Dirty Potter is what results when the Harry Potter audiobooks, as narrated by Jim Dale, meet with Manipulative Editing. In the words of the site, "[Dirty Potter] is a trilogy of audio shorts that were made in Adobe Audition, through creative use of word splicing and sound editing of all seven Harry Potter audiobooks. The characters have been re-imagined as overly lustful and sex-crazed; frequently engaging in lewd activities and using vulgar language. Each audio short is narrated by British actor Jim Dale, who also has been incorporated as a totally new character in the context of the parody."The series currently spans four episodes: "Dirty Potter and the Snape Murders Dumbledore"; "Dirty Potter and the Deathly Farts", "Dirty Potter and the Fabulous Gay Farty Pee and Poo Party", and "Fuckbeak*
a stand-in for the Harry Potter character Buckbeak
& Friends". The team has also created "Dirty Barack", a splicing of Barack Obama 's "The Audacity of Hope", "Dirty Peter Pan and the Long Black Penis of Evil", and "Dirty the Pooh and the Hundred Acre Shitpile".Oh, and it has nothing to do with a Harry Potter / Dirty Harry crossover.
Dirty Potter provides examples of:
A Date with Rosie Palms: Ron is particularly prone to this. Whenever anyone does, it's almost always in front of someone else.
A Hell of a Time: "But nobody minded. Because they all went to burn in Hell forever. Which was much more exciting."
Angrish: "He pulled the pieces of brown poo out of his ass without looking at them, [and] tucked them away in Hagrid's mouth. 'Phah-mphszvyy-hwa! Oy!' said Hagrid, indignantly."
"Wendy had a face full of hot poop. She was frightfully furious! 'Nyarargh!' she said, and gagged."
Apocalypse How: Class X when Pooh's satanic farts blow up the planet during the Stinkpocalypse.
Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: From the Dirty the Pooh outtakes: "Zombies poured from the underworld banging their heads to immensely heavy metal and looked like they meant business and went back to the desk, sat down, and started selling vibrators. *beat* But at horribly inflated prices!"
Ascended Meme: "Then Christopher Robin beat his fucking fist in Eeyore's face so violently that he ejaculated a golden shower of fucking pineapples.".
Yeah!
"And Ron was ass-blasted off his feet so forcefully, he shot straight into another fucking dimension."
Artifact Title: Subverted with "Fuckbeak and Friends: Chapter 2" - it is revealed at two points that Fuckbeak was watching all the events of the chapter.
Author Appeal: Many of the characters are seen playing with shit in a variety of ways that would make a janitor run in horror. Word Of God is that most of this is because of his obsession with fart and poop jokes going all the way back to his childhood.
On an old Nickelodeon 3D Movie Maker video DPO dug up from when he was 13, which contains copious amounts of green slime repurposed as poop
IMMAOILMAN: So, the waves of evil smelling green ass juice carried itself over into Dirty Potter as a vestige of your childhood. dirtypottertube: woah i never even thought about this but you're 100% right. be my therapist?
Author Existence Failure: Parodied when Pooh holds up the head of David Benedictus, the writer for Return to the Hundred Acre Wood. DPO actually listened to the whole book and hated it, hence his revenge against the author (he thought it read like a fan fiction and that the new character, Lottie the Otter, reeked of Mary Sue.)
Bad Ass: Would you believe in Dirty the Pooh it's Tigger?
(After ten minutes of Kill Em All violence and destruction) "BOR-ING!"
Pooh also deserves mention, as after Tigger says this, he simply glares at him, saying 'Nigger please' and proceeds to pick up a baby rabbit and eat its head for no good reason.
Blatant Lies: Chapter 3: In which nothing happens at all. Really! I promise!
Blue and Orange Morality: There doesn't seem to be a set morality as to how evil or how good a person is. Everyone is so focused on having massive orgies and orgasms that they don't seem to mind how evil someone such as Pooh after his Deal with the Devil is as long as they get what they want. The only person having considered to have crossed the line is Fuckbeak after his Noodle Incident in Hogwarts.
Brick Joke: JK Rowling's fart is mentioned in Dirty Potter 3 as blowing Ron into another dimension. He then gets blown into the hundred acre wood in Dirty the Pooh 3.
Cluster F-Bomb: Should go without saying by now, but special mention goes to Pooh's hum at the end of Dirty the Pooh, Chapter 1. It sort of foreshadows the events of chapter 3.
"If you want to shit, you must put it into Piglet. And the shit, if it's shitty, if it's shitty in the shit. And you'll know when you have shitted how much shit you can shit, yes you'll know what the amount is, and so therefore, you will DIE!!! And I hope that you enjoy it..."
And Harry's outburst when he enters the bathroom in Dirty Potter 2.
Tigger's long Fuck You streak in Dirty the Pooh 2:
And Tigger emitting a ferocious "Fuck You, Eeyore, Fuck You, Long-Ears, Fuck You, Owl... and, especially, Fuck You, Jim Dale."
The ending of the original Dirty Potter:
"Bloody fucking Snape fucking murders fucking bloody faggot fat lady cumming faggot cunt shit jerking off cum bloody black half-blood cunt bulging butt fudge flaming gay explosion poo bosom gag hardon warts jerking his tit sperm buttock farty golden shower ballsack beat it ugly little butt pirate tight behind farting poo spurted pulsating slightly damp, moldy, smelling bush CONSTIPATION SENSATION Dumbledore jerking off uncontrollably in a pool of his own blood."
Coitus Ensues: Surprisingly averted. Despite almost every other form of sex imaginable happening without prompt, plain old penis-to-vagina intercourse never happens. At best it's contemplated, but never acted upon due to the apparently dangerous drawbacks. As expected, it's because "gay stuff is funnier"
Content Warnings: Played with as with this page's quote but subverted with the intro the Fuckbeak & Friends Chapter 2.
Warning. This audiobook series contains a humongous pile of Blah Blah Blah whatever it was. Fuck off.
Dummied Out: An early version of Dirty Potter 3 existed with several changed lines. Among other things, L Ron Hubbard and George W. Bush were going to come into the class along with Jim Dale, and J. K. Rowling would have commented, "I must have passed a dozen feces and farties on my way here" after the assblasting. Some of this content was eventually worked into later splicings.
Even the Guys Want Him: Piglet dreams of going to bed with Jim Dale and making love with his hot strong body. Tigger lives through the Stinkpocalypse and gets to fuck with Jim Dale
Everyone Has Lots of Sex: They can even do this constantly for almost forty days and forty nights!
Evil Laugh: The cackle at mentioning 9-11 in DP 2 counts, but most obvious is in DP 3:
Jim Dale: "Haha! Enjoy your fucking holidays, you enormous faggoty faggots. Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!"
Eye Scream: Pooh melting Piglet's eyes like marshmallows.
Fartillery: The aforementioned ass-blasting, strong enough to send people into other dimensions
Foreshadowing: Extremely blatant in the ending of Dirty the Pooh Chapter 1 and the title of Chapter 2, although it was hard to tell if they were serious before Chapter 3 came out.
Late Arrival Spoiler: The First Dirty Potter makes constant jokes of The Half-Blood Prince's Infamous mass spoiling of Professor Snape Killing Dumbledore, right down to naming the first part "Dirty Potter and The Snape Kills Dumbledore".
Mickey Mousing: Jim Dale does this with the music in the intro to the first Dirty the Pooh, and briefly does it in Fuckbeak and Friends Chapter One where Ron's "ejaculation" is synched up with the background music.
He also does it in an alternate intro to Dirty the Pooh, with sound effects synched up to the theme song.
Also the "more than one hundred very special retarded tyrannosauruses with massive Asperger's and Down's Syndrome" in Dirty the Pooh 3.
"Big bearded gay Jewish burly sailor pajama party pornography."
No Celebrities Were Harmed: Invoked; as noted above, the Jim Dale of Dirty Potter and the actual Jim Dale are said to be separate entities.
No Fourth Wall: Jim Dale not only narrates, but also freely has sex with the characters and narrates it. He also yells at listeners for liking Dirty Potter.
Nonindicative Name: Despite the title of Chapter One of Dirty the Pooh being "In Which Rabbit Stuffs Almost Everything Right in His Ass and a Stupid Black Nigger Goes Poopoo In Bed," none of these events actually happen.
Likewise, chapter two is subtitled "In Which Winnie The Pooh's Large And Extremely Dangerous Ass Farts Directly In All The Animals' Stupid Faces... and Everybody Dies!". A third chapter was released several weeks later.
Its subtitle: "In Which Nothing Happens At All. Really. I Promise!" The actual events: Basically the subtitle to Dirty the Pooh Chapter 2. Pooh's large and extremely dangerous ass does fart, and everybody dies (and goes to burn in hell forever, which is much more exciting.)
The titular 'Long Black Penis of Evil' does not appear in Dirty Peter Pan.
The title of the first chapter of Dirty Potter 4 is "Fuckbeak the Hippogriff and the Extremely Arousing Fucking Huge Diarrhea Bathtime." Although part of it takes place in a bathroom, there is no actual bath of diarrhea. Until Part 2, anyway.
Finally averted in chapter 2, "Cock-a-doodle-doo, My Dick Goes Where You Poo!", where anal sex occurs in the very beginning.
Noodle Incident: "For Owl, a testicle case, in case he lost his testicles. Because- oh, well, it would take too long to explain."
Fuckbeak's expulsion from Hogwarts was apparently so horrific that Jim Dale himself is disallowed from retelling it. What he says about Fuckbeak turning all of the students gay and dying in the process is just a cover story.
N-Word Privileges: Jim Dale freely drops the N-bomb whenever he feels like it.
It's revealed in "Fuckbeak and Friends Chapter 2" that Jim Dale enjoys the word because of "how offensive it is to minorities".
Overly Long Gag: Pretty much any of the skeet sequences, but the overly long sequence in particular is when Jim Dale can't seem to pronounce Dumbledore's name.
And learn, and learn, and learn, and fart, and learn, and learn, and cum, and learn, and POIK, and learn, and fap, and learn, and spurt, and learn, and skeet, and learn, and fuck underage wizards, and learn and, jack it, and learn, and LOL, and learn, and POO, and learn, and jerk, and poop, and jerk, and poop, and jerk, and... *
I had a wonderful time doing that.
Then, it got even hotter. Christopher Robin was too hot for his own good. Then, one day, which some say was the hottest yet and others said was the hottest ever since time began, it got even hotter.*
Then, one day, it got even hotter, so very hot that all the animals, got even hotter.
Jim Dale: "Neither this audiobook nor any portion of it may be injected as heroin or rolled up and smoked in a big... Fat... Blunt...cough Without prior written authorization from faggot bitch nigger Shinji Ikari."
It was originally supposed to say "Justin Bieber", but DPO felt that people should try and forget about him.
Rape and Switch: Fuckbeak is expelled from Hogwarts for molesting everyone at the school, turning them all gay. Or at least that's the cover story; the real reason is apparently much more horrifying.
Rasputinian Death: It takes an Earth-Shattering Kaboom for all of the animals in Dirty the Pooh 3 to finally die, despite all of the horrors and pains they are put through by Pooh.
Christopher Robin (save for a dent in his face), Tigger, and Jim Dale however, survive the whole ordeal. Ron survives too by noclipping himself until he got banned. Word Of God says he was forced into the void again when Jim Dale banned him. He is alive, but his current location is unknown.
Running Gag: "Snape murders Dumbledore" and "Ron ejaculated" from DP 1.
Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Jim Dale's rant at the end of Dirty Potter 3, again halfway through Dirty the Pooh, and again in Fuckbeak and Friends.
Self-Deprecation: The warning at the start of Fuckbeak And Friends.
Self Insert Fic: Parodied with Jim Dale, the narrator, actually appearing in both Dirty Potter and Dirty the Pooh as a character akin to a Memetic Sex God, with several characters dreaming of going to bed with him. Not quite a pure example, since it is actually a remix of Jim Dale rather than an actual reading, but it still counts.
Serial Escalation: Each successive episode further pushes the boundaries of how positively disgusting and impossible the "sex" Jim Dale narrates gets.
666 fire breathing penises, anyone?
Fuckbeak was expelled from Hogwarts for basically being the sickest of sick fucks. In this universe, that's saying something.
Jim Dale : There were 142 gigantic-size feces piles that smelled of cabbage-smelling cabbage
Shout Out: The line about Professor Umbridge shitting on her face in DP 1 is a reference to Tubgirl.
In Dirty Peter Pan, when Peter is contemplating how to make it up to Wendy after shitting on her, two of the options mentioned are "He could Goatse twenty times until the devil dropped out" and "He could listen to Dirty Potter."
Dirty the Pooh Chapter Two features an almost word-for-word transition of Tigger's rant from Very Uncensored Winnie the Pooh.
There are also shoutouts to fellow pooper Waldfield's poops. If you've seen the man's work, you'll find them instantly. Otherwise, the joke will fall on flat ears. Recently, Waldfield returned the favor in his recollection of his time in the police force.
Dirty the Pooh Chapter 3 has a mention of the Four Horsemen of the Stinkpocalypse riding on horses made from "the devil's shit and wank." This is, given DP's fondness for it, likely a reference to The Wanky Shit Demon.
And the moon falling falling out of the sky is a reference to Majora's Mask.
The Ode To Joy rendition was another Shout Out to EVA. Why yes, Dirty Potter Officialdoes happen to be a fan, why do you ask?
A deleted scene features yet another overly long gag of someone's arse (i.e. Ron's) exploding, involving a pseudo countdown sequence to said explosion. What was the countdown? 4 8 15 16 23 42
In Fuckbeak & Friends, Ron vomits over himself as he witnesses a particularly vile cunnilingus between Harry and Hermione. Considering the standard of sex in this series, this is significant. invoked
In chapter 2 of Fuckbeak & Friends, Fuckbeak himself vomits after seeing everyone playing on Hagrid's feces mountain through the window. It doesn't stop him from having A Date with Rosie Palms, however. invoked
Take That, Audience!: Jim Dale stops reading Dirty The Pooh chapter 1 for a minute to go off on a rant on how stupid the whole thing is and how stupid you are for thinking it's funny.
Jim Dale. The awful thing was that you probably thought this was funny. But it isn't. At all. Ever. I'm so done with this bullshit. You're just fucking gay faggots and probably retarded, listening to stupid fucking recycled bullshit from Dirty Potter like this is fail. I think that you should go shake your fucking pants and kill yourself instantly. *beat* Uh- *clears throat* Meanwhile...
In Fuckbeak and Friends 2, he laments how he's going to have to make more Dirty Potter.
Trilogy Creep: Even though the FAQ refers to Dirty Potter as a trilogy, chapter 1 of Fuckbeak And Friends is occasionally referred to as Dirty Potter 4.
Voice of the Legion: "I want souls...thousands and thousands of DOOMED SOULS!"
What Happened to the Mouse?: Literally. What happened to the "several frantic mice" trapped inside Harry's butthole at the beginning of Deathly Farts? According to Word Of God, "They were crapped out and moved to Tallahassee to start a family and open a gay bar. Nobody has heard from them since."
When Trees Attack: Just one of the many horrors brought by Pooh's assembly.
A Wild Rapper Appears: Parodied when Professor McGonagall raps like Ludacris in Dirty Potter 3.
Jim Dale raps himself in Fuckbeak & Friends chapter 2 to drown out Hermione's attempt to get the story back on track.
You Bastard: "The awful thing was that you probably thought this was funny. But it isn't. At all. Ever."
YouTube Poop: While independent from the mainstream Youtube Poop community, the creator is very well familiar with the phenomenon and has even made a few standard poops himself. Waldfield hosted an interview with him for You Chew Poop.com, in which he asks about the extent to which the Dirty Potter videos qualify as true Youtube Poop. The conclusion was that it should be considered "audio poop".
0 reviews 