->"Blackmail is such an ugly word. [[InsistentTerminology I prefer 'extortion'.]] [[XMakesAnythingCool The 'X' makes it sound cool]]."
-->--'''Bender Bending Rodriguez''', ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}''

%% One quote is sufficient. Additional entries go on the quotes tab. %%

This trope dates back to movies in the 1930s (and possibly earlier). A character discovers that she is the target of {{blackmail}} and confronts the blackmailer who, while not denying their actions, would rather call it something prettier like a "comprehensive insurance policy". The line is virtually stock dialogue now; as a trope it is at the very least [[DiscreditedTrope discredited]], since it's only used for laughs (or period flavor) these days.

Variations on the theme sometimes appear for other "ugly" words in various situations where the perpetrator can't or won't deny the substance of the accusation but insists on softening it with a euphemism.

A subtrope of NoExceptYes and InsistentTerminology.



[[folder:Anime & Manga]]
* In ''LightNovel/MayoChiki'', Kanade threatens [[FateWorseThanDeath to do things]] to Jiro if he ever leaks out the secret that her butler Subaru is [[SweetPollyOliver actually a girl.]] She then also promises to cure him of his gynophobia (fear of women, thanks to his sister and mother doing "wrestling training", or rather beating him up, every day), although she largely just does it because she finds [[ItAmusedMe teasing him funny.]]
** In episode 5, Jiro is forced to pretend to be Usami's boyfriend during the school festival, or she'll leak a photo she took of him and Subaru dressed up as a regular girl out. Naturally, this occurs just after he promised to take Subaru, [[ClingyJealousGirl who's not happy]] with the sudden change of plans.
* Subverted in an episode of ''Anime/MazingerZ''. TheDragon Baron Ashura hijacked a plane and threatened TheProfessor Yumi with killing all passengers if he didn't hand over the plans for the Mazinger's MidSeasonUpgrade. Yumi protested that was theft and blackmail. Ashura languidly replied: "OF COURSE it is. What else did you expect from me?"
* In ''{{Manga/Working}}'', Hiroomi Souma is a master of this trope. When he learns about a character and their secrets, he will talk to them and start casually mentioning said secret(s). Which then causes them to immediately do his work for them so as to not have him reveal their secret. Of course, it doesn't always work, and some characters are immune to this, such as Jun Souta.

[[folder:Card Games]]
* Inverted in the Z-Man Productions card game ''Bell-Bottomed Badasses on the Mean Streets of Funk''. "Extortion is such an ugly word. Me & the brothas prefer ''black''mail"

[[folder:Comic Books]]
* ''S.W.O.R.D'': Abigail Brand lets Gyrich know that his attempted coup of her organisation nearly led to Earth's destruction, she has all the evidence needed to prove it, and the only way she'll keep it to herself is if he quits and tells the higher-ups that she has no need of a co-command.
-->'''Gyrich:''' This is blackmail.\\
'''Brand:''' I prefer "squeezing your unexplored hairy planetoids in a vise".
* In one early ''ComicStrip/{{Dilbert}}'' storyline, an abusive [[SmellySkunk skunk]] shows up at Dilbert's doorstep.
-->'''Skunk:''' Don't worry. Skunks only spray musk when scared.\\
'''Dilbert:''' Then why is your tail twitching?\\
'''Skunk:''' I'm scared you won't fix me a big bowl of strawberry ice cream.\\
'''Dilbert:''' This is blackmail!\\
'''Skunk:''' No it's not. I'm just easily frightened...Now I'm scared you won't sing the entire score from ''{{Cats}}'' while I eat.
* Used by [[EvilUncle Countess Invidia]] in ''[[ComicBook/LesLegendaires Les Légendaires: Origins]]'':
-->'''Kasino''': You want to.... ''murder'' [[BadassPrincess Jadina]]?
-->'''Invidia''': Oh, let's not use such words! I am merely talking about luring her in a situation that will result in her death.

[[folder:Fan Works]]
* The ''FamilyGuy'' fanfic ''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6529138/Wipe_The_Slate_Clean Wipe The Slate Clean]]'' has this mild subversion on the trope, between Brian and Stewie when Stewie plans to blackmail Brian:
-->'''Brian:''' So... it's blackmail, is it?\\
'''Stewie:''' Blackmail ''is'' such an ugly word. How about the word "extortion"?\\
'''Brian:''' Extortion's a good word.\\
'''Stewie:''' But unfortunately completely inaccurate. Extortion is when I just... ''beat you until you give me what I want!''\\
''(Stewie pulls out a baseball bat and starts whacking Brian on the back and shins)''\\
'''Brian:''' Damn! Ow! Stop that! Okay, okay, blackmail it is!
** It is also a shout-out to every show that ever said blackmail was interchangeable with extortion - and by this page you can see there are quite the number of them.
*** Basically, extortion is generally when someone threatens to do harm that would be illegal in and of itself until they get what they want, and blackmail is when someone threatens to do harm by revealing information that they can otherwise legally reveal - only becoming illegal when they demand money in exchange for their silence.
* From [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7831829/1/bLooming_b_bDarkness_b Looming Darkness]] we have [[BigBad Dark]] [[EvilTwin Link]] quoting this almost word for word in chapter 9.
* In ''[[http://www.fimfiction.net/story/102008/an-unepic-pony-war-in-the-nondistant-future An Unepic Pony War In The Nondistant Future]]'', to keep Shining from taking sides in her little war with Cadance, Twilight writes him a letter threatening him with [[EmbarrassingOldPhoto humiliating pictures]] (though they would be equally humiliating to her) and ends it with:
-->Postscript: Brother, blackmail is such an ugly word

[[folder:Films -- Live-Action]]
* Played straight in ''Film/TheBadAndTheBeautiful''.
* ''Film/DialMForMurder''
-->'''Tony:''' I was hoping sooner or later I might catch you at something and be able to...\\
'''Lesgate:''' Blackmail me?\\
'''Tony:''' ''Influence'' you.
* In the film Film/EdgeOfTomorrow, Major Cage attempts to extort General Brigham rather than fight the aliens. It nets him a bust to private and put right on the front lines.
-->'''General Brigham:''' Are you blackmailing me, major?\\
'''Cage''': I would prefer...not to be filming acts of heroism and valor on that beach tomorrow.
* In ''TheFreshman'', in a variant of this trope, the following dialogue occurs near the end:
-->[[spoiler:'''Clark:''' So this whole thing as been a scam?\\
'''Carmine:''' This is an ugly word, 'scam.' This is business. If you want to be in business, this is what you do.]]
* Hilariously subverted in ''Film/ItsAMadMadMadMadWorld'':
-->'''Chief Aloysius:''' ''(on the phone with the mayor)'' Now you know the word for this your Honor: it's called blackmail!
* From ''Film/TheLovedOne'':
--> '''Joyboy.''' That's blackmail!
--> '''Dennis.''' My dear sir, blackmail is not a word to be bandied about by gentlemen.
* In ''Film/KindHeartsAndCoronets'', Louis sees through one of Sibella's schemes: "Not only are you trying to blackmail me -- an ugly word, but the right one, I think -- but you're trying to bluff me as well."
* Played straight in the Creator/StanleyKubrick film ''Film/PathsOfGlory''.
* Inverted for great effect in ''Film/TheyCallMeTrinity'' when the title character threatened to tell people his brother wasn't a real sheriff.
-->'''Bambino:''' That sounds like blackmail.\\
'''Trinity:''' Yeah, it does.
* Inverted in ''Film/{{Entrapment}}'', where Gin is shown the evidence of [[spoiler:her theft of the Rembrandt]] by Mac. She claims it's "entrapment". Mac counters that entrapment is when a cop does this to a thief. When a thief does it to another thief, it's just blackmail. [[spoiler:Then it turns out that Mac is an FBI informant]].
* Kevin Flynn almost says this word-for-word ("embezzling" instead of "blackmail") in ''Film/{{Tron}}''.
* ''Film/BurnNoticeTheFallOfSamAxe'':
-->'''Admiral Gregory Maitland:''' That's blackmail!\\
'''Sam Axe:''' No, actually, sir, I believe this form of extortion is known as ''[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graymail greymail]]''. It's much nicer than blackmail.
* Inverted in ''Film/{{Downstairs}}''.
--> '''Baroness''': Do you realize that this is blackmail?
--> '''Karl''': That's just the word I was trying to remember.

* From Creator/HughLaurie's novel ''The Gun Seller'':
-->"You followed me here."\\
"Tut. Followed is such an ugly word. I prefer 'blackmail'."\\
"But, of course, it means something completely different. So all right, let's say I followed you here."
* In ''Literature/{{Lolita}}'', Humbert corrects himself when fantasizing on how he will "blackmail" his wife Charlotte into letting him spend more time with Lolita, saying that "blackmail" is too harsh and suggesting "mauvemail" as a lighter term.
* Subverted in Ayn Rand's ''Literature/AtlasShrugged'':
-->Rearden said calmly, "In my youth, this was called blackmail."\\
Dr. Ferris grinned. "That's what it is, Mr. Rearden. We've entered a much more realistic age."
* The horse is not yet completely dead: played 100% straight in the 2009 JohnGrisham book ''The Associate''.
* Terl of ''Literature/BattlefieldEarth'' has an obsession with finding "leverage" over his opponents that rivals J. Edgar Hoover.
* In the novel ''Foundation's Triumph'', the ThreeLawsCompliant robots must use this type of phrasing when they tell human mentallics it may be necessary to seriously harm Hari Seldon to stop what they view as another robot group's interference.
-->"It may become necessary..."\\
"To kill?"\\
"But it is deeply embedded within Hari. To change it may cause him serious harm."\\
(Beat) The robot said "Regrettable." Then it croaked out "Necessary..." and left the room.
* Literature/LordPeterWimsey himself engages in a little blackmail in one of the short stories, but he would of course not use that word.
* In the Creator/TamoraPierce novel ''[[Literature/ProtectorOfTheSmall Lady Knight]]'', Kel has decided to [[ScrewTheRulesImDoingWhatsRight commit treason]] [[HonorBeforeReason to save refugees]] and is angered when she finds people willing to help - they'll get charged, same as her. One of them teasingly says she won't get to use the potentially very helpful maps he brought unless they come with her.
-->"That's blackmail," Kel said through a thick piece of bacon.\\
"Actually, it's extortion." That was Lofren, whose father was a magistrate. "Blackmail implies--"\\
His squad-mates dragged him to his feet and took him to saddle their mounts. Kel was grateful. Lofren was happy to talk about matters of law at length, in detail, to anyone who would listen.
* Eric Idle's ''[[RutlandWeekendTelevision Rutland Dirty Weekend Book]]'' contains a letter to critics in which Idle explicitly states they will be paid bribes for a good review of the book, and subject to physical violence for a bad review, and notes that blackmail is an ugly word, "but in this case, it's also a very accurate one."
* The novel ''[[http://stores.lulu.com/arkle And Here's To You]]'' has main female character Alicia Mitchell use this exact line on a co-worker at an office party. Partially Justified by the character's internal monologue revealing that she was directly quoting Bender from ''Futurama'' (see the second page quote above) when she did so.
* Variant: In the Literature/LordDarcy novel ''Too Many Magicians'', when the Marquis of London pressures Darcy to take a case, Master Sean calls it blackmail:
-->"'Blackmail' is perhaps too strong a word," Lord Darcy said thoughtfully, "but I will admit that no other is quite strong enough."
* Inverted in ''Literature/TheCulture'' novel ''Literature/ThePlayerOfGames''. The protagonist is blackmailed by a drone and the drone actually says something like "What I'm doing to you is called blackmail." Presumably, since The Culture is a utopia, the protagonist might not actually know what blackmail is.

[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
* In ''DowntonAbbey'', when the Countess Dowager asks Doctor Clarkson to make some "amenagements" with the truth to help Cora reconcile with Robert.
-->'''Dr Clarkson''': So you want me to lie to them and say there was no chance at all?
-->'''Countess Dowager''': Lie is such an unmusical word.
* Lampshaded or subverted or ''something'' in ''Series/{{Brass}}'', when one character sets out to blackmail another, and they hold a conversation in which each suggests what the other would be likely to say next -- starting with this line.
* From ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer'':
-->'''Xander:''' Blackmail is such an ugly word.\\
'''Amy:''' I didn't say blackmail.\\
'''Xander:''' [[AvertedTrope Yeah, but I'm about to blackmail you]], [[ConversationalTroping so I thought I'd bring it up.]]
* Subverted in the ''Series/{{MASH}}'' episode "The Price".
-->'''Klinger:''' Bribery is such an ugly word. Ugly, but fitting.
** Also:
--->'''BJ:''' Blackmail is such an ugly word.\\
'''Hawkeye:''' We prefer extortion.
* In ''Series/DiffrentStrokes'', Arnold gets into a fight with the bullying son of the landlord's brother who is subbing for a short time. This leads to a loud confrontation where the brother confronts Mr. Drummond, threatens to evict the family and provokes Drummond to punch the blowhard out. Later, the Landlord comes to the Drummonds saying that he approved of his dumb brother being put in his place. He also exploits a lease violation that the brother found to raise the rent on the Drummonds, with a veiled threat of eviction to convince them to give in. When Drummond protests that this is blackmail, the landlord responds "I prefer to think of it as plea bargaining". The punchline is after the Drummonds cave in to this threat, the father tells the kids that this is the result of his act of violence. However, when asked if it was worth it, Mr. Drummond immediately remarks it was for having the pleasure of shutting a bully up.
* Inversion: After Reese destroyed a new fridge in ''Series/MalcolmInTheMiddle'' via a hand grenade given to him by his grandfather, Hal sits down with his in-laws and asks for money to repair the damages and then some. His father-in-law believes this is a loan to be paid back. Hal calmly informs them that they endangered the children by bringing live munitions into the house and that he could have them arrested for that. He then proceeds to tell them "Don't think of it as a loan. [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome Think of it as blackmail.]]"
* Subversion: In ''Series/JeevesAndWooster'', Bertie gets blackmailed by Stiffy, and sets her up for the line as such: "Are you ''blackmailing'' me?" Even though most of the characters can be rather verbose, she just looks at him for a moment and replies with a simple "Yes."
* Creed Bratton uses the trope name directly in the webisodes for ''Series/{{The Office|US}}''.
* ''Series/AliasSmithAndJones'':
-->'''Heyes:''' This is blackmail, Georgette. You know that.\\
'''Georgette:''' I hate the word blackmail.\\
'''Curry:''' You like extortion any better?
* In the ''Series/{{K9}}'' episode "The Custodians", a MisplacedKindergartenTeacher is demanding ten million credits to shut down his mind-control once it proves to have horrific side-effects that [[EvenEvilHasStandards even the Department don't like]]:
-->'''Inspector Thorne:''' You're blackmailing me?\\
'''John:''' That's a very non-wonderful word, Inspector. But yes, I am.
* ''Series/BurnNotice'' has the occasional use, as spies use plenty of doublespeak. One episode has Jesse convincing a target to follow Michael's plan, or some information is getting to the media.
-->'''Wayne Meyerson''': Wait. Are you ''blackmailing'' me?\\
'''Jesse''': Yeah. But... let's not call it that. Let's call it 'a potential win-win'.
* ''Series/YesMinister'' gave us a version of this, when the black, male revolutionary leader of a small African nation threatens to give a strongly nationalist speech in Scotland unless the Government gives him £50 million (around $115 million in 1980, when that episode aired).
-->'''Sir Humphrey:''' It's blackmail!\\
'''General Selim Mohammed:''' Are you referring to me or my proposal?\\
'''Jim Hacker:''' Your proposal, obviously! No, wait, not ''even'' your proposal!
** This is an almost character defining trope for Sir Humphrey, who usually merges it with spectacular SesquipedalianLoquaciousness, as in the following gem:
-->'''Bernard:''' It is a bit of a cover up, isn't it?
-->'''Sir Humphrey:''' Certainly not, Bernard. It is a responsible discretion exercised in the national interest to prevent unnecessary disclosure of eminently justifiable procedures in which untimely revelations would severely impair public confidence.
-->'''Bernard:''' I see. ''[beat]'' It's like Watergate?
* From the ''YesPrimeMinister'' episode "A Conflict of Interest":
-->'''Hacker:''' You mean he's indiscreet?\\
'''Humphrey:''' That's such a pejorative word. I prefer to say he's obsessively honest.
* ''Series/TwentyFour'':
-->'''Allison Taylor:''' What you're proposing is blackmail.\\
'''Jonas Hodges:''' Well, that's putting it in the worst possible light.
* ''Series/ThirdRockFromTheSun'' episode "Alien Hunter":
-->'''Caryn''': You know, Dr. Solomon, this could be interpreted as blackmail.\\
'''Dick''': No, Caryn, it's extortion.
* In ''Series/{{Hannibal}}'', the title character manipulates Abigail Hobbs into silence [[spoiler:after she accidentally murders someone]]. He prefers to call it "keeping each other secrets".
* An episode of ''Series/TheGoodLife'' ("The Pagan Rite" in series 1) has Margo on the telephone giving her choir mistress a long list of reasons why she should be allowed to stand in the front row for their upcoming performance. She gets her way:
-->'''Margo:''' No I have not finished, Miss Mountshaft. Furthermore, let us remember that it is I who supply the gingerbread men for rehearsal teas. (pause) Ha ha ha ha ha, blackmail is an ugly word, Miss Mountshaft."
* On ''ILoveLucy,'' Ricky accuses Lucy of trying to blackmail him.
-->'''Lucy:''' Let's not call it that.
-->'''Ricky:''' That's what it is!
-->'''Lucy:''' I know, but let's not call it that.
* In ''TheRockfordFiles'' episode "The Empty Frame, Angel tells his brother-in-law "When it's in the immediate family it's not called blackmail. It's called family spirit."
* Subverted in an episode of ''Series/{{Bones}}'' when Brennan shows the federal prosecutor evidence she has on his illicit activity and threatens to reveal it if he doesn't have the false charges against Booth dropped.
-->'''Brady:''' Do you have any idea what you're doing?
-->'''Brennan:''' Yes. I'm blackmailing you.

[[folder:Puppet Shows]]
* Lampshaded and subverted on ''GregTheBunny'':
-->'''Leo:''' ... and I thought, what a coincidence! Your show is hiring a Singing Mailman and I... have your dirty tape?\\
'''Dottie Sunshine:''' You're blackmailing me?\\
'''Leo:''' ''(as Jack Nicholson)'' Blackmail is such a dirty word.\\
'''Leo:''' ''(as himself)'' Jack Nicholson, ''Chinatown.'' And yes.

* A spoof of this trope, from the British radio series ''Radio/ImSorryIllReadThatAgain'':
-->'''John (Cleese):''' So... it's blackmail, is it?\\
'''Graeme (Garden) :''' Please. Blackmail is such an ugly word.\\
'''John:''' All right. How about... ''fishpaste''?\\
'''Graeme:''' Much better.\\
'''John:''' So... it's fishpaste, is it?\\
'''Graeme:''' I'm afraid so.
** Were those the guys who gave us this exchange?
--> Blackmail is such an ugly word.\\
You think so?\\
It's the transition between the 'k' and the 'm' that does it for me. "Blackmail", ugh, it's an ungainly word.\\
Well, what word do you prefer?\\

[[folder: Stand-Up Comedy]]
* In one of her routines as Ernestine the telephone operator, Lily Tomlin tells a customer, "Blackmail is such an ugly word. Let's just call it a vicious threat."

[[folder:Video Games]]
* ''VideoGame/MetalGearSolid''
-->'''Snake:''' So, you're blackmailing me?\\
'''Col. Campbell:''' I prefer to think of it as helping to make you come to a decision more easily.
* In ''VideoGame/{{Borderlands 2}}'', Handsome Jack became president of Hyperion by threatening the previous president. At first, Jack doesn't want to use an ugly word like blackmail...until he decides that blackmail is actually an ''awesome'' word.
-->'''Jack:''' C'mon, say it with me! ''Blackmail!'' Blllllaaaaaack-
-->'''Tassiter:''' Oh, go to hell, John.


[[folder:Web Original]]
* When Ayla and Jadis confront some would-be extortionists in the ''Literature/WhateleyUniverse'':
-->'''Jadis:''' Ooh. That sounds like blackmail. And blackmail is such an ugly word.\\
'''Ayla:''' I prefer "intentional torts". At least it sounds like some deliberately tasty desserts.

[[folder:Web Comics]]
* ''Webcomic/SchlockMercenary''.
** Regarding menacing the Sol system with the PDCL:
-->'''Kevyn:''' That wasn't blackmail. That was, I don't know... passive extortion?
** On the rare occasion acknowledging their status as mercenaries is politically inconvenient, the Toughs and others will be called "security and armed response."
* Played entirely straight in [[http://www.webcomicsnation.com/shaenongarrity/narbonic_plus/series.php?view=archive&chapter=32408#123757 this]] ''{{Narbonic}}'' strip. There's a slight twist, in that due to Artie's self-image as "the good one", he's trying to convince ''himself'' what he's planning isn't blackmail.
* From ''[[http://www.soaprope.com/ Soap on a Rope]]'':
-->'''Max:''' Joe, you're blackmailing people!\\
'''Joe:''' "Blackmail" is such a negative term. I prefer "mail of color".
* ''[[http://goats.com/archive/080423.html Goats]]'':
-->'''Scroggs:''' Blackmail is such a negative term. Let's call it Proactive Synergy Reallocation.\\
'''Ix:''' Let's call it Susan. Ix always like that name.
* ''ExterminatusNow'' has a [[http://exterminatusnow.co.uk/2004-03-12/comic/meet-the-crew/inquisitorial-accommodations/ wonderful scene]]:
-->'''Lothar:''' You're blackmailing someone, aren't you?\\
'''Virus:''' ''(with hurt expression)'' We prefer the term "extortion".\\
'''Eastwood:''' Hey, it's not ''our'' fault if Commander Schaefer leaves videos of his secret chicken fetish lying around. ''Anybody'' could've broken into his apartment and found them.

[[folder:Western Animation]]
* From ''{{Futurama}}'':
-->'''Bender:''' There's nothing wrong with murder. Just as long as you let Bender wet his beak.\\
'''Leela:''' You're blackmailing me?\\
'''Bender:''' Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it [[XtremeKoolLetterz sound cool]].

!!Examples of a different Ugly Word

[[folder:Anime & Manga]]
* From ''Manga/{{FAKE}}'':
-->'''Dee:''' So you are in cahoots with Berkeley after all, aren't you? I knew something was up.\\
'''Diana:''' Awww, cahoots is such a mean, ugly word. We're more like [[UnluckyChildhoodFriend childhood friends]], if anything. Swear to God.

[[folder:Comics -- Books]]
* ''[[Franchise/{{Batman}} Joker's Asylum:]] ComicBook/TheRiddler'':
-->'''Jessica Duchamp:''' The painting. You're stealing it.\\
'''Riddler:''' "Stealing" is such an unpleasant word. I prefer "acquiring". It's much more aesthetically pleasing to the tongue.
* ''[[TheSimpsons Simpsons Comics]]'':
-->'''Lisa:''' You fake the Mars missions here?\\
'''Lindsay Neagle:''' "Fake" is such a harsh word. Accurate, but harsh.

[[folder:Fan Works]]
* The ''Manga/{{Bleach}}'' fanfic ''Uninvited Guest'', when it is claimed that Yumokin is being murdered rather than sacrificing his own life, he says "Murder is such a harsh word. Accurate, but harsh."
* [[SdrawkcabName Nilvac and Sebboh]], from ''Fanfic/CalvinAndHobbesTheSeries'', react this way to being called "evil". They prefer "dark".

[[folder:Films -- Animation]]
* In ''Disney/AtlantisTheLostEmpire,'' Milo accuses the others on the expedition of being mercenaries, only to be told they "prefer the term 'adventure capitalist.'"
* In sequels to ''Disney/{{Aladdin}}'', it's nearly Iago's catchphrase to say "Hate/traitor is such a strong word".
* ''Disney/RobinHood'':
-->'''Little John:''' You know sump'n, Robin, I was just wonderin' -- are we good guys or bad guys? You know, I mean, uh, our robbin' the rich to feed the poor...\\
'''RobinHood:''' "Rob?" Tsk tsk tsk tsk -- that's a naughty word; we never "rob." We just... sort of borrow a bit from those who can afford it.\\
'''Little John:''' "''Borrow?''" Huh. Boy, are we in debt!

[[folder:Films -- Live-Action]]
* ''Film/{{Chinatown}}'':
-->'''Gittes:''' She was cheating on him. Were you? \\
'''Mrs. Mulwray:''' I dislike the word "cheat". \\
'''Gittes:''' Did you have affairs?\\
'''Mrs. Mulwray:''' ''Mr. Gittes''.
* Parodied in ''{{Tron}}'', when Alan Bradley goes to find out what Flynn knows about the hacker in ENCOM's system, figures out it's him, and asks if he's been embezzling. Flynn's response is a sarcastic, "Embezzling is such an ugly word, Mr. Bradley," followed by the actual explanation, that he was searching for the evidence that Dillinger's hit arcade games were, in fact, Flynn's.
* In ''Film/BackToTheFuture Part II'', as Doc Brown is unveiling his plan of returning Marty back 1985 (as he went to 1885 to presumably rescue Doc), he starts to say "We're going to hijack...", before freezing, immediately correcting himself and placing emphasis on new terminology with a wide, toothy grin, "'''''BORROW'''''... the locomotive..."
** Later, when the '''''borrowing''''' is taking place, the conductor asks if it's a hold-up. Doc responds that "it's a science experiment."
** In Part II, Doc also "borrowed" some old newspapers from the closed-down Hill Valley Library in 1985-A.
* ''Film/{{Accepted}}'':
-->'''Bartleby Gaines:''' Eh, Stalking's an ugly word. I prefer obsessively shadowing.
* From ''Film/SpiderMan1'':
-->'''Peter:''' Spider-Man wasn't trying to attack the city... he was trying to save it. That's slander.\\
''' Jameson:''' It is ''not!'' I resent that! (''beat'') [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Slander is spoken]]. [[ShownTheirWork In print, it's libel]].
* Inverted in ''{{Entrapment}}'', when Mac explains to Virginia how he can frame her for a theft.
-->'''Virginia:''' I said this is called entrapment.\\
'''Mac:''' No, this is blackmail. Entrapment is what cops do to thieves.
** [[spoiler:It's hardly framing when one is actually guilty of the theft]].
* Doubled-up in ''Film/{{Thor}}'':
--> '''Thor:''' if... you return the items you have taken from Jane.\\
'''Jane Foster:''' Stolen.\\
'''Agent Coulson:''' Borrowed.
* In ''Film/PiratesOfTheCaribbeanTheCurseOfTheBlackPearl'', Will & Jack have this exchange:
-->'''Will''': We're going to steal a ship? [looks at the ''Endeavour''] ''That'' ship?\\
'''Jack''': ''Commandeer''; nautical term. We're going to commandeer...''that'' ship. [points at the ''Interceptor'']
* An odd variation occurs in ''Film/TheBluesBrothers'', when Elwood admits that he hasn't kept track of the old band as well as he said he did while Jake was in prison. The odd part is whether or not Elwood's choice of words is better than Jake's.
--> '''Elwood:''' Well, what was I gonna do? Take away your only hope? Take away the very thing that kept you going in there? I took the liberty of bullshitting you, okay?\\
'''Jake:''' You lied to me.\\
'''Elwood:''' It wasn't a lie, it was just...bullshit.

* In fantasy settings, the thief may prefer a title like "Expert Treasure Finder". Especially if they are grouped with [[LawfulStupid paladins]].
** In ''Literature/TheHobbit'', Glóin tells Bilbo, "You can say 'Expert Treasure-hunter' instead of 'Burglar' if you like. Some do."
* Creator/DavidEddings uses this several times in his various book series. Silk is the patron saint of this trope.
* In the first ''KingdomKeepers'' book, [[EccentricMentor Wayne]] says that Finn would only "borrow" WaltDisney's pen, as oppose to stealing it. Possibly inspired by the exchange in ''Disney/RobinHood'', above.
* From "The Movie They Said Could Never Be Made" in ''The Joy of Clichés'' by Nigel Rees:
-->'''Dr. Big:''' You're just like all the others. You think I'm mad, don't you?\\
'''Side-Kick:''' Not mad, but how about ''[[GratuitousGerman geisteskrank]]''?\\
'''Dr. Big:''' ''Geisteskrank'' is such an ''ugly'' word.!
* Informed by [[Literature/TheDresdenFiles Harry Dresden]] that there've been two attempts on Harry's life since he was hired to follow him, a private investigator opts to discontinue his assignment, remarking that "accomplice" is an ugly word, as is "penitentiary".
* Reacher Gilt, anticipating his co-conspirators' thought processes in ''GoingPostal'', contemptuously muses that (at least for them) "embezzlement" is such a ''difficult'' word.
* In one of Ernest Bramah's "Kai Lung" stories, what most fantasy stories would call the thieves' Guild refers to itself as the "Joined-Together Band of Excrescence-Removers and Superfluity Adjustors".
* In Literature/SpocksWorld, [=McCoy=] insists on his hacking being called "borrowing" rather than "stealing."
* Abe Mazur from ''Literature/VampireAcademy'', never blackmails. "It's much easier if people simply see reason...".

[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
* In ''Series/{{Farscape}}'' when Rygel is accused of "snurching" (''Farscape''-ese for "stealing"), he responds "I don't ''snurch'', I... ''procure''."
* ''WhosTheBoss'', "Not With My Client You Don't": Angela's assistant calls "hooker" an ugly word and prefers "call girl".
* In the ''{{Blackadder}} Goes Forth'' episode "General Hospital", during a discussion of spying, Melchett becomes so concerned with what's "a dirty word" and what isn't that he loses touch with the actual subject entirely.
-->'''Melchett:''' "Security" isn't a dirty word, Blackadder. "Crevice" is a dirty word, but not "security".\\
'''Blackadder:''' Well, good thing your job[[note]]frisking[[/note]] is also your hobby.\\
'''Melchett:''' Now there's another dirty word: "job".\\
''[even later]''\\
'''Darling:''' We've found a leak.\\
'''Melchett:''' Now "leak" is a positively ''disgusting'' word.
* ''Series/{{MASH}}'' had this in the episode where Hawkeye and BJ were named morale officers and Klinger shook them down for a 3-day pass to go on an errand for them.
--> Klinger: "Thief" is such an ugly word. Shall we say "entrepreneur"?
** A little later, when they find out Klinger was going where they wanted him to anyway:
--> Hawkeye: You just stole a 3-day pass from us.
--> Klinger: "Stole" is such an ugly word. Shall we say "creatively acquired"?
* In the finale of ''BostonLegal'':
-->'''Carl Sack:''' [[spoiler:Fired]] is such an ugly word, Alan. An accurate one, but...
* ''Series/BurnNotice'':
-->'''Michael:''' You're forcing me to break into a weapons manufacturer?\\
'''Brennen:''' Forcing is such an ugly word. Encouraging. Incentivizing... No, you're right, let's go with forcing.
* Two nonsensical examples in ''ABitOfFryAndLaurie'':
-->'''Stephen Fry:''' I dislike the word brothel, Mr. Jowett. I prefer to use the word brothels. Yes, this is a brothels.\\
(Note that it was a shoe shop.)\\
'''Hugh:''' You certainly came prepared, didn't you?\\
'''Stephen:''' I prefer to put it this way: I certainly came prepared, didn't I?
* An episode of ''TheFreshPrinceOfBelAir'':
-->'''Will:''' You hustled me!\\
'''Pool Shark:''' Hustled is such an ugly word. I like to call it creative money management.
* ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer'': In the third season finale, when Buffy informed Wesley that she was through taking orders from the Watchers Council...
-->'''Wesley:''' This is mutiny!\\
'''Buffy:''' I call it "graduation".
** Also from ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer'':
-->'''Buffy:''' So...am I crazy?\\
'''Willow:''' Well, "crazy" is such a strong word...\\
'''Giles:''' Let's not rule it out, though.
* In ''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine'', Garak isn't pleased with Siskos' encouragement to help him with a rescue misson.
-->'''Garak:''' Commander, this is extortion!\\
'''Sisko:''' Hm... yes, it is.
* In "The Scarlet Letter" episode of ''TheMentalist'', the line is fairly self-explanatory.
-->'''Minelli:''' You abused a corpse to get a confession.\\
'''Jane:''' Used. Used a corpse. There's no "ab".
* On an episode of ''{{Life}}'', Charlie Crews abducts the BigBad by waylaying his chauffeur and picking him up in his own car. When the victim points out that "this is a kidnapping," Charlie parks the car and begins to explain why he doesn't like that word and doesn't feel it applies in this case. The villain then says, "No, detective, you misunderstand me. This isn't a kidnapping. ''This'' is a kidnapping." Cue a tire iron smashing through Charlie's window.
* ''Series/{{Castle}}'' has a suspect in one episode who isn't fond of the word "stalking". But he did follow the victim around for a few days....
* ''OneHundredDeedsForEddieMcdowd'':
-->'''Justin:''' I hate you!\\
'''Eddie''': Justin, hate is a very strong word.
* ''TheComicStripPresents'' episode "Space Virgins from the Planet Sex" has alien women needing human men to get them pregnant. They shy away from the term "sex slave" in favour of a description of being forced to have sex.
* The MacGuffin in one ''Series/HogansHeroes'' episode is a collection of artwork taken from occupied France for a high-ranking German official's private collection -- described as "not 'stolen'... 'confiscated'".
* From the ''Series/{{Frasier}}'' episode "The Devil and Dr. Willly":
-->'''Babe:''' I'm just talking about having a little fun. After all, when I'm having fun, I'm happy. When I'm happy, I work harder. When I work harder, you become famous and powerful. Isn't that what you want? Fame and power?\\
'''Frasier:''' I like to think of it more as "influence", really, but...
* Combined with BriefAccentImitation in ''{{Lovejoy}}'' when some former soviets ask if an official is "Coorv-ed"
-->'''Tinker:''' I think he means "Bent"
-->'''Lovejoy:''' I prefer "Coorv-ed".
* Subverted in ''Series/{{Haven}}'':
-->'''Duke''': Lying is such an ugly word...but yeah, I lied.
* Used on ''TheBigBangTheory'', about a robot belonging to NASA that Howard brought with him to Leonard and Sheldon's apartment.
-->'''Penny:''' Does NASA know you're using that thing as a napkin holder?\\
'''Howard:''' Are you kidding? They still think it's in a secure locker at JPL.\\
''' Penny:''' You ''stole'' it?\\
'''Howard:''' ''Borrowed!'' The trick is to [[BavarianFireDrill carry it out to your car like you own it]].
* ''Series/PersonOfInterest'': Finch, to Carter in "Baby Blue":
-->'''Carter:''' You hacked into his company? \\
'''Finch:''' 'Hacked' is such an ugly word.
* In ''Series/{{Sherlock}}'', Magnussen subverts this by using an even uglier word: ''ownership''.
* ''Series/DoctorWho'': In "The Big Bang", the Doctor, saying goodbye to a young Amy, mentions, "Did I tell you that I stole the TARDIS? Well, borrowed." His subsequent description of the TARDIS as "ancient and modern at the same time and the most brilliant blue ever" allowed Amy to remember it at her wedding to Rory as "[[OldNewBorrowedAndBlue Something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue.]]"
** Brought up again, in "The Doctor's Wife":
-->'''Idris'''(the TARDIS in a human form): Then you stole me. And I stole you.
-->'''The Doctor''': I borrowed you.
-->'''Idris''': Borrowing implies the eventual intention to return the thing that it was taken. What makes you think I would ever give you back?
* Subverted on ''Series/{{Arrow}}''.
-->'''Oliver''': Felicity, are you hacking into the Merlyn Global mainframe? \\
'''Felicity''': "Hacking" is such an ugly word. No. I'm... [[NoExceptYes Yeah. Totally hacking into the Merlyn Global mainframe.]]

* From "Erase" by Music/TheyMightBeGiants:
-->Think of this as solving problems\\
That should never have occurred\\
Please don't call it "strangulation"\\
That is such an ugly word

[[folder:Video Games]]
* In the German version of ''VideoGame/KingdomHeartsII'', Demyx responds to {{Goofy}} accusing him of being a thief with "Dieb – was für ein hässliches Wort!", meaning "Thief – what an ugly word!".
* ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVI'' with Locke, and his insistence that he's not a thief, he's a "treasure hunter". Naturally, he often "hunts for treasure" in other people's homes. But press the issue and he might rip your lungs out. Or at least steal your clothes.
-->"Bah! Semantic nonsense!"
* In ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyCrystalChroniclesRingOfFates''
-->'''Aleria:''' She's a sacrifice to your god?!\\
'''Chaspel:''' "Sacrifice" is such a harsh word. "Catalyst" sounds so much nicer.
* This exchange is brought up in ''[[JakandDaxter Jak]] II'' when the words "forced labour trade" are mentioned:
-->'''Jak:''' You mean the slave trade?\\
'''Krew:''' Uh, I prefer "freedom challenged".
* From ''Franchise/{{Star Wars|Expanded Universe}}: VideoGame/KnightsOfTheOldRepublic 2'':
-->'''HK-50:''' Clarification: "Assassin Droid" is such a crude term, master, reserved for durasteel drones with only the most archaic kill-programs. The function I perform has been referred to as [[AxeCrazy "wanton slaughter]]". I prefer to see it as a means of facilitating communication, resulting in the termination of hostilities.
* From ''Franchise/{{Star Wars|Expanded Universe}}: VideoGame/TheOldRepublic'':
--> '''NPC''': You're insane!\\
'''Sith Inquisitor''': Insane is such a harsh word. I prefer differently rational.
* ''GodHand'':
-->'''Gene:''' This arm makes me popular among the hellish set.\\
'''Conchita (a demon):''' ''Hellish?!?'' We prefer "supertropical".
* ''VideoGame/{{Thief}}'', while looting a ruined city:
-->'''Garrett:''' Archaeologist sounds so much more dignified than Thief.
* In ''[[VideoGame/{{Geneforge}} Geneforge V]]'', a bandit argues over semantics.
-->'''Emogene:''' I object to the word "extort". It is an ugly term. We are helping them. If they are so tight with their coins that they can't pay us for this service, it is a good thing we are here to teach them manners.
* In ''VideoGame/DisgaeaHourOfDarkness'', after we find out the real reason of '''[[CaptainSpaceDefenderOfEarth CAPTAIN GORDON, DEFENDER OF EARTH!]]''''s mission to the Netherworld, this conversation takes place:
-->'''[[TheRival Kurtis]]''': Hmph. They're nothing but [[UnwittingPawn pawns]] to you, huh...\\
'''[[GeneralRipper General Carter]]''': What an ugly way of saying it, Kurtis. I prefer to call them the "heroes who sacrificed their lives for the earth". [[EvilLaugh Muhahahahaha!!]]
* ''VideoGame/FalloutNewVegas'' has Mr. House
-->'''Courier:''' In the meantime, you'd rule Vegas as some kind of dictator?\\
'''Mr. House:''' I prefer the term 'autocrat'.
* In ''VideoGame/{{Persona 3}}'', when SEES confronts [[spoiler:Ikutsuki]] and learns of [[spoiler:his]] true intentions:
-->'''Yukari:''' You used both me and my father!\\
'''[[spoiler:Ikutsuki:]]''' "Used" is such an ugly word. It was for the sake of the world, so how could it be wrong?

[[folder:Web Comics]]
* [[MeaningfulName Mr. Butch]] from ''Webcomic/ChoppingBlock'' is not a "serial killer". He prefers the term "[[http://choppingblock.org/d/20080111.html High Yield Afterlife Inducement Broker]]."
* Inverted in ''Webcomic/{{Intragalactic}}'':
-->'''Captain Glee:''' "Unofficial incentive" is such an ugly... pair of words. Let's just say I bribed you with full knowledge that I'm violating the law.
* Much like Haley, Mordekai from ''Webcomic/IrregularWebcomic'' is a "LoveableRogue".
* Revolver Ocelot in ''Webcomic/TheLastDaysOfFOXHOUND'':
-->'''Revolver Ocelot:''' "Torture" is such an '''inelegant''' word. [[TortureTechnician I'm an artist. Their testicles are my canvas.]]
* Gav in ''Nukees'', in a way illuminating his character.
-->'''Gav:''' "Better" is such an ugly word...
* ''Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick''
** Haley Starshine dislikes being called a thief. She prefers "Freelance Wealth Redistribution Specialist".
** Also, when Vaarsuvius' [[AmbiguousGender mate]] questions where V got a massive power boost:
--->'''Vaarsuvius:''' I negotiated an exchange with three gentlemen from... other planes of existence.\\
'''Inkyrius:''' ''Which'' planes?\\
'''Vaarsuvius:''' Those in the ventral position.\\
'''Inkyrius:''' You ''sold your soul to fiends??''\\
'''Vaarsuvius:''' Technically, it is more of a fixed-term lease with an occupancy date yet to be determined!
* [[http://www.gocomics.com/pibgorn/2011/04/21/ This ''Pibgorn'' strip]]:
-->'''Stan:''' These creatures you treasure, they are as good as dead unless you follow my instructions to the letter.\\
'''Pibgorn:''' So they're hostages!\\
'''Stan:''' "Hostage" is such an ugly, sordid word ... yes. They're hostages.
* ''Webcomic/SchlockMercenary'' is in this category too:
-->'''Petey:''' "Spy" is such a short ugly word. I prefer "espionage". Those three extra syllables really say something.
* In [[http://www.sluggy.com/daily.php?date=990705 this]] ''Webcomic/SluggyFreelance'' strip, the EvilChancellor doesn't like the term "bad guy", prefering to be called "morally challenged".
* ''Webcomic/{{Spacetrawler}}'': inverted, "Please, don't call it a gift. Call it a bribe."

[[folder:Web Original]]
* Similarly, [[http://forums.joltonline.com/showthread.php?583264-Is-Obama-a-failure-as-a-president&p=14503988&viewfull=1#post14503988 this post]] on the (now disused) old NationStates forums, memorialised in someone's signature:
-->''Extortion is such a nasty word.\\
I much prefer "magnolia". "Magnolia" is a much nicer word.''
* [[http://wiki.rpg.net/index.php/File:MPost12935-60261929db.jpg This]] demotivator. They're not pirates, they're ''preemtive nautical salvage experts''.
* [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/genocide-is-such-a-harsh-word,10797/ Genocide is such a harsh word...]]
* "Pre-release" used to be a euphemism for "stolen from the Chinese factory it was made in" when it came to Franchise/{{Transformers}} action figures. WebVideo/InternetPersonalityVangelus rejects this euphemism, preferring [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin "Stolen Chinese Toys"]].

[[folder:Western Animation]]
* On InvasionAmerica, this exchange takes place:
-->'''Cale Oosha:''' TREASON!\\
'''Dragit:''' Revolution.
* ''WesternAnimation/CodenameKidsNextDoor'', "Op [=LEADER=]": Chad calls "traitor" an ugly word. [[spoiler:Which he isn't.]]
* In ''WesternAnimation/TheVentureBrothers'', the Guild of Calamitous Intent also don't like morally charged phrases like "good guys" or "bad guys", and insist people use "protagonist" and "antagonist" instead. In all fairness, with guys like [[SociopathicHero Brock Sampson]] running around, it is a legitimate complaint.
* ''TheSimpsons'':
** Homer posing as 4th-grader:
-->'''Homer:''' ''(to Sherri)'' C'mon, why won't you go out with Bart?\\
'''Sherri:''' He's a smelly, ugly dork!\\
'''Homer:''' Ugly is such a smelly word.
** Another ''Simpsons'' example:
-->'''Lisa:''' You're replacing me?\\
'''Homer:''' Now, Lisa, "dumping" is such a harsh word. Let's just say I'm ''replacing'' you.
** And another:
-->'''Marge:''' Did you jimmy open Mr. Burns' liquor cabinet?\\
'''Homer:''' Jimmy is such an ugly word. Unless you're talking about Jimmy Smits. Mrrow!
** In the Treehouse of Horror Bartificial Intelligence
-->'''Bart:''' Did you replace me with this tinker toy?!\\
'''Homer:''' Replace is such an ugly word. We upgraded.
* ''SpongebobSquarepants'' includes a variation in "Bucket Sweet Bucket".
-->'''Mr. Krabs:''' ''(takes the safe out from his throat)'' And I bet you tried to steal this, too.\\
'''Plankton:''' ''(chuckles)'' Well, steal is such a strong word.
* ''{{Metalocalypse}}'': The band members don't like talking about dying (when it's them); they prefer the term "hamburger time".
* Subverted in ''DanVs''
-->'''Amber:''' "Extortion" is such an ugly word. I prefer..."extortion".\\
'''Dan:''' That's the same word.\\
'''Amber:''' I said it nicer the second time.
* In ''WesternAnimation/DannyPhantom'' when Danny calls Vlad a Green Bay Packers fanatic. Vlad openly admits it.
-->'''Vlad:''' Fanatic is such a negative word... but yes.
* In ''WesternAnimation/BatmanTheAnimatedSeries'', when a captured Batman is put on [[JokerJury "trial"]] by the inmates of Arkham Asylum and district attorney Janet Van Dorn helps him as best she can by sowing discord among the criminals:
--> '''Harley:''' Ha! You're just jealous because you don't have a fella who's as lovin' and loyal to you as my Puddin' is to me!\\
'''Van Dorn:''' Ah-ha. And I suppose it was that same "loyalty" I saw the last time you escaped and "Puddin'" here [[TheStoolPigeon finked on you]] in hopes of getting time off!\\
'''Harley:''' ''(dejected)'' Is that true, Puddin'?\\
'''Joker:''' ''(sheepishly)'' "Finked" is such an ugly word....\\
'''Harley:''' ''(grabs Joker and starts shaking him)'' [[WomanScorned You lousy, scum sucking creep!]]