Lets Play: Kung-Fu Jesus
Kung-Fu Jesus is a Deadpan Snarker Let's Player and Something Awful goon with a pretty Creepy Monotone who is not afraid to drink and game, formerly known as Beaver Emancipator before the name was assumed to be too sexual. He often plays alongside his friends Pokecapn and/or medibot, including the infamous Let's Play of Sonic the Hedgehog (2006). The majority of his work is in their Let's Plays, but he also has several of his own.Twisted Pixel commissioned him, MyNameIsKaz, medibot, and pokecapn (generally collectively known as "the posse") to provide commentary for their game The Gunstringer.His manned LP credentials include:
- Mega Man X8 (medibot serves as guest commenter after several videos)
- Kingdom Hearts II (medibot sticks through all the way, but a rotating cast of four others come and go as he marathons the game in two sessions)
- Ōkami (incomplete)
- Shadow Complex (pokecapn came in for the post-game content.)
- God Hand (a cast of well over a dozen guest commentators rotate through at random)
- Final Fantasy XIII-2 (With pokecapn, MyNameIsKaz, Dreamsower, Mio Bison, and medibot)
- Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden: (Streamed on twitch with Pokecapn, Kaz, and medibot)
- Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII (With pokecapn, Kaz and medibot)
- Final Fantasy IX (Streamed on twitch with Kaz)
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Mega Man X 8
Kingdom Hearts II
- Cut Short: KFJ lost all his video assets when a hard drive crashed, but he made a new save and re-completed the LP with medibot.
- All There in the Manual: Well, all there in the art book, but thankfully, Kung-Fu Jesus has the art book so he can explain enemy types and their origins.
- Bring My Brown Pants: From the ninth and final video:
- Cut Short: This LP stopped after nine videos, only six of which (Parts 1-5 and 9) are available on his YouTube channel. The posse occasionally makes references to its incomplete nature.
- Deal with the Devil: The Back Story for the Yellow Imp with the drum is deemed to be this, with him being a drummer who wanted To Be a Master...
- ForeshadowingVprisoner: That dog has an interesting scarf.
Kung-Fu Jesus: That he does. It might even be significant later... but don't quote me on that.
- Hell of a Heaven: Downplayed.Vprisoner: That's great. I went to a Japanese heaven just like I always wanted.
Kung-Fu Jesus: Sweet. How was it, bro?
Vprisoner: Eh, it's a little bit overrated. Everybody's always talking about it. I mean it's really opened my eyes to just how blessed I am here on this Earth.
- In Harmony with Nature: Kung-Fu Jesus and his Special Guests seem to be this with respect to Ōkami, but it's hard to blame them.
- Once Upon a Time: The introduction to the LP.
- "Open!" Says Me:Vprisoner: Gates are trivial with Power Slash.
- Prolonged Prologue: "My God, this is the giant tutorial level. It's horrible. And by horrible, I mean very obligatory."
- Shout-Out: Several, as usual.
- Take That: Also several, as usual.
- Shown Their Work: Kung-Fu Jesus shows that he is reading his LP's thread for information, such as the mythological analogues for Amaterasu and Susano.
- Special Guest: Vprisoner shows up in the third video, continuing into the fourth. A new guest comes in for the fifth video.
- Suspiciously Specific Denial: See Foreshadowing.
- They Fight Crime: The mortal-goddess dichotomy is up front and center in one of the videos, leading Kung-Fu Jesus to say that the reason Amaterasu has trouble with certain tasks is that a mortal isn't there to help her.
- Unusually Uninteresting Sight: After Yomigami shows up:Kung-Fu Jesus: Amaterasu looks thoroughly nonplussed.
- Viewers Are Morons: Many comments are made on how the game seems to assume this.
- Who's on First?: A joke involving "dealing", with Vprisoner meaning "keeping cool when stressed" and Kung-Fu Jesus meaning "drug dealing" happens in the fourth video.
- A Wizard Did It: "Anything is possible in the magical land Nippon."
- All Men Are Perverts: Except medibot.
- And That's Terrible:The Roll: [The torch] breaks too damn easy. And That's Terrible.
- Later, MyNameIsKaz name checks it directly from the Lex Luthor meme.
- Artistic License – Religion: Played for Laughs.medibot: Krispy Kremes are one of God's gifts to mankind. They were originally handed down to the Jews on top of Mount Sinai during their Exodus from Egypt. That's why we eat doughnuts during Passover.
Kung-Fu Jesus: ...because they're kosher.
medibot: Right. Because... uh... when they were traveling through the desert, they didn't have time for their bread to rise... But then God gave them doughnuts, so we all eat doughnuts.
- Association Fallacy: Played for Laughs. For example, this one from medibot.medibot: I own a dog, and all dogs are mammals. Therefore, I own all mammals.
- Apocalypse How: According to medibot and Kung-Fu Jesus, some form of a Class 3... for Pokémon on the world, also known as "Poképocalypse".
- Basement-Dweller: Schizo Guy, apparently.
- Big International Clubs: Apparently one of these commissioned Kaz to build a bridge to Jupiter, possibly in order to pursue medibot's teacher, the inventor of nisendo, who fled there to escape an international authority.
- Comes Great Responsibility: "Great damage, or great responsibility?"
- Call Back: pokecapn references Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) when talking about being able to miss jumps by small, nerve-wracking margins.
- Cannot Tell a Joke: medibot, at least a straight joke. He does know this adage about demons' reverence and pizza, or at least that's how he heard it. He was hungry.
- Carpet of Virility: medibot is a type 1 apparently. He says his brain is not in the right body because "there is no hair on the nipples".
- Comically Missing the Point:
- Critical Existence Failure:
medibot: Bye bye, katana.
- In Stage 6, the editing on a video shows a procured katana spontaneously cease to exist because Kung-Fu Jesus died.
- Cut Lex Luthor a Check: Belze is the creator of "Belze Boots", shoes for demons filled with pure evil.
- Dance Battler: medibot studies "disco fighting", which, according to Kung-Fu Jesus, is both stylish and deadly.
- A Demon Did It: How the perpetual fire on torches used as melee weapons apparently stays lit.medibot: Demon magic!
- Die, Chair! Die!: KFJ dropkicks a random street sign into oblivion. For no reason.Kaz: Take that, sign!Kung-Fu Jesus: You fucking sign! Don't come back here anymore! You Killed My Father!
medibot: You just broke that disco couch!
- Also, later:
Kung-Fu Jesus: Fuck yo' couch!
- Don't Explain the Joke:Medibot: We call it the Gene Four Stomp. Because you stomped him four times.
- Everyone Is Jesus in Purgatory: A Medibot specialty, also adopted by others as well at times.
- Exploding Barrels: Lampshaded.Kung-Fu Jesus: This is an Exploding Barrel. You can tell it's an exploding barrel because it's red.
- Flat "What.":medibot: The inch-high dick.
- Gender Flip: One of Link is discussed. The game they're thinking of is either Majora's Brassiere or Bongarina of Time/Bongos of Time.
- Get Rich Quick Scheme: medibot's "salad salad bowl", a bowl of salad that is, itself, composed of salad. Kung-Fu Jesus thinks that probably has a copyright on it already. In the same video, he mentions "strawberry carbonara".
- The Glasses Come Off: Lampshaded as Azel only being likely to decide on taking off his Cool Shades when the situation got bad enough.
- Gushing About Games You Like:Kung-Fu Jesus: This game is so fucking awesome!
- Hellevator: Name checked, but averted.
- I Lied:Kung-Fu Jesus: My name is Kung-Fu Jesus, and I do kung fu in my spare time—no, I don't.
- Idiot Savant: Autistic savant vegetable. It Makes Sense in Context.
- Incoming Ham/Ham-to-Ham Combat: The introduction to the "God Hand Challenges 2" video is an exercise in ham before the introductions themselves.
- Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics: Apparently men with beards are 10% to 30% more likely to have beards than men without beards. However, IlluminatusVespucci thinks they might have to have a survey to be sure, but it's good to have a concrete range if you're going to publish something like that.
- Noodle Incident:pokecapn: And apparently, we have the Great Cornholio with us again. Anyway, you have to fight two-
medibot: I thought I poisoned him?
Kung-Fu Jesus: Hmm, I thought so too. Unfortunately, it turns out arsenic is only good against humans.
- Not Cheating Unless You Get Caught: In the second fight against Gorilla Mask.
- Our Demons Are Different: Kung-Fu Jesus, Kaz, and medibot instruct on how to passively and actively observe demons as different from humans.
- Our Ghosts Are Different: The proclivity for ghosts to not float away into space, being with a volume but no mass, is identified as them just feeling like acting like gravity affects them.
- Our Souls Are Different: According to medibot, only souls, whether demonic or human, can block attacks, so robots can't, since they have no souls.
- Pals with Jesus: According to medibot, he traveled back in time to shortly before the birth of Jesus. As it turns out, pokecapn is his clone, and can save people for a price.
- Perfectly Cromulent Word: "Perceptitude", whatever that means.
- Product Placement: Parodied when the Staples of all companies is chosen as Kung-Fu Jesus' sponsor. They spend about two and a half minutes advertising for Staples products around them, up to and including holding the LP hostage if people don't buy Staples products.
- Punched or Kicked Across the Room: Done many times by Gene. This is once lampshaded by The Roll when a female enemy with a whip is sent flying off into the distance over a ledge.The Roll: Goal!
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Kung-Fu Jesus gives one as a eulogy for Stage 6. Oddly, he thinks it's one of his favorite stages in the game.
- The Reveal: Kung-Fu Jesus is from Nevada.
- Ridiculous Exchange Rates: "Future medibot Points", which go toward prizes (like for finding out the identity of the God of Helsinki) at a future date.
- Quantum Mechanics Can Do Anything: From challenges video 3:medibot: You dip the sword in demons blood, and that increases its magic...ness. It makes it very magical. Probably due to something involving Quantums.
- Running Gag:
- Every random enemy type has a collective name. Every random NPC who is not named in game has no name.
- In later videos, the posse each using incorrect names for themselves.
- Self-Deprecation:Kung-Fu Jesus: You look like a real jerk!
pokecapn: Well I am an LPer.
- Sequence Breaking: Kung-Fu Jesus beats every enemy in nearly every level. He doesn't necessarily do them in the order the game intends, though.
- Shout-Out: Many as usual, ranging from Battlestar Galactica to Castlevania to Sonic the Hedgehog to Johnny Cash to much, much more.
- Slut-Shaming:medibot (about Shannon): You whore!
- Space Whale Aesop: "Moral of the story is: don't dig wells, or you're a terrorist."
- Special Guest: Changes each video, but often has posse members.
- Stealth Pun: Boxes are made from bauxite, according to medibot.
- Take That: As with Shout-Out moments, obscure ones again.
- Thousand Year Reign: A variant. The LPers realize that the average "mystic cult" is generally either one hundred years old or one thousand years old, never a specific number, but always a long time.
- Totally Radical: pokecapn's imitation of Sonic the Hedgehog.
- The Unpronouncable: IlluminatusVespucci accepted this (though they got better by the Let's Play of Sonic the Hedgehog (2006)), and so the others call him "illves".
- The Watson: Many of the Special Guests have never played God Hand, and so have to have the game explained to them as it is going on.
- Wrong Genre Savvy: Kaz describes "a God Hand game" like a Tabletop Game.
- Worst Whatever Ever: Or rather, "stupidest meeting room ever," Kung-Fu Jesus' reaction to the Four Devas' meeting room.
- Zen Survivor: By after the fifth challenge video, Kung-Fu Jesus has entered the "own zone", where he has transcended the need for health, instead just trading it in order to sustain his glory.
Final Fantasy XIII- 2
- Adam Smith Hates Your Guts: The posse wonders how Chocolina, an atemporal being, is able to use money in any one time period. They come to the conclusion that she takes your money, then goes to a time period where it's worth more and buys more stuff to sell to you, making an insane profit. One of them wonders if she could be the Big Bad, but this is denied by Kung-Fu Jesus as too smart for the game.
- Aerith and Bob: Discussed.KFJ: So Serah got a normal name, and Lightning is named Lightning. What's the deal with that?
- Alcohol Hic: Hits KFJ pretty hard in Part 37. Hilarity Ensues.
- Alien Geometries: In Part 55, "cube-orbs", as medibot calls them.
- Altum Videtur:
- And There Was Much Rejoicing: Preemptive in Part 50.Alyssa: I'm sorry. But in the future you hope to build, I no longer exist.
Kung-Fu Jesus: Yaaaaay.....
- Again in Part 56.
- Artificial Stupidity: Much fun is poked at how residents of Academia 4XX cannot seem to be able to stand up on their moving walkways.
- Artistic License – Physics: Discussed.Kung-Fu Jesus: This isn't space. This is a temporal rift. This is time.
pokecapn: This is right. This is the time stream.
Kaz: Yeah. It's because there's no relationship between time and space.
Kung-Fu Jesus: Not here.
- Artistic License – Religion: Parodied. Downloading is a sin, as stated on the third day in the cities of "Kazah and Gommorah".
- Ass Shove: How it's explained Serah stores the Artefacts, and where Hope stores his Battle Boomerang.
- Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: Kung-Fu Jesus, exploring A Dying World 700AF, in Part 53.
- Audience Surrogate: Noel once in Part 51.pokecapn: Noel just spoke for us, by the way. He said "I don't know what you're talking about."
- Audience Participation: Although Kung-Fu Jesus does admit that he puts up his videos a few days after he makes them, he and the posse do read the commentary in their YouTube videos and this very page, though they aren't always the nicest about how they talk about it.
- Barbie Doll Anatomy: Discussed in Part 60. Kung-Fu Jesus is not sure whether or not Serah has... nether regions, due to her being a "Barbie doll", and they don't normally have them.
- Be Careful What You Wish For: As early as Part 5, Kaz wanted to see a battle where wounding was a necessary mechanic. In Part 67... he got what he wanted, and it was far more annoying than he thought it would be.
- Beating A Dead Player: In Part 58.Kung-Fu Jesus: Spiking Mog is sort of like teabagging, between your legs, behind you.
- Beauty Equals Goodness: Not when it comes to Scrunchy, according to Kaz, in an inversion. He's called flat out ugly in Part 55, but is very much good.
- Because Destiny Says So: Serah (or maybe Kung-Fu Jesus) was always a fairy princess. It is only by Part 55 that he/she found out, though, as medibot says.
- Bestiality Is Depraved: In Part 52.
- Big "NO!": In Part 51, on finding the right silhouette in the darkness of a Dying World 700 AF, thereby being unable to kill more people in the world by making them exist. This is followed by a Big "YES!" when the cutscene that ensues ends.
- Kung-Fu Jesus lets out another one in Part 66, when jumping off a platforming puzzle into an abyss in slow motion.
- Big "Shut Up!": Kung-Fu Jesus, combined with Punctuated! For! Emphasis! during Part 53 while he is Chewing the Scenery.
- Blessed Are the Cheesemakers: Garganzolas in Part 52.Kung-Fu Jesus: I am the cheese man.
medibot: No, Kung-Fu Jesus. You are the cheese man.
- Blessed with Suck: Apparently Waldo of "Where's Waldo", according to Kaz in Part 53. Even on his deathbed, he'd get terrible treatment because none of the doctors would be able to find him.
- Body Horror: medibot's preference as of Part 42 and Part 55:medibot in Part 42: I really want my skeleton to be on the outside right now.
medibot in Part 55: I got tentacles coming out of my face.
- Actual Body Horror comes up with a live trigger ripple on Lightning's face in Part 50 that is, according to Kaz, "a little disconcerting".
- Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick: In Part 55, to Caius' first One-Winged Angel, Chaos Behemoth.Kaz: Also I'm a huge demon, by the way.
- Brick Joke: The "need to wound" battle. From Part 5 (the setup) to Part 67 (the payoff).
- Brief Accent Imitation: At one point, to parody Kaz Not Even Bothering with the Accent when reading a long passage in French, Kung-Fu Jesus makes a brief imitation of a French accent himself.
KFJ: What the 'ell?! Ma textures ah glitchin' aut!
- In Part 50, Kung-Fu Jesus makes an accent impression making fun of Vanille and Fang's Land Down Under accent.
- Brother-Sister Incest: Or rather Sibling Incest. In Part 42, while looking over Serah's character model again during a cutscene using the "Eyes of the Goddess" skill, Kung-Fu Jesus says that the skill is probably Lightning being in control of it, despite the fact that Lightning is Serah's older sister.
- But Thou Must: Deliberately named in Part 56 by Kung-Fu Jesus, in response to the fact that whether or not you decide to break Noel's Thou Shalt Not Kill in the finale, Caius dies either way by his sword.
- Call Back: Various, as per usual with posse work.
- Kung-Fu Jesus starts off the LP by singing "Kiss From a Rose" while the game is installing, calling back to a request made during the "Stupid Games Done For Money" stream for the Posse to sing it while Kaz fights Ridley in Super Metroid, which they forgot to do.
- Kaz states one of the "Horse E-Books" Tweets in Part 46.
- And in Part 56 a quick aside of "Odin E-Books" was made.
- Kung-Fu Jesus states a line of "Rocket Man" in complete deadpan in one of the videos while mocking the idea of "many Yuels" or "many Caiuses".
- As in pokecapn's Mario Party marathon Let's Play, medibot still says he is a botanist.
- Kung-Fu Jesus still wants to bet on Lucky Clover at the Chocobo races, even though there isn't one.
- Also an internal Call Back: Twice in the LP, the Kung-Fu Jesus says that the Ominous Latin Chanting in Caius' leitmotif really speak to his character if translated.
- In Part 5, KFJ frustrates everyone else in the room a great deal by having trouble understanding a puzzle which is obvious to them. pokecapn says "Look, the bright pink wall is right there. Why can't you just break through it and pull the switch?", referencing the time the posse collectively Failed a Spot Check for ten minutes in Eggmanland, much to the frustration of anyone watching.
- In Part 40, medibot refers to a Thermadon as a "Thrill-lizard", his nickname for the lizard enemies from Sonic 2006 (because they appear to be doing the Thriller dance when Silver picks them up with telekinesis).
- Kung-Fu Jesus starts off the LP by singing "Kiss From a Rose" while the game is installing, calling back to a request made during the "Stupid Games Done For Money" stream for the Posse to sing it while Kaz fights Ridley in Super Metroid, which they forgot to do.
- Calvinball: Subverted, they first assume Chronobind works this way before actually checking the rules in the game and looking them up online.medibot: "Clocked out on a triple bind", okay, so this game has rules.
- Catch Phrase: Generally when someone or something falls into an abyss, though it stops once Dreamsower and Mio Bison stop appearing.Dreamsower: Embrace the void!Kaz: Suck it down!
- Chained by Fashion: Discussed in Part 62, with Kaz wondering where the chains on the Long Gui came from, and wonders if he just grew them.
- Chewing the Scenery: Kaz, when describing the "Advanced Moogle Hunt" in Part 52. He doesn't stop for quite some time. Kung-Fu Jesus, of all people, does this as well in Part 53.
- Combat Commentator: Or rather Puzzle Commentator. Kaz takes up the position of narrating pokecapn's attempts to solve the paradox puzzles as if he were at the US Open (either golf or tennis) as of Part 42.
- Cool and Unusual Punishment: The punishment for losing too many races in Chocobo racing is to have to do more paradox puzzles, according to the end of Part 43.
- Cool Shades:
- The Corrupter: medibot is pleased when his idea of the Scroton Cannon gets pokecapn to repeat this idea over and over, laughing.Kaz: He's going to be saying that for a while. I hope you're happy with yourself, medibot.
medibot: I am in fact extremely satisfied, knowing that I have negatively affected the youth of tomorrow. And today.
- Crapsaccharine World: Academia 4XX according to the posse. There is no way that much random screaming and falling over would mean this time is paradise.
- The Ditz: The posse is intentionally trying to play Serah this way in live triggers.Kung-Fu Jesus: Okay, so the new plan is to just make her the dumbest person on the planet. Whatever planet we happen to be on at the time.
- Does This Remind You of Anything?: Kung-Fu Jesus explicitly calls some of the items for Chocobo racing in Part 43 performance-enhancing drugs. He also calls chaos "Etro's abusive husband" in Part 52.
- Drunk on the Dark Side: Well, more the Gank side, but Kung-Fu Jesus gets noticeably hammy when he gets into it with Gank, as noted here:Kung-Fu Jesus: Sorry, Gank just gets my blood going.
- Dying Race: One of the theories proposed by the posse about Moblins in Part 48. They keep looking for them, but maybe they're so hard to find because they're killing them all off, and killing off the reproducing members of the species.
- Easy Amnesia: In Part 42, medibot forgets how to do the "Swedish chef with peanut butter in his mouth" voice immediately after stopping using it due to it being so horrible for the rest of the posse to listen to, resulting in him never being able to use it again.
- The End of the World as We Know It: According to Kung-Fu Jesus in Part 60, it will include a February 30th, and then we'll be screwed.
- Emotion Eater: According to Kung-Fu Jesus in Part 55, Scrunchy can eat bravery and faith. note
- Ensemble Dark Horse: Gogmagog. The posse actually wants for him to be The Monster Behind The Caius in the end.
- Episode 0: The Beginning: In Part 50.Kung-Fu Jesus: You don't hear about that. That's in Final Fantasy XIII-0. The prequel.
- Et Tu, Brute?: Played for Laughs in Part 50.
- Epic Fail: Kaz calls Ironsides the Silver Chocobo a "shiny brown", despite not being even close to brown. He at least admits it immediately.
- Everyone Has Standards: Kung-Fu Jesus closed his thread for this game when someone brought up Domestic Abuse, citing that "that's not right".
- Evil Is Cool: In-Universe. The posse really likes Caius, thinking he's their favorite character in the game, and that there's a lot to like about him that isn't outright stated.
- Evil Laugh: Kung-Fu Jesus lets one out in Part 54 in response to the paradox puzzle they have to do.
- Expy: Sort of. The entire idea of "taking power from yourself in alternate times" reminds the posse of The One.
- Expecting Someone Taller: almost directly name-checked by pokecapn in Part 64.Kung-Fu Jesus: I thought he'd be harder.
pokecapn: And I thought you'd be taller.
Kung-Fu Jesus: Touché.
- Failed a Spot Check: Intentionally invoked during the "booby-trapped artefact" sequence with Serah every time they go through it, "trying to find" Yuel while jumping over her to find everything else.
- Likely invoked a bit less intentionally a couple more times. For one, they collect the Chaos Crystal, turn it in, and go as far as buying Serah's ultimate weapon...and then proceed to forget to equip it for a fair chunk of episodes. (To be fair, though, this sounds like something that the posse would do on purpose just because.)
- There is, however, no excuse for the episode where they are looking around Academia 4XX AF for Captain Cryptic, a camouflaged quizmaster who must first be found using only the vaguest hints from the passive exposition of NPCs. He, like other interdimensional objects in the game, appears invisible mostly but flashes for a split-second because magic. It is so hard to see him, apparently, that he can actually be seen on-screen at one point without any of the group noticing. When this happens, you can practically hear the entire internet screaming "HE'S RIGHT THERE!!!". The group, completely unaware, actually do a full once-over of the area and go approximately twenty minutes before they find him.
- Fantastic Drug: "Choco-boco-hol" in Part 55. Also in the same part, "Fractal Pot". The latter, for which this quote below is said, is described as "looking at an infinitely recursive pattern", and as the only reason people study math. Later, upon finding "Moonblossom Seed", medibot states that the future has the best drugs.medibot: That is some primo shit.
- Fantastic Racism: Kung-Fu Jesus sometimes calls Mog "Moog", which he decides is a racial slur for Moogles.
- Fashion Victim Mook: The posse sentences the Gancanagh Ace in Part 35 to death for wearing either a TRON cosplay, wearing purple after Labor Day, or just plain looking bad. In any case, it's no excuse.Kung-Fu Jesus: Etiquette has been breached. I will murder his shit.
- Finagle's Law: In reaction to the destruction of the dream version of New Bodhum to chaos, Kaz yells this at Serah in Part 50.Kaz: Stop observing things! You'll change them by doing that! It's Heisenberg!
Kung-Fu Jesus: The Heisenberg New Bodhum Uncertainty Principle.
- Flat "What.": Dreamsower's response to The Reveal of Chocolina's identity.Chocolina: I couldn't do anything as a tiny little Chocobo. I was so helpless.
- For the Evulz: Played for Laughs in why medibot continues to watch the game as of Part 44.medibot: It makes me smile because people are suffering.
- Freud Was Right: In Part 58, according to pokecapn, on how they name Paradigms.pokecapn: So, little known fact on how they named the paradigms. There's actually a Fabula Nova Crystallis version of the Kama Sutra. And they took all of the paradigm names from that book. So you can see we are now in the Relentless Assault sexual position. And we've gone Tortoise style right now.
- Funny Afro: Taken Up to Eleven when the recruited Sazh gets an accessory called "Afro and Silver Chick", giving his afro a second afro akin to a pyramid.
- Gosh Dang It to Heck!/Hold Your Hippogriffs: The posse elects in Part 44 not to swear, so they try to do so creatively.
- Also in Part 54.Kung-Fu Jesus: I am a poopy.
- Also in Part 54.
- Gratuitous Foreign Language: Swedish in Part 47.
- Gratuitous French: Kaz reads an instruction manual in accentless French for basically no reason in Part 32.
- Gratuitous German: pokecapn once belches in the middle of telling the posse to shut up in Part 44, to which Kung-Fu Jesus says that he's letting too much German into his language. Or some other space-based foreign language.
- Guide Dang It: Discussed in Part 53.Kung-Fi Jesus: How would you do this without a FAQ?
pokecapn: You would bash your head against it, for hours upon hours.
- Also noted in Part 62.medibot: As in reading the game guide to accomplish anything in this piece of shit.
- Also noted in Part 62.
- Heh Heh, You Said X: New Bodhum (Bottom) gets this treatment repeatedly.
- He's Back: Gogmagog in Part 52 for the first time since his two defeats in Neo Bodhum (excluding Aldolei), now with two heads. The posse is very happy.pokecapn (in a very deep voice): Remember me?
- Homoerotic Subtext:
Kung-Fu Jesus: Hey, guys. What we're going to do is... fuck.
- Medibot thought that having a lisp was just him "being into dudes". Or being British. Whichever works.
- Then, in Part 36:
Kaz: No, we're not going to do that, but I can understand why you're in that mood.
Kung-Fu Jesus: I would rather have a vanilla cock.
- Again in Part 42, while talking about going out to get a Vanilla Coke:
medibot: You and me both, buddy!
- Humans Are the Real Monsters: Noted by medibot in Part 57 when tasked to kill a monster if seen.medibot: Don't try to talk to the monster and try to establish a diplomatic dialogue or something, just murder it. Who's the real monster here?
- Hunting the Most Dangerous Game: In Part 45, the posse comes to the conclusion that the reason Noel is the only person left in his time period is because he killed everyone else, forcing himself to become a monster hunter instead.
- I Am Spartacus: In reaction to misattributed quotes on this very page, the posse says that "all are Kaz" in Part 68.
- I Can't Believe It's Not Heroin: medibot gets a "mellow high" from thinking about Fractal Pot in Part 55.
- I Need a Freaking Drink: The entire posse decides to drink (and them pouring the drink is clearly audible) by Part 55. The game seems much better as a result for a little while.
- I'm a Doctor, Not a Placeholder: medibot reminds us that he is a botanist, not an ornithologist.
- I'm a Humanitarian: In Part 58, about Mog's plan in the Flan based paradox ending.Kung-Fu Jesus: Because they're all cannibals, you see.
- Also in Part 62.pokecapn: Scrunchy feeds on his inferior brethren.
- Part 66 mixes this with Cannibalism Superpower.Kung-Fu Jesus: You heard it here, folks. medibot is the only botanist in the entire world, and he's really good at it.
Kaz: He systematically devoured all other botanists, adding their power to his own.
- Also in Part 62.
- In Which a Trope Is Described: His naming convention for the videos, though this changes in Part 30 (the end of Act 1 of the game), "I'm Sorry Miss Farron".
- Insistent Terminology: Kung-Fu Jesus consistently tries to call Serah a "female" and not a "woman" or "girl" because she is a fictional character.
- Interface Screw: All of the Paradox Endings are split between two screens that are flipped, and the Final Boss is split between four in order to get past Square Enix.
- It Is Pronounced Tro PAY: At one point, pokecapn pronounces "aspartame" as "a-spar-ta-me" and is briefly ridiculed for it by medibot.
- Jerkass: The posse tries to play Noel this way in live triggers.
- Jesus Was Way Cool: Or rather, Crystal Dragon Jesus Was Way Cool, as noted in Part 50.pokecapn: Wow, Etro is pretty chill.
Kung-Fu Jesus: Yeah, have these awesome powers and do whatever.
- Just for Pun:Kaz: The only way to optimize out the colon is to make it a semicolon.
- Also in Part 52.Kaz: It's a Hope against Hope.
Kung-Fu Jesus: It's meant to convey a sense of Hopelessness.
- Also in Part 52.
- L Is for Dyslexia: How Kung-Fu Jesus reads the words of Noel's villagers in Part 53.
- Lame Pun Reaction:
- Various ones involving Yuel.
- Also the following in Part 38:
- Large Ham: Kung-Fu Jesus becomes increasingly hammy as the game goes on.
- Last Lousy Point: KFJ farms Moblins for Power Crystals, and he does get them frequently, until he only needs one more, at which point Moblins start spawning very rarely, and refuse to drop Power Crystals when they do. To rub it in, the game keeps giving him incredibly rare drops, but not the much more common Power Crystals.
- Last-Second Word Swap: In Part 52, "dick-tion" from medibot. Several times.
- Literal Metaphor: medibot about a mission to find missing Chocobo chicks in Sazh's DLC.medibot: This is literally a wild goose chase.
- Again in Part 51.Kaz: It's a Dying World. You go there to die.
- Again in Part 51.
- Literary Allusion Title:
- Loads and Loads of Loading: In Part 46, the posse notes that the game is loading a loading screen.
- Love Triangle: In the end of the Snow arc in the main plot, the posse notes that this is "the most awkward 'Noel stealing Serah from Snow' story they have ever seen."
- Luke, I Am Your Father: in later videos, Kung-Fu Jesus tells medibot he is his mother, especially in Part 60.
- Major Injury Underreaction: Kung-Fu Jesus' reaction to Noel's Our Hero Is Dead is "ow".
- Male Gaze: Kung-Fu Jesus has a tendency to focus the camera on Serah's chest or hindquarters specifically for this reason.
- Marathon Boss: Royal Ripeness took them about a full half-hour video to defeat. Caius' two-part battle in Lightning's DLC takes even longer in Parts 67 and 68, and presumably 69 as well.
- Meaningful Echo: The name for Part 9 is "In Which Caius Lays a Beating". The name for Part 57 is "Caius Takes a Beating".
- Meaningful Name: Hope, later in the game in Part 52.
- Memetic Badass: The posse, especially Kung-Fu Jesus, can't seem to get enough of Gank until he becomes So Last Season.
- Me's a Crowd: Played for Laughs with the "many Caiuses".
- Min-Maxing: Played hard in many of the videos after the Springtime for Hitler situation, with pokecapn guiding Kung-Fu Jesus to how to make Noel, Serah, and the Mons as overpowered as they can be to make the later parts of the game easier.medibot: I don't like the amount of thinking going into this.
- Mind over Matter: How the posse proposes that Noel, Mog, and Serah are able to open chests by simply pointing at them.
- Most Annoying Sound: In-Universe, several are this for the posse throughout the Let's Play, both by the posse themselves and by the game. An example that's referenced multiple times is the "Crazy Chocobo" song for the Rambunctious Chocobo.
- Mundane Made Awesome: In Part 67.Dreamsower: There has been more gravity in this discussion about almonds than there has been in this whole game.
pokecapn: That's... actually probably accurate.
- Must Have Caffeine: Kaz, apparently. Subdued, though.
- Naked People Are Funny: In Part 40.pokecapn: Wouldn't you like to wear clothes?
Kung-Fu Jesus: Whoa!
- Also less funny in Part 52, and more... well...
pokecapn: Clothes be gone.
- Narm: Kaz calls the introduction for Perpetual Battlefield "all extremely silly" in Part 54.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: In Part 51, Kung-Fu Jesus uses the "Mog search" and ends up summoning two people who die instantly.Kung-Fu Jesus: No! I killed them!
pokecapn: Wow, good job! Now do that to everyone else in here.
- Nightmare Fetishist: Serah and a mirror in Part 50.pokecapn: Maybe she loves being terrified.
- Nintendo Hard: The posse's opinion on some of the paradox puzzles.medibot: You know it's a hard puzzle when there's less than one way to solve them.
- No-Nonsense Nemesis: The posse is pleased that Caius acts this way. He says you are a contradiction in the timeline and he has to kill you. Short, sweet, and to the point.
- No Pronunciation Guide: Kung-Fu Jesus, about pronouncing an enemy type in Part 58.Kung-Fu Jesus: ...if you can pronounce that, you are Japanese.
- No, You:
- Inverted in Part 42.Kung-Fu Jesus: You may be right about that, in a technical sense.
pokecapn: I'm a technical sense.
- Soon after played straight:pokecapn: The only biological puzzle I know is your life.
- Inverted in Part 42.
- Not Bad: The posse's reaction to Brant's later jokes in Bresha Ruins 300AF, specifically this one:
- Not Even Bothering with the Accent: Kaz reads an instruction manual in French, but without using any kind of accent. It's hard enough for him reading it at all.
- Not So Different: According to the posse, the duos of Serah and Noel versus Yuel and Caius. They even call the latter just another simultaneous Final Fantasy game.Mio Bison: Why would you trust her? She hangs out with a total asshole!
- Not the Fall That Kills You:
- Not What It Looks Like:
- In Part 54.Kung-Fu Jesus: Is that a dildo? Oh, no, it's just a controller.
- Also in Part 66, when Noel is holding Serah's corpse, and Hope comes over.Kung-Fu Jesus: ...I didn't do it.
- In Part 54.
- Obviously Evil: In Part 64, medibot approves of the fact that Raspatil "definitely looks like an enemy".
- Oh Crap!: The posse's reaction to finding a Tonberry.
- Also to seeing Vanille and a paradox gate in Part 50.
- Our Zombies Are Different "from zombies you encounter in your day-to-day life."
- Panty Shot: Many courtesy of Kung-Fu Jesus' Male Gaze, but this line in Part 51 sticks out.pokecapn: This FAQ specifically says that during this time the camera offers excellent chances for up skirt shots.
Kung-Fu Jesus: *tries, but only sees darkness* A dark void awaits us. An expertly painted dark void.
- Perfectly Cromulent Word: In Part 52, "menuchka" for paradox gate.
- Perverse Sexual Lust: Kung-Fu Jesus takes any opportunity to try to peek perverted looks at Serah. medibot of all people is the Only Sane Man in this equation.
pokecapn: "So, Kung-Fu Jesus, what's your final fantasy?"
- pokecapn in general. His sole research for the role of commentator was downloading 3 gigs of final fantasy porn before showing up for the first session.
- And then there's the reaction to Serah's stats going up to 69 for strength and magic power each when they get the Odinbolt.
- In Part 51, there's also the fact that with only two humans left in a Dying World 700 AF, Kung-Fu Jesus still wants to see what they'll do now that they are. Also, this line from Kung-Fu Jesus:Kung-Fu Jesus: The camera is going to let us be perverts. It's also going to let us be total fucking morons.
- Pint-Sized Powerhouse: Scrunchy the Chichu, which is known as the "death-ticle" or testicle by the posse, is almost as strong as Gank in about half the levels (being able to level far more), and about a fifth of the size. By Part 47, at near his full level, he has far higher strength than Gank.
- Pirate: In Part 55, the posse changes Mog's outfit from Chocolate to one akin to one of these. They decide it is the "tasteful" choice.
- Power at a Price: In Part 66, Kung-Fu Jesus calls the ability to speed up the game "power at a cost", since, while they enjoy the new speed (and the speed of it does give more gravitas to the finale), it makes performing Feral Links impossible due to an inability to time them correctly.
- Power Glows: The Anti-Gravity Jump as of Part 54.medibot: Suddenly this game is interesting again, and I don't know why... wait, there it is.
- Profiling: In Part 40, non-criminal and non-racial version in the case of pokecapn determining that this LP is statistically more mature than his own based on general demographics. More a statement of what he views as fact than a bad thing, though.medibot: It certainly smells more mature.
- Protagonist Journey to Villain: The posse notes in Part 56 that this would make the entire game better for them, if Caius turned out to be just a future Noel after Serah died.
- Rated M for Manly: In Part 45, the LP is described as "Rated M for Medibot".
- Really 700 Years Old: In Part 51, in A Dying World 700 AF.Kung-Fu Jesus: They're all 700 years old! I would die too!
- Reality Subtext: To one of the later fragments of a future Noel telling the past Noel to be careful, and Serah telling him to stop trying so hard to justify it. pokecapn reads it as Square Enix talking to the audience.pokecapn: You're thinking too hard, player! Just accept what we tell you at face value!
- Red Sky, Take Warning: medibot approves of the one in the dream version of a Dying World 700 AF, as noted in Part 60.medibot: I want all humans to live in fear under this sky.
- Robotic Reveal: Played for Laughs in Part 58.Kung-Fu Jesus: The Moogle was a robot all along! I Knew It!
- Running Gag: "Many Caiuses" and Kung-Fu Jesus always trying to move the camera for Male Gaze attempts.
- KFJ saying "artefact" in a pirate accent."Arrrr-tefact!"
- KFJ saying "artefact" in a pirate accent.
- Sarcasm Failure: By Part 40, they have degenerated mentally to simply comparing silly laughs.Kung- Fu Jesus: Our commentary has gotten pretty old. We have run out of things to say.
Kaz: Things get pretty silly when you've got the scotch shaken out of you.
- Say My Name: Parodied.Serah: Lightning.
Kung-Fu Jesus: Kaz.
- Scarf of Asskicking: The posse approves of Caius' scarf as said in Part 50, and wish his outfit was usable for their characters.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: After dealing with the slots at Serendipity and the Goddamn Bats in Academia 400AF, Kung-Fu Jesus gets fed up and just shuts off the game.
- He also quits on every one of the downloadable content bosses except for "Lightning and Amodar" and "Omega" in Part 62, both of which fights he had already beaten.
- Self-Deprecation: In Part 64, medibot calls his voice "some kind of twelve-year-old version of David Schwimmer."
- Self Insert: In Part 64, the Devil May Cry novel is considered this by the posse for Dante, mostly by Kung-Fu Jesus.
- Sentai: Of miniflans. It Makes Sense in Context.
- Seven Deadly Sins: medibot thinks this of the Chocobos in the "find the Chocobos" mission from Chocolina as Sazh. He believes each one represents a sin as he would. This gets even funnier when later chocobos are literally named after sins, like Luxuria, Nied, and Greed.
- Cute Is Evil: As a result.
- Sex Bot: A note in Part 58, by Kung-Fu Jesus.Kung-Fu Jesus: I wonder if Robo-Alyssa is programmed for pleasure.
- Sex God: Or rather goddess in the case of Etro according to Kung-Fu Jesus in Part 53.... for some reason.
- Sidetracked By The Golden Saucer: The posse tends to spend a lot of time in between videos after starting the Sazh DLC playing Chronoblind.
- The Silent Bob: medibot, for the first few videos he's present.
- The Smart Guy: pokecapn (who has apparently taken on the role of GameFAQs checker) and Kaz, though more the former.
- Smite Me, O Mighty Smiter!: In Part 50.Kung-Fu Jesus: Lightning, please strike me dead.
- So Bad, It's Good: In reaction to the idea of "the planet of Rob Zombie" comment in Part 44, pokecapn thinks this.pokecapn: That sounds so bad, and yet so amazing at the same time.
medibot: It's like... it sounds bad, but you still want it to exist.
- To pass the time while KFJ farms enemies, pokecapn and Kaz read terrible FFXIII-2 crossover fanfics, pronouncing every spelling mistake and grammatical error as they are written, and laughing at the sheer displays of stupidity and incompetence. Here are some highlights from a crossover with Fullmetal Alchemist that Kaz reads:Kaz: "She was curiously looking at me in concern to know about what I might- what might be I answer? and that was really bothering me though." (Beat) Gah, it's some kind of... robot language.
Kaz: "I found out he was right, my ass was really burning." That's like the best sentence in this whole thing, "I found out he was right, my ass was really burning."
Kaz: "Thank God! I got relief from the fire when they after me with a water splash." (pokecapn and KFJ crack up laughing and make him read the sentence again)
- To pass the time while KFJ farms enemies, pokecapn and Kaz read terrible FFXIII-2 crossover fanfics, pronouncing every spelling mistake and grammatical error as they are written, and laughing at the sheer displays of stupidity and incompetence. Here are some highlights from a crossover with Fullmetal Alchemist that Kaz reads:
- So Last Season: Buttercup the cat in the hat, Tim and Tango the imps, and even the Made of Iron Crushabolic and Gank all suffer from this over the course of the game.
- So Okay, It's Average: medibot's description of the game when he finally speaks, noting that the game is so average that it leaves him completely uncaring, owing to why he didn't speak previously.medibot: This is a game, that, despite the parts, comes together to elicit absolutely no response from me. I feel nothing about this game. I could not be more nonplussed. It's amazing! It's fascinating! Just how nonplussed I am.
- However, in Part 56, he admits that the game did eventually win in eliciting an emotional response from him.... hatred of all video games.
- Soundtrack Dissonance: Both inverted and played straight after a fashion. Starting in Part 48, the posse uses Xenoblade's soundtrack instead of the game's.
- Special Effects Failure: According to Kung-Fu Jesus, the costume designer for Bresha Ruins 300AF does not know how snow works, but does know how cake frosting works, and lots of it.
- Speech Impediment: Apparently medibot has a lisp. It's not okay if you make fun of others with a lisp, but it is okay when you make fun of his lisp, or so he says.
- Springtime for Hitler: Kung-Fu Jesus is, as of Part 33, actively attempting to alienate his viewers so he does not have to play the game anymore, due to disliking the game that much. He seems to grow out of it, however, as he does try Min-Maxing in later videos.
- Squee: Kung-Fu Jesus has a tendency to do this about Gank, though this lessens in later episodes, especially as Scrunchy gets better than him.
- The entire posse (particularly Kaz) reacts this way to the return of Gogmagog in episode 52.
- The Stoic: Kung-Fu Jesus admits he doesn't panic enough in Part 40, only pretending to panic instead.
- Strange Minds Think Alike: Kaz predicted one of Serah's lines an instant before she said it. The posse offered their sympathies.
Kung-Fu Jesus: Kupo.Kung-Fu Jesus: Indeed.
- Also played for laughs here:
- Steven Ulysses Perhero: "Manuel Labor", the laborer. His parents didn't have high hopes for him.
- Stuff Blowing Up: Thurston in Bresha Ruins 300AF advocates for simply blowing up the ruins to stop the monsters. Though the Commander found out that it might harm Cocoon in the explosion, the posse is still impressed and thinks he has great ideas.Kung-Fu Jesus: This guy is awesome!
pokecapn: Yo, we need to re-invent nukes.
medibot: We forgot how, we'll remember.
- Stupidity Is the Only Option: The posse feels this way about the "correct" solutions to any one problem.
- Suddenly Shouting: Kung-Fu Jesus in Part 60.Kung-Fu Jesus: It's a pseudo-hobby!
- Take That, Audience!: The last few minutes of the final video is KFJ insulting everyone who's watched the let's play from beginning to end for tolerating such a horrible game. In Part 68, the posse reads this very page, and implicitly insults the editors who they believe misworded quotes or attributed them to the wrong people, as well as general wording of examples.
- Temporal Paradox: By Part 52, the posse believes that the game has ruined the term for them, rendering it meaningless.
- That Came Out Wrong:
pokecapn: It [a Forked Cat] has an ability that we want to put into our testicle.
- In Part 42:
medibot: There are not too many things that I want to put into my testicle.
- Again in Part 44:
- There Can Be Only One: In Part 66, Kung-Fu Jesus mentions that he is a botanist. medibot is not amused, but Kung-Fu Jesus asks this:Kung-Fu Jesus: What, There Can Be Only One botanist?
- They Fight Crime: Inverted in Part 65, where medibot wants to have a game about "wizards who do crimes".
- They Wasted a Perfectly Good Plot: The posse wonders in Part 59 why they can't play the game about the time traveling, flying motorcycle, like is in the paradox ending for Academia 4XX.
- Time Travel Tense Trouble: AF apparently means "After Future". The game takes place in a "post-future society".
- Also defied when one of the posse insists that, when talking about time travel, one should only ever use the present tense in order to avoid this trope.
- Toilet Humor: A lot of it. Of special note is "New Bodhum" and the "pee pillar" caused by time having drank a lot in a few hours (paradoxes).
- After some time absent, it comes up again in Part 60.
- Tomato Surprise: Parodied in Part 59.Kung-Fu Jesus: You're the paradox, Serah! Mog's the real deal.
- Took a Level in Jerkass: Mog has taken to "laying down the smack" in paradox puzzles as of Part 41 according to the posse, mostly because of the following line if you fail:
- Understatement: medibot, about the ending in Part 56 when he was hoping for a real Apocalypse Wow.medibot: ...well, that was unsatisfactory.
- Unexpected Gameplay Change: In Part 55.Kung-Fu Jesus: Platforming come out of nowhere. How rude.medibot: A slow challenge out of nowhere. Waiting-based gameplay.
- Underdogs Never Lose: Ironsides gets the "Dark Horse" ability in the Chocobo races in Part 43. However, this is subverted in the Fal'Cie class races.
- Unusually Uninteresting Sight: In Part 57, the posse discusses this when considering monsters in fantasy games. They're just assumed to exist, and any problems can be explained as them becoming more prevalent or dangerous somehow.
- Versus Title: Part 67: Valkyrie vs. Bitch.
- Villain Has a Point: In Part 66, Mio Bison notes that Caius does know more about Yuel than Noel, who only saw one of their lives in its entirety, since Caius is immortal, and has seen countless others. Therefore, Noel doesn't really have any right to argue with him about how much he knows Yuel.
- Viral Marketing: Kaz apparently has a vaccine in limited supply, which is Serious Business.
- The Watson: After many parts away, Mio Bison and Dreamsower become this in Part 66. Most of the posse is also this to Kung-Fu Jesus in general, seeing as only he actually played the entire first game.
- We Wait: In Part 55, during the extended puzzle sequence.Kung-Fu Jesus: Now we wait forever, because this is Final Fantasy, the game where nothing can happen in a timely fashion.
- What Do You Mean, It Wasn't Made on Drugs?: Kung-Fu Jesus asks the posse in Part 59 if they got into the PCP again, or maybe the bath salts.
- What Happened to the Mouse?: Dreamsower and Mio Bison seem to be completely absent from later videos, though this might just be because they didn't come over for the sessions, leaving only the core four posse members.
- What the Hell, Hero?: The posse calls Kung-Fu Jesus out on skipping an early cutscene because he got bored of it, when they are playing the game to play the whole game, not just look at what they find enjoyable.
- Again in Part 51, this time to Noel.
- In Part 56, they call out the Academia military in 500 AF for flying in to fight Caius when they could have helped with the massive amount of platforming before.
- A Wizard Did It: Name-checked in Part 52.
- Xtreme Kool Letterz: In Part 63.Kung-Fu Jesus: Crossroads... that should be spelled with an X.
- You Do NOT Want To Know: In Part 61, Kung-Fu Jesus says this to a question about Typhon from pokecapn concerning which end is his mouth.
- Your Mom: In Part 59.Kung-Fu Jesus: I am your mom. Your mom's name is Yuel.
Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII
- Continuity Nod: Plenty to the previous game and the posse's playthrough of it. Most notably, Kaz expresses his sheer delight when he discovers that the Datalog has returned.
- Their first encounter with the "Angel of Valhalla" (a silver chocobo) leads to Kaz referring to it as "Ironsides", the silver chocobo from the previous LP.
- Fan Nickname: They refer to Big Bad Bhunivelze as "Galvanize", since they consider his real name to be nigh-unpronounceable.
- Also, they call Eradia "Erotica".
- After they disagree with the game's pronunciation of the word "Gysahl", they refer to the doctor of that name as "Dr. Jizzle" or sometimes merely "Dr. Jizz".
- Lame Pun Reaction: Following a discussion about leather:KFJ: You know why they call it "pleather"? For her pleather.pokecapn: ...Just...talk to Dr. Jizz.
- Literal-Minded: Kaz and KFJ both react to meeting an NPC named "Bandit Grunt" by grunting loudly and saying "Bandit!"
- Mathematician's Answer: In Episode 10.pokecapn: Wait, is she [Lumina] talking about Yuel or Serah?
- Orphaned Series: Confirmed by KFJ on one of his streams that it's cancelled, they just didn't care about the game enough to even force themselves through it like they did with XIII-2. New videos went up in April 2015, but they had already been recorded before the cancellation was announced.