The Earth is dying.
Global warming is coming to its logical conclusion. Various parts of the world are submerged. Overpopulation is stretching the remaining resources to breaking point. A few small outposts have been set up within the solar system, but they are harsh and brutal. Mankind needs a more permanent solution.
Hence The Project.
A massive Generation Ship
named the Willflower
is built with the largest budget in the history of humanity. It will be crewed by the creme de la creme of humanity. Every crew member from the captain right down to the canteen staff is the absolute best at what they do. Their mission is to find a new home for mankind (or at least for the best mankind has to offer anyway).
Enter Eddie O'Hare
. He considers himself to be the unluckiest man in the cosmos. He's been framed for taking money from some very important people. There are hitmen after him. He's down to his last couple of bucks but his luck changes when he meets Charles Perry Gordon, a man who looks exactly like him
who wants out of The Project due to having just won an immense fortune.
However, this doesn't turn out to be the dream escape Eddie's dreamed of. His new identity is that of Chief Community Planner
, which is fairly high up the ladder and will require a lot of jumping through hoops. So, it's a bit of a relief when Eddie is killed.
Ten generations later, something has gone wrong. Horribly wrong.So, a story about the last remnant of humanity in deep space sounds familiar, right?
That's because it was written by Red Dwarf
co-creator Rob Grant. While its similarity to Red Dwarf
was criticised, its Darker and Edgier
and genuinely funny storyline
meant it was well received when it came out.
Colony contains examples of:
- A Nazi by Any Other Name: Eddie reckons that Gordon and the original Gwent are this, due to the breeding programme and inherited jobs.
- Ax-Crazy: Paolo San Pablos aka "Mr. Pink Socks". He starts out as a hitman assigned to take out people who can't pay off their debts and runs across Eddie several times, even offering friendly advice. He kills Gordon after his big win, as Gordon was not supposed to break the casino's bank. After discovering Eddie on his list, he follows him on board the ship and is captured by security and sentenced to "the temporary suspension of life". He is the only other person to survive the revival process, but suffers some major Sanity Slippage in the process, resulting in near constant seizures.
- BFG: The Styx drones' laser rifles. One of them manages to blow himself up by firing at a door at point blank range on the highest power setting.
- Body Horror. Stowaways are punished by having their head and spine removed from their bodies and preserved in a jar. This also is used on critically injured personnel. These people can be revived in a robotic suit. Eddie is the only person to survive the process with his sanity intact.
- Church Militant: While the original Peck takes a dislike to Eddie because of the profession of the man he is impersonating, the tenth generation Peck believes Eddie to be the spawn of Satan, given his revival from near death. When she makes a mistake, she punishes herself by whipping herself while naked and blindfolded. She dresses like a nun and believes that Father Lewis can do no wrong, despite him being an atheist pervert. The worst part? She's the science officer.
- Clone Degeneration: The Styx drones get progressively less intelligent with each batch. The only reason they're kept around is that they're cheap, easy to make and very strong.
- Cloning Blues: The original security chief is cloned in a process known as droning. However, the intelligence of each new batch of drones deteriorates, leaving the entire security team with the mental agility of pond life.
- Deadpan Snarker: Oslo. This being a work of Rob Grant, there must be at least one.
- Deconstruction: Of the premise of Red Dwarf.
- The Determinator: Mr. Pink Socks. He follows Eddie up to the Project and over ten generations just to kill him for stealing money from his employers. It doesn't even matter to him that said employers are now long dead and that money is now useless.
- Dirty Old Monk: Father Lewis by the tenth generation. The original Lewis was staunchly opposed to the breeding plan and shot Eddie to try and prevent it. The tenth generation Lewis, having inherited his job from his father is an atheist with cameras everywhere for the purposes of making pornography. When he escapes the ship using the one remaining escape module, he takes the ship's prostitutes with him.
- Dumb Muscle: The Styx drones. To a lesser extent, the original Styx himself, though this is only in comparison to the rest of the ship's other Section Leaders, who are the top scientists in their fields.
- Identical Grandson: Lampshaded by Amalgam Willard-Walters upon meeting Father Lewis.
- Katanas Are Just Better: Mr. Pink Socks finishes Gordon off in one swing with one.
- Living Ship: The Willflower evolves into one of these by the end of the book. This explains the damage caused and the change in its layout.
- Limited Advancement Opportunities: Jobs are inherited by a crewmember's offspring. The idea being that people don't need to learn unnecessary skills. All this is well and good if you're a descendant of The Captain or a Section Leader, but if you're the child of a dinner lady or a prostitute, then that's all you can ever aspire to be.
- Never Learned to Read: The entire crew by the tenth generation and the entire reason Eddie is revived. Turns out the ship has evolved and gained sentient awareness and has taken away the crew's literacy in order to erase the follies of the first generation.
- No Indoor Voice: The original Captain Gwent. Except when he's angry.
- Population Control: Every person on board the ship inherits their job from their parents, whose sexual partners are designated by a plan. By the time Eddie is revived, the ship's crew is ridiculously inbred. To a lesser extent, this can also be seen with the (expired) sexual activity clearance card that Eddie possesses on Earth.
- Real Men Wear Pink Socks
- Sharing a Body: The Professors. Unfortunately, they are constantly trying to kill each other, so they are placed in cryo stasis. Which is unfortunate, as they are both the smartest people in the entire book and accurately diagnose the cause of the ship's structural damage (if only briefly before the argument they have gets them put back in the freezer).
- Stable Time Loop: Eventually, Eddie learns that the unfortunate series of events that lead to him ending up on board the Willflower in the first place were caused by the ship's ability to influence electronic equipment in the past. Eddie is given the choice as to whether he wants to go back to his old life or allow events to be carried out as they already have. Given that going back to his old life would mean the end of humanity, Eddie chooses to remain on board.
- Too Dumb to Live: The Styx drones.
- Spare Body Parts: The street surgeon has an extra hand in his crotch and is willing to sell parts to people. Also, one prostitute has a vagina grafted to her hand.
- Unfortunate Names: The planets discovered by the teenage Captain Gwent. "Thrrrppp", "Penis", "Panties", and "Jockstrap" are all used in some form of innuendo by Gwent. In the same sentence.
- Wretched Hive: Afortunado, aka "Lucky Town", a sort of Las Vegas type place compressed down to an area where everything is less than fifteen minutes walk from one side to the other and run by a coalition of various mafia groups to provide entertainment for people working on The Project. It's located at the South Pole and it's implied that the forcefields that keep the harsh environment out will be switched off when the Willflower departs, leaving Afortunado to be buried in snow.