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Canon Wank

Don't like the Canon Discontinuity the writers introduced in your favorite storyline? Something stupid never actually happened? Got a favorite element from the Expanded Universe that you just know in your heart is Canon? Forget the MST3K Mantra. Don't relax.

Go on the Internet and fight for your right to participate in determining show canon! Perpetrate interminably long tracts and holy wars on the Internet. This is Canon Wank-ing at its finest.

Compare Continuity Snarl, which this tries to fix, and Continuity Porn, which is the writers trying to address this.

Ascended Fanon is the Holy Grail of this activity.

Examples:

Comic Books

Live-Action Television
  • The Whoniverse is such a complete Continuity Snarl that it's only through severe Canon Wank (often in essay form) that people can begin to put things in order.
  • Star Trek. Sort of. Most of ST's canon is straightforward enough other than that Abrams thing, time paradoxes excepted, which always work out in-arc. The Enterprise relaunch novels may attract this though due to avoiding Trip's death in the last TV episode.
    • A notable exception is the Trek comic books of the early 80s. i.e. the ones written after Khan without any knowledge of the plot of Search For Spock, where Kirk spends an extended time with Saavik as his science officer because Spock is dead. Even worse are those written after Search with no knowledge of the plot of Voyage Home, where Kirk is captain of the Excelsior, and Spock is captain of another ship, the Surak. Severe wanking ensues.

Video Games
  • The Legend of Zelda is a variation, in that it's not what's canon that's the problem, it's what order it's in.
    • And now that we do know the order, the contention is all over filling in the gaps between titles.
  • Mega Man X: Axl.
  • Any attempt to work out how Sonic the Hedgehog's powers work in relation to physics — albeit a distorted set of physics, due to the conceit of a universe with seven Green Rocks which become an Infinity+1 Sword when their powers are combined. This is not helped by the actual different origin that Sega of America was allowed to come up with (whereas Sonic's speed was an in-born trait according to Sega of Japan, Sonic was the result of a lab experiment by Robotnik's Good Twin via Sega Of America).

    It's Not Porn, It's an IndexCar Porn
Canon SueAudience ReactionsCan't Un Hear It
Canadian WesternPages Needing WicksCassette Futurism
Butter FaceImageSource/OtherChocolate Baby

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