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Counting to Potato
aka: Can Count To Potato
"He doesn't go by numbers, he gets hieroglyphics."

In situations involving single numbers—or letters when spelling out—any of these numbers or letters may be replaced by one out of sequence, a numerical for a letter or vice versa, or just a random word. This is most often done by The Ditz or by someone mocking their perceived lack of general knowledge, or by characters to try to appear stupid.

This trope comes in a few different flavors:

1: Sequences: You know how the numerical alphabet goes? You know how the phonetic alphabet goes? You know what alphabet spaghetti looks like? Stick the four in a blender. May (later) be justified because Six Is Nine.

C: Lists: Always Played for Laughs, but not always by someone stupid as in Real Life it is entirely possible to forget where you got up to when designating reasons in lists and/or if it was with numbers or letters. The best examples follow the structure of "number-letter-thing."

Tues-day: Isolated Replacement: A number or letter is replaced by something else—anything else, maybe even a picture—in an isolated situation. Let's say you're in math class and you get asked to write on mini wipe boards the answers to some incomplete equations. What's 3x5? You draw a duck. What's 10% of 160? You write "Ze."

9: Alternative Number System: These people don't work in metric (decimal). They don't even work in imperial. Their counting can be non-standard with a perfectly legitimate reason In-Universe. Only if other characters think it's stupid will it count.

Eleventy-Seven: Unusual Chapter Numbers: Basically just listing out of order, but with chapter numbers! Usually of books or films, or The Film of the Book, and will undoubtedly confuse some of the audience.

Sex: Homophones (and homosymbols): Six becomes sex, three becomes a tree, M and N are interchangeable and anything else is entirely possible because people can have funny accents.

: Lucky Charms Title: Letters or numbers replaced by a similar-looking picture, letter, or number. So, 2 replacing Z but not M replacing W.

Surprisingly unrelated to Letters 2 Numbers, Two Plus Two Makes Five and Three Plus Five Make Four. Occasionally overlaps with Counting to Three and may result in a case of E = MC Hammer.

Super Trope of Unusual Chapter Numbers and Lucky Charms Title. Compare One Two Skip A Few.

Examples

Film
  • Home Alone. As the McAllister family wonder about Kevin from Paris, Megan asks Buzz if he's not the least bit concerned about his well being, or something bad happening to him.
    Buzz: No, for three reasons: A) I'm not that lucky. 2) We have smoke detectors. And D) We live on the most boring street in the United States of America, where nothing remotely dangerous will ever happen, period.
  • In Trope Namer The Ringer, Steve Baker (Johnny Knoxville) is pretending to be mentally retarded, and one of the things he says while practicing in the mirror is, "I can count to potato!"

Literature
  • In Discworld, trolls have a counting system based on fours, rather than tens (apart from Detritus, who ends up counting in binary). As a result a troll counting "one, two, three, many"note  comes across this way (leading to an In-Universe stereotype that trolls can't count past three).
  • In Tacky the Penguin, "odd bird" Tacky always counts, "One, two three, four, two, three, six, zero, two and a half, zero."

Live-Action TV
  • In Ant Farm Paisley counts only in vegetables in one episode.
  • Hey Vern, It's Ernest!. While preparing for a baking contest, Ernest reminds Vern of three basic principles (while holding up four fingers): "Number one—always use plenty of sauce. B—always squeeze yer tomaters. And three—don't forget to thump your melons, knowwhutImean?"
  • On Glee, Kurt says that Brittany believes that the square root of four is rainbows.
  • In this Sesame Street skit, a little girl trolls Kermit the Frog as he attempts to recite the alphabet with her:
    Girl: A, B, C, D, E, F, Cookie Monster!
    • What makes it more adorable is that according to this Jim Henson biography, the girl thought up the joke without prompting, and Henson improvised Kermit's responses on the spot.
  • Doctor Who, from "Voyage of the Damned":
    The Doctor: First things first. One. We are going to climb through this ship. B. (No.) Two. We are going to reach the bridge. Three. Or C. We are going to save the Titanic. And, coming in a very low four. Or D. Or that little iv in brackets they use in footnotes. Why? Right then, follow me.

Newspaper Comics
  • In an early Peanuts strip, Lucy counts her cookies thusly: "One, six, eleventy-four, thirteen-eight, nine million, twelvty-three". But despite this, she can still tell that Snoopy took two of them when she wasn't looking.

Real Life

Theater
  • Much Ado About Nothing: The incompetent constable Dogberry has just caught a pair of criminals, and is trying to tell Don Pedro what they did in a speech that combines this trope with getting stuck in a revolving door at the Department of Redundancy Department:
    Constable Dogberry: Marry, sir, they have committed false report; moreover, they have spoken untruths; secondarily, they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they have belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust things; and, to conclude, they are lying knaves.

Theme Parks
  • Disney Theme Parks. At the entrance to Toontown in Disneyland, there's a population counter which is constantly cycling through numbers...and screws, stars, dumbbells, TNT, and various other random things.

Video Games
  • Super Paper Mario: Slim.
    Slim: "OOOOONNNE! TWOOOOO! THREEEEE! FIIIIIIIVE! FOUUUR! EEEEIGHT! SEVENTEEN!!!! THREE-POINT-ONE-FOUR!!!! ONE MARZILLION!! TENNNNN!!!"

Web Original
  • In the "Top 11 Nostalgic Mindf*cks" episode, The Nostalgia Critic counts down from "number banana" to "number relativity'.
  • JonTron gives bizarre fractions, such as, for example, "Six Golden Bananas+/Shigeru Miyamoto" in the rare instance he gives a score for a game.

Western Animation
  • Cow and Chicken uses this quite often, considering almost all of the characters have some Cloud Cuckoolander in them. Some more specific examples:
    Red Guy is trying to expose Super Cow
    Red Guy: WHAT ELSE DO I KNOW ABOUT SUPER COW? WHAT ELLLLSE?! OKAY, THINK! A) She speaks Spanish. 2) She's a superhero...
    Chicken kicking Cow out of his new treefort
    Chicken: 1) It's for men only. And B) You're a six-hundred-pound girl!
  • The Simpsons is notorious for its portrayal of the "typical hillbilly". In "Rednecks and Broomsticks", Lisa is playing with the Spuckler children, they counted while she hid as saying, "One, two, backwards-z, one-legged triangle, banana hotdog, double-banana hotdog, sixty-corncob-two..."
    • In "Marge's Son Poisoning". Homer is doing curls with a dumbbell. He starts counting normally, before randomly skipping through numbers, and then including 'banana'.
  • Strange Hill High: After Mitchell breaks maths in "The 101% Solution", the answer to one square root problem become 'banana football'. Later, while attempting to score -1% on a maths exam, Mitchell gives the answer to one question as 'hamburger'.
  • In one episode of The Fairly OddParents, Mr. Crocker states that learning math is a waste of time, as in a world where fairies exist, fairies can just warp reality so two plus two equals fish.
  • The segments in the fourth installment of Spike and Mike's series Lloyd's Lunchbox are numbered Lesson One, Lesson B, Third, and Lesson 4.

Carry the OneMath TropesE = MC Hammer
Cornered RattlesnakeStupidity TropesCredit Card Plot
Leet LingoText TropesNote From Ed
Player Character CalculusNumber TropesDisturbing Statistic
Counter ZanyComedy TropesCovered in Gunge
Could Say It ButSelf-Demonstrating ArticleCounting to Three

alternative title(s): Can Count To Potato
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