When the hero has just killed someone, often in a gruesome manner, they do a Bond One-Liner.
The classic Bond One-Liner is typically a bad Pun or Obligatory Joke on the manner in which the victim was dispatched. It may be a sign that the character has sociopathic tendencies. Often works on the basis of Crosses the Line Twice.
Alternately this may happen when the hero is discussing the victim with a third character often with the third character wondering why the victim is not present.
The Trope Namer is James Bond, who does this in every single one of his films.note The early films were done under the onus of The Hays Code, and used these quips to downplay the violence; later films simply carried on the tradition. Ditto Arnold Schwarzenegger, but Bond's have more pun.
In the first English dub of Dragon Ball Z, Frieza, on surviving the Spirit Bomb, killed Krillin by making him explode before snidely commenting "Pop goes the weasel".
In Dragon Ball, Krillin himself gets a hilarious one when he defeats Chiaotzu in the World Martial Arts Tournament. He broke the latter's concentration by asking him math questions, including "What's 9 - 1?". After Chiaotzu lost, Krillin coolly said "the answer... is eight".
One notable one after Sanji savagely defeats Jabra with his new Diable Jambe technique goes something like this, depending on the translation:
Sanji: Food is a gift from God. Spices are a gift from the devil. I guess it was a little too spicy for you.
In YuYu Hakusho, Kurama defeats Roto by secretly planting a Death Plant seed in his chest. The plant sucks up Roto's body fluids and then sprouts from his corpse. Kuruma remarks, "What irony. Such beauty, sprung from such an ugly soil."
In Speed Grapher, Tatsumi tapes up and gags Kagura's teacher, Ms. Wakaba, in order to take her place. When asked what happened to Ms. Wakaba, he replies "She got a bit tied up".
The final issue of The Ultimates vol 3 gives us the worst Bond One Liner imaginable. After a robot calls the Wasp "the mother" (It Makes Sense in Context), Ant-Man, her ex-husband, destroys it and shouts "If she's the mother...I'm the mother-fucker!" Do Not Want!
Captain America: Surrender? Do you think this A on my head stands for FRANCE?
In Watchmen Rorschach kills a mook trying to arc weld his way into Rorschach's cell by standing on the bed and smashing his toilet with his foot so that the water would reach the poorly insulated arc welder and shock the guy. In The Film of the Book this was changed to him smashing the mooks head into the toilet and then shocking him, but the follow up line was the same.
Rorschach: Hrm. Never used toilet to dispose of sewage before. Obvious really.
Also from this same issue, after Rorschach has just finished using a restroom to drown Big Figure:
"There. Did what had to be done. Can leave now."
Silk Spectre: You're sure? After all, we don't want to go diving headfirst into things!
Rorschach: Hrm. Good advice. Sure there are many who'd agree with you.
The formula for a Midnighter line seems to be taking a well known saying and substituting the word "me."
Midnighter: It's not the fall that kills you. It's me.
Greyshirt once fought a man suspected of beating his wife at the newspaper presses where he worked. Long story short, the guy falls into the machine, with hundreds of papers being covered in his blood. When asked for comment, Greyshirt said "I guess now we know what's black and white and red all over."
In the final issue of Flashpoint, Batman who, in this universe, is actually Thomas Wayne ends up putting a sword through Zoom as he's boasting how the Flash could never kill him lest he breaks time again.
Batman: Doctor's advice: never stand still in the middle of a war.
Planetary: John Stone, the books Bond Expy uses one of these in a Steranko-style '60s flashback story after shooting a hole in an enemy plane's refueling hose and blowing it up with a flame thrower.
John Stone: Got a light?
In Blackest Night, Heatwave pumps out enough fire to melt Black Lantern Rainbow Raider's ring and destroy him. He quips, "Everything has a melting point."
Batman: Mask of the Phantasm has Joker delivering a death threat to a foe's apartment via phone... At the same time as a remote-controlled plane bombed said apartment to smithereens. Unfortunately Batman was in said apartment to snoop around and managed to divert the plane with a Batarang, but it would have been a straight example for the intended recipient. The telephone used for the threat is intact enough for the Joker to deliver the following gem:
Joker:*Over the phone* Hello? Hello, operator? I believe my party's been... Disconnected! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
In the 3D Horton Hears a Who!, Horton is being pursued by Vlad the Vulture, and in one scene escapes by sending Vlad off on a Tree Buchet, quipping, "This is where I get off," as he does. This is then hung with a lampshade when he remarks that he usually doesn't think of those until sometime later.
Used in Igor by Dr. Schadenfreude when investigating the recently-deceased Glickenstein's castle.
Schadenfreude: I don't think he had a hand in it. * Camera pans to Glickenstein's dismembered arm on the floor*
Film - Live-Action
Of course, the James Bond movies have used every variation of these, but one of the most memorable is in The World Is Not Enough. The villain Bond is dispatching is a former lover, and she tries to convince him not to do it with "You Wouldn't Shoot Me. You'd miss me". Bond's ice-cold reply after shooting her? "I never miss".
Also in The World Is Not Enough, Bond kills a henchman to steal his identity, then tosses the body in a dumpster. Another unsuspecting goon asks him where the henchman is, Bond replies "He was buried with work".
In the same movie, Bond delivers one prematurely, after sending a fan-powered snowmobile off a cliff in Azerbaijan: "See you back at the lodge". The snowmobile then deploys a parachute, allowing it to recover and circle around to attack him again.
The other candidate for very first in Dr. No happens as Bond drives a man who just used a Cyanide Pill, and stops at the governor's palace: "Sergeant, make sure he doesn't get away".
In From Russia with Love, Kerim Bey snipes a man who is trying to escape a building, with a picture of Marliyn Monroe, through a secret passage where the mouth is. When Kerim shoots him Bond (holding the rifle in place) says 'She should've kept her mouth shut'
Thunderball, as bad girl Fiona is shot by friendly fire in a dance club, Bond sits her down at a table, cheerfully saying "Do you mind if she sits this one out? She's just dead."
In Licence to Kill, Bond has a henchman who betrayed Bond's best friend to the villain hanging over a shark tank, holding onto a chain. He offers to split his payment for helping said villain escape if Bond rescues him. Bond instead takes the suitcase containing the money and throws it at him, sending both him and the money into the shark tank. Watching the henchman die, another of Bond's friends says "What a terrible waste". Bond glares at him, and he clarifies, "Of money".
In Tomorrow Never Dies, after dispatching a Mook by tossing him into a printing press, Bond says "They'll print anything these days."
He ejects a pilot from the rear seat of a fighter plane directly into a another fighter jet. "Back-seat driver!"
In The Living Daylights Bond slashes his shoelaces when the villain is hanging onto his foot out of the back of a plane, sending him plummeting to his death. "He got the boot." Later, Bond detonates an explosive charge, collapsing a statue of Wellington onto the guy and crushing him against a diorama of the Battle of Waterloo, just so he could say "he met his Waterloo".
Bond villains are not above giving their own lines, most notably hitmen Mister Wint and Mister Kidd in Diamonds Are Forever. After dropping a scorpion down someone's neck they explain his absence by saying he's been "bitten by the bug!" and after blowing up a helicopter utter the proverb "If God had wanted man to fly..."; "He would have given him wings, Mr Kidd." They also give the occasional Pre-Mortem One-Liner during their repeated attempts to kill Bond.
OR, when they've just killed Shady Tree, another henchman says "we didn't get the real diamonds, so we need Tree... alive!". They reply, completely deadpan, "that's most annoying..."
Also in Diamonds, when the same henchman is killed by Whyte's bodyguards during an assassination attempt later on in the film, when Whyte finds out who the stiff was that nearly offed him he gets what may be the funniest line in the whole movie: "Bert Saxby!? Tell him he's fired!"
Alec Trevalyan: What's the matter, James? No glib remark? No pithy comeback?
A rather interesting example, in Licence to Kill, James has just sent a bad-guy to his gruesome, messy death in a crushing machine, one he is currently hanging over. When the movie's Bond Girl Pam Bouvier shows up to save him, she asks if he is alright. His response? "Switch the bloody machine off!" It's unique since—given context of the scene—it's almost surely unintended on Bond's part.
Goldfinger has a henchman dispatch a reluctant investor by first shooting him in the backseat of a car, then driving said car into a junkyard where it is crushed into a steel cube. "He had a pressing engagement."
Every movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger in it, except possibly Junior. For example, "Consider that a divorce" after putting a bullet through the head of Sharon Stone (when she says, "You wouldn't kill me, I'm your wife," while grabbing a gun and preparing to shoot him) in Total Recall (1990).
One of the expansion packs for Red Alert included Tesla Troopers who made oneliners in a Arnie-style Austrian accent. "Shocking."
Commando: "Let off some steam, Bennett", "I let him go", "Don't disturb my friend, he's dead tired", (when Arnold's old commander shows up too late with the cavalry) "Leave anything for us?"..."Just Bodies."
Eraser has him shoot a rampaging alligator (don't ask) and utter the immortal line "You're luggage!" as he shoots it. At the end of the same movie, he parks the limo containing the celebrating Corrupt Corporate Executives on a set of train tracks just as the train is coming. When he gets back to his allies, he tells them "They caught a train."
In Predator he puts a big ol' knife into a terrorist and tells him to "Stick around!"
In True Lies, after getting into a fist fight with a Giant Mook in a restroom, he places his head in a urinal and flushes, telling him to "Cool off."
The Running Man alone could provide a career's worth of these. "First he was Sub Zero, now he's just plain Zero!" * cuts a man in half* "He had to split!" * after defeating Fireball with his own methods* "Need a light?" * After sending the Big Bad through a soda sign* "Well that hit the spot!"
Frequently spoofed on Late Night With Conan O'Brien: the fake Arnold will describe ludicrous scenarios and his "witty" one-liners, such as claiming he beat up an earthquake and then said "Let's get ready to not rumble."
In another such encounter, Arnie describes a plot where he conquers the world with an army of clones, before stating, "Then I will take the cigar from my mouth, turn to the camera and say... IT'S CLONELY AT THE TOP."
Or another time when Arnold wants to travel to the future to defeat Chinabots and Mexiborgs (long story), he turns to the camera and says, "Now THAT'S a blast from the past!"
A Real Life incident when Arnold was hit with an egg gave us, "Well this guy owes me bacon now." The parody has the Bond One Liner where he describes "defeating" the egg with his rock-hard muscles and saying, "The yolk's on you!"
Last Action Hero: After shooting a bad guy that was chasing him with an Ice Cream Truck, Arnold said, "Iced that guy. To cone a phrase".
Last Action Hero parodied Bond One Liners into an art form. "Silent but deadly!"
"Hello? I've just shot somebody! I did it on purpose!"
Kindergarten Cop: It's actually Arnold's partner who utters this line: "You're not so tough without your car, are ya?"
Particularly in Arnold's comedies, if it isn't Arnold delivering a one-liner, it's a co-star. Consider Twins, where Arnold and Danny DeVito deal with a cold-blooded murderer/thief by dumping about a ton of chains on him. Once the chains finally finish piling up, DeVito looks in mild shock before delivering, "Now there's a guy with a lot on his mind."
Danny Butterman: How's Lurch? Nicholas Angel: He's in the freezer. Danny Butterman: Did you say "Cool off"? Nicholas Angel: Er, no, I didn't say anything actually. Danny Butterman: Shame. Nicholas Angel: There was a bit you missed earlier, when I distracted him with a cuddly monkey, and I said, "Playtime's over" and I hit him with the Peace Lily. Danny Butterman: You're off the fucking chain!
In the commentary, Simon Pegg admits that Jessica Stevenson (who co-wrote and co-starred in their sitcom Spaced) later came to him after seeing the movie herself and told him he should have used the pun, after Lurch falls into the frozen-pea-filled freezer, "Rest in peas."
Lampshade hung again after the heroes have watched the villain manage to escape after all their efforts...only to crash his car into a tree less than 100 yards away, thanks to judicious use of swan.note The one-liner might've been "That's stopped him swanning about." or "His goose is cooked." or suchlike.
Nicholas Angel: I feel like I should say something smart.
Danny Butterman: You don't have to say anything at all.
The movie Speed has Keanu Reeves' character battling Dennis Hopper's Big Bad on top of a speeding subway train. Hopper has the advantage, battering Reeves around and strangling him while talking about winning because he's "smarter". Reeves then pushes his head upwards as a low-hanging light comes up, cleaving the villain's head right off. He then utters the line "Yeah? Well I'm taller!". Later, after rejoining his companion who asks where the villain is, he simply replies "He lost his head."
In Universal Soldier, Dolph Lundgren's character gets shoved into a wood-chipper at the end of the climactic battle. When Van Damme's character is asked where he is, he simply shrugs and says: "Around."
Shoot 'em Up is filled with Smith, the main character, muttering about things he hates—guys over 40 with ponytails ("It doesn't make you look younger"), drivers who don't obey road rules ("Is it really so important that you get where you're going that much faster?"), and so on. The main bad guy, meanwhile, is clearly someone who feels empowered by his weapon, but is notably timid without it or when it's useless (such as when speaking with his wife)—even as he denies, as a supporting villain obliquely alleges, that he's a "pussy with a gun". At the end of the film, after Smith kills the man who's dogged him all the way through the movie, he reveals the thing he hates most: A pussy with a gun.
Smith offers the following advice to a mook after impaling him through the mouth with a carrot: "Eat your vegetables."
After shooting a gun with a thumbprint scanner with a hand that he cut off from a dead mook: "That's what I call a hand job."
Surprisingly enough, the 2008 Speed Racer film contains THE GREATEST ONE LINER IN ALL OF FICTION.
Pops has just downed a ninja, in runs mom and Trixie
Trixie: Oh my god, was that a ninja?
Pops More like a non-ja. Terrible what passes for a ninja these days.
George Stone: Where is Nitti? Ness: He's in the car.
American Gangster: after basically executing a rival who had demanded 20% of Frank's business, he takes his money and puts a few bills in a jar next to the dead body.
"There you go. Twenty percent."
Steven Seagal in Above The Law while covering a half dozen or so Mooks.
Mook: I don't think you can drop us all, bad ass. —>BLAM! Mook falls from a bullet to the chest.
Seagal: You're right. But I'll get an 'A' for effort.
Brother Gilbert gets off a few Bible-based examples in Dragonheart.
(Brother Gilbert shoots a bad guy with an arrow.)
Brother Gilbert: Pride goes before a fall.
(Brother Gilbert shoots another bad guy...in the ass.)
Brother Gilbert: Turn the other cheek, brother. (smiles)
Played with in Lethal Weapon 2 when Murtaugh is attacked by an assassin in his home. The fight rolls into the garage where Roger picks up (you guessed it) a nail gun. However, after slaying the assassin, he averts the trope by remaining silent. Then another assassin shows up who is similarly dispatched. He then subverts the aversion with "Nailed'em both."
This exchange at the end of the same film:
[Murtaugh gets shot at by the South African Big Bad]
Big Bad, wielding credentials and gun: Diplomatic Immunity!
There are a few of them appearing in TMNT, eventually leading to this conversation after a character has taken a fall:
Michaelangelo: Looks more like fall. Get it?
Leonardo: Mikey, remember our talk?
Also, in the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, Michaelangelo and Donatello have just crushed a Foot Ninja between their shells, and Michaelangelo tries to come up with a good one-liner afterwards:
Michaelangelo: Donnie, looks like this one's suffering from shell shock.
Donatello: Too derivative.
Michaelangelo: Boy, I guess we can really shell it out.
Donatello: Too cliché.
Michaelangelo: Well, it was a shell of a good hit!
Donatello: I like it!
Hudson Hawk has a few of these as well. The butler gives the Corrupt Cop his "cut" via blades in his sleeves. Later, Hawk decapitates said butler and remarks "Guess you won't be going to that hat convention, Alfred!"
Hellboy, after killing the first Sammael with the third rail of the New York Subway System: "I'm fireproof. [lights a cigar with his still-burning hand] You're not."
Completely averted in Cobra, at the end of the film. Stallone's character, Cobretti has just impaled the Night Slasher on a hook that eventually carries him into a furnace where the villain burns to death. Considering all the crap this guy has put Cobretti through by this point, it's quite surprising to find that he says absolutely nothing, just watches in silence.
Parodied in (what else?) Dogma. Bartleby and Loki are intimidating a board of directors, and one of them reaches for the phone to contact security. Loki hurls a switchblade that impales the phone:
Loki:(heavily) All lines ... are currently down.
Bartleby: Will you please cut that out—
Loki: Oh, come on! That was great!
There is also a parody of the Indiana Jones one-liner mentioned elsewhere on this page. Spoken by Silent Bob of all people.
Optimus Prime gets one in during Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. In the grand finale, after thoroughly wrecking The Fallen and dropping his corpse to the ground, he quips "I rise...you fall." Not really much of a pun on the way he dispatched The Fallen, but rather a pun on the name "The Fallen".
Sideswipe brags awesomely with "Damn, I'm good." after dispatching Sideways in the first scene of Revenge of the Fallen.
Star WarsEpisode V gives us this one from Darth Vader after choking the subordinate who loses the Millennium Falcon.
Alex noted the Big Bad former Angel Madison Lee "is so fired" after dying amid flames in the second Charlie's Angels movie.
We can't forget about Undefeatable, can we? "We'll keep an eye out for you, Stingray." "Yeah, see ya!"
Indiana Jones gets one in The Last Crusade. While his father is being accosted by a Nazi officer, Indy tosses the officer through a window while disguised as a porter, then explains himself to the shocked passengers with:
This is followed by a Funny Moment when all the passengers suddenly start rushing to show their tickets...
This is parodied in the film Dogma, after Silent Bob throws the bad guys out of the moving train.
In the sequel (on Home Alone 2), it's "Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal! *more shots* And a Happy New Year!"
In Under Siege, after killing Strannix, Ryback tells him to "keep the faith".
In another Steven Seagal film, Hard to Kill, Seagal's character stabs the villain in the chest with a broken pool cue, after which he says "that was for my wife. Fuck you and die."
From the 1992 movie Kuffs after one of the two heroes shoots a mook in front of his companions. With a shotgun.
Mook: Twelve gauge pump, boys. They only got three shots. They can't get us all! *pulls out his gun* Ted shoots him with a shotgun George: Well, now we know he can add and he can subtract, so...who wants to be next, here?
Right before he blows up a corrupt cop: "I wish you had more time."
In Bowfinger Eddie Murphy's character is an action star going through a script that would have him say, "I enjoyed meeting you, Cliff," after throwing a guy off of a cliff. Of course he doesn't like the line because he feels its too cerebral and the audience won't get it.
Played for Drama in Saving Private Ryan. American GIs gun down German conscripts on Omaha beach. One of the Americans jokingly asks the other what they had been saying as they held their hands up to surrender. The other replies, " 'Look! I washed for supper!'"
Inverted in The Princess Bride. Westley goes through three men and the only one he doesn't have a one liner for is the one he kills.
Seen in Gamers: Dorkness Rising. Theron, goddess of light, is trapped in the high priest's staff. When they finally realize this, it's up to Daphne to break the staff, she hurls her weapon, and shouts at the priest, The light of Theron be upon you! This is the traditional greeting among her followers, but as the staff breaks and the light bursts forth, it overcomes the high priest.
Hans says in the first: "I wanted this to be professional, efficient, adult, cooperative. Not a lot to ask. Alas, your Mr. Takagi did not see it that way... so he won't be joining us for the rest of his life." (which was actually a Throw It In)
Selina Kyle gets one in The Dark Knight Rises after dispatching Bane as he tries to kill Batman, who still refuses to grab a gun even after threatening to kill him for endangering Gotham: "About that whole "no guns" thing... I'm not sure I feel as strongly about it as you do."
In Mortal Kombat, Liu Kang delivers a devastating combo attack on Shang Tsung, knocking him into a spiked pit intended for Liu himself. As Shang dies, Liu utters out one thing:
Tony says a couple of these in Iron Man 3. By far his best is after a fight with a man who walked away from a portable hand-repulsor shot to the face. Not making the same mistake, Tony blasts him with the one on the chest of his Mk 42 suit, breaking a hole in the wall behind his heart.
(Riddick is about to abandon a Bounty Hunter in frigid wilderness): "Biggest mistake: Empty Gun Rack."
Rush2013: A reporter had rudely asked Niki Lauda if his wife "could possibly still love you with how you look now." Lauda's rivalJames Hunt tracked the reporter down later, delivered a No Holds Barred Beat Down, and then spat, "Now go home to your wife and ask her how you look."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer both used and subverted this trope, as Buffy would nearly always have a Bond One Liner after (or just before) killing a baddie, but occasionally she would be mocked for using a stupid-sounding one, or the vampire would interrupt her while she was saying one.
Brought to the attention of the audience, when Willow tries to do a One-Liner in the first episode of season three ("Anne"), and when it doesn't work out, she explains that Buffy always says something clever, and she thinks it throws the bad guys off their guard.
Also parodied in "The Zeppo", when Xander tries to pull off a Buffy-style one-liner.
Xander: You know, you gotta learn that if you're gonna play with fire then you'll have to be... ''(bad guy runs away) ... HEY! I wasn't finished!
Tara gets one, but she doesn't go for humor.
Tara: Nobody messes with my girl.
Near the end of the two-part series premiere, in a dark nightclub, about to be killed by a vampire, Buffy shouts out "But there's one thing you forgot about... SUNRISE!" and throws a microphone stand through a nearby closed window. As the vampire cringes in anticipation of his death, she explains "...It's in a couple hours, moron" and beheads the vampire. How fun.
In the Season 1 finale, Buffy knocks Giles out to keep him from facing death in her place - she then tells Ms. Calendar: "When he comes to, tell him...I don't know, think of something cool and tell him I said it."
The show even goes so far as to imply that this is one of her Chosen One powers: when she (temporarily) loses her abilities in "Helpless," she remarks to a recently-defeated foe "If I were at full Slayer strength, I'd probably be punning about now."
It's more likely that she was just too exhausted to pun after having to fight as a baseline human.
Although this just might be considered a pun in itself...
On the show, one liners are apparently the trickiest part of programming a life-like Robot Girl. Willow's attempt to (re)program the Buffy-bot to mimic the real slayer's style fails miserably, resulting in lines of gibberish after a successful slay.
Subverted slightly in the series finale, after Buffy kills Caleb by splitting him in two with her new scythe. When Angel asks her where he is, she replies "He had to split", immediately after which she almost bursts out into laughter.
Also subverted for The Worf Effect when Buffy first fights Glory, who delivers her own Bond One Liners while Buffy is punching her in the face.
Played with in an episode of Angel, where Wesley, after impaling a demon which constantly laughs says, "Who's laughing now? ... Well, you. But I still win."
In LOST: Fake Locke (who just murdered two people as the smoke monster): "Sorry you had to see me like that"
In the Grand Finale, he receives one himself after Kate shoots him in the back (though he doesn't die right away): "I saved you a bullet!"
Used and mocked simultaneously by the Fourth Doctor on Doctor Who: "I suppose you could say the yolk's on him, if you were the sort of person who said that sort of thing, which fortunately I'm not."
Unfortunately, the Sixth Doctor became that kind of person when, after witnessing two orderlies fall into a horrible certain death in an acid bath (owing to circumstances that the Doctor, if not directly, was at least partially responsible for), he murmurs "Forgive me if I don't join you." with a bit of a smirk on his face.
In "The Two Doctors", he killed a cannibal followed it by quipping "Your just desserts" over his food-obsessed opponent's corpse. He later told his companions that the villain had been "moth-balled".
In "Day of the Moon", After slaughtering a roomful of SilentsRiver gets asked what kind of doctor is she.
River: Archaeology. Love a tomb.
From the same episode, FBI agent Canton Delaware shoots a Silent and then quips:
Canton: Welcome to America.
In "The Greatest Show in the Galaxy", the Seventh gets a couple in: "Join the club" after knocking out a robot clown with a juggling club, and "Just the ticket" after immobilising a homicidal robotic bus conductor.
In "The Happiness Patrol" from earlier in the same season, a minor villain's punning mockery of the gruesome murder of a political prisoner is used as an explicitly invoked Moral Event Horizon moment. Which may just possibly be a Take That at the Sixth Doctor and the previous era's writers.
Parodied in an episode of She Spies, where D.D. and Shayne spend several minutes trying to guess what one-liner Cassie will use after dealing with the villain of the week.
Dollhouse's Ms. De Witt, with British accent and deadpan delivery, was begging for one of these. She finally gets one in "Getting Closer", after Boyd shoots several of Rossum's men in De Witt's office. Her only comment? "I think we can both agree that that carpet is finally done for."
Subverted in the MST3K episode Danger! Death Ray, which has the bots continuously chiding the Bond-esque hero of the movie for an inability to come up with any but the lamest of Bond One Liners (when he remembers to say anything at all).
Crow: Oh, COME ON! What about "He really fell for me"?! "His hopes are crushed"?!
In Secret Agent Super Dragon, another lame spy film on MST, Joel explains how all spies have to go through a training regiment that includes a class on "Post-kill puns".
And again in Agent for H.A.R.M., which features probably the wussiest Bond clone ever who fails to make a single quip throughout the entire movie, a fact which Mike and the Bots are quick to admonish him for (along with his generally being boring and smarmy).
Occasionally used in the 60s spy series The Man from U.N.C.L.E., usually delivered by Napoleon Solo after he has dispatched a THRUSH mook. Given when the series aired and its premise, very possibly a deliberate Homage to James Bond.
Ian Fleming , who created Bond, did concept work for the show.
A rather dark example from the second season finale of V-2009 "Now that's how you kill your mother."
A variant from Flashpoint's first-season episode "Planets Aligned". The bad guy has a six-shot revolver, and has spent five, each shot causing the two SRU members chasing him to count it off: "That's three..." Two SRU members are trying to get him to stand down. In desperation, the gunman turns the revolver on himself.
Played with in The Middleman, after Wendy sneaks up behind a villain and injects him with tranquilizer:
Middleman: Like a Bengal elephant.
Wendy: The one who does the takedown gets to say the catchphrase.
Middleman: Oh. I'm sorry. Be my guest.
Wendy: Swift justice. (blows on tranquilizer gun)
Middleman: Swift justice? Really?
Wendy(defensively): It was in my delivery!
In Farscape, Aeryn probably has the best one. Minutes after she gave birth to a baby whom was basically a MacGuffin for the villains, she shoots the commander of said villains (a commander who subjected her to no small amount of pain in efforts to discover the identity of the baby's father) squarely in the head and deadpans "It's a boy. In case you were wondering." Do. Not. Fuck. With MamaBearyn.
One of this sketches from Monty Python's Flying Circus is The Bishop, whose protagonist is a bishop (yes, with the crook and big hat and everything) whose attempts to thwart Mafia-type murders of the clergy always end in Bond One Liners.
Another sketch features Atilla the Hun (John Cleese) as a dad in a typical cheesy sitcom, giving his delighted kids a present - a severed head. "I want you to get a-head!"
Garak in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine loved these. After snidely berating then gunning down an old rival Cardassian, he quips "A pity. I rather liked him."
Garak, after being introduced to Dr Bashir's very James Bond-like Holosuite adventure games, found himself wishing he'd been in that kind of intelligence service. Perhaps that's what gave him the idea to add the Bond One Liner to his repertoire.
In one episode of Hogan's Heroes, the Heroes have blown up a fuel truck. Hogan makes a comment, addressed to Klink, to the effect that the driver should have put up a "No Smoking" sign.
Mitchell: Everyone's in shock, except for James, who strolls over to the window, glances down, and says, "What a piercing bore."
Webb: "A piercing bore"? There's no such expression!
Mitchell: Well, right next to the railing was a rock crusher. It's pretty clear he'd wanted to say "what a crushing bore" but missed and was making the best of a bad job...
A later episode reveals that Agent Suave's one-liners are provided courtesy of a couple of third-rate comedy writers in a van outside the mission location, who in turn get them from a big book called 1001 Super-Spy Quips. Unfortunately, this backfires on them when it's discovered they're also providing this service for the villain.
In Community episode "Epidemiology" Troy gets out a few based on the costume of the person he just hit, before running out of ideas.
Troy (directed at Annie dressed as Little Red Riding Hood): "Hey Annie what nice fists you have....IN YOUR FACE!"
Babylon 5: Marcus Cole, upon beating the snot out of every single patron in a bar because he wants answers:
Bugger. Now I have to wait for one of them to wake up.
Conan O'Brien has a lot of fun with Arnold Schwarzenegger's tendency to do this. Once, when asked what The Schwarzenator would say if he killed someone with a knife at a wedding (part of the US citizenship exam), he stated "Ay Nhau Prounhaunz You Man... Ahnd Naif!"
Sorta played straight in Guards! Guards! After the Watch corner the villain, Captain Vimes orders Carrot to "throw the book at him". Carrot, who has trouble with metaphors, literally throws his copy of The Laws and Ordinances of the Cities of Ankh and Morpork at the villain, causing him to stumble backwards over a ledge and fall to his death. Sergeant Colon remarks "What a way to go. Killed by a wossname, a metaphor," which Nobby Nobbs follows up with "Looks more like it was the ground."
Subverted/parodied in The Fifth Elephant when Samuel Vimes think of a few possible lines, then mutters "The hell with it" after killing the villain in self-defense, because if he had been able to joke about killing someone, then it would have been too much like murder.
In a later novel, Going Postal, the narration indicates that if protagonist Moist von Lipwig had been "a hero," he would have thrown off a one-liner after tricking a monster into a gruesome death, but "since he wasn't a hero, he threw up."
If this Star Wars example doesn't count, it comes seriously close. In Luke Skywalker's fight with Lumiya, when she slips and falls, he grabs her arm. After saying "I'd never let you fall" he cuts her head off. Awesome!
In John Dies at the End, John gets several (of varying quality) after he "introduces" some wig-monsters to a folding chair.
"Have a seat, bitch!"
"You've been sentenced to get the chair, motherfucker!"
"You wants the committee, asshole, then you best meet with the chair!"
"Anybody else want to donate blood to chair-ity?"
"There's some dessert! With a chair-y on top!"
In the novelization for Revenge of the Sith, the newly fallen Darth Vader uses several of these while killing the Separatist leaders. For example, when one cries, "We surrender! Please — you're a Jedi!", he responds "You fought a war to destroy the Jedi. (Stab) Congratulations on your success."
Averted in Black Dogs. After their first fight, Sadrao says "well, that was invigorating!". And the protagonist, Lyra, instead of some witty remark, just throws up.
Summer Rowe the genius engineer in Lacuna wants a gun like all the rest of the crew so she can deliver an XKCD-inspired line.
Rowe: Because, you know, XKCD. They had this comic where they rated ‘potential action movie one liners’ from most-probable to least-probable, and when we find the Demons I’m dying to pull out my gun and just go... ‘Bangarang, motherfucker.’ Like, from Peter Pan, the original novel. … seriously, that’d be so awesome.
Rowe: (puts the rifle against the Toralii's chest) Bangarang, motherfucker.
Alex Rider series by Anthony Horowitz uses this all the time:
Dropping a snowmobile on Dr Grief in Point Blanc, "It looks like I sleighed him."
In Skeleton Key when he uses a magnet-crane on Conrad, a villain with metal pins in his body, he remarks: "What an attractive man."
Damien Cray the villain of, Eagle Strike, the fourth book gets thrown out of Air Force One while "riding" a food trolley: "He went off his trolley."
In Crocodile Tears, Desmond gets one after killing Bulman and putting his cadaver into a bulldozer: "It looks like Bulman got what every journalist dreams of - a scoop."
Nick Diamond from the Diamond Brothers Mysteries does this quite a lot.
Tamora Pierce's Lioness Rampant has one when after Alanna kills Alex she asks "Is this what it means to be best?"
Averted in Mystery Team; Duncan seems more stunned about killing someone than anything, and Charlie's only quip is:
I hope those were baby teeth.
In A Storm of Swords, Tyrion Lannister gets one after slaying his father, who sits on the privy.
The oft repeated jape about his father was just another lie. Lord Tywin did not, in the end, shit gold.
In Artemis Fowl Mafia metal man "Loafers" keeps a notebook filled with these corresponding to the occupation of the target that he killed, including such gems as: "I'm just doing this because I knead the dough!" (After killing a baker, naturally)
"Dr Sarge says take 2 barrels of this Shotgun and call me when you're dead!"
"Or my personal favorite 'You just got Sarged!'"
Which is taken up again in Episode 3 of Revelation where Sarge and Grif is kicking Wash's ass and just about to shoot with his Shotgun against some exploding barrels saying You just got...) and flubbs it up by shooting before he is finished. He lampshades this with Goddammit I messed up my one-liner''.
A less humorous example occurs in Reconstruction. Washington takes Delta's advice that South Dakota no longer "hamper their progress" and points a gun at her. She starts to say "What are you going to do, shoot-" after which Wash says, "Yes. Good suggestion."
"My name is Leonard Church, and you will FEAR MY LASER FACE!"
The winner of that contest was "Flights of angels sing thee to thy rest, pissant."
Mad Magazine did a parody of the movie "Charade", focusing on its lighthearted tone in the face of mayhem. The glamorous leads trade quips as their adversaries die horribly, like when one is found drowned in a bathtub: "Too bad he died before he had a chance to come clean!" - "This crime has a familiar ring to it!"
In LEGO's BIONICLE, Teridaxeats/absorbs Nidhiki in order to gain more power for his fight with the Toa Metru. Apparently Nidhiki did not go down easily, because Teridax would later describe the event with, "I lost because I disagreed with something I ate."
After gunning down Michael Young History, who was bragging that he was the "Coolest mothafucka in the world," his killer remarks:
"Ain't too cool now, is you, nigga?"
In the very old ballad "Lady Isabel and the Elf Knight", Lady Isabel elopes with a knight and when they come to the seashore he boasts that he's drowned six king's daughters here "And thou the seventh shall be". But Lady Isabel tricks him and shoves him off the cliff herself, and depending on the version, says one of two things: "Six king's daughters hast thou drowned here,/Go keep them company." or "...and the seventh has drowned thee."
Also parodied in one of the "Party Planner" sketches on BBC Radio 4'sThat Mitchell and Webb Sound (and on the TV adaptation). When the two characters are trying to decide whether or not to invite James Bond to a party, one recounts an event from a previous party at which Bond threw somebody out of a window for saying that his cigarette case was "gay". The victim landed on a railing spike and was paralysed.
Webb: Everyone's in shock, apart from James, who strolls over to the window, looks down and says: "What a piercing bore." Mitchell: "Piercing bore"? There's no such expression! Webb: Well, the railing was next to a crusher. It was pretty clear that he'd meant to say "crushing bore", but had missed, and was making the best of a bad job.
Religion and Mythology
Judges 15:16- Then Samson said, "With a ass's jawbone I have made asses of them. With a ass's jawbone I have killed a thousand men." Even more awesome when you substitute "ass" for "donkey."
Old Man Henderson: "Henderson here. Figured out what the nasties are weak against."
Jimmy: "What's that, Mr. Henderson?"
Old Man Henderson: "Point blank annihilation."
Ford Cruller gets his Moment of Awesome in Psychonauts when he turns the Big Bad's main weapon (super-strength sneezing powder that makes the victim literally sneeze their brains out) on him in the climax. The one liner? Geshundheit. However, said villain survived.
Moebius: Aye, you have seen my plans, vampire, as I've seen your destiny; the future says you die.
Kain: But I am dead...
(Chops off Moebius's head)
Kain: As are you.
Kain reverses this in Defiance, confronting Moebius after self-resurrecting sans his vampiric heart. Moebius tries to paralyze Kain, only to have his hand forcibly placed on Kain's chest. Kain follows with "I always was considered heartless."
After blowing up the hippy camp via gas leak: You stare open-mouthed at the carnage that used to be the hippy camp, then remember you're obligated to make a witty remark. "Thanks, guys," you say, as you strut off the battlefield, "it's been a gas."
After blowing up the frat house: You stare blankly at the destruction around you, then realize you're obligated to make a witty remark. "Remember, kids," you say as you strut off the field, "idiots and explosives don't mix."
It is possible to both avert the lampshading and the trope itself in the third ending ( combining a flare-gun, 999 dead hippies and 999 dead frat orcs, defeating both sides). To replace it, there is a Pre-Mortem One-Liner, pointing out something both The Man and The Big Wisniewski have forgotten.
The video game Gun uses this in Hoodoo Brown's death.
Durumu the Forgotten (A mutated demon with many eyes): "Do you see what I did there?"
Team Fortress 2: The characters will drop their own Bond One Liners, independent of the player's input. This often happens when you kill the same player four times without being killed by them in response, earning a "Domination".
The Demoman does this at the end of "Meet the Demoman," after blowing a bunch of BLU team mercenaries to bits with a massive sticky-bomb trap.
Oh, they're gonna have to glue you back together - IN HELL.
Sniper "How many times have you died? I'm actually getting impressed!"
Parodied/lampshaded in the "Dashwood and Argyle" radio series in Fallout 3 after Argyle dispatches a traitorous Femme Fatale:
Dashwood: Good God Argyle, you ripped out her heart!
Argyle: I always knew this broad was heartless...get it boss? Heh-heh, heartless...
Dashwood: Your kung-fu skills are unparalleled old chum, but your comic delivery leaves something to be desired.
In the ''Mass Effect series, Renegade Shepard can have a few of these. The most famous comes in the second game, where a mook Shepard asked a question from responds, "I've got nothing more to say to you." Shepard pushes him off of a very tall building before saying, "How 'bout 'goodbye'?"
The Citadel DLC closes out the series with one of the finest examples ever. After Shepard catches his/her clone and their accomplice, Maya Brooks, Shepard is obviously barely restraining him/herself as Brooks taunts them. If you play as a Renegade, you'll get this amazing exchange after Maya is already in cuffs:
In Command & Conquer: Tiberian Dawn, Seth is Nod's Second in Command, giving the player briefings for the first half of the Brotherhood's campaign. He eventually plans to betray Kane and the player; in a briefing where he's about to send the player into a hopeless attack on the Pentagon, he claims "You see, power shifts quickly in the Brotherhood". Seth is shot by Kane about thirty seconds after this; shoving the corpse aside, Kane says "Yes... power shifts more quickly than some people think". Even more Badass because this the first line you ever hear Kane say. It's even funnier at the end when Kane quips "Oh, and congratulations on your promotion." looks down at the dead Seth and then back to you.
Alternatively, ANYTHING said by the Commandos. "Real tough guy! Nice Faceplant! I've got a present for ya! Keep 'em commin!" etc, etc.
Star Wars: Republic Commando has Trandoshans (bipedal fat, green ugly lizard aliens) with flammable-gas-laden backpacks. Shoot one in the back, and the backpack will ignite, lifting the unfortunate Trandoshan ten feet up like a jetpack before exploding. Quirky teammate Scorch will comment on this with lines like "Woo! Fireworks!" or "Hey, I didn't know Trandoshan could fly!"
The original Resident Evil, with Chris's iconic line after killing Plant 42: "Looks like we got to the ROOT of the problem!"
No More Heroes: "It's open mic night in hell, old man. Sing all you want down there."
Dystopia: Players can use context-specific taunts after kills.
In SWAT 4, some of your squadmates have some one liners after finding a dead/incapacitated suspect along with normal chatter
*after killing a female robber at a convenience store* "Guess her Bonnie and Clyde days are over."
*after killing a gang member at the A-bomb nightclub* "I'm not much of a dancer, but neither is this one now."
The James Bond games are naturally full of these. One, in Double Agent, if you choose to push The Jackal off instead of shooting her to death, M calls asking what happened. Bond's response? "She's fallen for me."
In Splinter Cell Conviction, Sam Fisher will throw out one of these after a fight ends.
(after blowing up a pipeline or other large structure) "Don't take it personally. It was a design problem. That's all." (after blowing the hell out of a satellite broadcast facility and free-falling to the ground) "And that concludes our broadcast day." (after completing any settlement by blowing stuff up or collecting pickups) "It's a tough job... But someone's gotta do it." (blowing up a statue that the villain erected to himself) "Ouch! That's gonna hurt the big man's ego!"
Caleb, of Blood. However, he only gets specific when defeating bosses, otherwise they're usually generic comments on how much pain he's dishing out, or an Evil Laugh.
"You kids shouldn't play so rough... somebody's gonna start crying."
Everyone in the Unreal Tournament series excels at these: bots will automatically taunt after killing another character, and players can set it so they automatically taunt after a kill as well.
In Alpha Protocol, you have the option of giving Thorton several of these depending on how ruthless you are. The crown example probably comes from mob-boss Konstantin Brayko, if you take him with you to fight his treasonous ex-boss who is protected by an olympic boxing champion.
Surkov: Championchik! Brayko: Your bodyguard is busy winning gold medal in dying. I gave him 6.4 on the dismount, but he did not stick the landing. But, you can talk to him soon.
In Saints Row The Third, you wind up crushing Phillipe Loren under a giant metal ornament. When the boss realizes this, he makes a Bond One-Liner, or depending on the voice you've chosen, comments on his lack of one.
Boss: Damnit. I should have thought of a "Belgian pancake" joke.
Subverted in thisDominic Deegan strip. "Aw man, I totally should've shouted that afterwards!"
Also played with at the end of the War In Hell arc. After his enemy is dispatched by Stonewater using an ice attack on his earthly form, Karnak muses that this is the perfect time to deliver a line like, "Hell's frozen over," but Karnak's always hated those jokes.
Gunnerkrigg Court: Not a death, but the same principle: after Antimony destroys the Enigmarons' Death Ray, Kat insists (over Annie's protests) that the situation calls for a witty quote. The best that Annie can manage on such short notice is "I hope you like your... smashed... death ray!"
In MS Paint Masterpieces these are used by a lot of characters. Subverted on one occasion, when a badly-damaged Mega Man tries to do one after delivering the fatal blow, but passes out before he can finish.
Thisxkcd strip has a few lines we're less likely to see as Bond One Liners.
From Terra page page 247, as a comment on an attempted pre-mortem taunt:
Mook:(to Grey, whom he has by the throat) That slave is coming with me. But not before I snap your—
When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
From Ninja The Mission Force, when the boombox ninja hits Gordon with a stone: "Guess you couldn't handle hard rock."
In the third Season Finale of We're Alive Burt lures a behemoth into a pit formed by two gates. The behemoth is trapped by the inner gate and gets its arm ripped off and bleeds out. Burt's response: "He's unarmed!"
In Achievement Hunter's "Let's PlayGrand Theft Auto IV", one episode had the gang play Wanted Mode. At one point, a panicky Gavin attempts to get in what he thinks is a car, but realizes that what he found was some sort of metal box. When he goes to call that out, he remembers too late that he was being chased by Geoff, who hits him with a rocket launcher.
Archer, despite being spy fiction, regularly averts this, with the agents occasionally trying and failing to come up with a Bond One Liner when the time comes. However, one-off character Conway Stern has a knack for them, much to the others' annoyance.
Lana: Sorry, Conway! You're... awww, wait, I had something for this...
Conway: Is it something like, "You don't get off the hook this easy?"
While technically a three-liner, in Justice League Unlimited Time villain Chronos executes a mook for treason by sending through time to one minute before the dinosaur-killing asteroid impact.
Chronos: Do you know what killed the dinosaurs? [...] Well, Chucko does.
In the Looney Tunes short "The Unmentionables", a man tried to call the police from a phone booth while gang violence was going on, only to get cut in half by machine gun fire, with the operator quipping "I'm sorry, you've been disconnected."
Scooby-Doo of all people gets to do this in an episode of Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated. After crushing an evil robotic double of himself, he says: "Play dead." This a is a follow-up to several dog-related puns Freddie unsuccessfully tried to use as Bond One Liners.
Or the one where Wolfcastle popps out of an ice sculpture, shoots everybody at the table down, and then quips, "Ice to see you."note This was strangely prophetic of Arnie's role in Batman & Robin...
Another McBain has the hero jumping onto a jet in mid-air, tearing open the cockpit and breaking the pilot's neck. Marge, upon watching, chuckles and says "Now that's what I call breakneck speed!" Bart immediately admonishes her, "Mom, a man justdied."
After infiltrating a meeting of villains and killing every last one of them, he quips, "Meeting adjourned." A sexy woman shows up and he adds, "And now I am thinking of another meeting. In bed."
In a non-McBain movie, Wolfcastle plays a secret agent going undercover as a high school nerd. When hassled by a couple of jocks, he quips "The geek shall inherit the Earth," then picks one up and throws him through the other's chest.
Lampshaded in the episode "Itchy and Scratchy Land": While the Simpson family is in Itchy and Scratchy Land the Itchy and Scratchy robots run amok and can only be killed by the flash of a camera. Bart delivers a one-liner and a Wolfcastle/Schwarzenegger spoof while Homer fails only seconds later.
Bart: (Austrian accent) "Hey mouse...say cheese." (snaps picture; an Itchy robot collapses) "With a dry, cool wit like that, I could be an action hero." (the family snaps more photos and kills more robots; Homer emerges from a pile of robots)
Homer: "Die, bad robots, die!" (laughs) "With a dry, cool wit like that, I could—"
Bart: "Who would have thought that our visit to Itchy and Scratchy Land would turn out to be our best vacation ever?"
Only to get one-upped by Duper's one-liner: "Lucy! You got some 'splodin to do!"
Dan in Dan Vs. gets a couple in "Dan vs. the Dentist". After destroying the dentist's army of robots (It Makes Sense in Context ... sort of), he quips, "Rince that out and spit!" Then after causing his tooth-shaped Supervillain Lair to self-destruct: "Now that's what I call tooth decay!"
In the Superjail! Season 2 episode "Lord Stingray Crash Party", Alice kills Mistress Kilda by grabbing her by the boobs and splitting her in half with her bare hands. She says this after she drops what's left of the body to the ground:
Alice: I knew it. *squishes water balloon* Fake! Euro-skank.
Duck Dodgers has the titular character deliver one of these after dropping a giant ice boulder onto the Queen of Mars. She survives, but only due to Cartoon Physics.
Following his assassination of Abraham Lincoln, John Wilkes Booth jumped from Lincoln's stall onto the stage (where he twisted his leg) and declared "Sic semper tyrannis" to the audience before running off ("Thus always to tyrants", the Virginia state motto and a claimed statement of one of Julius Caesar's assassins). It's also said that he added: "I have done it, the South is avenged!"
When Molotov was in Berlin for a conference during the early stages of WWII, the RAF bombed the city centre so the Russians would know that Britain was still fighting. Quoth Churchill: "We were disappointed not to be invited to the proceedings, but decided to make sure we were not forgotten."