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[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/cuinbattle.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:350:"Cú Chulainn in battle" by J.C. Leyendecker (1911)]]
The ''Táin Bó Cúailnge'', a.k.a. ''The Cattle Raid of Cooley'', is an ancient Irish story from the Ulster Cycle of Myth/CelticMythology. The oldest surviving manuscripts are in Middle Irish and date to the 12th century, but there are allusions to it in Old Irish poems of the 7th century, and elements of it are strikingly similar to things the [[UsefulNotes/AncientGreece Greeks]] and [[AncientRome Romans]] used to say of the Celts.
Queen Medb of Connacht and her new husband Ailill are talking in bed one night, trying to figure out whose wealth is greater. They eventually conclude that their wealth is exactly equal except for one thing: Ailill owns a great prize bull, while Medb does not. So Medb commands the soldiers of Ireland to invade the kingdom of Ulster and steal its prized bull, Donn Cúailgne, the Brown Bull of Cooley, at any cost. This should be easy, since Ulster is under an unrelated curse that keeps the grown Ulstermen from fighting, and thus Ulster stands nearly defenseless before her army. Medb is thus opposed only by sixteen-year-old hero Cú Chulainn. Of course, Cú Chulainn is a ''hero'' in the classical sense, a demigod of amazing prowess, and the ensuing fight is ''epic'', including several gods and a good deal of magic.
The Táin has been adapted into comics on a couple of occasions. (There's one [[http://paddybrown.co.uk/?cat=171 here]], and another in Modern Irish [[http://www.leabhar.com/shop.htm here]]). Irish Celtic-rock band ''Music/{{Horslips}}'' made a concept album based on the story in 1973. Music/TheDecemberists' EP ''The Tain'' is a setting of Colin Meloy's interpretation/abridgment of the epic to EpicRocking.
----
!!Tropes in ''Táin Bó Cúailnge'':
* TheAce: Cú Chulainn. He shows shades of being a BrokenAce from time to time, though.
* ActionGirl: Medb. Though she is the irresponsible, greedy bitch that starts all this off, she gets down and dirty with a spear in the thick of the fighting at several points.
* AnythingThatMoves: Cú Chulainn, despite his intimate friendship with Fer Diad, has a wife, and allows the invasion to take Ulster unawares because he's off getting his end away with the wife of the King of Tara (or her handmaid, according to a monkish emendation to the text), and has numerous other female conquests in other stories.
* AssShove: How Cú Chulainn kills Fer Diad.
* BadassBoast: EVERYONE does this at one point or another. Medb takes the cake though, claiming (through some creative compounding multiplication) that her army alone numbers some '''40 billion'''-strong.
* BattleEpic
* BigBadDuumvirate: [[BattleCouple Medb and Ailill]], though mostly [[GodSaveUsFromTheQueen Medb]].
* {{Bishonen}}: Cú Chulainn is described as fitting this trope. Most of the time. Totally subverted with his ''ríastrad'' (see GameFace below.)
* BlackComedy: Quite often, particularly anything that involves [[RasputinianDeath Cethern]].
* BladeOnAStick: Cú Chulainn's Gáe Bolga.
* Myth/CelticMythology: One of the classics of the Irish strand. Many of the characters and themes of Irish myth appear in this work.
* CombatByChampion: Cú Chulainn makes a deal with Medb that he will fight one of her warriors in a duel each day, with her army only allowed to march while the fighting continues. Most of the champions die instantly, causing the army to make little progress.
* ConservationOfNinjutsu: Justified and defied. Cú Chulainn's massive kill count owed much to his use of guerrilla tactics. CombatByChampion forces him out in the open and, while none of Medb's EliteMooks have a chance against him, they ''can'' wear him down with fatigue and ScratchDamage while limiting the number of people he can kill at one time.
* CostumePorn: Chapter 17 is ''very'' detailed in its description of Cú Chulainn's attire.
* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: Cú Chulainn defeats Fer Diad (his alleged lover) by [[TheresNoKillLikeOverKill ramming his spear through Fer Diad's anus]].
** Earlier on, Ailill sends one of his underlings to steal Fergus's sword while he and Medb are having sex as a way to humiliate him, rendering Fergus impotent as a warrior until Ailill begrudgingly returns the sword in the final battle.
* DoNotTauntCthulhu: When Fergus goes to negotiate with Cú Chulainn, Medb's foster son Etarcomol insists on coming along, which Fergus allows ''only'' if Etarcomol can keep his mouth shut and not insult the unstoppable demigod that's been decimating their army. Etarcomol then proceeds to insult the unstoppable demigod. Then he challenges the unstoppable demigod to a duel. ''Then'' he insists on continuing after the unstoppable demigod quickly kicks his ass and tells him to scram.
* ExpectingSomeoneTaller: Several times in regards to Cú Chulainn.
* FaceDeathWithDignity: Medb, when Cú Chulainn confronts her after the final battle. May be the real reason he spared her.
* FriendlyEnemy: Fergus [=MacRoach=]. The one-time king of Ulster and leader of the Ulster Exiles who fight for Medb. He's also Cú Chulainn's foster father, and is the only person in Medb's ranks whom he never raises arms against. Cú Chulainn is likewise on friendly terms with Lugaid mac Nois, even sparing the man's brother during their CombatByChampion out of respect him.
* GameFace: Cú Chulainn's ''ríastrad'', variously described to English as the 'warp-spasm' or 'the Torque'.
* GodSaveUsFromTheQueen: Medb.
* HeroicBSOD: Cú Chulainn, after killing his best friend (and hinted lover) Fer Diad.
* HeterosexualLifePartners: Cú Chulainn and Fer Diad.
** The former ''kills'' the latter by shoving his spear up his anus. [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything Make of that what you will.]]
** And, "We were heart companions, We were forest comrades, We were men of one bed..." If they were friends, they were very weird friends.
* HistoricalFantasy: Possibly. Though set in the pre-Christian Iron Age, it was first written down by Christians in the early Middle Ages. It's anyone's guess how much of it was actual oral history and how much was added by the people who committed it to manuscript.
* IAmXSonOfY: Near the start of the story this line pops up: "the High King of Erin himself was my sire, Eocho Fedlech ('the Enduring') son of Finn, by name, who was son of Findoman, son of Finden, son of Findguin, son of Rogen Ruad ('the Red'), son of Rigen, son of Blathacht, son of Beothacht, son of Enna Agnech, son of Oengus Turbech."
* ICanStillFight: Cú Chulainn insists on fighting even while heavily injured and going ''months'' without sleep. Lugh himself has to show up and knock him out for three days to give him a chance to heal.
* ImprovisedWeapon: Cú Chulainn kills Cur [=MacDalath=] by throwing an apple hard enough to go straight through his head
* InspirationalInsult: [[NoHeroToHisValet Laeg]] favorite means of aiding Cú Chulainn in a fight is to taunt him from the sidelines.
* IfItsYouItsOkay: Cú Chulainn has numerous lady friends, but there's only one Fer Diad.
* ItsAllMyFault: Upon hearing of the slaughter of the youths of Ulster, Cú Chulainn blames himself, as he thinks he could have saved him if he wasn't recuperating from his wounds at the time, and insists upon avenging them immediately.
* IWantGrandkids: Medb and Ailill use this as an excuse when they start offering their daughter Finnabhair to ANYONE who's able to kill Cú Chulainn for them. Cú Chulainn ensures [[ChristmasCake she dies a virgin]].
* JustAKid: Medb's reaction upon first hearing of Cú Chulainn.
* KarmaHoudini: [[SubvertedTrope Subverted.]] Medb manages to beat her enemies, but in the end she is not able accomplish her goals. See PyrrhicVillainy below.
* KillerRabbit: At its heart, the ''Tain Bo Cuailnge'' is an extended Dread Killer Puppy of Ulster sketch, wherein an entire army gets wrecked by one small-for-his-age teenager, much to their enduring disbelief.
* LadyOfWar: Medb rarely joins the fighting, but when the fighting comes to her, she knows how to throw down.
* LockAndLoadMontage: Cú Chulainn, shortly before his first warp spasm.
* LoopholeAbuse: When a recurrence of an ancient curse sees the men of Ulster bedridden and unable to fight as they suffer from magic-induced birth pangs (...it's a long story... involving a horse...), the only person able to stand in the kingdom's defense is [[NoManOfWomanBorn a teenage boy who was not even born in Ulster]].
* LukeIAmYourFather: Lugh the Long Handed reveals himself as Cú Chulainn's father.
* MyGirlIsASlut: Ailill is well aware of Medb's (often politically motivated) promiscuity and has no problem with it - Medb made it clear from day one that she's "never had one man without another waiting in his shadow," after all.
* NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast : Cú Chulainn, Morrígan, Badb, Nemain, Cethern... lots and lots of this.
* NonchalantDodge: Cú Chulainn spends most of his first encounter with Nadcranntail completely ignoring him in favor of catching birds. When Nadcranntail throws nine spears at him, Cú Chulainn just uses them as SteppingStonesInTheSky to continue chasing the birds Nadcranntail had just scared off.
* OlderThanFeudalism: The events told are supposed to have taken place in Iron Age Ireland, roughly 2000 years ago.
* OneManArmy: Why did Medb agree to a daily CombatByChampion between her forces and Cú Chulainn when she has a massive advantage in numbers? Because otherwise he'd be killing a ''hundred'' of her men a day.
* PyrrhicVillainy: Medb technically wins. Despite Cú Chulainn's valiant efforts to delay her, not only does her army capture Donn Cuailgne and bring him back to Connacht, she also lays waste to much of Ulster (which she considers a personal bonus). Everything unravels for her in the end, however, when Donn Cuailgne and Finnbennach are placed in the same pen and they they kill one another--meaning the whole táin was all for nothing in the end.
* RememberTheNewGuy: Fer Diad has never been mentioned before he's introduced as Cú Chulainn's best friend from way back.
* TheRival: Fer Diad to Cú Chulainn. Medb and Ailill hire him to face Cú Chulainn because he's said to be Cú Chulainn's only equal. Cú Chulainn kills him.
* RoaringRampageOfRevenge: Cú Chulainn after the boys are slaughtered.
* TheRustler: UpToEleven, seeing as Medb herself sends her ARMY to raid a prized magical bull.
* ServileSnarker: Cú Chulainn's charioteer, Laeg, is probably the only person who can give Cú Chulainn lip and not die for it.
* ShootTheShaggyDog: Medb starts the war because her husband Ailill has a magic bull (Finnbennach), and she doesn't. She practically burns Ulster to the ground and loses hundreds (possibly thousands) of her own soldiers trying to get her hands on Donn Cuailgne, only for Donn Cuailgne and Finnbennach to kill one another, thus rendering Medb and Ailill equal--in their lack of a magic bull.
* SuperPoweredEvilSide: Cú Chulainn's warp-spasm.
* TalkingInBed: Medb and Ailill at the beginning.
* TheUnpronounceable: It can be assured that most of the names in this (including the title--''The Toy-n Boh Coon-yah'') are NOT pronounced as they look. See UsefulNotes/IrishNames for pronunciation help.
* TooDumbToLive: Everyone on either side agrees that Etarcomol was incredibly stupid for taunting Cú Chulainn.
* TreacherousAdvisor: Fergus does a great deal to undermine Medb and Ailill's raid out of lingering ties to Ulster. Medb's rather aware of this, but doesn't have any better options, and simply tries to minimize his treachery via sex.
* WarIsGlorious: Cú Chulainn ''thinks'' this.
* WarIsHell: Medb ''demonstrates'' this.
* WaveMotionSword: Fergus's Caladbolg.
* WeCanRuleTogether: After enduring Cú Chulainn's guerrilla-style assault on her men for quite some time, Medb offers to pay for all the ruin she's caused to Ulster, give him all the booze and women he could wish for, and pay him ridiculously well if he simply quits this whole thing and enters service under her. This only pisses Cú Chulainn off more.
* WholeEpisodeFlashback: The action stops for some time as Fergus and the other exiles tell their Connacht allies stories of Cú Chulainn's childhood adventures.
* WouldHitAGirl: Cú Chulainn, with added {{Gorn}}. As he's resting, two female bards sing to him that the battle is lost, giving him a HeroicBSOD. When he learns the truth, he grabs them and hits their heads together so hard that their brains spill on the ground. Charming.
* YouWouldntLikeMeWhenImAngry: Cú Chulainn's warp-spasm.
----
[[caption-width-right:350:"Cú Chulainn in battle" by J.C. Leyendecker (1911)]]
The ''Táin Bó Cúailnge'', a.k.a. ''The Cattle Raid of Cooley'', is an ancient Irish story from the Ulster Cycle of Myth/CelticMythology. The oldest surviving manuscripts are in Middle Irish and date to the 12th century, but there are allusions to it in Old Irish poems of the 7th century, and elements of it are strikingly similar to things the [[UsefulNotes/AncientGreece Greeks]] and [[AncientRome Romans]] used to say of the Celts.
Queen Medb of Connacht and her new husband Ailill are talking in bed one night, trying to figure out whose wealth is greater. They eventually conclude that their wealth is exactly equal except for one thing: Ailill owns a great prize bull, while Medb does not. So Medb commands the soldiers of Ireland to invade the kingdom of Ulster and steal its prized bull, Donn Cúailgne, the Brown Bull of Cooley, at any cost. This should be easy, since Ulster is under an unrelated curse that keeps the grown Ulstermen from fighting, and thus Ulster stands nearly defenseless before her army. Medb is thus opposed only by sixteen-year-old hero Cú Chulainn. Of course, Cú Chulainn is a ''hero'' in the classical sense, a demigod of amazing prowess, and the ensuing fight is ''epic'', including several gods and a good deal of magic.
The Táin has been adapted into comics on a couple of occasions. (There's one [[http://paddybrown.co.uk/?cat=171 here]], and another in Modern Irish [[http://www.leabhar.com/shop.htm here]]). Irish Celtic-rock band ''Music/{{Horslips}}'' made a concept album based on the story in 1973. Music/TheDecemberists' EP ''The Tain'' is a setting of Colin Meloy's interpretation/abridgment of the epic to EpicRocking.
----
!!Tropes in ''Táin Bó Cúailnge'':
* TheAce: Cú Chulainn. He shows shades of being a BrokenAce from time to time, though.
* ActionGirl: Medb. Though she is the irresponsible, greedy bitch that starts all this off, she gets down and dirty with a spear in the thick of the fighting at several points.
* AnythingThatMoves: Cú Chulainn, despite his intimate friendship with Fer Diad, has a wife, and allows the invasion to take Ulster unawares because he's off getting his end away with the wife of the King of Tara (or her handmaid, according to a monkish emendation to the text), and has numerous other female conquests in other stories.
* AssShove: How Cú Chulainn kills Fer Diad.
* BadassBoast: EVERYONE does this at one point or another. Medb takes the cake though, claiming (through some creative compounding multiplication) that her army alone numbers some '''40 billion'''-strong.
* BattleEpic
* BigBadDuumvirate: [[BattleCouple Medb and Ailill]], though mostly [[GodSaveUsFromTheQueen Medb]].
* {{Bishonen}}: Cú Chulainn is described as fitting this trope. Most of the time. Totally subverted with his ''ríastrad'' (see GameFace below.)
* BlackComedy: Quite often, particularly anything that involves [[RasputinianDeath Cethern]].
* BladeOnAStick: Cú Chulainn's Gáe Bolga.
* Myth/CelticMythology: One of the classics of the Irish strand. Many of the characters and themes of Irish myth appear in this work.
* CombatByChampion: Cú Chulainn makes a deal with Medb that he will fight one of her warriors in a duel each day, with her army only allowed to march while the fighting continues. Most of the champions die instantly, causing the army to make little progress.
* ConservationOfNinjutsu: Justified and defied. Cú Chulainn's massive kill count owed much to his use of guerrilla tactics. CombatByChampion forces him out in the open and, while none of Medb's EliteMooks have a chance against him, they ''can'' wear him down with fatigue and ScratchDamage while limiting the number of people he can kill at one time.
* CostumePorn: Chapter 17 is ''very'' detailed in its description of Cú Chulainn's attire.
* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: Cú Chulainn defeats Fer Diad (his alleged lover) by [[TheresNoKillLikeOverKill ramming his spear through Fer Diad's anus]].
** Earlier on, Ailill sends one of his underlings to steal Fergus's sword while he and Medb are having sex as a way to humiliate him, rendering Fergus impotent as a warrior until Ailill begrudgingly returns the sword in the final battle.
* DoNotTauntCthulhu: When Fergus goes to negotiate with Cú Chulainn, Medb's foster son Etarcomol insists on coming along, which Fergus allows ''only'' if Etarcomol can keep his mouth shut and not insult the unstoppable demigod that's been decimating their army. Etarcomol then proceeds to insult the unstoppable demigod. Then he challenges the unstoppable demigod to a duel. ''Then'' he insists on continuing after the unstoppable demigod quickly kicks his ass and tells him to scram.
* ExpectingSomeoneTaller: Several times in regards to Cú Chulainn.
* FaceDeathWithDignity: Medb, when Cú Chulainn confronts her after the final battle. May be the real reason he spared her.
* FriendlyEnemy: Fergus [=MacRoach=]. The one-time king of Ulster and leader of the Ulster Exiles who fight for Medb. He's also Cú Chulainn's foster father, and is the only person in Medb's ranks whom he never raises arms against. Cú Chulainn is likewise on friendly terms with Lugaid mac Nois, even sparing the man's brother during their CombatByChampion out of respect him.
* GameFace: Cú Chulainn's ''ríastrad'', variously described to English as the 'warp-spasm' or 'the Torque'.
* GodSaveUsFromTheQueen: Medb.
* HeroicBSOD: Cú Chulainn, after killing his best friend (and hinted lover) Fer Diad.
* HeterosexualLifePartners: Cú Chulainn and Fer Diad.
** The former ''kills'' the latter by shoving his spear up his anus. [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything Make of that what you will.]]
** And, "We were heart companions, We were forest comrades, We were men of one bed..." If they were friends, they were very weird friends.
* HistoricalFantasy: Possibly. Though set in the pre-Christian Iron Age, it was first written down by Christians in the early Middle Ages. It's anyone's guess how much of it was actual oral history and how much was added by the people who committed it to manuscript.
* IAmXSonOfY: Near the start of the story this line pops up: "the High King of Erin himself was my sire, Eocho Fedlech ('the Enduring') son of Finn, by name, who was son of Findoman, son of Finden, son of Findguin, son of Rogen Ruad ('the Red'), son of Rigen, son of Blathacht, son of Beothacht, son of Enna Agnech, son of Oengus Turbech."
* ICanStillFight: Cú Chulainn insists on fighting even while heavily injured and going ''months'' without sleep. Lugh himself has to show up and knock him out for three days to give him a chance to heal.
* ImprovisedWeapon: Cú Chulainn kills Cur [=MacDalath=] by throwing an apple hard enough to go straight through his head
* InspirationalInsult: [[NoHeroToHisValet Laeg]] favorite means of aiding Cú Chulainn in a fight is to taunt him from the sidelines.
* IfItsYouItsOkay: Cú Chulainn has numerous lady friends, but there's only one Fer Diad.
* ItsAllMyFault: Upon hearing of the slaughter of the youths of Ulster, Cú Chulainn blames himself, as he thinks he could have saved him if he wasn't recuperating from his wounds at the time, and insists upon avenging them immediately.
* IWantGrandkids: Medb and Ailill use this as an excuse when they start offering their daughter Finnabhair to ANYONE who's able to kill Cú Chulainn for them. Cú Chulainn ensures [[ChristmasCake she dies a virgin]].
* JustAKid: Medb's reaction upon first hearing of Cú Chulainn.
* KarmaHoudini: [[SubvertedTrope Subverted.]] Medb manages to beat her enemies, but in the end she is not able accomplish her goals. See PyrrhicVillainy below.
* KillerRabbit: At its heart, the ''Tain Bo Cuailnge'' is an extended Dread Killer Puppy of Ulster sketch, wherein an entire army gets wrecked by one small-for-his-age teenager, much to their enduring disbelief.
* LadyOfWar: Medb rarely joins the fighting, but when the fighting comes to her, she knows how to throw down.
* LockAndLoadMontage: Cú Chulainn, shortly before his first warp spasm.
* LoopholeAbuse: When a recurrence of an ancient curse sees the men of Ulster bedridden and unable to fight as they suffer from magic-induced birth pangs (...it's a long story... involving a horse...), the only person able to stand in the kingdom's defense is [[NoManOfWomanBorn a teenage boy who was not even born in Ulster]].
* LukeIAmYourFather: Lugh the Long Handed reveals himself as Cú Chulainn's father.
* MyGirlIsASlut: Ailill is well aware of Medb's (often politically motivated) promiscuity and has no problem with it - Medb made it clear from day one that she's "never had one man without another waiting in his shadow," after all.
* NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast : Cú Chulainn, Morrígan, Badb, Nemain, Cethern... lots and lots of this.
* NonchalantDodge: Cú Chulainn spends most of his first encounter with Nadcranntail completely ignoring him in favor of catching birds. When Nadcranntail throws nine spears at him, Cú Chulainn just uses them as SteppingStonesInTheSky to continue chasing the birds Nadcranntail had just scared off.
* OlderThanFeudalism: The events told are supposed to have taken place in Iron Age Ireland, roughly 2000 years ago.
* OneManArmy: Why did Medb agree to a daily CombatByChampion between her forces and Cú Chulainn when she has a massive advantage in numbers? Because otherwise he'd be killing a ''hundred'' of her men a day.
* PyrrhicVillainy: Medb technically wins. Despite Cú Chulainn's valiant efforts to delay her, not only does her army capture Donn Cuailgne and bring him back to Connacht, she also lays waste to much of Ulster (which she considers a personal bonus). Everything unravels for her in the end, however, when Donn Cuailgne and Finnbennach are placed in the same pen and they they kill one another--meaning the whole táin was all for nothing in the end.
* RememberTheNewGuy: Fer Diad has never been mentioned before he's introduced as Cú Chulainn's best friend from way back.
* TheRival: Fer Diad to Cú Chulainn. Medb and Ailill hire him to face Cú Chulainn because he's said to be Cú Chulainn's only equal. Cú Chulainn kills him.
* RoaringRampageOfRevenge: Cú Chulainn after the boys are slaughtered.
* TheRustler: UpToEleven, seeing as Medb herself sends her ARMY to raid a prized magical bull.
* ServileSnarker: Cú Chulainn's charioteer, Laeg, is probably the only person who can give Cú Chulainn lip and not die for it.
* ShootTheShaggyDog: Medb starts the war because her husband Ailill has a magic bull (Finnbennach), and she doesn't. She practically burns Ulster to the ground and loses hundreds (possibly thousands) of her own soldiers trying to get her hands on Donn Cuailgne, only for Donn Cuailgne and Finnbennach to kill one another, thus rendering Medb and Ailill equal--in their lack of a magic bull.
* SuperPoweredEvilSide: Cú Chulainn's warp-spasm.
* TalkingInBed: Medb and Ailill at the beginning.
* TheUnpronounceable: It can be assured that most of the names in this (including the title--''The Toy-n Boh Coon-yah'') are NOT pronounced as they look. See UsefulNotes/IrishNames for pronunciation help.
* TooDumbToLive: Everyone on either side agrees that Etarcomol was incredibly stupid for taunting Cú Chulainn.
* TreacherousAdvisor: Fergus does a great deal to undermine Medb and Ailill's raid out of lingering ties to Ulster. Medb's rather aware of this, but doesn't have any better options, and simply tries to minimize his treachery via sex.
* WarIsGlorious: Cú Chulainn ''thinks'' this.
* WarIsHell: Medb ''demonstrates'' this.
* WaveMotionSword: Fergus's Caladbolg.
* WeCanRuleTogether: After enduring Cú Chulainn's guerrilla-style assault on her men for quite some time, Medb offers to pay for all the ruin she's caused to Ulster, give him all the booze and women he could wish for, and pay him ridiculously well if he simply quits this whole thing and enters service under her. This only pisses Cú Chulainn off more.
* WholeEpisodeFlashback: The action stops for some time as Fergus and the other exiles tell their Connacht allies stories of Cú Chulainn's childhood adventures.
* WouldHitAGirl: Cú Chulainn, with added {{Gorn}}. As he's resting, two female bards sing to him that the battle is lost, giving him a HeroicBSOD. When he learns the truth, he grabs them and hits their heads together so hard that their brains spill on the ground. Charming.
* YouWouldntLikeMeWhenImAngry: Cú Chulainn's warp-spasm.
----
to:
[[caption-width-right:350:"Cú Chulainn in battle" by J.C. Leyendecker (1911)]]
The ''Táin Bó Cúailnge'', a.k.a. ''The Cattle Raid of Cooley'', is an ancient Irish story from the Ulster Cycle of Myth/CelticMythology. The oldest surviving manuscripts are in Middle Irish and date to the 12th century, but there are allusions to it in Old Irish poems of the 7th century, and elements of it are strikingly similar to things the [[UsefulNotes/AncientGreece Greeks]] and [[AncientRome Romans]] used to say of the Celts.
Queen Medb of Connacht and her new husband Ailill are talking in bed one night, trying to figure out whose wealth is greater. They eventually conclude that their wealth is exactly equal except for one thing: Ailill owns a great prize bull, while Medb does not. So Medb commands the soldiers of Ireland to invade the kingdom of Ulster and steal its prized bull, Donn Cúailgne, the Brown Bull of Cooley, at any cost. This should be easy, since Ulster is under an unrelated curse that keeps the grown Ulstermen from fighting, and thus Ulster stands nearly defenseless before her army. Medb is thus opposed only by sixteen-year-old hero Cú Chulainn. Of course, Cú Chulainn is a ''hero'' in the classical sense, a demigod of amazing prowess, and the ensuing fight is ''epic'', including several gods and a good deal of magic.
The Táin has been adapted into comics on a couple of occasions. (There's one [[http://paddybrown.co.uk/?cat=171 here]], and another in Modern Irish [[http://www.leabhar.com/shop.htm here]]). Irish Celtic-rock band ''Music/{{Horslips}}'' made a concept album based on the story in 1973. Music/TheDecemberists' EP ''The Tain'' is a setting of Colin Meloy's interpretation/abridgment of the epic to EpicRocking.
----
!!Tropes in ''Táin Bó Cúailnge'':
* TheAce: Cú Chulainn. He shows shades of being a BrokenAce from time to time, though.
* ActionGirl: Medb. Though she is the irresponsible, greedy bitch that starts all this off, she gets down and dirty with a spear in the thick of the fighting at several points.
* AnythingThatMoves: Cú Chulainn, despite his intimate friendship with Fer Diad, has a wife, and allows the invasion to take Ulster unawares because he's off getting his end away with the wife of the King of Tara (or her handmaid, according to a monkish emendation to the text), and has numerous other female conquests in other stories.
* AssShove: How Cú Chulainn kills Fer Diad.
* BadassBoast: EVERYONE does this at one point or another. Medb takes the cake though, claiming (through some creative compounding multiplication) that her army alone numbers some '''40 billion'''-strong.
* BattleEpic
* BigBadDuumvirate: [[BattleCouple Medb and Ailill]], though mostly [[GodSaveUsFromTheQueen Medb]].
* {{Bishonen}}: Cú Chulainn is described as fitting this trope. Most of the time. Totally subverted with his ''ríastrad'' (see GameFace below.)
* BlackComedy: Quite often, particularly anything that involves [[RasputinianDeath Cethern]].
* BladeOnAStick: Cú Chulainn's Gáe Bolga.
* Myth/CelticMythology: One of the classics of the Irish strand. Many of the characters and themes of Irish myth appear in this work.
* CombatByChampion: Cú Chulainn makes a deal with Medb that he will fight one of her warriors in a duel each day, with her army only allowed to march while the fighting continues. Most of the champions die instantly, causing the army to make little progress.
* ConservationOfNinjutsu: Justified and defied. Cú Chulainn's massive kill count owed much to his use of guerrilla tactics. CombatByChampion forces him out in the open and, while none of Medb's EliteMooks have a chance against him, they ''can'' wear him down with fatigue and ScratchDamage while limiting the number of people he can kill at one time.
* CostumePorn: Chapter 17 is ''very'' detailed in its description of Cú Chulainn's attire.
* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: Cú Chulainn defeats Fer Diad (his alleged lover) by [[TheresNoKillLikeOverKill ramming his spear through Fer Diad's anus]].
** Earlier on, Ailill sends one of his underlings to steal Fergus's sword while he and Medb are having sex as a way to humiliate him, rendering Fergus impotent as a warrior until Ailill begrudgingly returns the sword in the final battle.
* DoNotTauntCthulhu: When Fergus goes to negotiate with Cú Chulainn, Medb's foster son Etarcomol insists on coming along, which Fergus allows ''only'' if Etarcomol can keep his mouth shut and not insult the unstoppable demigod that's been decimating their army. Etarcomol then proceeds to insult the unstoppable demigod. Then he challenges the unstoppable demigod to a duel. ''Then'' he insists on continuing after the unstoppable demigod quickly kicks his ass and tells him to scram.
* ExpectingSomeoneTaller: Several times in regards to Cú Chulainn.
* FaceDeathWithDignity: Medb, when Cú Chulainn confronts her after the final battle. May be the real reason he spared her.
* FriendlyEnemy: Fergus [=MacRoach=]. The one-time king of Ulster and leader of the Ulster Exiles who fight for Medb. He's also Cú Chulainn's foster father, and is the only person in Medb's ranks whom he never raises arms against. Cú Chulainn is likewise on friendly terms with Lugaid mac Nois, even sparing the man's brother during their CombatByChampion out of respect him.
* GameFace: Cú Chulainn's ''ríastrad'', variously described to English as the 'warp-spasm' or 'the Torque'.
* GodSaveUsFromTheQueen: Medb.
* HeroicBSOD: Cú Chulainn, after killing his best friend (and hinted lover) Fer Diad.
* HeterosexualLifePartners: Cú Chulainn and Fer Diad.
** The former ''kills'' the latter by shoving his spear up his anus. [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything Make of that what you will.]]
** And, "We were heart companions, We were forest comrades, We were men of one bed..." If they were friends, they were very weird friends.
* HistoricalFantasy: Possibly. Though set in the pre-Christian Iron Age, it was first written down by Christians in the early Middle Ages. It's anyone's guess how much of it was actual oral history and how much was added by the people who committed it to manuscript.
* IAmXSonOfY: Near the start of the story this line pops up: "the High King of Erin himself was my sire, Eocho Fedlech ('the Enduring') son of Finn, by name, who was son of Findoman, son of Finden, son of Findguin, son of Rogen Ruad ('the Red'), son of Rigen, son of Blathacht, son of Beothacht, son of Enna Agnech, son of Oengus Turbech."
* ICanStillFight: Cú Chulainn insists on fighting even while heavily injured and going ''months'' without sleep. Lugh himself has to show up and knock him out for three days to give him a chance to heal.
* ImprovisedWeapon: Cú Chulainn kills Cur [=MacDalath=] by throwing an apple hard enough to go straight through his head
* InspirationalInsult: [[NoHeroToHisValet Laeg]] favorite means of aiding Cú Chulainn in a fight is to taunt him from the sidelines.
* IfItsYouItsOkay: Cú Chulainn has numerous lady friends, but there's only one Fer Diad.
* ItsAllMyFault: Upon hearing of the slaughter of the youths of Ulster, Cú Chulainn blames himself, as he thinks he could have saved him if he wasn't recuperating from his wounds at the time, and insists upon avenging them immediately.
* IWantGrandkids: Medb and Ailill use this as an excuse when they start offering their daughter Finnabhair to ANYONE who's able to kill Cú Chulainn for them. Cú Chulainn ensures [[ChristmasCake she dies a virgin]].
* JustAKid: Medb's reaction upon first hearing of Cú Chulainn.
* KarmaHoudini: [[SubvertedTrope Subverted.]] Medb manages to beat her enemies, but in the end she is not able accomplish her goals. See PyrrhicVillainy below.
* KillerRabbit: At its heart, the ''Tain Bo Cuailnge'' is an extended Dread Killer Puppy of Ulster sketch, wherein an entire army gets wrecked by one small-for-his-age teenager, much to their enduring disbelief.
* LadyOfWar: Medb rarely joins the fighting, but when the fighting comes to her, she knows how to throw down.
* LockAndLoadMontage: Cú Chulainn, shortly before his first warp spasm.
* LoopholeAbuse: When a recurrence of an ancient curse sees the men of Ulster bedridden and unable to fight as they suffer from magic-induced birth pangs (...it's a long story... involving a horse...), the only person able to stand in the kingdom's defense is [[NoManOfWomanBorn a teenage boy who was not even born in Ulster]].
* LukeIAmYourFather: Lugh the Long Handed reveals himself as Cú Chulainn's father.
* MyGirlIsASlut: Ailill is well aware of Medb's (often politically motivated) promiscuity and has no problem with it - Medb made it clear from day one that she's "never had one man without another waiting in his shadow," after all.
* NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast : Cú Chulainn, Morrígan, Badb, Nemain, Cethern... lots and lots of this.
* NonchalantDodge: Cú Chulainn spends most of his first encounter with Nadcranntail completely ignoring him in favor of catching birds. When Nadcranntail throws nine spears at him, Cú Chulainn just uses them as SteppingStonesInTheSky to continue chasing the birds Nadcranntail had just scared off.
* OlderThanFeudalism: The events told are supposed to have taken place in Iron Age Ireland, roughly 2000 years ago.
* OneManArmy: Why did Medb agree to a daily CombatByChampion between her forces and Cú Chulainn when she has a massive advantage in numbers? Because otherwise he'd be killing a ''hundred'' of her men a day.
* PyrrhicVillainy: Medb technically wins. Despite Cú Chulainn's valiant efforts to delay her, not only does her army capture Donn Cuailgne and bring him back to Connacht, she also lays waste to much of Ulster (which she considers a personal bonus). Everything unravels for her in the end, however, when Donn Cuailgne and Finnbennach are placed in the same pen and they they kill one another--meaning the whole táin was all for nothing in the end.
* RememberTheNewGuy: Fer Diad has never been mentioned before he's introduced as Cú Chulainn's best friend from way back.
* TheRival: Fer Diad to Cú Chulainn. Medb and Ailill hire him to face Cú Chulainn because he's said to be Cú Chulainn's only equal. Cú Chulainn kills him.
* RoaringRampageOfRevenge: Cú Chulainn after the boys are slaughtered.
* TheRustler: UpToEleven, seeing as Medb herself sends her ARMY to raid a prized magical bull.
* ServileSnarker: Cú Chulainn's charioteer, Laeg, is probably the only person who can give Cú Chulainn lip and not die for it.
* ShootTheShaggyDog: Medb starts the war because her husband Ailill has a magic bull (Finnbennach), and she doesn't. She practically burns Ulster to the ground and loses hundreds (possibly thousands) of her own soldiers trying to get her hands on Donn Cuailgne, only for Donn Cuailgne and Finnbennach to kill one another, thus rendering Medb and Ailill equal--in their lack of a magic bull.
* SuperPoweredEvilSide: Cú Chulainn's warp-spasm.
* TalkingInBed: Medb and Ailill at the beginning.
* TheUnpronounceable: It can be assured that most of the names in this (including the title--''The Toy-n Boh Coon-yah'') are NOT pronounced as they look. See UsefulNotes/IrishNames for pronunciation help.
* TooDumbToLive: Everyone on either side agrees that Etarcomol was incredibly stupid for taunting Cú Chulainn.
* TreacherousAdvisor: Fergus does a great deal to undermine Medb and Ailill's raid out of lingering ties to Ulster. Medb's rather aware of this, but doesn't have any better options, and simply tries to minimize his treachery via sex.
* WarIsGlorious: Cú Chulainn ''thinks'' this.
* WarIsHell: Medb ''demonstrates'' this.
* WaveMotionSword: Fergus's Caladbolg.
* WeCanRuleTogether: After enduring Cú Chulainn's guerrilla-style assault on her men for quite some time, Medb offers to pay for all the ruin she's caused to Ulster, give him all the booze and women he could wish for, and pay him ridiculously well if he simply quits this whole thing and enters service under her. This only pisses Cú Chulainn off more.
* WholeEpisodeFlashback: The action stops for some time as Fergus and the other exiles tell their Connacht allies stories of Cú Chulainn's childhood adventures.
* WouldHitAGirl: Cú Chulainn, with added {{Gorn}}. As he's resting, two female bards sing to him that the battle is lost, giving him a HeroicBSOD. When he learns the truth, he grabs them and hits their heads together so hard that their brains spill on the ground. Charming.
* YouWouldntLikeMeWhenImAngry: Cú Chulainn's warp-spasm.
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* AssShove: How Cú Chulainn kills Fer Diad.
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* CombatByChampion
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* CombatByChampionCombatByChampion: Cú Chulainn makes a deal with Medb that he will fight one of her warriors in a duel each day, with her army only allowed to march while the fighting continues. Most of the champions die instantly, causing the army to make little progress.
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* KarmaHoudini: Medb.
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* KarmaHoudini: Medb.[[SubvertedTrope Subverted.]] Medb manages to beat her enemies, but in the end she is not able accomplish her goals. See PyrrhicVillainy below.
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[[quoteright:275:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Medb_Leyendecker_w275_4114.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:275: [-"Queen Maev" by J. C. Leyendecker (1911)-] ]]
[[caption-width-right:275: [-"Queen Maev" by J. C. Leyendecker (1911)-] ]]
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[[caption-width-right:275: [-"Queen Maev"
[[caption-width-right:350:"Cú Chulainn in battle" by
