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->''"We do not propose any rules; we offer observations. 'No right on red' is a rule. 'Driving at high speed toward a brick wall usually ends badly' is an observation."''

''How NOT to Write a Novel'' is a 2008 self-help [[BooksOnTrope Book on Trope]] by Howard Mittelmark and Sandra Newman. It deals a lot with tropes (and improper use of them), and even contains some tropes itself.

The book, naturally, is about [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin how not to write a novel.]] It is probably the only self-help book that you'll want to read over and over, because it's actually ''amusing'' to read. It includes many "samples" (written by the authors, though they claim they're [[VeryLooselyBasedOnATrueStory based on submissions they received as editors]]) of writing that range from "good prose, but used tropes vitally wrong" to "[[BileFascination OhgodIcan'tlookbutIhaveto.]]"

Take the quiz [[http://www.hownottowriteanovel.com/?page_id=45 here!]]
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!!Examples given:

* AbusiveParents: Discouraged in "A Novel Called It", with the explanation that they are simply hard to write well and hard to read about without puking. They also suggest that horror is the best genre for handling this trope well, using ''{{Carrie}}'' as an example.
* AccidentalInnuendo: "The Deafening Hug" features a scene with a brother and sister hugging. The brother describes his sister in such unintentionally erotic terms that the reader can only infer [[IncestSubtext incestuous subtext]].[[invoked]]
* AnachronicOrder: They have no problem with this trope at the level of the broader form and structure of the novel (even recommending the use of InMediasRes if the chronological opening of the story is rather slow), but provide a example of it used rather poorly in "Linearity Shrugged", in which shifts in chronology and subject matter happen after every other sentence, making the narrative impossible to follow.
* AnachronismStew: "Xeno's iPod" for objects that just "appear", "The Vegan Viking" for anachronistic attitudes and beliefs and "Yo, Charlemagne, how dost thy big war?" for modern-sounding dialogue in a historical setting.
* AnatomicallyImpossibleSex: Examined. It is generally not a good idea to write sex scenes that move out of the domain of physical possibility.
* AngstWhatAngst: "Failing the Turing Test", in which Professor Johnson finds a college student lying naked in his bed instead of his wife... and emotionlessly asks why she's there. She pulls out a gun and says that she's going to kill him...and he simply asks why. When she says that it's because he gave her a bad grade, he says he'd be willing to reconsider if she does him a favor. And ''then'', when she assumes sex is the 'favor' and tries to seduce him, he asks her to be his cat-sitter.[[invoked]]
* AntiClimax: "I'm Melting!" -- ''Wherein the villain conveniently gives up.''
* ApocalypticLog: "'And One Ring to Bind Them!' Said the Old Cowpoke" morphs into one.
* ArtisticLicense: Discouraged. They are unusually adamant that any novel which makes use of some form of specialized knowledge (especially historical novels) must be an accurate depiction.
* AsYouKnow: "But, Captain..." is a direct translation; "Hello, I am the Mommy!" and "Hello, I am the Medieval Knight!" are similar, with exposition about the characters and the setting clumsily inserted into dialogue, often as a case of ShownTheirWork.
* AudienceAlienatingPremise: "Voice in the Wilderness" provides an example, where the story paints a sympathetic picture of an SS officer desperately trying to save the inmates in his concentration camp from disease and starvation (while the Allies have invented the Holocaust as a piece of perfidious propaganda). Whether the author sincerely holds widely-reviled beliefs, or is simply [[{{Troll}} seeking attention]], the book strongly discourages airing such views in public.[[invoked]]
* AuthorAppeal:
** "The High Colonic by Mail" advises against this, particularly if what appeals to the author is unlikely to appeal to anyone else.
** "The Fig Leaf", where the author lovingly describes some vice but has the viewpoint character sniff and pronounce it disgusting, implicitly because the author's trying to distance themselves from their own kink. Discouraged because no one will be fooled; if your work is going to indulge in smut, you might as well be honest about it.
* AuthorFilibuster: "The After-Dinner Sermon" ([[InWhichATropeIsDescribed In which the author wields a mallet]]).
* AuthorTract: "The Educational Film" (''wherein the deck is stacked''). In the example, everything the saintly hippie protagonist encounters is somehow an example of corporate greed, and everyone she meets is someone opposed to her beliefs who goes out of their way to bully and humiliate her.
* BeigeProse: "The Minimalist" (''wherein synopses take the place of writing'') and "The List of Ingredients" (''wherein lists substitute for description''). List of Ingredients has a particularly humorous example of bland description gone bad:
--> There were naked actors standing around the pornography studio: three women and one man. Two other actors were having sex on a bed. There were some cameramen filming them, who had their clothes on. There was a desk in the corner with papers on it, and a bulletin board with messages.
* BondageIsBad: Advised against with "When To Kiss And Tell" because, as RealLife with attest, it's not:
-->Scenes where the bad guy is given a creepy fetish in order to establish his depravity are becoming less and less of a good idea. In a time when fetishes [[SocietyMarchesOn are becoming a must-have for the really hip, urban professional]], you are likely to be stepping on the toes of many readers by using Nefaro's bondage thing as a [[KickTheDog shorthand for Evil]].
* CaptainErsatz: Alluded to after a long speech on why not to try to sell fanfic which ends with "now go back and [[SerialNumbersFiledOff change all the names]]."
* CaptainObviousAesop: [[invoked]]Discouraged in "The Educational Film";
--> Sometimes an unpublished author will stake out a position that is shared by everyone else in the world and defend it as if he stood embattled and alone. As he stridently argues with what he seems to think of as a recalcitrant audience that it is bad to be unkind to animals, the reader balks and eventually rebels. Yes, you have a point -- but why are you shouting at ''us''?
* CardCarryingVillain: "Inside the Mind of a Criminal" advises against characterizing antagonists as committing villainous acts purely ForTheEvulz.
* CellPhonesAreUseless: {{Discussed}} in "The Padded Cell", which suggests a number of plausible ways of cutting off communication.
* CharacterShilling: Writing characters just to laugh at the protagonist's jokes or gush about how awesome they are is a big no-no.
* ChekhovsGun: "The Gum on the Mantelpiece" uses a version of Chekhov's law: if there is gum on the mantelpiece in the first chapter, it must go on something by the last chapter. For bonus points, the example text is a Chekhov pastiche. They also approve the use of this trope as a RedHerring.
* ChromosomeCasting: They note a particularly extreme version of the male form of this trope, called "The Stag Night", in which not only the main characters but apparently ''every person'' in a novel's fictional universe appears to be male . They also note that it's curiously common in ScienceFiction.
* ClicheStorm: "Breeding Contempt" advises against using too many hackneyed turns of phrase. While they usually became clichés for a reason (they are vivid and evocative), and they are sometimes so commonplace that they have entered the common vocabulary (e.g. "drop dead gorgeous"), relying too much on them will make an author's writing seem unimaginative.[[invoked]]
* CluelessMystery: "The Service Interruption" advises against having sudden blackouts in the Point-of-View narrative once a scene is underway, e.g. to enforce UnspokenPlanGuarantee.
* ComicBookFantasyCasting: "Channeling the E! Channel" says there's nothing wrong with basing a character on a celebrity, but [[TextualCelebrityResemblance directly saying "She looked like a blonde Julia Roberts"]] is a no-no.
* CostumePorn: "The Joan Rivers Pre-Novel Special" and "The Sharper Image Catalog". They discourage it whenever it interferes with the plot or slows down the pace of the novel, but acknowledge that [[CostumeDrama there are genres where it is practically mandatory]].
* CrapsackWorld: "The Diane Arbus Retrospective". They discourage the [[DarknessInducedAudienceApathy excessive]] application of this trope where everybody you meet is a miserable degenerate.
* CreatorBreakdown: [[InvokedTrope Invoked]] in "Revenge Is a Dish Best Served in Public"- ''Where the author has failed to move on.'' The passage featured is quite blatantly the author taking revenge on his ex-girlfriend after an acrimonious breakup.
* DeliberatelyBadExample: Though supposedly based on real literary submissions, many of the samples provided are so outlandishly atrocious that any competent-to-good aspiring writers will find them more entertaining than informative. That said, there are plenty of tips following these samples that can be genuinely helpful even to those who already have a decent grasp of the subject.
* DeliberateValuesDissonance: Encouraged for historical settings; see PoliticallyCorrectHistory below.
* DelusionsOfEloquence: "The Crepuscular Handbag," where the example story is a dramatic rape scene turned into comedy by using all the wrong words. ("Ululating under his breath, he perused her bikini to the floor and embroiled himself in her well-endowed bust.")
* DescriptionInTheMirror: "What Color Am I?" -- ''Where the character must be in front of a mirror to know what she looks like.'' They discourage it, naturally.
* DeusAngstMachina: "Compassion Fatigue". Strongly discouraged: a character whose life is nothing but a parade of misery and misfortune is difficult to sympathize with.
* DeusExMachina: "But a Meteor Could Land There, Right?"
-->This particular blunder is known as ''deus ex machina'', which is French for "Are you fucking kidding me?"
* TheDogWasTheMastermind: A literal example -- the writers observe that unless the protagonist's cat Bartok is the one solving mysteries, Bartok should receive about as many words in the narrative as the couch he is sitting on.
* DreamSequence: "Mr. Sandman, on Second Thought, Bring Me a Gun." An attempt at pseudo-Freudian stream of consciousness narrative in the form of a bizarre dream with [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment no obvious connection to any plot]]. Discouraged. [[invoked]]
* EasyEvangelism: Discouraged.
-->For similar reasons, characters should not make sudden about-faces in their attitudes. They should not, for instance, immediately capitulate when the protagonist "proves" that their worldview is idiotic.
* EmphasizeEverything: "I Mean This!! It's Important!!!" Needless to say, they advise against it. See BoldInflation below.
* EvenBadMenLoveTheirMamas[=/=]EvilVirtues: Argued to be a cheap way to get reader sympathy for the villains, illustrated in an example in which a character takes a moment off from gleefully forcing young girls into prostitution to reminisce fondly about his mother.
--> [[UsefulNotes/AdolfHitler Adolf]] [[UsefulNotes/NaziGermany introduces Fascism to Germany,]] [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarII spreads war throughout Europe,]] [[UsefulNotes/TheHolocaust murders millions in concentration camps]] -- but he's a strict vegetarian and [[PetTheDog loves his dog]]. Tossing in a touching scene with his German Shepherd Blondie and a dish of lentils won't make Hitler's character "balanced".
* FanonDiscontinuity: The real life variety, historical negationism, is discouraged in "The Voice in the Wilderness"; the example is a story in which the Holocaust is a lie. [[invoked]]
* FauxlosophicNarration: "The Overture" -- ''Wherein the prologue is a brief guide to the meaning of life''. Discouraged.
* FeaturelessPlaneOfDisembodiedDialogue: "The Convention of the Invisible Men".
-->Bare naked dialogue will eventually plunge the reader into a nightmarish science fiction scenario in which [[BrainInAJar two brains are conversing telepathically while suspended in a lightless tank of nutrient-rich fluid]] (if you are in fact writing a novel about two brains conversing telepathically while suspended in a lightless tank of nutrient-rich fluid, [[JustifiedTrope carry on]]).
* FoodPorn: Discussed and discouraged in "The Food Channel".
* FootnoteFever: Appears in the sample of "postmodernist" writing, which the book discourages because postmodernism and other gimmicky stuff is hard to do well.
* ForTheEvulz: "Inside the Mind of a Criminal". Generally discouraged, if the author wants to create a believable villain.
* FreakierThanFiction: "Why Your Job is Harder Than God's". A ContrivedCoincidence can resolve a conflict in real life, but for fiction, the reader will expect the resolution to be set up within the context of the plot. As a rule, major coincidences can be used to [[AnthropicPrinciple set a plot in motion]], but not to [[DeusExMachina resolve it]].
* FunetikAksent: Discouraged in "El foreigner", e.g. an Italian man saying "He's-a gotta pretty-a daughter-a". Also discouraged are PoirotSpeak and YouNoTakeCandle.
* GambitRoulette: "The Riddler" - ''Wherein the nefarious plot is more complex than string theory.'' Naturally, they discourage it, because it will make your story way too hard to follow and make your villain seem [[VillainSue way too competent to be believable]].
* GayBestFriend: "Priscilla, Queen of the Clichés". Discouraged, as examples tend to be one-dimensional stock characters, which can seem rather patronizing and insulting.
-->A lot of authors create this type of character, assuming the snappy, witty dialogue will write itself. Needless to say, this is rarely the case.
* GenreBusting: They encourage it, with the caveat noted in GenreShift.
* GenreShift: "'And One Ring to Bind Them!' Said the Old Cowpoke". They emphasize that if you want to do this, it still has to be set up with {{Foreshadowing}} and the like, or else it comes across as very similar to a DeusExMachina.
* GoodAdulteryBadAdultery: Discussed in "Prince Charming Doesn't Deserve Me"; in particular, they recommend at the very least having the protagonist's significant other cheat first, as what the protagonist does after that "doesn't feel like cheating". Otherwise, well, the protagonist can still be unfaithful, but will then be in the wrong and must be acknowledged to be such.
* GratuitousAnimalSidekick: Discouraged. "It does not work to give a character a pet to make him or her sympathetic. People are often at their ''least'' sympathetic when cooing over a bored cat."
* HaveAGayOldTime: Among words you aren't advised to use just for the sake of making the writing fancier (see SesquipedalianLoquaciousness below) is "ejaculated" in its old sense of "exclaimed."
* HoYay: [[invoked]]"We're Going to Need a Bigger Closet", specifically for unintentional homoerotic subtext.
* HumorDissonance: [[invoked]]"A Confederacy of Shills" advises against having characters laugh uproariously at every joke during a conversation. At best, it alienates readers by, in effect, telling them when to laugh; at worst, if the jokes are truly weak, it disorients the reader the same way as would having characters cry or smash things for no reason.
* IJustWriteTheThing: "The Fig Leaf". Discouraged. If you ''must'' include your AuthorAppeal in the work (and you usually don't) then at least be up front about what you're doing, since no one's going to be fooled anyway.
* IKEAErotica: "Assembly Instructions." One of the scenes in "The List of Ingredients" deserves a mention as well.
* ImprobableAge: Noted under "Magic-onomics", pointing out that it is perfectly fine to explain where a character's wealth comes from by giving them a backstory in which they were a partner in a law firm -- but not if the character is twenty-five.
* IntentionallyAwkwardTitle: Some of the headings parody awkward prose this way. Notable examples: "The Penis-Like Sausage" and ""Fuck you," He Said Profanely".
* ItBeganWithATwistOfFate: They note that a plot being ''set in motion'' by an arbitrary coincidence or decision is acceptable, while a plot being ''resolved'' thereby will likely frustrate and annoy readers.
* JustBetweenYouAndMe: "The Retirement Speech" and this quote, ''"Now that I have you in my power, I shall tell you my whole life story!"''
* TheLawOfConservationOfDetail: Underwrites a lot of the book. The details you provide will set up reader expectations about the plot, characters, love interests, etc. If you add too much extra detail, or direct the reader's attention to something and don't follow up, your novel will be dead no matter how good it is.
* LikeRealityUnlessNoted: Is given as the reason why research and thorough world building are needed for historical fiction, sci-fi or fantasy.
* {{Malaproper}}: Strongly cautioned against in "The Crepuscular Handbag". Also used for humour in other examples.
* MarySue[=/=]MartyStu[=/=]AuthorAvatar (but not so much that last one): "I Complete Me." They ''do'' say that it's perfectly acceptable, but when your character starts exhibiting Sue-like tendencies... well, don't pick out that outfit to wear on Oprah quite yet.[[invoked]]
* MeaningfulName: They discourage using names where the symbolic meaning of the name is blatantly obvious to any reader (for example, "Vivian", a character who symbolizes life, against "Mort", a character who symbolizes death). Doubly so if the author feels the need to stop the narrative just to point out the symbolism.
* MillsAndBoonProse: "The Purple Blue Prose"
* AMinorKidroduction: "The Long Runway". Describing the main character's childhood is often only an excuse to put off getting to any actual plot.
* MonochromeCasting: "The Country Club". They note that unless one's novel happens to be set in rural Sweden, the reader may start to get the undesired impression that some form of ethnic cleansing has taken place.
* NeverHeardThatOneBefore: "The Newborn Dinosaur." ''Never'' use jokes that everyone knows.
* NoYay: "Last Tango in Santa's Village".[[invoked]] (Yes, it's exactly what it sounds like). If you have a non-sexualized character in your story, for the love of God, give them some sex appeal ''before'' making them hook up with someone. Otherwise your readers will just be bored, confused, and/or disgusted with the relationship.
* ObservationOnOriginality: In the "how-clichéd-are-your-characters" quiz, the ideal score is a balance of formula and novelty, i.e. somewhere in the middle. Too many predictable notes are boring; too many erratic beats are jarring.
* {{Padding}}: "The Second Argument in the Laundromat" (using more than one scene to establish a single fact), "The Redundant Tautology" (the author repeating him or herself) and "The Skipping Record" (a character's thoughts repeating themselves).[[invoked]]
* PetHomosexual: Discouraged in "Priscilla, Queen of the Clichés". Specifically, they note that many amateur writers seem to believe that once they've established that a given character is gay, the stereotypical catty, bitchy dialogue will write itself -- which is, to say the least, rarely the case.
* PetTheDog: "[[EvenBadMenLoveTheirMamas But He Loves His Mother]]". Using this to make a one-dimensional villain seem human is a bad idea; it's better to make the villain ''not'' one-dimensional and make his evilness believable.
* PetsHomageName: They discourage using the trope, noting that if your novel's protagonist must have a cat, do not name it after a composer (such as Bartok), after a writer (Hemingway), after an ancient Greek (Socrates) or after a person that reflects the character's political leanings (Trotsky), among several other examples.
* PlotBasedVoiceCancellation: Discouraged in favor of InstantMysteryJustDeleteScene.
* ThePlotReaper: "Goodbye, Cruel Reader!" They say it's a bad idea and should only be used when absolutely necessary, and only when the writer has used ChekhovsGun to establish a heart condition/suicidal fixation/unsafe building etc.
* PlotTumor: With the conveniently similar name of "The Benign Tumor".
* PoirotSpeak: Discouraged in "El Foreigner", along with other ham-fisted means of depicting foreign accents, like FunetikAksent and YouNoTakeCandle.
* PoliticallyCorrectHistory: Discouraged in "The Vegan Viking" and, to a lesser extent, in "Hello, I Am the Medieval Knight!". Characters with modern attitudes (including progressive attitudes towards gender, sexuality and race, or neoconservative attitudes towards economics) are out of place in a historical setting.
* PostModernism: "Hello! I Am the Author!" They recommend not trying it because, even though some people manage to pull it off, it's really, really hard to. This includes using:
** AuthorAvatar (at least when the author is actually a character in their own novel)
** FootnoteFever
** UnconventionalFormatting
* ProtagonistCenteredMorality: "Prince Charming Doesn't Deserve Me" is closely related to this: The main character cheats on her husband and throws him out of the house for what would be, objectively speaking, very minor flaws.
* PuritySue: "Too Good to Be True"- ''Wherein an attempt to make TheProtagonist sympathetic overshoots the mark.''[[invoked]]
* PurpleProse: "The Puffer Fish", "Mouth-Watering World-Class Prose," which reads like advertisements or blurbs, "Gibberish for Art's sake," which purposely tries to sound like the classic authors did. It also gives an example of "The Purple Blue Prose", which is a sexual version. And "The Crepitating Parasol," in which that [[Film/ThisIsSpinalTap fundamental line between "clever" and "stupid"]] is crossed due to [[ViewersAreGeniuses suffocating the prose with obscure references and jokes]].
* RandomEventsPlot: Implicitly discouraged - for the section dealing with "Plot", the subtitle is "Not just a bunch of stuff that happens".
* RealityIsUnrealistic: "Why Your Job Is Harder Then God's" explains that just because something unbelievable could happen in real life is not a pass to do so poorly in fiction, which is ''more'' scrutinized.
* RedHerring: They encourage these ("The RedHerring on the Mantelpiece") to give a novel more depth, though they warn authors to be careful of unintentional examples (see WhatHappenedToTheMouse).
* RelationshipWritingFumble: A section dealing with unintended shipping ("The Deafening Hug"), HoYay ("We're Going to Need a Bigger Closet"), and suggested pedophilia ("Alice in Lapland"), and the actual article deals with accidental BrotherSisterIncest shipping.[[invoked]]
* RomanticFalseLead: Discussed in "Prince Charming Doesn't Deserve Me": They don't recommend against the trope ''per se'', but they do caution against making the False Lead too UnintentionallySympathetic or the protagonist too UnintentionallyUnsympathetic in the process. They also recommend that the nice-but-dull variation can be traded in for a better model, but only if the protagonist shows an appropriate amount of remorse rather than glee.
* SaidBookism:
** "Asseverated the Man" highlights the unusual tendency for beginning writers to avoid using the unadorned word "said", when experienced authors know that it is in fact an "invisible word" like "the", "a" or "it". Using flowery synonyms as speech indicators or using too many adverbs will only draw attention to the writing and break the reader's immersion.
** However, the authors do concede that the judicious use of an occasional adverb can be helpful because it adds nuance that written dialogue alone may not convey. For example, "'I love you,' he said" is a direct statement of fondness. However, "'I love you,' he said coldly" ''isn't''.
** There's a wonderful example in the text on the front cover: '"This is silly!" she scoffed glibly.'
* SceneryPorn: "Vacation Slideshow" features endless descriptions of exotic landscapes, with no bearing on characterization and story. The trope is discouraged if it goes on for too long and does not add any substance.
* SenseFreak: "The Hothouse Plant," where sensory descriptions overwhelm the rest of the writing.
* SesquipedalianLoquaciousness: "The Puffer Fish" and "The Crepitating Parasol" (using big words the reader doesn't know in a failed attempt to sound clever) and "The Crepuscular Handbag" [[DelusionsOfEloquence (using big words]] ''[[DelusionsOfEloquence you]]'' [[DelusionsOfEloquence don't know in a failed attempt to sound clever)]].
-->Generally, saying 'edifice' instead of 'building' doesn't tell your reader anything more about the building; it tells your reader that you know the word edifice.
* SexyDiscretionShot: Discussed in "The Hays Code"; they point out that if the genre you're writing in (such as a steamy 'sexploitation' romance novel, for example) is one where the reader expects to see sexy fun times then coyly using this trope is a bit of cheat.
* ShaggyDogStory: "[[PlotTumor The Benign Tumor]]", a section of the novel that has no bearing on the rest of the story and can be completely removed without changing the plot.
* ShowDontTell: Many examples allude to this concept; for example, they advise against the use of adverbs [[SaidBookism when reporting speech]] because the writer is in effect telling the reader what to think about their dialogue, rather than showing them.
* ShownTheirWork: "The Research Paper." "...But the glories of the Calvin cycle, and the further intricacies of the Krebs cycle, essential to cellular respiration, were little comfort now that...". While they encourage doing proper research on any subject an author wants to include in their story, the author should not show off to the extent of confusing most readers.
* SlowPacedBeginning: "The Waiting Room" advises that exposition and background should wait until the actual plot is kicked off, lest readers lose interest. It also advises that InMediasRes can be used to provided chunks of exposition without delaying the plot. [[invoked]]
* SmurfettePrinciple: Mentioned in "Stag Night". "Especially prevalent in science fiction; apparently many writers assume that in the future [[{{Gendercide}} women will die out.]]"
* {{Squick}}/NauseaFuel: Discouraged in "The Unruly Zit" (with a sly TakeThat at Creator/CharlesBukowski). They say it's fine if individual scenes in a novel that are meant to be disgusting and horrible are described appropriately, but if ''everything'' in the novel is described as such then no reader will want to read it. [[invoked]]
* StereotypeGay: Discouraged in "Priscilla, Queen of the Clichés", along with any other obvious stereotype characters.
* TheStoic: "Failing The Turing Test" features a character so emotionless he barely reacts to finding a naked woman in his bed threatening him with a gun, is oblivious to her obvious attempts at seduction, and instead of exchanging sex for a favor asks if she'll watch his cat.
* StrawFeminist: The excerpt of "The Fearless Exposé" stars these.
* StylisticSuck: The examples, which are claimed to be submissions from beginning authors, but actually {{Deliberately Bad Example}}s that show off the misuse of the tropes they discuss.
* SuddenlyAlwaysKnewThat: "And by the Way, I'm an Expert Marksman!", in which the protagonist, when forced to dive through a long tunnel, suddenly reveals that he grew up with oyster divers in the South Seas.
* SuspiciouslySpecificDenial: Its fine as long as the author is doing it on purpose. ''Doublespeak'' highlights how easily this is done by accident.
* SwitchingPOV: "Grabbing the Mike: Wherein the point of view momentarily strays", "The Tennis Match: Wherein the point of view bounces back and forth", "The Democracy: Where everyone is heard from" and "The Service Interruption: Wherein the point of view suffers a temporary blackout" are examples of how not to do this (in a word, "inconsistently"). They also recommend against writing from the perspective of a background character who only exists so that they can witness some key event (unless the novel already has numerous points of view).
* TakeOurWordForIt: Heavily discouraged in "Words Fail Me" (''where the author stops short of communication.'') since it defeats the purpose of literature.
* TerribleIntervieweesMontage: Discouraged in the Second Argument At The Laundromat, stating that while this works well on film where three scenes pass in 30 seconds, it becomes a repetitive drag on paper.
* TextualCelebrityResemblance: Noted as a generally bad idea in "Channeling the E! Channel". If a comparison needs to be made, the author should still not refrain from describing the character.
* ThatMakesMeFeelAngry: Discouraged. Characters should not baldly announce the emotions they are experiencing (even in internal monologue, never mind dialogue), but rather [[ShowDontTell these emotions should be depicted indirectly]].
* TotallyRadical: "I, Youngster" suggests that authors do their research and apply common sense when writing a young, hip character, and not make clichéd assumptions about youth culture. They also suggest the practical alternative of writing a novel about young people at a time when the author themselves was of that age, for purposes of accuracy and realism.
* TraumaCongaLine: Discouraged in "Compassion Fatigue".
* TropesAreTools: They concede that most tropes, in the hands of skilled writers and in the right context, can be used effectively and well. They merely point out those that have a tendency to be used badly. In the introduction, they also note this in the context of the numerous other self-help books about creative writing already available, and how their book differs from these:
-->''Nobody can fail to notice that for every "rule" of writing these books present, novels can be found in which it has been broken with great success... We do not propose any rules; we offer observations. "No right on red" is a rule. "Driving at high speed toward a brick wall usually ends badly" is an observation.''
* TropeBreaker: They specifically refer to the damage done to the techno-thriller genre [[WhyWeAreBummedCommunismFell by the fall of Communism]], and also to several genres [[CellphonesAreUseless by the invention of the cellphone]].
* TrueArtIsIncomprehensible: [[invoked]]Discouraged in "Gibberish for Art's Sake". They say that the belief that difficult-to-understand writing is artistic is "analogous to the belief that [[SympatheticMagic the warrior who dons the pelt of a lion thereby acquires its strength and cunning]]."
* UnfortunateImplications: Dealt with in various forms in "The Road to the Trash Heap is Paved with Good Intentions".[[invoked]]
* UnintentionallySympathetic[=/=]UnintentionallyUnsympathetic: Discussed and discouraged in "Prince Charming Doesn't Deserve Me"; in the example provided, the author clearly intends the protagonist's boyfriend to be unsympathetic, but only gives him minor flaws, whereas the supposedly sympathetic protagonist would immediately be recognized by anyone sane as an unreasonable, selfish harpy.[[invoked]]
* UnspokenPlanGuarantee: Dealt with in "Deja Vu." Specifically, the authors state that any plan should always go wrong if spoken out loud; otherwise, the author has essentially written a spoiler into their own story.
* VanityPublishing: Discussed, with the subsequent ProtectionFromEditors not necessarily being a good thing.
* ViewersAreGeniuses: "The Crepitating Parasol." Discouraged, since it runs the risk of [[TooCleverByHalf being considered pretentious rather than clever]].
* WallOfBlather: The front cover, with the background text being some sort of proto-''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' Vampire Romance.
* {{Wangst}}: Warned against in "Compassion Fatigue":[[invoked]]
-->Readers can identify with a protagonist who is a geek or a failure, but when all that character does is fail and wallow, [[ThisLoserIsYou identification becomes an unwelcome burden]].
* WantonCrueltyToTheCommonComma[=/=]BoldInflation: "I Mean This!! It's Important!!"- "While commas, often appear, randomly in unpublished manuscripts--and there is an epidemic--of unnecessary--em-dashes, it is the exclamation mark which takes the most punishment." It also talks about [[CapitalLettersAreMagic Capitalizing Words The Author Thinks Are Important]], and compares it to Ironic Capitalization, a combination of which is Repeatedly Used On This Very Wiki.
* TheWarOnStraw: "The Fearless Exposé" features a StrawFeminist neighbour. Also crops up in the example for "The Educational Film", wherein everyone the hippie protagonist meets isn't just opposed to her beliefs, but is a cruel bully who goes out of their way to humiliate and attack the innocent, angelic protagonist.
* TheWatson: They encourage this to avoid the problem of [[AsYouKnow people telling each other things both of them already know]].
* WhatHappenedToTheMouse: "Oh, Don't Mind Him" - Where a character's personal problems (in the example the protagonist's brother, an alcoholic war veteran who seems to exist only to provide the protagonist with an inspirational conversation before he goes to Yale) remain unexplored. "The Gum on the Mantlepiece" is similar, a kind of unintentional RedHerring.
* TheWoobie: "Compassion Fatigue" is when this trope is done badly, with a character whose [[DeusAngstMachina misfortunes are so manifold]] that they seem beyond rescue.[[invoked]]
* WhyWereBummedCommunismFell: Jokingly referenced in "The Padded Cell".
* WorldOfSymbolism: Strongly discouraged in a discussion of symbolism following "The Timely Epiphany":
--> ''Above all, symbols should not be obvious. While a novel cannot do without plot or characters, your novel should work perfectly well for someone who doesn't notice the symbols at all.''
* WriteWhatYouKnow: Unusually for a guide to creative writing these tropes are averted (with the caveat that they encourage extensive research about topics with which the author is unfamiliar), but they also note that unskilled writers who stray too far from writing about the sorts of people they know end up basing their characters on stock characters and archetypes which may unintentionally offend (such as the MagicalNegro or CampGay). [[invoked]]
* YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe: "Yo, Charlemagne, How Dost Thy Big War?" Discouraged for much of the same reasons as "The Crepitating Parasol;" it's all too easy to get incorrect, and it will break the immersion of your story.
* YouKeepUsingThatWord: "The Crepuscular Handbag" features a hurricane of malapropisms by the author.

!!In-book Examples:

* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking: ''"The ranks of the would-be novelists are filled with Holocaust deniers, men who question whether women have souls, followers of Ayn Rand..."''
* BilingualBonus: Several jokes in foreign languages.
** In many of the examples, the characters offhandedly use foreign "expressions" that either make no sense in context, or even constitute commentary from the authors.
** In addition, see an example quoted several times on this page. "Deus ex machina" is ''not'', in fact, French for "are you fucking kidding me?"
** ''Folie adieu'' is used to refer to a sudden ToneShift ShockingSwerve at the end, causing crippling MoodWhiplash that makes the novel unsellable. It is a pun on a [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Folie_%C3%A0_deux folie a deux]], a "madness shared by two," and translates as "Goodbye madness".
** In "El Foreigner", a Spanish speaker reprimands a Korean's (supposed) ForeignLanguageTirade by saying, "Hijo de puta! Hold the tongue!" "Hijo de puta" is Spanish for "[[HypocriticalHumor son of a Whore]]".

* BreakingTheFourthWall: In "The Court Reporter". "I'm afraid so. The author is actually going to list all the specials."
* CallBack: The description of [[FoodPorn "The Food Network"]] is the fourth wall breaking moment from "The Court Reporter".
* ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin: Subverted: While it's a tongue-in-cheek guide to writing a bad novel, the actual purpose is to teach the writer how to avoid the obvious mistakes and (hopefully) produce a good one.
* GoodNightSweetPrince: Used in a completely out of context ShoutOut in one segment.
* HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday: The entire point of "I Am Expressing My Sexuality." They recommend against it.
* {{Hypocrite}}: The author of the example in "The Fig Leaf" clearly enjoys visiting strip clubs but is vaguely aware that this is something that shouldn't be boasted about in polite company, so combines a lovingly detailed description of the club and the ladies working in it with the viewpoint character sniffily declaring how above it all he is in a transparent attempt [[IJustWriteTheThing to cover his tracks]].
* HypocriticalHumor: The section advising against clichés ends with the line "And in your heart of hearts, you know this is true." And then there's the gem, "This point is worth repeating: don't reiterate." See also StylisticSuck below.
* InWhichATropeIsDescribed: All the sub-headings of the examples have this or variations.
* LittleProfessorDialog: The example of "Sock Puppet" has a group of plucky kid detectives speaking in the same voice as the narration.
* MarySue: Several of the hypothetical examples appear to have been written by authors placing themselves in the story too directly. Such as what appears to have been an action thriller written by an ergonomics expert. [[invoked]]
* {{Narm}}: All of the bad writing examples are [[SoBadItsGood intentionally over-the-top bad]], but the [[http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/0061357952/sr=8-1/qid=1261999387/ref=dp_image_0?ie=UTF8&n=916520&s=books&qid=1261999387&sr=8-1 chunk of text on the cover]] takes the cake. [[invoked]]
* NoodleIncident: The "spaying incident" that is mentioned in a few segments.
* OverlyNarrowSuperlative: "I love you more than any woman that I've met on the Upper West Side in a really long time."
* PrecisionFStrike: "DeusExMachina" is cited as a French expression which means "Are you fucking kidding me?"
* RunningGag: In an AliceAndBob sort of way, they use several characters multiple times: Chip; Jack and Synthya; Music/LeonardCohen; Joe and Melinda, [[NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast the evil Nefaro]], [[SantaClaus Santa]]... there are many, occasionally unrelated. In addition to those, we have the phrase "medium-sized breasts" (or "perfect breasts" for variety), misuse of the word "ironically," mistranslations of "DeusExMachina," and several other small jokes that you wouldn't get if you started reading a random segment. There are also many, many one-off {{Call Back}}s and {{Call Forward}}s.
** And the eternal battle for ergo-hydraulics.
** At least two people in the samples own cats named Bartok.
** The [[TalesOfTheUnexpected leg of mutton]]. It was the only clue.
** "The Second [insert incident here] at the Laundromat."
** Nefarious plots and doings surrounding an optometrist.
** The third date and all things associated with it (anniversaries, wine, etc.).
* SeriousBusiness: A lot of the excerpts have their authors attempt to create a lot of drama out of seemingly non-dramatic scenarios. Such as the eternal battle for ergo-hydraulics, a love affair based on a mutual love of toggles, and a lot of funny business surrounding an optometrist.
* ShapedLikeItself: ''The Sight Gag'' ([[CaptainObvious In which there is a sight gag.]])
** "Ask yourself: 'do I know [[SesquipedalianLoquaciousness this word?']] If the answer is no, then you do not know it."
* ShoutOut: They occasionally make random references, some named, some unnamed. These include ''Franchise/HarryPotter'', [[WesternAnimation/SouthPark the Underpants Gnomes]], Literature/AChildCalledIt, [[Film/TwoThousandOneASpaceOdyssey HAL]], GoneWithTheWind, Literature/GravitysRainbow and so on.
* SnowClone: "Hello, I am the [example]!", "The Second [example] in the Laundromat"
* SoBadItsGood: Purposely invoked with the StylisticSuck segments.
* StylisticSuck: Every mistake comes with an (often quite humorous) excerpt of writing.
* {{Tradesnark}}: On using product names in fiction (UsefulNotes/{{Kmart}} Realism)-"TM?"
* {{Tuckerization}}: Ever heard of the [[Creator/VinDiesel Marquis vin Diesel]]?
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