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Crappy Vamps Vs Werewolves Epic
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Crappy Vamps vs. Werewolves Epic is a web based story by two silly, silly girls. It is an affectionate parody of Twilight and has vampires, werewolves, and humans.
Crappy Vamps vs. Werewolves Epic provides examples of:- Action Girl: Anastasie
- Addiction Displacement: Art replaces his drug addiction with knitting. Cora and Kianoush might be wise to try this.
- Affectionate Parody
- All Girls Want Bad Boys: double subverted with Cora; she falls in love with Erik, who is as nice and clueless as they come, instead of Art, a bad boy with whom she shares history. She then goes back to Art after Erik leaves.
- Played straight with Kianoush
- Anticlimax: Lampshaded.
- Author Avatar: Inverted. Art comments that "vegetarianism is pathetic". Lara is a hardcore vegetarian and pacifist.
- Backstory: Pants
- Back-to-Back Badasses: Anastasie and Kianoush
- Badass Bookworm: Cora, Art, and Roy. Kianoush, Elaneh and Renato may qualify, as well.
- Badass Decay: Art and Cora fall victim to this the most.
- Berserk Button: Don't mention cats to Art. Seriously.
- Beta Couple: Kianoush and Florence, Elaneh and Renato, Anastasie and Javier
- Betty and Veronica: for Cora, Art is Veronica and Erik is Betty; for Art, Roy is Betty and Cora is Veronica; for Roy, Art is Betty and Richard is Veronica
- For Erik, his old life is Betty and Cora is Veronica?
- Birds of a Feather: Elaneh and Renato, Kianoush and Florence
- Big Lipped Alligator Moment: A LOT. Notably Anthony, knitting robot ladies, Charles R. Evelyn, and... well, a lot.
- Blatant Lies: almost anything Kianoush says, Art's initial pants story.
- Blondes are Evil: Lillias
- Blonde, Brunette, Redhead: Lillias, Elaneh, and Anastasie
- Blood Lust
- Blooper: the crossed out stuff and much of the ooc stuff
- Boy Meets Ghoul
- Brainy Brunette: Cora and Elaneh
- Break the Cutie: Cora, Erik, and Art
- Break the Haughty: Art SO MUCH
- Buffy Speak: A lot of characters do this, but the authors do this the most.
- If a vampire invited me to lunch, I would decline faster than you can say something fast.
- Came Back Wrong: Arguably, all of the vampires...
- Camp Gay: Occasionally Art, nearly always Roy
- Catchphrase: Megghgllaeehhhagghheh!
- Cats are Mean
- Character Tics: Roy's eyebrows
- The Charmer: Roy and Kianoush
- The Chew Toy: Lillias and Erik
- Clingy Jealous Girl: Art and Lillias
- Combat Stilettos: Anastasie
- Complete Monster: Anthony.
- RICHARD.
- Art and Lillias both have their moments.
- Conflicting Loyalty: almost everyone
- Creepy Child: Anthony and Lillias
- Crowning Moment of Awesome: The Elsinore Theatre performing the Nutcracker at 7:30 pm that day in real life and in the story.
- Crowning Moment of Funny: Anything crossed out. ANYTHING. And all the memes.
- It's a cat flushing the toilet...
- EAT MY DUST, BABE.
- BLOOOOOD BEARD?
- Erik being a ditz/emotastic
- The sea is made of cotton candy! And it's the pink kind!
- Richard.
- Eric's pants.
- Art chuckled at Erik's leash but stopped when he realized Roy and he were the same way... and he was Erik.
- I HAVE TO WATER MY CAT!
- "DON'T GO! THEY'LL FIND YOU! THE LEVIATHAN NEARS! CATTERJUNES!"
- HOLY JESUS IN A CHICKIE BISCUIT!
- AND THEN THE GOOD LROD CREATED ART. HE/SHE/IT MADE HIM EXTRA SEXYFINE.
- He wanted to kick her. Or throw a chair at her. Or something.
- Ikea.
- Ryan got a text from Mollie and looked at it, only to realize it was pron
- Knitting.
- ERIK WENT HOME AND WAS A BORING DUDE AND WENT TO BED. BECAUSE HE'S AWKWARD LIKE THAT.
- UNINTENTIONAL GAY SUBTEXT
- GAY BAR!
- Intentional gay subtext. -eyebrow wiggle-
- Couldn't find a bad enough expletive.
- I DON'T BITE.
- Megan and Art: Worst. Battle Pair. Ever.
- Megghgllaeehhhagghheh.
- "...gather Lillias together..."
- Did Not Do the Research: Lara isn't much of a Twilight fan. Seeing how this is a parody of it... yeah.
- Lizzi not knowing Heaven was a gay bar...
- Dead Little Sister: Art's sister
- Does Not Know His Own Strength: Erik when he becomes a vampire
- Double Agent: Megan
- Dropped a Bridge on Him: SO MANY. Especially Leon and Maria.
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Elegant Lulzy Gothic Lolita: Lillias - Emergency Transformation
- Evil Is Sexy
- Evil Redhead: Anastasie, arguably
- Face Death with Dignity: Averted COMPLETELY with Lillias.
- The Fashionista: Anastasie and Cora
- Femme Fatale: Anastasie
- Fiery Redhead: Anastasie, so much
- Fighting Dirty: Art.
- "I looked at her outbox. She only uses 'L-O-L'."
- Fille Fatale: Lillias tries to be and fails
- Fire-Forged Friends: almost everyone
- Fish out of Water: the premise, of the Stranger in a Strange School variety
- Flanderization: EVERYONE AND IT ISN'T A BAD THING
- Foe Yay: Anastasie and Cora
- Friendly Enemies: Cora and Anastasie
- Friendly Neighborhood Vampires: Well... some of them...
- French Maid: ART
- Gratuitous French: Anastasie
- Gratuitous Spanish: Javier, in his emo corner
- Hair of Gold: Erik, subverted with Lillias and Art
- Head Pet: RICHARD.
- Hello Boys: The female Bellos actually SAY THIS to the boys after getting dolled up.
- Hilarious in Hindsight: "DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO WRITE A VAMPIRE ATTACK THAT WILL BE INTERRUPTED WITHOUT MAKING YOUR VAMPIRE APPEAR GAY BY ANOTHER VAMPIRE AAAAAH?"
- I'll try to make Roy have a gay moment.
- Don't worry, I'd love Art even if he was gay.
- Megan and Roy's conversations about Art...
- "Ugh, Art," Megan grumbled, taking the lid off her smoothie. "I don't really like Art that much, and I get the feeling that very few people disagree with me." She frowned at the visual image of the blonde vampire.
- Roy was silent. Megan was right, of course.
- Horror Hunger: It is about vampires
- Ho Yay: Art and Roy
- I Hate You, Vampire Dad: Lillias. Subverted in that she is very fond of Kianoush until she finds out that he is the vampire that sired her.
- I Have Your Wife: the kidnappings
- Incredibly Lame Pun: Lots of food related ones...
- It's Not You, It's My Enemies: Cora's reason for trying to dump Eric
- I Will Protect Him: Cora with Erik
- Jailbait: Lillias
- Kick Chick: Anastasie
- Kiss of Death: om nom nom...
- Les Yay: Anastasie and Cora
- Loads and Loads of Characters
- Lolicon: Averted SO HARD with Renato.
- Loser Gets The Girl: Erik ends up with Cora after Art attacks him. They weren't really fighting over her, though.
- Love Hurts: played straight in the original, parodied in the sequel
- Manipulative Bastard: Art and Lillias.
- Manly Men Can Hunt
- Meaningful Name: Bello Diavoli
- Memetic Molester: Cora, Kianoush, and Lillias
- Memetic Mutation: SO MANY
- HOLY JESUS IN A CHICKIE BISCUIT
- Cats and toilets
- PANTS
- Maid costume
- Art chuckled at Erik's leash but stopped when he realized Roy and he were the same way... and he was Erik.
- Eyebrow wiggling
- REARRANGE THE LETTERS IN SUBTEXT
- Knitting
- Butts
- Sitting around pointlessly
- Megan needs backup and a hug.
- FOR DUMMIES
- IKEA
- CORA HAS PMS
- YOU GOTTA LITTLE...UH...WHATHISNAME...JUST...THERE.
- BUT...GAY BAR!
- RANDOM TIMESKIP
- BECAUSE WE FORGOT ABOUT THEM, LOL.
- Lillias' pushup bra.
- Javier is off being emo in a corner and says "hell no."
- SEXYFINE
- Rib-poking
- Kianoush has BALLS OF STEEL
- Erik is a boring guy who gets molested a lot
- Couldn't find a bad enough expletive.
- HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
- LYDIA STEALS PANTS.
- Cora's old lady neighbor Mrs. Turner is a pervy person. -eyebrow wiggle-
- Narcissist: Lillias and
probably definitely some others. - Narm Charm: Quite a lot.
- New Age Retro Hippie: Megan
- Non-Action Guy: Erik
- Not Growing Up Sucks: Lillias
- Opposites Attract: Anastasie and Javier, Art and Roy, Cora and Erik
- Lillias and Renato, for her at least
- Cora and Art
- Pimped Out Dress: The clubbing outfits
- Psychopathic Manchild: Lillias
- Really 700 Years Old: the Bellos
- Revenge by Proxy: Kidnapping nonsense
- The Scrappy: LILLIAS
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Erik
- Sharp Dressed Man: Kianoush, Renato, and Art
- Take a Third Option: Erik's choices when kidnapped are comply with demands or bust out of there. He decides instead to talk for hours on end.
- The Three Faces of Eve: Lillias is the child, Anastasie is the seductress, and Elaneh is the wife/mother.
- Those Two Guys: Art and Roy, Kianoush and Renato
- Too Dumb to Live: Lampshaded with Art's victims.
- "The ones I pick off are the ones that deserve it. Didn't their mothers teach them to not walk alone in alleyways at night? I mean, really. It's just common sense."
- Lillias, though that may have been Too Careless To Live.
- Undead Child: Lillias
- Viral Transformation
- What Does She See in Him?: Erik so much
- What Happened to the Mouse?: The humans and werewolves
- Yandere: Cora
- Zettai Ryouiki: Lillias and Anastasie
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