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Machinima: Gamer Poop

Gamer Poop is a Machinima series by MANS1AY3R which edits video and audio from various video games to create humorous (and quite often disturbing) scenes very, very loosely based in and around the games' plotlines. So far the following games have been Gamer Pooped:


It looks something like this:

  • Affectionate Parody
  • All Just a Dream: "Well, soldier? Are you up for this ass?" Much to the annoyance and depression of the man having it. "It's just a dream," he sighs...
    • Bedmate Reveal: ...At which point, a near-naked man stands up and walks off.
    "Nope. Better."
    "Do you like... my pretty pussy?"
  • Alternate Character Interpretation: Everyone is given this treatment in-universe. Shepard is now a crossdressing nymphomaniac with a fetish for steak. Garrus gives little children drugs and wants to have Shepard touch his rectum. Liara is a Reaper Doomsday Device. Jarl Balgruuf was a little girl in France.
  • Anything That Moves: Their take on Commander Shepard veers into Memetic Molester territory.
    • Various Skyrim NPCs ascribe to the motto of "any hole is a goal". Even if it belongs to a hagraven.
  • Aren't You Going to Ravish Me?: Nazeem seems disappointed that a guard doesn't want to rape him.
  • Ascended Meme: MaleShep voice actor Mark Meer is fully aware of MaleShep's catchphrase from the Mass Effect videos.
  • Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever A giant chicken attacks Whiterun.
  • Ax-Crazy: In Oblivion #2, an orc on the streets gives us the following, which turns out to be not actually a dream, when the guy wakes up to find him feeding a kitten in the middle of the city's flaming ruins:
    Orc: A little bird told me "Go, go! Socialize! Talk to those fine people! And then KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM! Plunge your knife into their throats when they ain't looking and then burn 'em to the ground!" Well that's silly, isn't it? HahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....!
  • Bestiality Is Depraved: The Dovahkiin eagerly awaits an attractive female pleasuring him. In the morning, it turns out a goat was sucking him off.
    "Of course. I caught a glimpse of that captured hagraven's beautiful tits."
    • They also implore Dovahkiin to indulge.
    "Dovahkiin. You. Better work work WORK. That hairy coochie."
    • Emperor Titus Mede is a cow fucker.
  • Bigger Is Better in Bed: Cicero has one that's apparently been predicted by sages... and turns Balgruuf into a giant walrus.
    • "You see those warriors from Hammerfell? They've got curved... penises. BIG... curved. Penises."
  • Bleep Dammit: Words are censored with a total lack of consistency. Or rather, they're bleeped only when the maker couldn't find the right syllables to stitch together.
    Hammerfell Warrior: Fuck all that singing and shit.
  • Brick Joke: Diana ends up regretting her battle tits due to Shepard's Male Gaze.
    • In Skyrim, the kids operating a drug cartel.
  • Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick: When Shepard offers his squadmates some icebreakers to talk tot the females at a party:
    Shepard: "You could say, 'Hey,' 'What's your name?' 'Would you like something to drink?' 'What sounds will you make when my cock destroys your pusssieeeeee?'"
  • Call Back: In the first Mass Effect 3 Gamer Poop episode, we see Shepard talk to Diana about joining the crew to work on her "Battle Tits" show. In the fifth installment of the series, we are finally treated to a broadcast of said program.
  • Catch Phrase: Shepard's "We'll bang, ok?"
  • Chic And Awe: After someone brags about his wealth, house and sexual prowess, a character dressed in a revealing tavern clothes walk by, accompanied by sensual music. As this is Gamer Poop... it's a man.
  • Commander Contrarian: Hilariously inverted in a sketch set in the final level in Mass Effect 3. In this case, Anderson is the one making insane plans that would result in massive civilian and friendly casualties for no net gain, and Shepard is the one protesting. Anderson continuously shuts him up.
  • Creepy Crossdresser: The entire population of Bruma, much to the player character's horror.
  • Curse Cut Short: "Shepard, I'm a Reaper doomsday device." "Oh, SHI-" *cut to next sketch*
  • Dance Battler: A particularly camp Blade who manages to dodge every attack from an opponent during their training session in Ep.1 of the Oblivion poop.
  • D-Cup Distress: Ashley Williams in the sixth Mass Effect poop. Shepard reassures her in his usual way:
    Ashley: I hate my titties.
    Shepard: Hey. They're fine, Ash. They're so damn fine. I think they're just stuck in those super-tight clothes.
  • Drag Queen: A recurring motif. To drinking game levels.
    • Shepard is the official Alliance Drag Queen, although Tali objects.
  • Does This Remind You of Anything?: An elf asks Nazir (the Dark Brotherhood without the "hood" part) how to use his manhood. Cut to Nazir's face bent near the elf's crotch, as something white splatters all over his face while they both groan in exertion to pound out sweetrolls, which is a perfectly good way to be manly. The white stuff was glazing.
  • Early Installment Weirdness: The earlier episodes focused more on surrealism and non sequitur, while the newer episodes have gone for lots of innuendo and Ho Yay.
    • Earlier Fallout 3 entries were also devoid of text, making it somewhat hard to follow what is being said by characters. The addition of subtitles and Title Cards greatly improved the jokes.
  • Escalating Punchline: "Why are butt pirates butt pirates? Because they just ARRRRRRRRRRRRR fruits."
  • Everyone Is Bi / Everyone Is Gay
  • Fan Disservice: Braith in a really, really slutty outfit and whore makeup. As put succinctly by the witnesses:
    AAARGH IT BURNS.
    • "I love... LOVE... moist towelettes. They feel so GLORIOUS upon my sweet ass. Watch." You're treated to the sight of asscheeks being wiped. (the screen even says "SHIELD YOUR EYES", with the text on the background displaying "cannot be unseen")
    • Most of the drawings of Jarl Balgruuf like one of the French girls.
  • Fandom Rivalry: In-universe example:
    "For Skyrim!"
    "For Skyrim!"
    "For Skyrim!"
    "For Dragon Age!"
    *Everyone stops and turns around with a Record Scratch*
    "Uh... for... for Skyrim?"
    *Everyone chases after the poor Dragon Age fan, girly screaming ensues*
  • Freeze-Frame Bonus: During the "What about the rest of your ass?" "You're lookin' at it!"]sketch, where an action prompt usually is in Mass Effect is the action "Flat Ass - Abandon".
    • Similarly, when one man in Skyrim attempts to purchase eight- no, NINE divine sluts, the interface flashes up "9001 Gold Removed" as he pays the stewardess.
    • In Oblivion 2, during the private dance, "why are you watching this you nasty freak!" pops up for a split second.
    • In Oblivion 3, during Thaedil's "juggling" number, a card pops up reading "WATCH AGAIN IN 3D!!!!!!!!!" In the bottom right-hand corner is the text *may or may not be real 3D and yes you still have to pay extra if you brought your own 3D glasses.
  • Freudian Slip: "I care about you, Ash- MIRANDA!"
  • Funny Background Event: During the second part of Jarl Baalgruf's rap as The Stinger, Sauron can be seen off to the side dancing.
  • Genre Savvy: Shepard has apparently caught on to one of the main Running Gags of the series, as one of the things he asks Traynor when she asks him to play with her breasts is if she's a man.
    • Medium Awareness: He also notes that, in the actual game, this would never happen.
  • HAHAHA No: When the Champion of Cryodiil asks Obama if he can be Emperor.
  • Harmful to Minors/Troubling Unchildlike Behavior: Manipulating the lines of children to produce this is where a significant amount of the humor comes from, such as selling their bodies or selling drugs. Said children usually wind up dead, as well.
  • Ho Yay: Pretty much the basis of most of the humor, especially in the more recent installments. invoked
    • Get your groove on, soldier! These boys work hard, but they play harder.
  • Inn of No Return: A barmaid in Oblivion keeps some of her rooms stocked with fresh zombies for customers she doesn't like.
  • Interspecies Romance: Shepard once romanced a woman with a unicorn's head. He still thinks of her fondly enough that he freaked out when Jack says she knows about it.
    • Javik seems to freak Shepard out at first with his "human mating calls", but then Shepard says, "Stop that, you're making a scene...whisper that. Softly. In my ear."
  • I Love the Dead: Lee and company screw zombies.
    • Commander Shepard screws reapers. Dead reapers.
  • Jiggle Physics: A certain woman in Tamriel is complemented for this. As is a certain Orc.
    • "Let's get to training these double-D's!"
  • Large Ham: "[Moist Towelettes] feel so GLORIOUS!!!! upon my sweet ass!"
  • Leaning on the Fourth Wall: "This is insane! Oblivion's being trolled!" "Damnit MANS1AY3R!"
  • Letting the Air out of the Band: What happens when one man realizes that Sheogorath has already purchased every available piece of ass on sale.
    • The opening sketch of the second Skyrim video does this on the phrase, "*sigh*...son, your mother will pay for this."
  • LOLCats: Commander Shepard spent 20 minutes- (BZZZT) A few hours- (BZZZT) Okay! All day on the internets downloading footage of cats.
  • Lovable Sex Maniac: Shepard.
  • Manipulative Editing: Almost all the series' humor comes from this. The one time it doesn't... it's from Sheograth. Highly fitting, considering what Sheograth is.
  • Manly Gay: "Go fiddling with any cocks here, or we're going to have a real... BIG party." A dance party completely made of up of random guards and Thalmor start. Idolaf Battle-Born suggests that they invite some women, and gets body slammed for his troubles.
    • One asks that you call him "Princess" and lost his manhood years ago.
    • Let's get to bashing butts, as well as deez nuts!
  • Meaningful Name: Mrs. Slut. Gloria Slut.
  • Mistaken for Gay: The guards dragged Cicero before Balgruuf because one of them thought he was a lady. Just because he takes care of his pretty, pretty body... oils it... PRESERVES IT... MASTURBATES IT...
  • Mr. Seahorse: One man in Skyrim unfortunately becomes this, and fears that he might end up in some holy book.
  • Moment Killer: It turns out the Catalyst created the Reapers to solely cockblock Maleshep.
  • Mood Motif: Whenever "The Wires" by Cheezrus plays, something ostensibly naughty is happening or is about to happen. DJ Dela's "I Love My Sex" and "Bleed" are getting popular, though.
  • Mood Whiplash: A lot of the humor comes from this.
    • In the sixth Skyrim video, there's not enough crack to provide the Stormcloaks with. In a heartwarming moment, everyone else in the shack donates their own crack to Ysolda, including the crack making girl who swiped some for herself. Ysolda reacts differently to that one, though.
    You crack-hoarding bitch!
    K.O.
    But thank you. I'll never forget you.
    [takes crack from dead kid's corpse]
  • Nightmare Face: "Have you seen my cute little monkey?"
  • Nobody Poops: Averted in the The Walking Dead poops-Lee soils himself when fighting one of the zombies.
  • No Fourth Wall: The YouTube buffer symbol stops the video during a brief moment in the first Walking Dead video. Unfortunately, it happens to stop like this:
    "And then, I screwed that precious little girl[BUFFERING]'s duck.
    • GP Oblivion #4 inserts a direct address to viewers during the Emperor's bathing scene. "So I take it you like watching men bathe?"
    • Happens as a Brick Joke in Oblivion #5 where a character addresses the viewer twice:
    "Why aren't you playing Skyrim? Why are you... watching me?"
    *a few sketches later*
    "Seriously? You're still here?"
  • Oedipus Complex: According to one sketch, Kaidan wants to "take his mother out to the streets and celebrate [the victory over the Reapers], dancing and f*cking!" Shepard is very upset.
    • One brother has a Skyrim citizen express sexual interest in his mother. His brother tells him that's disgusting, and to try sis instead.
  • "On the Next Episode of..." Catch Phrase: "Find out between the Battle Tits."
  • Piss Take Rap: Jarl Ballin'.
    • Garrus Vakarian and Three-Dawg both do this with the same backing track in earlier episodes, albeit with Garrus receiving reduced enthusiasm when he points out his rectum.
  • Relax-o-Vision: The "SHIELD YOUR EYES" card that appears when a bard wishes to demonstrate how moist towelettes feel upon his ass. It disappears, unfortunately.
  • Robotic Reveal: After complaining how Benezia hid her Transformers toys from her, Liara reveals she has also become Optimus Prime! Shepard doesn't bat an eye and tells her to quit showing off.
  • Running Gag: Shepard's "we'll bang, OK?" line from the Mass Effect 3 poops is the most classic example of this trope, though "butt pirates" are mentioned occasionally throughout the series.
    • Shepard not shutting up about steak.
    • Three Dog's famous "Sometimes being bad feels pretty damn good" snippet (from Gamer Poop Fallout 3 #7) with Three Dog's catchphrase howling has made numerous comebacks in his Gamer Poops. Particularly with Garrus Vakarian. GP Skyrim #6 makes this a full feature, this time with Balgruuf, assisted with Nazir (who shares a voice actor with Three Dog).
    • "ARGH, IT BURNS!"
    • "Now dance!"
    • A woman turning out to be a man is common. Lampshaded when Commander Shepard starts suspecting that Traynor, who's coming on to him, could be a man.
    • The GIF of someone jiggling their buttocks is used to represent the word "ass" or "butt" in the subtitles.
    • The awesome face is used to censor words or private parts. In one of the Skyrim episodes, the coin design even seems to resemble an Awesome Face. invoked
    • At one point, subverted: it could have become a running gag in the Mass Effect poops that a Grissom Academy student would, in a deep voice that Reapers would love, go What the fuck?, in response to whatever nonsense Shepard subjects them to. The student tries it a second time, only to be told to shut up by Shepard.
    • Garrus Vakarian's rectum.
    • ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: 150G - Private Dance. Cue the Fan Disservice.
  • Signs of the End Times: Nearly quoted verbatim by a priest at the sight of Cicero's large penis.
    "IT'S THE END TIMES! THE END TIMES HAVE COME!"
  • Sorry, I'm Gay: After much egging from Tali, Femshep finally gets on the dance floor and "shake[s] that perfect ass" to attract a stranger. Unfortunately:
    "Uhm, excuse me... I like men."
  • Stay in the Kitchen: A common attitude towards females, especially in the Skyrim videos.
  • Too Much Information: Cicero's body-preserving habits that not only got him Mistaken for Gay, but nearly arrested.
    • Thanks, bard, for showing the viewers that you love your moist towelettes on your ass.
    • The conversation at the start of the fourth Skyrim video concludes in this way.
    "My nips are wet and have been in the air. Cold won't be good for my crotch, either, never is."
    "I think we're done talking."
    "Yep."
    "Mm-hmm."
    • One gets foisted on the man in the intro to the eight Skyrim window: the pub patrons all agree his wife is a very nice woman, but once he begins talking about how he needs a little man ass every once in a while, the pub goes silent, much to his disappointment.
    "It was just a joke!"
  • Trademark Favorite Food: Shepard stays focused, because of how much he f*cking loves steak.
  • Unsettling Gender-Reveal: Balgruuf is apparently female in Skyrim Poop, much to the horror of his guards and a grab-happy Stormcloak soldier.
    "By the Gods, you're a man!"
    • Done again in many instances, like the Skyrim #6 example above.
    • See Bedmate Reveal above.
    • Lampshaded in Mass Effect #5 when Shepard starts suspecting that Traynor could be a man. She says she is. Mostly.
  • Unusual Euphemism:
    EDI: "I kissed Joker last night. But when I removed his jeans, I detected a very short anomaly."
    "Feel free to stick money in the Old Glory Hole!"
    Ashley: Whatever generates your "Mass Effect field"...

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alternative title(s): Gamer Poop
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