Literature / The Ugly Barnacle
The most unforgettable scene from The Film of the Book.

"Once, there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end."
The first and last lines, and Arc Words for the story as a whole

The Ugly Barnacle is a classic Short Story in the Pacific Literary Canon, the authorship of which is generally attributed to one Peter F. Patrick (then using the pen name 'Patrick Star'). According to legend, 'Star' improvised "The Ugly Barnacle" in an attempt to cheer up a friend who believed himself to be suffering from a case of The Ugly or The French Disease as it was then knownnote . Unfortunately, the tale failed to console him in any manner whatsoever.

Despite the fact that Barnacle failed to accomplish its initial and indeed primary goal, it eventually found its way to the intellectual community of the Département Bikini des Basses Terres. There many came to hail the story for its harsh realism, innovative use of minimalism, and detailed characterization. Slowly but surely, the story came to spread from its cradle within the nurturing environment of the Bikini des Basses Terres (where it was subject to some refinement, the story as most know it in fact being the Third Edition) to grace the entire world with its compelling narrative and execution.

An animated film adaptation of the tale, also titled The Ugly Barnacle, was produced in 2000. Unusually, the movie is both a Film Of The Book and a Biopic, as it focuses on both the legendary story and the events surrounding its creation. The film managed to avoid many problems commonly faced by page-to-screen adaptations, a fact which many critics attributed to P.F. Patrick's extensive personal engagement with the film-making process, and the script-writing and casting+design in particular. Experience this work of art here, albeit dubbed over in English,and now in Castilian. Unfortunately the original French is not available, as the Département Bikini des Basses Terres Ministère de la Défaite claims exclusive French-language broadcast rights and has a very well-funded anti-piracy sub-office.

Compare to Hemingway's Six Word Story, another tale famous for it's ultra-minimalist prose.

UPDATE: The story was found in various languages, including the original French version. Here it is.

This short story provides examples of:

"That didn't help at all!"

You just read 135 tropes on a joke from SpongeBob SquarePants. Good job wasting a good 15 minutes or more.