Blackmail Is Such an Ugly Word
"Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer 'extortion'. The 'X' makes it sound cool."This trope dates back to movies in the 1930s (and possibly earlier). A character discovers that she is the target of blackmail and confronts the blackmailer who, while not denying their actions, would rather call it something prettier like a "comprehensive insurance policy". The line is virtually stock dialogue now; as a trope it is at the very least discredited, since it's only used for laughs (or period flavor) these days. Variations on the theme sometimes appear for other "ugly" words in various situations where the perpetrator can't or won't deny the substance of the accusation but insists on softening it with a euphemism. Many times the character will claim something is extortion instead of blackmail or visa versa. According to free advice.com extortion happens when an someone gets money, property, or services through coercion, ex: threat of violence, destruction of property, improper government action or withholding testimony. Blackmail is when a person threatens to reveal information about a victim or his family members that is potentially embarrassing, socially damaging, or incriminating unless a demand for money, property, or services is met. Even if the information is true or actually incriminating, a person can still be charged with blackmail if he or she threatens to reveal it unless the victim meets his or her demand. A subtrope of No, Except Yes and Insistent Terminology.
—Bender Bending Rodriguez, Futurama
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Anime & Manga
- In Mayo Chiki!, Kanade threatens to do things to Jiro if he ever leaks out the secret that her butler Subaru is actually a girl. She then also promises to cure him of his gynophobia (fear of women, thanks to his sister and mother doing "wrestling training", or rather beating him up, every day), although she largely just does it because she finds teasing him funny.
- In episode 5, Jiro is forced to pretend to be Usami's boyfriend during the school festival, or she'll leak a photo she took of him and Subaru dressed up as a regular girl out. Naturally, this occurs just after he promised to take Subaru, who's not happy with the sudden change of plans.
- Subverted in an episode of Mazinger Z. The Dragon Baron Ashura hijacked a plane and threatened The Professor Yumi with killing all passengers if he didn't hand over the plans for the Mazinger's Mid-Season Upgrade. Yumi protested that was theft and blackmail. Ashura languidly replied: "OF COURSE it is. What else did you expect from me?"
- In WORKING!!, Hiroomi Souma is a master of this trope. When he learns about a character and their secrets, he will talk to them and start casually mentioning said secret(s). Which then causes them to immediately do his work for them so as to not have him reveal their secret. Of course, it doesn't always work, and some characters are immune to this, such as Jun Souta.
- Inverted in the Z-Man Productions card game Bell-Bottomed Badasses on the Mean Streets of Funk. "Extortion is such an ugly word. Me & the brothas prefer blackmail"
- S.W.O.R.D: Abigail Brand lets Gyrich know that his attempted coup of her organisation nearly led to Earth's destruction, she has all the evidence needed to prove it, and the only way she'll keep it to herself is if he quits and tells the higher-ups that she has no need of a co-command.
Gyrich: This is blackmail.
Brand: I prefer "squeezing your unexplored hairy planetoids in a vise".
- In one early Dilbert storyline, an abusive skunk shows up at Dilbert's doorstep.
Skunk: Don't worry. Skunks only spray musk when scared.
Dilbert: Then why is your tail twitching?
Skunk: I'm scared you won't fix me a big bowl of strawberry ice cream.
Dilbert: This is blackmail!
Skunk: No it's not. I'm just easily frightened...Now I'm scared you won't sing the entire score from Cats while I eat.
- Used by Countess Invidia in Les Légendaires: Origins:
Kasino: You want to.... murder Jadina?Invidia: Oh, let's not use such words! I am merely talking about luring her in a situation that will result in her death.Kasino: THAT'S EXACTLY THE SAME THING!
- Subverted in Omaha the Cat Dancer when Joanne has incriminating info on some bad guys, but she will not specify what she wants for it right now. The potential recipient refuses to accept the info blind, but is persuaded otherwise when Joanne tells him that the info would be damaging to his interest as well. When the man growls this is blackmail, Joanne remarks, "It's all blackmail, I'm just choosing sides."
- The Family Guy fanfic Wipe The Slate Clean has this mild subversion on the trope, between Brian and Stewie when Stewie plans to blackmail Brian:
Brian: So... it's blackmail, is it?
Stewie: Blackmail is such an ugly word. How about the word "extortion"?
Brian: Extortion's a good word.
Stewie: But unfortunately completely inaccurate. Extortion is when I just... beat you until you give me what I want!
(Stewie pulls out a baseball bat and starts whacking Brian on the back and shins)
Brian: Damn! Ow! Stop that! Okay, okay, blackmail it is!
- It is also a shout-out to every show that ever said blackmail was interchangeable with extortion - and by this page you can see there are quite the number of them.
- From Looming Darkness we have Dark Link quoting this almost word for word in chapter 9.
- In An Unepic Pony War In The Nondistant Future, to keep Shining from taking sides in her little war with Cadance, Twilight writes him a letter threatening him with humiliating pictures (though they would be equally humiliating to her) and ends it with:
Postscript: Brother, blackmail is such an ugly word
Films — Live-Action
- Played straight in The Bad and the Beautiful.
- Dial M for Murder
Tony: I was hoping sooner or later I might catch you at something and be able to...
Lesgate: Blackmail me?
Tony: Influence you.
- In the film Edge of Tomorrow, Major Cage attempts to extort General Brigham rather than fight the aliens. It nets him a bust to private and put right on the front lines.
General Brigham: Are you blackmailing me, major?
Cage: I would prefer...not to be filming acts of heroism and valor on that beach tomorrow.
- In The Freshman, in a variant of this trope, the following dialogue occurs near the end:
Clark: So this whole thing as been a scam?
Carmine: This is an ugly word, 'scam.' This is business. If you want to be in business, this is what you do.
- Hilariously subverted in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World:
Chief Aloysius: (on the phone with the mayor) Now you know the word for this your Honor: it's called blackmail!
- From The Loved One:
Joyboy. That's blackmail!Dennis. My dear sir, blackmail is not a word to be bandied about by gentlemen.
- In Kind Hearts and Coronets, Louis sees through one of Sibella's schemes: "Not only are you trying to blackmail me — an ugly word, but the right one, I think — but you're trying to bluff me as well."
- Played straight in the Stanley Kubrick film Paths of Glory.
- Inverted for great effect in They Call Me Trinity when the title character threatened to tell people his brother wasn't a real sheriff.
Bambino: That sounds like blackmail.
Trinity: Yeah, it does.
- Inverted in Entrapment, where Gin is shown the evidence of her theft of the Rembrandt by Mac. She claims it's "entrapment". Mac counters that entrapment is when a cop does this to a thief. When a thief does it to another thief, it's just blackmail. Then it turns out that Mac is an FBI informant.
- Kevin Flynn almost says this word-for-word ("embezzling" instead of "blackmail") in TRON.
- Burn Notice: The Fall of Sam Axe:
Admiral Gregory Maitland: That's blackmail!
Sam Axe: No, actually, sir, I believe this form of extortion is known as greymail. It's much nicer than blackmail.
- Inverted in Downstairs.
Baroness: Do you realize that this is blackmail?Karl: That's just the word I was trying to remember.
- From Hugh Laurie's novel The Gun Seller:
"You followed me here."
"Tut. Followed is such an ugly word. I prefer 'blackmail'."
"But, of course, it means something completely different. So all right, let's say I followed you here."
- In Lolita, Humbert corrects himself when fantasizing on how he will "blackmail" his wife Charlotte into letting him spend more time with Lolita, saying that "blackmail" is too harsh and suggesting "mauvemail" as a lighter term.
- Subverted in Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged:
Rearden said calmly, "In my youth, this was called blackmail."
Dr. Ferris grinned. "That's what it is, Mr. Rearden. We've entered a much more realistic age."
- The horse is not yet completely dead: played 100% straight in the 2009 John Grisham book The Associate.
- Terl of Battlefield Earth has an obsession with finding "leverage" over his opponents that rivals J. Edgar Hoover.
- In the novel Foundation's Triumph, the Three-Laws Compliant robots must use this type of phrasing when they tell human mentallics it may be necessary to seriously harm Hari Seldon to stop what they view as another robot group's interference.
"It may become necessary..."
"But it is deeply embedded within Hari. To change it may cause him serious harm."
(Beat) The robot said "Regrettable." Then it croaked out "Necessary..." and left the room.
- Lord Peter Wimsey himself engages in a little blackmail in one of the short stories, but he would of course not use that word.
- In the Tamora Pierce novel Lady Knight, Kel has decided to commit treason to save refugees and is angered when she finds people willing to help - they'll get charged, same as her. One of them teasingly says she won't get to use the potentially very helpful maps he brought unless they come with her.
"That's blackmail," Kel said through a thick piece of bacon.
"Actually, it's extortion." That was Lofren, whose father was a magistrate. "Blackmail implies—"
His squad-mates dragged him to his feet and took him to saddle their mounts. Kel was grateful. Lofren was happy to talk about matters of law at length, in detail, to anyone who would listen.
- Eric Idle's Rutland Dirty Weekend Book contains a letter to critics in which Idle explicitly states they will be paid bribes for a good review of the book, and subject to physical violence for a bad review, and notes that blackmail is an ugly word, "but in this case, it's also a very accurate one."
- The novel And Here's To You has main female character Alicia Mitchell use this exact line on a co-worker at an office party. Partially Justified by the character's internal monologue revealing that she was directly quoting Bender from Futurama (see the second page quote above) when she did so.
- Variant: In the Lord Darcy novel Too Many Magicians, when the Marquis of London pressures Darcy to take a case, Master Sean calls it blackmail:
"'Blackmail' is perhaps too strong a word," Lord Darcy said thoughtfully, "but I will admit that no other is quite strong enough."
- Inverted in The Culture novel The Player of Games. The protagonist is blackmailed by a drone and the drone actually says something like "What I'm doing to you is called blackmail." Presumably, since The Culture is a utopia, the protagonist might not actually know what blackmail is.
- Abe Mazur from Vampire Academy, never blackmails. "It's much easier if people simply see reason...".
- In Hullo Russia Goodbye England, the pilots of Britain's nuclear deterrent strike jets are vulnerable to blackmail. The Russian spy who attempts to compromise Flight-Lieutenant Silk over his affair describes what he does as "working for the Press", the implication being that if Silk does not play nicely, his MP wife will be embarrassed by his affair becoming common knowledge. Especially since Silk is paying cash to the lady for "cello lessons". A local bookie also threatens to go to the CO if another pilot's gambling debts are not paid in full, and "have a concerned discussion as to his little problem. You can't have a man with a gambling problem in charge of nuclear weapons, can you? It's my public duty." . note
- Lampshaded or subverted or something in Brass, when one character sets out to blackmail another, and they hold a conversation in which each suggests what the other would be likely to say next — starting with this line.
- From Buffy the Vampire Slayer:
- Subverted in the M*A*S*H episode "The Price".
Klinger: Bribery is such an ugly word. Ugly, but fitting.
BJ: Blackmail is such an ugly word.
Hawkeye: We prefer extortion.
- In Diff'rent Strokes, Arnold gets into a fight with the bullying son of the landlord's brother who is subbing for a short time. This leads to a loud confrontation where the brother confronts Mr. Drummond, threatens to evict the family and provokes Drummond to punch the blowhard out. Later, the Landlord comes to the Drummonds saying that he approved of his dumb brother being put in his place. He also exploits a lease violation that the brother found to raise the rent on the Drummonds, with a veiled threat of eviction to convince them to give in. When Drummond protests that this is blackmail, the landlord responds "I prefer to think of it as plea bargaining". The punchline is after the Drummonds cave in to this threat, the father tells the kids that this is the result of his act of violence. However, when asked if it was worth it, Mr. Drummond immediately remarks it was for having the pleasure of shutting a bully up.
- Inversion: After Reese destroyed a new fridge in Malcolm in the Middle via a hand grenade given to him by his grandfather, Hal sits down with his in-laws and asks for money to repair the damages and then some. His father-in-law believes this is a loan to be paid back. Hal calmly informs them that they endangered the children by bringing live munitions into the house and that he could have them arrested for that. He then proceeds to tell them "Don't think of it as a loan. Think of it as blackmail."
- Subversion: In Jeeves and Wooster, Bertie gets blackmailed by Stiffy, and sets her up for the line as such: "Are you blackmailing me?" Even though most of the characters can be rather verbose, she just looks at him for a moment and replies with a simple "Yes."
- Creed Bratton uses the trope name directly in the webisodes for The Office.
- Alias Smith and Jones:
Heyes: This is blackmail, Georgette. You know that.
Georgette: I hate the word blackmail.
Curry: You like extortion any better?
- In the K9 episode "The Custodians", a Misplaced Kindergarten Teacher is demanding ten million credits to shut down his mind-control once it proves to have horrific side-effects that even the Department don't like:
Inspector Thorne: You're blackmailing me?
John: That's a very non-wonderful word, Inspector. But yes, I am.
- Burn Notice has the occasional use, as spies use plenty of doublespeak. One episode has Jesse convincing a target to follow Michael's plan, or some information is getting to the media.
Wayne Meyerson: Wait. Are you blackmailing me?
Jesse: Yeah. But... let's not call it that. Let's call it 'a potential win-win'.
- Yes, Minister gave us a version of this, when the black, male revolutionary leader of a small African nation threatens to give a strongly nationalist speech in Scotland unless the Government gives him £50 million (around $115 million in 1980, when that episode aired).
Sir Humphrey: It's blackmail!
General Selim Mohammed: Are you referring to me or my proposal?
Jim Hacker: Your proposal, obviously! No, wait, not even your proposal!
Bernard: It is a bit of a cover up, isn't it?Sir Humphrey: Certainly not, Bernard. It is a responsible discretion exercised in the national interest to prevent unnecessary disclosure of eminently justifiable procedures in which untimely revelations would severely impair public confidence.Bernard: I see. [beat] It's like Watergate?
- This is an almost character defining trope for Sir Humphrey, who usually merges it with spectacular Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness, as in the following gem:
- From the Yes, Prime Minister episode "A Conflict of Interest":
Hacker: You mean he's indiscreet?
Humphrey: That's such a pejorative word. I prefer to say he's obsessively honest.
Allison Taylor: What you're proposing is blackmail.
Jonas Hodges: Well, that's putting it in the worst possible light.
- 3rd Rock from the Sun episode "Alien Hunter":
Caryn: You know, Dr. Solomon, this could be interpreted as blackmail.
Dick: No, Caryn, it's extortion.
- In Hannibal, the title character manipulates Abigail Hobbs into silence after she accidentally murders someone. He prefers to call it "keeping each other secrets".
- An episode of The Good Life ("The Pagan Rite" in series 1) has Margo on the telephone giving her choir mistress a long list of reasons why she should be allowed to stand in the front row for their upcoming performance. She gets her way:
Margo: No I have not finished, Miss Mountshaft. Furthermore, let us remember that it is I who supply the gingerbread men for rehearsal teas. (pause) Ha ha ha ha ha, blackmail is an ugly word, Miss Mountshaft."
- On I Love Lucy, Ricky accuses Lucy of trying to blackmail him.
Lucy: Let's not call it that.Ricky: That's what it is!Lucy: I know, but let's not call it that.
- In The Rockford Files episode "The Empty Frame, Angel tells his brother-in-law "When it's in the immediate family it's not called blackmail. It's called family spirit."
- Subverted in an episode of Bones when Brennan shows the federal prosecutor evidence she has on his illicit activity and threatens to reveal it if he doesn't have the false charges against Booth dropped.
Brady: Do you have any idea what you're doing?Brennan: Yes. I'm blackmailing you.
- In Sherlock, Magnussen subverts this by using an even uglier word: ownership.
- Star Trek: Voyager. In "Concerning Flight", the Villain of the Week Tau is a Space Pirate turned Arms Dealer, and has this as his Establishing Character Moment.
Alien Buyer: Your prices are said to be unreasonable.Tau: Unreasonable is such a strong term. But if I can't sell to you, I'll sell to one of the other colonies in your system. A violent sort, your neighbours, aren't they? I'd hate to make your life difficult by offering my weapons to them. But if you don't give me a choice...
- Lampshaded and subverted on Greg the Bunny:
Leo: ... and I thought, what a coincidence! Your show is hiring a Singing Mailman and I... have your dirty tape?
Dottie Sunshine: You're blackmailing me?
Leo: (as Jack Nicholson) Blackmail is such a dirty word.
Leo: (as himself) Jack Nicholson, Chinatown. And yes.
- A spoof of this trope, from the British radio series Im Sorry Ill Read That Again:
John (Cleese): So... it's blackmail, is it?
Graeme (Garden) : Please. Blackmail is such an ugly word.
John: All right. How about... fishpaste?
Graeme: Much better.
John: So... it's fishpaste, is it?
Graeme: I'm afraid so.
Blackmail is such an ugly word.
- Were those the guys who gave us this exchange?
You think so?
It's the transition between the 'k' and the 'm' that does it for me. "Blackmail", ugh, it's an ungainly word.
Well, what word do you prefer?
- In one of her routines as Ernestine the telephone operator, Lily Tomlin tells a customer, "Blackmail is such an ugly word. Let's just call it a vicious threat."
- Metal Gear Solid
Snake: So, you're blackmailing me?
Col. Campbell: I prefer to think of it as helping to make you come to a decision more easily.
- In Borderlands 2, Handsome Jack became president of Hyperion by threatening the previous president. At first, Jack doesn't want to use an ugly word like blackmail...until he decides that blackmail is actually an awesome word.
Jack: C'mon, say it with me! Blackmail! Blllllaaaaaack-Tassiter: Oh, go to hell, John.
- When Ayla and Jadis confront some would-be extortionists in the Whateley Universe:
Jadis: Ooh. That sounds like blackmail. And blackmail is such an ugly word.
Ayla: I prefer "intentional torts". At least it sounds like some deliberately tasty desserts.
- Schlock Mercenary.
Kevyn: That wasn't blackmail. That was, I don't know... passive extortion?
- Regarding menacing the Sol system with the PDCL:
- On the rare occasion acknowledging their status as mercenaries is politically inconvenient, the Toughs and others will be called "security and armed response."
- Played entirely straight in this Narbonic strip. There's a slight twist, in that due to Artie's self-image as "the good one", he's trying to convince himself what he's planning isn't blackmail.
- From Soap on a Rope:
Max: Joe, you're blackmailing people!
Joe: "Blackmail" is such a negative term. I prefer "mail of color".
- Goats, here:
Scroggs: Blackmail is such a negative term. Let's call it Proactive Synergy Reallocation.
Ix: Let's call it Susan. Ix always like that name.
- Exterminatus Now has a wonderful scene:
Lothar: You're blackmailing someone, aren't you?
Virus: (with hurt expression) We prefer the term "extortion".
Eastwood: Hey, it's not our fault if Commander Schaefer leaves videos of his secret chicken fetish lying around. Anybody could've broken into his apartment and found them.
Examples of a different Ugly Word
Anime & Manga
Comics — Books
- Joker's Asylum: The Riddler:
Jessica Duchamp: The painting. You're stealing it.
Riddler: "Stealing" is such an unpleasant word. I prefer "acquiring". It's much more aesthetically pleasing to the tongue.
- Simpsons Comics:
Lisa: You fake the Mars missions here?
Lindsay Neagle: "Fake" is such a harsh word. Accurate, but harsh.
Films — Animation
- In Atlantis The Lost Empire, Milo accuses the others on the expedition of being mercenaries, only to be told they "prefer the term 'adventure capitalist.'"
- In sequels to Aladdin, it's nearly Iago's catchphrase to say "Hate/traitor is such a strong word".
- Robin Hood:
Little John: You know sump'n, Robin, I was just wonderin' — are we good guys or bad guys? You know, I mean, uh, our robbin' the rich to feed the poor...
Robin Hood: "Rob?" Tsk tsk tsk tsk — that's a naughty word; we never "rob." We just... sort of borrow a bit from those who can afford it.
Little John: "Borrow?" Huh. Boy, are we in debt!
Films — Live-Action
Gittes: She was cheating on him. Were you?
Mrs. Mulwray: I dislike the word "cheat".
Gittes: Did you have affairs?
Mrs. Mulwray: Mr. Gittes.
- Parodied in TRON, when Alan Bradley goes to find out what Flynn knows about the hacker in ENCOM's system, figures out it's him, and asks if he's been embezzling. Flynn's response is a sarcastic, "Embezzling is such an ugly word, Mr. Bradley," followed by the actual explanation, that he was searching for the evidence that Dillinger's hit arcade games were, in fact, Flynn's.
- In Back to the Future Part III, as Doc Brown is unveiling his plan of returning Marty back 1985 (as he went to 1885 to presumably rescue Doc), he starts to say "We're going to hijack...", before freezing, immediately correcting himself and placing emphasis on new terminology with a wide, toothy grin, "BORROW... the locomotive..."
- Later, when the borrowing is taking place, the conductor asks if it's a hold-up. Doc responds that "it's a science experiment."
- In Back to the Future Part II, Doc also "borrowed" some old newspapers from the closed-down Hill Valley Library in 1985-A.
Bartleby Gaines: Eh, Stalking's an ugly word. I prefer obsessively shadowing.
- From Spider-Man:
- Inverted in Entrapment, when Mac explains to Virginia how he can frame her for a theft.
Virginia: I said this is called entrapment.
Mac: No, this is blackmail. Entrapment is what cops do to thieves.
- It's hardly framing when one is actually guilty of the theft.
- Doubled-up in Thor:
Thor: if... you return the items you have taken from Jane.
Jane Foster: Stolen.
Agent Coulson: Borrowed.
- In Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Will & Jack have this exchange:
Will: We're going to steal a ship? [looks at the Endeavour] That ship?
Jack: Commandeer; nautical term. We're going to commandeer...that ship. [points at the Interceptor]
- An odd variation occurs in The Blues Brothers, when Elwood admits that he hasn't kept track of the old band as well as he said he did while Jake was in prison. The odd part is whether or not Elwood's choice of words is better than Jake's.
Elwood: Well, what was I gonna do? Take away your only hope? Take away the very thing that kept you going in there? I took the liberty of bullshitting you, okay?
Jake: You lied to me.
Elwood: It wasn't a lie, it was just...bullshit.
- In The Rocketeer, once it's revealed that Neville Sinclair is actually a Nazi spy:
Jenny: Everything you told me was a lie.Neville: It wasn't lies, Jenny, it was acting.
- In fantasy settings, the thief may prefer a title like "Expert Treasure Finder". Especially if they are grouped with paladins.
- In The Hobbit, Glóin tells Bilbo, "You can say 'Expert Treasure-hunter' instead of 'Burglar' if you like. Some do."
- David Eddings uses this several times in his various book series. Silk is the patron saint of this trope.
- In the first Kingdom Keepers book, Wayne says that Finn would only "borrow" Walt Disney's pen, as oppose to stealing it. Possibly inspired by the exchange in Robin Hood, above.
- From "The Movie They Said Could Never Be Made" in The Joy of Clichés by Nigel Rees:
Dr. Big: You're just like all the others. You think I'm mad, don't you?
Side-Kick: Not mad, but how about geisteskrank?
Dr. Big: Geisteskrank is such an ugly word.!
- Informed by Harry Dresden that there've been two attempts on Harry's life since he was hired to follow him, a private investigator opts to discontinue his assignment, remarking that "accomplice" is an ugly word, as is "penitentiary".
- Reacher Gilt, anticipating his co-conspirators' thought processes in Going Postal, contemptuously muses that (at least for them) "embezzlement" is such a difficult word.
- In one of Ernest Bramah's "Kai Lung" stories, what most fantasy stories would call the thieves' Guild refers to itself as the "Joined-Together Band of Excrescence-Removers and Superfluity Adjustors".
- In Spock's World, McCoy insists on his hacking being called "borrowing" rather than "stealing."
- In Downton Abbey, when the Countess Dowager asks Doctor Clarkson to make some "amenagements" with the truth to help Cora reconcile with Robert.
Dr Clarkson: So you want me to lie to them and say there was no chance at all?Countess Dowager: Lie is such an unmusical word.
- In Farscape when Rygel is accused of "snurching" (Farscape-ese for "stealing"), he responds "I don't snurch, I... procure."
- Who's the Boss?, "Not With My Client You Don't": Angela's assistant calls "hooker" an ugly word and prefers "call girl".
- In the Blackadder Goes Forth episode "General Hospital", during a discussion of spying, Melchett becomes so concerned with what's "a dirty word" and what isn't that he loses touch with the actual subject entirely.
Melchett: "Security" isn't a dirty word, Blackadder. "Crevice" is a dirty word, but not "security".
Blackadder: Well, good thing your jobnote is also your hobby.
Melchett: Now there's another dirty word: "job".
Darling: We've found a leak.
Melchett: Now "leak" is a positively disgusting word.
- M*A*S*H had this in the episode where Hawkeye and BJ were named morale officers and Klinger shook them down for a 3-day pass to go on an errand for them.
Klinger: "Thief" is such an ugly word. Shall we say "entrepreneur"?
Hawkeye: You just stole a 3-day pass from us.Klinger: "Stole" is such an ugly word. Shall we say "creatively acquired"?
- A little later, when they find out Klinger was going where they wanted him to anyway:
- In the finale of Boston Legal:
Carl Sack: Fired is such an ugly word, Alan. An accurate one, but...
- Burn Notice:
Michael: You're forcing me to break into a weapons manufacturer?
Brennen: Forcing is such an ugly word. Encouraging. Incentivizing... No, you're right, let's go with forcing.
- Two nonsensical examples in A Bit of Fry and Laurie:
Stephen Fry: I dislike the word brothel, Mr. Jowett. I prefer to use the word brothels. Yes, this is a brothels.
(Note that it was a shoe shop.)
Hugh: You certainly came prepared, didn't you?
Stephen: I prefer to put it this way: I certainly came prepared, didn't I?
- An episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air:
Will: You hustled me!
Pool Shark: Hustled is such an ugly word. I like to call it creative money management.
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer: In the third season finale, when Buffy informed Wesley that she was through taking orders from the Watchers Council...
Wesley: This is mutiny!
Buffy: I call it "graduation".
Buffy: So...am I crazy?
- Also from Buffy the Vampire Slayer:
Willow: Well, "crazy" is such a strong word...
Giles: Let's not rule it out, though.
- In Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Garak isn't pleased with Siskos' encouragement to help him with a rescue misson.
Garak: Commander, this is extortion!
Sisko: Hm... yes, it is.
- In "The Scarlet Letter" episode of The Mentalist, the line is fairly self-explanatory.
Minelli: You abused a corpse to get a confession.
Jane: Used. Used a corpse. There's no "ab".
- On an episode of Life, Charlie Crews abducts the Big Bad by waylaying his chauffeur and picking him up in his own car. When the victim points out that "this is a kidnapping," Charlie parks the car and begins to explain why he doesn't like that word and doesn't feel it applies in this case. The villain then says, "No, detective, you misunderstand me. This isn't a kidnapping. This is a kidnapping." Cue a tire iron smashing through Charlie's window.
- Castle has a suspect in one episode who isn't fond of the word "stalking". But he did follow the victim around for a few days....
- One Hundred Deeds For Eddie Mcdowd:
Justin: I hate you!
Eddie: Justin, hate is a very strong word.
- The Comic Strip Presents episode "Space Virgins from the Planet Sex" has alien women needing human men to get them pregnant. They shy away from the term "sex slave" in favour of a description of being forced to have sex.
- The MacGuffin in one Hogan's Heroes episode is a collection of artwork taken from occupied France for a high-ranking German official's private collection — described as "not 'stolen'... 'confiscated'".
- From the Frasier episode "The Devil and Dr. Willly":
Babe: I'm just talking about having a little fun. After all, when I'm having fun, I'm happy. When I'm happy, I work harder. When I work harder, you become famous and powerful. Isn't that what you want? Fame and power?
Frasier: I like to think of it more as "influence", really, but...
- Combined with Brief Accent Imitation in Lovejoy when some former soviets ask if an official is "Coorv-ed"
Tinker: I think he means "Bent"Lovejoy: I prefer "Coorv-ed".
- Subverted in Haven:
Duke: Lying is such an ugly word...but yeah, I lied.
- Used on The Big Bang Theory, about a robot belonging to NASA that Howard brought with him to Leonard and Sheldon's apartment.
Penny: Does NASA know you're using that thing as a napkin holder?
Howard: Are you kidding? They still think it's in a secure locker at JPL.
Penny: You stole it?
Howard: Borrowed! The trick is to carry it out to your car like you own it.
- Person of Interest: Finch, to Carter in "Baby Blue":
Carter: You hacked into his company?
Finch: 'Hacked' is such an ugly word.
- Doctor Who: In "The Big Bang", the Doctor, saying goodbye to a young Amy, mentions, "Did I tell you that I stole the TARDIS? Well, borrowed." His subsequent description of the TARDIS as "ancient and modern at the same time and the most brilliant blue ever" allowed Amy to remember it at her wedding to Rory as "Something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue."
Idris(the TARDIS in a human form): Then you stole me. And I stole you.The Doctor: I borrowed you.Idris: Borrowing implies the eventual intention to return the thing that it was taken. What makes you think I would ever give you back?
- Brought up again, in "The Doctor's Wife":
- Subverted on Arrow.
Oliver: Felicity, are you hacking into the Merlyn Global mainframe?
Felicity: "Hacking" is such an ugly word. No. I'm... Yeah. Totally hacking into the Merlyn Global mainframe.
- From "Erase" by They Might Be Giants:
Think of this as solving problems
That should never have occurred
Please don't call it "strangulation"
That is such an ugly word
- In the German version of Kingdom Hearts II, Demyx responds to Goofy accusing him of being a thief with "Dieb – was für ein hässliches Wort!", meaning "Thief – what an ugly word!".
- Final Fantasy VI with Locke, and his insistence that he's not a thief, he's a "treasure hunter". Naturally, he often "hunts for treasure" in other people's homes. But press the issue and he might rip your lungs out. Or at least steal your clothes.
"Bah! Semantic nonsense!"
- In Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Ring of Fates
Aleria: She's a sacrifice to your god?!
Chaspel: "Sacrifice" is such a harsh word. "Catalyst" sounds so much nicer.
- This exchange is brought up in Jak II when the words "forced labour trade" are mentioned:
Jak: You mean the slave trade?
Krew: Uh, I prefer "freedom challenged".
- From Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords:
HK-50: Clarification: "Assassin Droid" is such a crude term, master, reserved for durasteel drones with only the most archaic kill-programs. The function I perform has been referred to as "wanton slaughter". I prefer to see it as a means of facilitating communication, resulting in the termination of hostilities.
- From Star Wars: The Old Republic:
NPC: You're insane!
Sith Inquisitor: Insane is such a harsh word. I prefer differently rational.
- God Hand:
Gene: This arm makes me popular among the hellish set.
Conchita (a demon): Hellish?!? We prefer "supertropical".
- Thief, while looting a ruined city:
Garrett: Archaeologist sounds so much more dignified than Thief.
- In Geneforge V, a bandit argues over semantics.
Emogene: I object to the word "extort". It is an ugly term. We are helping them. If they are so tight with their coins that they can't pay us for this service, it is a good thing we are here to teach them manners.
- In Disgaea: Hour of Darkness, after we find out the real reason of CAPTAIN GORDON, DEFENDER OF EARTH!'s mission to the Netherworld, this conversation takes place:
- Fallout: New Vegas has Mr. House
Courier: In the meantime, you'd rule Vegas as some kind of dictator?
Mr. House: I prefer the term 'autocrat'.
- In Persona 3, when SEES confronts Ikutsuki and learns of his true intentions:
Yukari: You used both me and my father!
Ikutsuki: "Used" is such an ugly word. It was for the sake of the world, so how could it be wrong?
- Mr. Butch from Chopping Block is not a "serial killer". He prefers the term "High Yield Afterlife Inducement Broker."
- Inverted in Intragalactic:
Captain Glee: "Unofficial incentive" is such an ugly... pair of words. Let's just say I bribed you with full knowledge that I'm violating the law.
- Much like Haley, Mordekai from Irregular Webcomic! is a "Loveable Rogue".
- Revolver Ocelot in The Last Days Of FOXHOUND:
Revolver Ocelot: "Torture" is such an inelegant word. I'm an artist. Their testicles are my canvas.
- Gav in Nukees, in a way illuminating his character.
Gav: "Better" is such an ugly word...
- The Order of the Stick
- Haley Starshine dislikes being called a thief. She prefers "Freelance Wealth Redistribution Specialist".
- Also, when Vaarsuvius' mate questions where V got a massive power boost:
Vaarsuvius: I negotiated an exchange with three gentlemen from... other planes of existence.
Inkyrius: Which planes?
Vaarsuvius: Those in the ventral position.
Inkyrius: You sold your soul to fiends??
Vaarsuvius: Technically, it is more of a fixed-term lease with an occupancy date yet to be determined!
- This ''Pibgorn'' strip:
Stan: These creatures you treasure, they are as good as dead unless you follow my instructions to the letter.
Pibgorn: So they're hostages!
Stan: "Hostage" is such an ugly, sordid word ... yes. They're hostages.
- Schlock Mercenary is in this category too:
Petey: "Spy" is such a short ugly word. I prefer "espionage". Those three extra syllables really say something.
- In this Sluggy Freelance strip, the Evil Chancellor doesn't like the term "bad guy", prefering to be called "morally challenged".
- Spacetrawler: inverted, "Please, don't call it a gift. Call it a bribe."
- Similarly, this post on the (now disused) old NationStates forums, memorialised in someone's signature:
Extortion is such a nasty word.
I much prefer "magnolia". "Magnolia" is a much nicer word.
- This◊ demotivator. They're not pirates, they're preemtive nautical salvage experts.
- Genocide is such a harsh word...
- "Pre-release" used to be a euphemism for "stolen from the Chinese factory it was made in" when it came to Transformers action figures. Internet Personality Vangelus rejects this euphemism, preferring "Stolen Chinese Toys".
- On Invasion America, this exchange takes place:
Cale Oosha: TREASON!
- Codename: Kids Next Door, "Op LEADER": Chad calls "traitor" an ugly word. Which he isn't.
- In The Venture Bros., the Guild of Calamitous Intent also don't like morally charged phrases like "good guys" or "bad guys", and insist people use "protagonist" and "antagonist" instead. In all fairness, with guys like Brock Sampson running around, it is a legitimate complaint.
- The Simpsons:
Homer: (to Sherri) C'mon, why won't you go out with Bart?
- Homer posing as 4th-grader:
Sherri: He's a smelly, ugly dork!
Homer: Ugly is such a smelly word.
Lisa: You're replacing me?
- Another Simpsons example:
Homer: Now, Lisa, "dumping" is such a harsh word. Let's just say I'm replacing you.
Marge: Did you jimmy open Mr. Burns' liquor cabinet?
- And another:
Homer: Jimmy is such an ugly word. Unless you're talking about Jimmy Smits. Mrrow!
Bart: Did you replace me with this tinker toy?!
- In the Treehouse of Horror Bartificial Intelligence
Homer: Replace is such an ugly word. We upgraded.
- Spongebob Squarepants includes a variation in "Bucket Sweet Bucket".
Mr. Krabs: (takes the safe out from his throat) And I bet you tried to steal this, too.
Plankton: (chuckles) Well, steal is such a strong word.
- Metalocalypse: The band members don't like talking about dying (when it's them); they prefer the term "hamburger time".
- Subverted in Dan Vs.
Amber: "Extortion" is such an ugly word. I prefer..."extortion".
Dan: That's the same word.
Amber: I said it nicer the second time.
- In Danny Phantom when Danny calls Vlad a Green Bay Packers fanatic. Vlad openly admits it.
Vlad: Fanatic is such a negative word... but yes.
- In Batman: The Animated Series, when a captured Batman is put on "trial" by the inmates of Arkham Asylum and district attorney Janet Van Dorn helps him as best she can by sowing discord among the criminals:
Harley: Ha! You're just jealous because you don't have a fella who's as lovin' and loyal to you as my Puddin' is to me!
Van Dorn: Ah-ha. And I suppose it was that same "loyalty" I saw the last time you escaped and "Puddin'" here finked on you in hopes of getting time off!
Harley: (dejected) Is that true, Puddin'?
Joker: (sheepishly) "Finked" is such an ugly word....
Harley: (grabs Joker and starts shaking him) You lousy, scum sucking creep!