Additional Evil Overlord List Cellblock E
- Anyone holding an officer's rank within my Legions of Terror will have been promoted to said rank after an appropriate number of years of competent, loyal service and demonstrating the requisite aptitude for leadership and tactics. On no accounts will I EVER make someone an officer just because he or she is a member of a priveleged class within my empire, history repeatedly shows that upper class twits make piss-poor commanders.
- In addition, I will create several positions with impressive titles and very little responsibility or power. If I ever have to promote my dragon's incompetent nephew, I will promote him to one of these. These also provide nice options for any subordinate I want to neutralize without offending. These positions will not be real command of currently safe and stable areas.
- I will only deploy my Imperial Walkers in regions where the terrian and other conditions clearly favor them over more traditional wheeled and tracked vehicles. Also, they will be armed with as many weapons as weight limitations and viable hardpoints will allow, rather than just two cannons forward on the "head" which can only swivel a maximum of 60 degrees in any direction.
- Since few things in this universe are more infuriating and inconvenient than the do-gooders turning my minions against me through the simplest acts of kindness and/or compassion, I will try to avoid being such a hardass that they would have cause to secretly resent me.
- I will not take an innocent person hostage and then subsequently murder them in front of the hero solely for the purpose of illustrating what a rotten bastard I am. Doing so would just give the hero one more reason to blow my brains out right there and then.
- Before my Legions of Terror put any revolutionary new personal weapons technology into wide use on the battlefield, I will take into account the probability of the rebellion or my other enemies acquiring the new weapons by taking them off fallen soldiers or prisoners of war. I will then make contingency plans accordingly, rather than allow myself be caught flat-footed when my enemies turn my own technology against me.
- All of the kitchen knives and steak knives in my palace's kitchen will be kept in a locked cabinet when not in use. Members of the kitchen staff will be issued keys to said cabinet only if they pass a thorough background screening and their duties logically require them to have access to the knives. The last thing I need is someone pilfering a knife, sneaking into my chambers in the middle of the night, and slash my throat while I slumber.
- If I am ever tempted to have slowly closing doors the come down from the ceiling, I will make sure that there are many chambers of said doors that close from the outside in, so that the hero will be trapped inside. Also, these doors will suddenly drop the last few inches to discourage the hero from trying anything cute
- Explosives will be stored in a locked and well reinforced "hot room" when not in use. This room will also have plenty of fire extinguishers on hand for emergencies and a clearly-posted NO SMOKING sign, just so there is officially no excuse for being that brainless.
- If the level of technology allows for it, I will store and use C4 plastic explosives whenever I can. Setting them on fire does not set them off, and they are far safer to handle than dynamite or nitroglycerine -based explosives. If I cannot use C4 for any reason, only a qualified demolition team will be allowed to handle the explosives
- I will not use any sort of slave as a bodyguard. The same goes for anyone of a people I am keeping in permanent debt.
- If the hero has a Snarky Non-Human Sidekick, I will deal with him/her/it with that much more caution since such creatures all too often outshine their human companions both in Genre Savvy and sheer ruthlessness.
- I will have my scientists develop a binary compound that can be combined to form a reasonably safe and effective tranquilliser. The precursor compounds of which remain inert, undetectable and stay in the human body for a few weeks, unless the other compound is introduced at the same time, in which case the human in question is knocked out. My mooks will be routinely issued one compound and the local peasantry (and any foreigners I capture as prisoners) the other. This will allow me to;
- Have my legions use the first compound to subdue peasants (assuming I can deliver a fixed dose of the second compound I've already decided on the dosage, my mooks need only concentrate on dosing them with enough of it).
- If anyone in the later group attempts to seduce one of my mooks, then they will both be knocked out when the compounds mix. Allowing me to have the seducer arrested and the mook appropriately punished (see also; any vows related to proper guard procedures. Having all my mooks knocked out by a swarm of seductresses so that the hero can just stroll in would make me a laughing stock).
- Inconvenience the heroes by ensuring that any defectors will be out of action until the first compound is purged from their system, due to the means of dispensing the second constantly knocking them out. Infiltrators will not be doped, but will be trained to pretend they're knocked out and issued some means of telling if they're being exposed to either compound to aid their cover.
- I will also ensure it's tested on non-humans. Nothing would get a hero out for my blood faster than accidentally having him poison his beloved pet when it licks his face.
- I will avoid dosing the peasants through their food, water or anything else they could stockpile if they realised what was going on. Issuing everyone something that can knock out my mooks is a bad idea.
- I will dose myself with nothing but the antidote. This antidote will be stored in single use aerosol cans which must be opened correctly (ideally by means only I could accomplish) or become useless, allowing me to also safely carry a few to revive loyal mooks who are knocked out despite the above precautions.
- Assuming I use them in the first place, any unconventional vehicles I deploy, such as hovercraft and mechanized walkers, will also have treads/wheels for use in case their primary mode of transportation fails.
- Should I happen to be an Overlord in a mystical setting, I will never, ever eliminate dragons from the world no matter what they have done to me - there will only end up being a few super-powerful survivors who fight with the hero and gain him huge amounts of PR for having a cool flying death-lizard friend. Instead, I will make dragons a protected species, treat them with courtesy and respect and additionally hire a few as Legions of Terror in keeping with my status as an equal-opportunities employer. In return, I will ask them to ensure that no hero gets his hands on a pet dragon and introduce some of them to my peasants so they are not so amazed should the hero try to use his status as dragon-rider or similar to rally the people.
- Nevertheless, my fortress will have the appropriate defences in place just in case some rogue dragon(s) and/or dragon-rider(s) attack me for some reason.
- No matter how small it is, no Rebel Alliance is insignificant enough to ignore. Should any arise, I will bring my full might to bear on them as soon as possible and present them to the people as a bunch of murderous, genocidal anarchists out for money.
- I will carefully read and reread any legally (or mystically) binding contract before I even think about signing it, especially the fine print. I will summon my lawyers and have them look it over as well, especially if there's anything in the contract that seems a bit fishy to me. All this goes double if it's a pact with a diabolical spirit or deity.
- I will not enter into any macho pissing contests with other Evil Overlords, especially ones that will end up with me revealing my secret back up plans in order to 'win'.
- All boxes, crates, barrels, etc. that the hero or one of his allies could conceivably hide in will always be kept in specially designated areas and will have labels indicating which area they are to be stored in. If any such container is sighted somewhere other than where it is supposed to be, even if said container is not moving, all exits from that area are to be sealed from the outside, and the container in question is to be inspected by two guards—one to open the container (if less direct methods of inspection are unavailable or insufficient) and a second to report an intruder if the first guard is killed by the intruder the instant he/she opens the container. If the container is found to contain no intruder, it is to be returned to its designated storage location.
- If I choose to become a Multiversal Conqueror, I will not seek help from my alternate counterparts. Chances are that either they are incompetent or we'll all be fighting each other for control of the multiverse.
- My fortress's infirmary will have well-secured cabinets in which all sedatives, painkillers, and other expensive, abusable drugs will be kept. A thorough, daily inventory of said cabinets will be taken and anyone caught getting high off the infirmary's supply can expect to be severely punished.
- Anyone I hire to fight the hero shall be bound by a carefully-worded contract that ensures their continued loyalty for as long as I require their services. Even if they're only in it for the money, I need to be sure my hired guns won't turn on me when the hero inevitably offers them better pay.
- Should anyone manage to enter my lair, they will not be confronted by a series of minions while I sit in my inner sanctum doing nothing. They will be instead confronted by me (in addition to my most powerful warriors) the moment they walk through the door.
- My most powerful weapon/attack that can be reasonably used within the area of the battle will be my first resort, not my last.
- If I am an Emotion Eater, I will not underestimate the power of the emotion in question, especially if my consumption of it has made me strong.
- I will not turn the world into something Dalí would paint. When things get that chaotic, it's hard to notice little things like the fact that the heroes have their power back.
- Especially if that power is rooted in their character.
- Sometimes, I will let hostages go when I promise to. People will actually believe me then.
- My Minions of Terror will never carry any amount of cash. Those that require money will be issued checkbooks or credit cards (as technology allows) for official use only. My accounts will be carefully monitored for any sign of credit-card fraud. The Hero doesn't need any more money than he already has.
- If the hero has some sort of "hidden power," I will not attempt to provoke him into releasing it so that I can have a good fight. Said hidden power will be far beyond by ability to handle. I will instead use my full power to kill him quickly and be done with it.
- If I must have a secret trap door in my throne room, I'll carefully memorize it's exact location and avoid standing on that spot. Also, the opening of said trap door will be triggered by a hidden push button under the arm of my chair, and not a big, obvious lever. Making puns about my enemies "dropping in" will still be optional though.
- While potentially costing more money due to replacement, any weapons or other forms of useful equipment carried by my Legion of Doom will be keyed to its user's vital signs. The moment a mook dies, small explosives/strong acid will be set off/released, rendering the equipment useless.
- Alternatively, I could take a lesson from those high tech elves that live underground or MI6 and use a fingerprint/DNA scanner in the trigger/grip, that would forcibly turn on the safety until the proper user reclaims it, just in case the hero knocks out a mook, instead of killing them.
- Or, I could use both...
- I will not establish a central bank and fiat currency in my nation. Such things may seem to work out fine for a while, but as a student of history I will realize they always lead to a ruined national economy and lots of righteously pissed off subjects who will form or join a rebellion against me.