Literature / Machine of Death
Machine of Death
is an anthology of short stories centered on a premise from one episode of Ryan North's Dinosaur Comics
: A machine exists, capable of revealing the future cause of death of a person through a simple blood test and revealing it via a few words printed on a simple white notecard. The machine's predictions are completely infallible and always correct, though they are not always as straightforward as they seem: for example, "old age" could mean anything from an uneventful death of natural causes to murder by an octogenarian, and such ironic and unusual deaths abound.
The book is composed of short stories selected from a collection of nearly 700 submitted stories, and is available online as an ebook
, while an audiobook version is being freely distributed as a series of podcasts
Includes stories by Ryan North, David Malki ! (Wondermark
), Randall Munroe (xkcd
), Yahtzee Croshaw (Zero Punctuation
), and many more, plus illustrations by various artists and cartoonists. A second volume, This Is How You Die
, was released on July 16th, 2013.
This anthology's frame story or the shared elements of the stories contains examples of:
The individual stories contain examples of:
- Apocalyptic Log: In "Almond", kept by the Machine's operator.
- The Cassandra: Lampshaded with the Meaningful Name of the main character of the story "Cassandra". Instead of trying to warn others, she finds a way to circumvent her prophecy altogether.
- Death's Hourglass: "Zephyr" extrapolates beyond cause of death to knowing the approximate time of death as well: the closer you are to your expiration date, the more likely you'll die from the stated condition, all the way up to absolute certainty. The soldiers in this setting are therefore divided into "Ephemerals," those predicted to die in battle, and "Invincibles," those predicted to die of other causes.
- Dystopia: One of the stories is set in a world where all the predicted deaths are organized by the government as soon as possible to prevent collateral damage from people who try in vain to avoid their fate.
- Eternal English: Averted with tragic results in "Furnace". Archaeologists in the distant future uncover a Machine of Death, but their only Rosetta Stone for the English language is a disc full of porn. A critical mistranslation results in them assuming that the Machine predicts what will bring its users the ultimate sexual satisfaction, and things turn ugly when people start dying thanks to its "suggestions."
- Fate Worse Than Death: "Starvation". The main character, who got the titular prediction takes a very long time to die, legs broken in a hole and on top of that he is rescued, so now he knows what it feels like and he will have to endure it again.
- Historical In-Joke: "La Mort d'un Roturier" is set during a party in 18th-century France where the protagonist runs a clockwork-operated version of the Machine of Death for the amusement of the guests. She herself claims the device is merely a cleverly-built fraud, but all the guests receive the same inscrutable prediction nonetheless: "Guillotin."
- Memory Gambit: In the first book's final story, "Cassandra", the main character erases her own memory as well as all evidence of her fate (GLOBAL THERMONUCLEAR WAR) in an attempt to reset the quantum uncertainty of it and prevent it from occurring to the world.
- Our Orcs Are Different: "In Battle, Alone and Soon Forgotten" focuses on Grun, an orc in the service of an evil sorcerer who is told repeatedly - in poetry, no less - that all orcs are fated to be Cannon Fodder and nothing more. We never learn what his death prediction really is, but it isn't the one from the title - instead, he ends up fulfilling the sorcerer's death prediction, and writes his own poem declaring that the orcs have a right to Screw Destiny.
- The Plan: The protagonist of "Aneurysm", Sid, really hates party games. When his ex-wife tells him that she will be hosting a dinner party where guests will take the test then guess each other's deaths as a party game, he uses sleight-of-hand to toss in a forged death, "party game mishap", which simultaneously ends the game and makes it so he will never have to play a party game again.
- Prophecy Twist: In one story, a man is told he'll die by suicide. He resolves to take the life of another in a way that contradicts their machine-predicted death, then kill himself—when instead, a suicide bomber was in line behind him and sets off the bomb. The machine never said he'd die by his suicide...
- Rage Against the Heavens: Randall Munroe's story, "?", consists almost entirely of a rant against some higher power, the universe itself, or the author.
- Stupid Sacrifice: in the story "While Trying to Save Another", Timothy reaches the exact moment and circumstances of his death and knows he can't possibly save Isma either, but charges into a burning building anyway.
- He could have just made the final decision to die with her; giving himself a noble death.
- Serial Killer: The protagonist of "Vegetables".
- State The Simple Solution: In "Lazarus Reaction Fission Sequence", the main character works for a Mad Scientist. His job is to kill intruders in ways that technically match what is on their slip. During one portion of the story, he struggles to come up with a way to kill a man whose slip reads "Victoria Falls." He eventually finds a two-thousand pound island tapir, names it Victoria, and drops it on the man's head. Afterwards, his colleague points out that since his boss owns the island, he could have just had him rename a waterfall.
- Subspace Ansible: "Murder and Suicide, Respectively" points out that the Machine could be used as one.
- They Would Cut You Up: The grandfather in Nothing came to this conclusion, figuring that if the religious nutcases didn't burn him at the stake or force him to play at being messiah, then the scientists would try to kill him to figure out why.
- Tomato Surprise: The protagonist of "Exhaustion From Having Sex With a Minor" is blackmailed with the threat of having his eponymous death revealed, which he believes would destroy his political career. He reveals his secret to the public himself, both to break his blackmailer's hold on him, and because he doesn't want to be Prime Minister. Turns out the public doesn't care, since he's not even 18 himself, and he wins in a landslide anyway.
- The protagonist of "Zephyr" turns out to not be one of the Ephemerals (soldiers predicted to die in battle) at all, but rather one of the Invincibles (soldiers predicted to die of other causes). He's assigned to Ephemeral units incognito to improve their combat effectiveness without impacting their morale.
- Who Wants to Live Forever?:
- The protagonist of "Flaming Marshmallow" (cause of death: "millennium space entropy"), if only because she has no idea what death-based high school clique she's supposed to join.
- The protagonist of "Heat Death of the Universe" has nightmares about being the last living thing in existence.
- You Can't Fight Fate: Despite the above, there has been one noteworthy subversion. In "In Sleep," it's possible to trade deaths with someone, as the protagonist discovers to her horror: her death, in peaceful slumber 40 years in the future, has been stolen from her by an influential political figure and exchanged with his own violent (and imminent) death by defrag weapon. While she's unable to avert this fate, she ultimately survives it nonetheless: she has a rare gift that makes her an ideal candidate for being transformed into a Machine of Death herself.