out her stepfather was abusing her poor eyesight to play the part of the fiance, so that he could both not pay the dowry and keep her income close at hand.
  • In Snuff, Vimes has the concept of a dowry explained to him, after running into a family of young women who worry about not finding husbands for this reason (in addition to suffering from Thinks Like a Romance Novel). He gets very angry.
  • The "funny foreigner" gag shows up in Jingo, where it is meticulously lampshaded ("This is another test, isn't it ... ?") and analyzed; the foreigner knows exactly what he's doing.
    "For Mrs Boggis?" Vimes waggled a hand dismissively. "Nah ... four camels, maybe four camels and a goat in a good light. And when she's had a shave."
  • The Vorkosigan Saga: Mark has the difference between pride-price and dowry explained when he offers to pay Koudelka for continuing to date his daughter.
  • Belisarius Series: Tahmina's dowry could have been an extortionate sum that bankrupted the Persian Empire, but instead was simply a horse and a horse-bow, in reference to a saying that a Persian should teach his son to "ride a horse, to shoot a bow and to despise all lies."
  • In L. Sprague de Camp's An Elephant for Aristotle, set in the age of Alexander the Great, the Greek hero falls for a well-born Persian woman, while the woman's brother falls for the hero's own sister. This creates many problems, given that both cultures have a bias against foreign marriages, but one is that Greeks give dowries, while Persians give bride payments. Weirdly, it takes the hero's smart brother to point out the obvious solution.
  • The Mercedes Lackey Dozen Daughters series centers around a small kingdom whose ruler has thirteen children before finally having a male heir. Since he can't afford twelve royal dowries, the daughters are instead given a first-rate education in any craft they care for and then expected to make their own way in the world once they reach adulthood.

     Live Action TV  

  • On The Borgias the titular family needs to arrange a politically favourable marriage for Lucritia but is lacking the money for a dowry. They engage in political murder-for-hire to raise the money.

     Theater  

  • The Miser. Harpagon, the titular miser, is willing to marry his daughter off to a nobleman instead of the man she wants because he has accepted to marry her without a dowry, and his son to a rich widow.
  • Alluded to in the song "Matchmaker" in Fiddler on the Roof.
    "Did you think you'd get a prince?
    Well I do the best I can.
    With no dowry, no money, no family background
    Be glad you got a man!
  • Inverted in The Taming of the Shrew where Katherine's father can't get anyone to marry her no matter how large the dowry is, since she is such a shrew. Then Petruchio comes to town and the only thing he cares about is the dowry.

     Video Games  

  • Assassin's Creed II: An inverted example. Due to her temper, Giovanni (Ezio's father) was forced to raise Claudia's dowry by 1,000 florins, since she scared off all of her suitors.
  • Played for Laughs in Dragon Age 2: During one of the companion quests, after many unsucessful yet hilarious methods of courting one of her guardsmen, Guard-Captain Aveline resorts to presenting herself with a dowry to the guard's mother and Hawke being the one presenting her. It's Lampshaded by Merrill if she is in your party.
    Merrill: Don't be silly! A dowry would only matter if you were courting him!
    Aveline: Merrill...
    Merrill: (gasps) You're courting him!

     Real Life  

  • St. Nicholas was said to have thrown purses filled with gold into the house of a man who could not afford the dowries for his three daughters under the cover of night so the man would not be embarrassed at having to accepting charity.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DowryDilemma