Just For Fun / TV Tropes Additional Evil Overlord Vows Cellblock K

Visit the main dungeon here.

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1001. When it comes to Boss Corridor, I make it an Endless Corridor. Now I can take a rest.
1002. I will study Console Command and make it only available to me.
1003. On second thought, I will avoid posting blogs. Once online, who knows what can happen.
1004. I will save all evil gloating until the Hero is dead. Or better yet, I will not gloat at all. I don't want the world to know of my evilness, and I know better than to tempt fate.
1005. I will never operate outside the expertise of my Legions of Terror, though I will make sure to operate outside the hero's expertise once an opportunity opens up.
1006. I will not discriminate against members of sexual minorities when it comes to hiring practices; however, I will also never allow homosexuals to guard prisoners of same gender as them (as with heterosexuals never guarding prisoners of opposite gender). Also, my prison guards will not be bisexual (to make it harder for prisoners to attempt to seduce their guards).
1007. I will not be so stupid as to forbid marriage or love. It might be the one thing stronger than any power I can master, but that is precisely what makes forbidding it a bad idea. Either I will fall in love myself, or a happy romantic couple will stir up a rebellion by enflaming the romantic sensibilities of my people. Best to just drop it and leave it alone.
1008. On their days off, my minions will be encouraged to visit the local paintball arena, secretly run by members of my HR department. Minions who display any combination of remarkable leadership, tactics, marksmanship, or brutality will be interviewed for promotion. Civilians who display these qualities will be recruited into my Legion of Doom at any reasonable cost.
1009. See Rule 633. When paying a group of bounty hunters for a job well done, I will do so with personal checks or, better yet, direct deposit rather than cold hard cash to avoid them killing and stealing from each other afterward. It's not really my business if they fight among themselves after the job is finished, but I may have use for their services again in the future.
1010. If the intended victim of my diabolical experiment, upon being told his dire fate, says “Well, actually, that would be OK”, or expresses enthusiasm, I should consider more carefully whether this victim is, indeed, suitable for my experiment.
1011. If any member of my Legions of Terror suggests a plan that consists of us sitting on our asses waiting, I will have them shot. They are clearly too stupid to be beneficial to me when alive.
1012. If The Hero has a belt, I will have it confiscated by one of my key allies first chance I get. Even if he's not useless without it or has others, I can at least have it examined and verified.
1013. While facelifts are useful in destroying the credibility of crones (as per Rule #203), I will not have my Legions of Terror use plastic surgery for any reason. Not even posing as an Evil Twin.
1014. I will have my department of research and development create less-lethal alternatives that will make it reasonably practical for my Legions of Terror to take someone alive if my plans call for it. Consequently, if I give the order to bring someone to me alive, there will be no excuse for any of my troops to willfully disobey that order.
1015. I will take control over any and all supermarkets in the realm. They will be the only place you can get any healing items and will require an identification for those to buy. This way, I will know when someone buys them in bulk as those people tend to become problems and The Hero will support my cause financially.
1016. All my mooks get a discount in the aforementioned supermarkets and any rewards towards civilians will be handed out in form of gift cards.
1017. If I have to put a bounty on the Hero's head, it will be redeemable by anyone. This will not only prevent infighting between my mooks or bounty hunters, but it will also serve to have my enemies surrounded by potentially hostile civilians. If The Hero is reluctant to hurt innocent people, that will prevent him/her from using any overkill attacks. If he/she doesn't care about harming civilians, I will use this to give him/her some bad PR. The bulk of people will also help to locate the target.
1018. I will not treat the hero's companions, family and love interests as any less of a hero than he or she is. Especially if they use The Power of Friendship and / or The Power of Love.
1019. See Rule 153. Teenagers, children and the Team Pet are not covered by prophecies that say "No man will ever defeat you" either.
1020. When training troops, I will not be afraid to bring them into battle. Rather, I will have the ones on the field be assisted by those in training, whenever by magical obitars, or holo-targeting. Either way, those training will learn from those in battle.
1021. Small-scale is smart, prototypes in small-scale better still. It's better as you can understand how your doomsday devices will work before going full-scale.
1022. Learn from DEATH BATTLE!. Nothing says prepared like going Dante when The Hero is either an weapon master or Dance Battler who also plays a Glass Cannon, or going Guts if The Hero is a Mighty Glacier, is it's wiser to appear at points which the enemy must hasten to defend; march swiftly to places where you are not expected.
1023. In conjunction with Rule #2, snipers are given the green light to "Double Tap" their targets if given the faintest chance. If I'm evil, so should they.
1024. If, despite knowing that it never goes well, I need to brainwash an ally of the hero because of some quality or ability that only said ally has, I will immediately start devoting as much time and effort as possible to finding another way to get the same benefit (or at least close enough). Once I do I will dump the ally in the middle of nowhere and have no more to do with them. I’ll even leave them alive as long as they don’t have any sensitive information, since not kicking the dog always helps my own chances of survival.
1025. When I or my Mad Scientist play with syringes, it will be on incompetent but eager mooks from my side, not on prisoners, unwitting civilians, or anyone I actually need around, and especially not on myself.
1026. Related to the above, all major medical experiments will be conducted in the presence of a large team of trained operatives wielding a variety of weapons in case they don't turn out as hoped.
1027. When choosing a kingdom, I will keep in mind that geographical barriers like major rivers and mountain ranges, while cosmetically intimidating, also tend to form chokepoints, and carefully weigh whether they will delay the heroes by enough to make up for probably cutting off my escape later.
1028. Under no circumstances will I make my permanent base a floating/flying colony within gravity’s reach of a planet or star.
1029. In keeping with my status as an equal-opportunity employer, I will preferentially hire transgender and non-binary people as covert operatives. They will already be one level harder to match with whatever their original legal identity was, and already have experience adjusting major aspects of their appearance to better suit them.
1030. I will allow my Guards to use the restroom if they patrol an area for long periods of time. However, they must let the main security office know that they are leaving their post for a period of time. Any guard who uses the restroom for non-essential purposes will be fired by incinerator.
1031. As an addition to the previous rule, any time a guard suddenly starts vomiting or has diarrhea, I will assume that this is because of the hero.
1032. The restrooms will be monitored, even the stalls. The guards will be informed that this is purely a security measure however, and any guards trying to watch a feed of others in the restrooms will promptly be arrested.
1033. If I rely on zombies, skeletons, or any other kind of undead, I will not limit myself to reanimated humans. Why limit yourself to shambling skeletons when you can ride into battle on an undead dragon?
1034. Should I happen to place the hero(es) into a theoretically-winnable game, I will ensure anything, such as stronger weapons, a box that randomly spits out weapons, including those of questionable origin, sodas that somehow give them more power, workbenches, or a machine that powers up their weapons are immediately taken out and thrown into the nuclear vaporiser. Any outside assistance is also grounds for execution.
1035. In accordance with the above, the game will be in a simulation. However, any commands given will be monitored. Should any programmers or wardens who begin helping the hero, they will be summarily executed.
1036. My equal opportunity recruitment process will also allow for certain precautions. It may be equal opportunity, but it's still evil.
1037. In accordance with two of the above, if I have no other choice, I will construct the orbit generator somewhere inconspicuous and build a giant decoy elsewhere that looks like it's generating the orbit. The disguised generator will most likely be a coffee shop or bakery.
1038. Any third-party organizations are henceforth banned, double if they are named something along the lines of Wardens.
1039. Should one of my Mad Scientists have interactions with a perfectly normal looking foreigner of the same race, he will be monitored. If he begins to attempt to sabotage my superweapon in order to use my weapon against me, he's executed.
1040. I will wear a lightweight jockstrap or cup, with plenty of padding, just in case The Hero’s love interest hits on the bright idea of slamming her heel or knee between my legs. (As will my Legions of Terror.) Now it's her leg in trouble.
1041. If I employ sentry guns, I will program them to wait a few seconds after detecting a target to fire at it, while sounding a silent alarm when the hero(es) come anywhere near it, to maximize the element of surprise. Additionally, the wires connecting it to a power source will be concealed and reinforced, to prevent a stray shot from shutting it off.
1042. Any teleportation devices I use will only work correctly for myself, my minions, and anybody else I specifically include, and even then, only while the other side is free of obstructions, to prevent Tele-Frag. Unauthorized users will instead be jettisoned into limbo or vaporized.
1043. Any and all pieces of electronic equipment I use will have emergency power sources independent of the main grid.
1044. All monitoring devices in my evil lair will use thermal, X-ray, and sonar scanning, as well, to prevent being fooled by illusions or other such visual trickery. In addition, if it detects any discrepancies between these various views, it will sound a silent alarm to my soldiers. It will do the same thing if it's obscured.
1045. I will not leave the window to my apartment open when committing a murder.
1046. When for whatever reason I must escape the hero, whether on foot or by any other means, I will not run away from the hero, stop, and then wait for the hero to get close before resuming running away, or drive around the same area over and over again, repeat until we are stuck facing off in a duel to the death, I will simply retreat until I have completely shaken all pursuit.
1047. I will also not rampage around destroying everything in my path and scaring the crap out of witnesses while trying to escape from the hero. While placing obstacles to prevent the hero from being able to effectively follow me is always warranted, unless the hero is directly behind me there is no point in doing so. I will do everything possible to avoid leaving any sort of trail and be as inconspicuous as possible.
1048. Unless it interferes with my plan or I'm immune or can even reflect their effects, I will destroy or securely contain the McGuffin and or their Plot Coupon no matter what cost.
1049. If I'M the god that people are sacrificing to, I will not be picky about the things sacrificed to me. If I must, I'll pick a fairly easy to look for or common trait (like sluttiness or blue eyes). If for some demented reason I cannot, I'll try my best to give my cult some advice for the best victim.
1050. If I MUST leave my nemesis to the fate of a slow-moving death trap AND NOT MONITOR THEM MYSELF, I will NOT simply put one incompetent guard near the exit that can be easily seduced and with nobody to monitor them. I'll instead put my best of my elite guards (or just hyper-weaponized robots) at any exit and entrance point in my lair and at least 2 of my most trusted lieutenants to enjoy his/her fate for me. And videotape it and show me the tape (which will be analyzed for any kind of visual and auditory trickery), just on the off chance that my foes are now in disguise or can shapeshift.
1051. Regardless of how powerful I become, I will never claim to have deity-level significance. Such things have a nasty tendency to tick off the real thing, and seals the fate of many a good villain. No matter what assets I have at my disposal, I am a mortal. This goes doubly so if I somehow stop being a mortal... I might not be able to die, but that doesn't mean I can't meet a bad end.
1052. I will not use logic puzzles for security. I may post them though. I will memorize which door leads to my McGuffin storage and which to deathtraps. The door labeled with the correct answer leads to deathtraps.
1053. If I decide to take a day off to go revel with the hero in fun and games, I'll make a point of playing fair, but nowhere near my full potential. A loss here doesn't count for anything, and it will help make it so the heroes underestimate me, to say nothing about what it'll do for my image.
1054. If I am impersonating someone close to The Hero and can copy memories, I will not dismiss any of them, no matter how trivial-seeming, as unimportant. A trivial-seeming joke or children's rhyme may make or break my ability to pass myself off to The Hero as the one I'm impersonating.
1055. I will go out of my way to break up anything resembling friendship or love of the identified archnemesis group.
1056. If I'm a Walking Wasteland, ignore anything about going green so I won't disturb Gaia's wrath.
1057. Troop conservation is essential. This isn't because of any of that nonsense about care or compassion, but because it's incredibly hard to get Elite Mooks by throwing everyone against a wall. Having heavy hitters is important, especially when we hit the point where numbers just won't get the job done. I will thus steer away from any mission that has an unnecessarily high death toll. Besides, my minions will be more loyal if they know I won't send them to their deaths.
1058. In tandem with the above, if I have an obscenely high number of troops, I will make good use of them, provided I can do so without getting half of them killed. Then again, a million simultaneous projectiles have a tendency to put down just about anything before it can deal much damage.
1059. If I have to off someone to keep my secrets, I'll be sure to include a good dozen or so unrelated decoy targets to obscure what, exactly, I might be trying to keep secret. In for a penny...
1060. I will not have any biological children, as covered on the original list, but that doesn't mean I won't have heirs. Instead, I will adopt from the local orphanage, and be a doting parent, in spite of my status as an evil overlord. This'll mean fewer entitlement issues, a better PR, and would give me a shot at having a kingdom that'll last beyond my death. If possible, I'll make sure this orphan is particularly sympathetic, as well, to deter heroes from depriving them of their adoptive parents.
1061. I will keep an ample supply of pursuit capacity in reserve, in a lesser-known section of my encampment, just in case The Hero hits on the bright idea of sabotaging my active vehicles before he escapes.
1062. If I see an object of seeming uselessness, I will still pick it up, since the hero may somehow MacGyver it into a super weapon.
1063. In accordance with the above, it will immediately be vaporized once I return to my lair.
1064. I will not force my Legions of Destruction to take an obviously impossible test. I will simply let them join.
1065. Spreading terror amongst the populace is expressly forbidden, unless it's not my populace.
1066. I will take advantage of any mistake the hero makes by allowing the mistake to play out.
1067. If The Hero's love interest offers to become my mistress, I will shoot her dead. After all, if shooting is not too good for my enemies or the hero as per Rule #4, why should it be any different with her?
1068. During my rise to power, I will not violate the law. There are plenty of ways to get around it without doing anything that's actually illegal. If the heroes want to try to stop my rise to power, they'll have to trump up charges to do it... which could easily earn the ire of their allies. Besides, once I'm in power, everything I do will be legal, anyway.
1069. If one member from my legions of doom suggests we sit on our asses and wait, as in rule 1011 above, I will first ask him why he thinks it's a good idea to so before having him shot. If he has a reasonable explanation, I will thank him for his advice and consider it. If not, then he will eat lead.
1070. If I have a device that allows me to come Back from the Dead, I'll be sure to test it thoroughly to prevent accidents, and, if at all possible, make improvements.
1071. While not necessarily in packs of 20, my Legions of Terror will travel in small clusters at arms' length when not on missions.
1072. My best pilots will not use any kind of Ace Custom vehicle as it detracts from the point of camouflage, unless all of my Legions of Terror are also allowed to use such vehicles, keeping in line with Rule 74. Similarly, my troops will be trained to focus fire on any vehicle that is painted differently from the rest of the enemy fleet.
1073. Despite the many tips on this list about keeping my fortress guarded and the Hero out, it is still inevitable that the hero will end up in my fortress and that the patrols I've set out will do jack shit to stop him. Instead of engaging him, I'll encourage my patrols to be totally compliant with the Hero and give him whatever directions he asks for. The secure channel they'll have open will ensure that I and the rest of the Legion of Terror know where to divert the bulk of my forces.
1074. If two squadrons of guards surround the hero in a hallway, they absolutely must yell something along the lines of "opening fire" before shooting. While the hero will inevitably duck under the incoming gunfire, it's way better than both squadrons opening fire at the same time, the hero ducking, and both squads shooting each other to bits accidentally.
1075. Should I acquire any chronokinetic powers, including the ability to freeze time, I will first ensure that I can do so for longer than 10 seconds, and ensure that the magic/technology that allows me to do so cannot be utilized by others or resisted. There is nothing more annoying than luxuriating over your enemy's upcoming demise in a world of frozen time only to get a sock to the gut, or to find yourself frozen because they also possess this ability.
1076. My troops won't be the tiniest bit sporting. If the hero and companions have left their healer, emotional crutch, or any other weak point vulnerable, my forces will concentrate fire on them. If this triggers a strong response of some kind, so much the better, as their response won't be as coherent. I, however, will not stoop to such tactics... it gives me a way of denying involvement, and my troops are significantly more disposable than I am.
1077. If, by some unfortunate twist of fate, I am forced to go into hiding, change my identity, or swap bodies with someone, I will ABSOLUTELY quash the urge to gloat about who I truly am to the one person who is too weak to stop me. Odds are they're either stronger than their appearance would belie, or The Hero is standing right behind me to listen in on this Engineered Public Confession.
1078. An obsessive need to maintain my anonymity that borders on psychopathy is not an endearing villainous trait, and I will see my psychiatrist about this.
1079. If I have somehow turned The Hero around to my way of thinking (or have at least gotten them to see things from my perspective) and they're asking me to prove I won't double cross them if they side with me, I will endeavor to not have anything on my person that would incriminate me or lead them to believe that I will try to double cross them. If I managed to get them to fall for my Hannibal Lecture, why throw all that effort out the window before they can even do anything for me?
1080. If I ever manage to obtain immortality, I won't foolishly squander it by flaunting the fact in front of my opponents... frankly, that's just asking for trouble. Instead, I'll just disappear for a while and beat out my opposition by simply outliving them. This might not be a particularly satisfying way of beating the heroes, but there's basically no other downside to it. I can make it look like I really did die in that last confrontation. If that doesn't work and I've been found, so what? They can't kill me, and attacking me for just being is bound to cause someone to question the hero's morality. And of course, if they don't try, I continue living anyway.
1081. Loaded or not, safety on or off, I will never, ever go to sleep carrying a gun.
1082. If my plans rely on The Hero or any of his companions being complete bastards, I'll be sure to include a means of dealing with them showing decency, instead. They're the good guys for a reason, and I won't have any of this "I didn't expect the heroes to be heroic" crap.
1083. If I must give a speech highlighting the similarities between myself and the hero, I'll take full advantage of every virtue I have. Nothing will knock the hero off his high horse faster than knowing the villain would do the same thing in their shoes.
1084. I will never do a *Click* Hello. I will instead do a *Bang* "Goodbye".
1085. My Legions of Terror will be trained not to immediately turn on each other if one of their bullets accidentally grazes another. If this seems to be one of their primal, uncontrollable instincts to attack whoever attacks them, I will position them such that they are more spread out and less likely to shoot each other.
1086. I will discreetly establish an arcade, casino, or something similar where the Hero can go play some fun minigames. The Hero will inevitably get Sidetracked by the Gold Saucer and let me continue on with my plans.
1087. If I am blind in any way, I will take a lesson from Toph. Even if I am not blind, I will still take a lesson from Toph, because having something akin to the Seismic Sense will pay off.
1088. Trying to be a Villain Sue will probably end poorly, so I won't even try.
1089. I will do my best to make the audience root for me to win. Especially if my opponent is a Marty Stu.
1090. I will take advantage of being an Evil Cripple if, by chance, I end up as one. After all, the average hero would likely have restraints about harming one with a disability.
1091. One weapon in the entire world that can do any harm to me? Nah, screw that. I will find it and destroy it so I can be truly immortal.
1092. If at all possible, I'll stay as far back as possible from the action. And if the heroes ever fight me, I'll try to set it up so that they don't necessarily have to in order to stop my plans... the after-plot Superboss tends to be a lot tougher, anyway.
1093. Attacks will NOT have tells, color-coordination, or be labeled in any way to signify type, power, attribute, etc. If anything, I should trick the heroes into believing signs such as these are significant. Then, I will randomize the colors each time I use a new attack. Won't it be funny to watch the hero run face-first into an attack thinking it will heal them, only to be disintegrated?
1094. If part of my plan involves replacing people for whatever reason, I will do as much research into them as possible, right down to the amount of milk they pour in their cereal bowl.
1095. I will print out copies of any plan I make, hand some copies to Elite Mooks and my trusted lieutenant, and then keep spares on my computer.
1096. I will also have it drilled into my mooks' heads who is responsible for what part of my plan.
1097. I will furthermore drill it in for the guards that we do not ever have surprise inspections. Especially not at night or special events when other guards have been called away to another event. If someone says they're inspectors, they're intruders.
1098. If I split my soul into seven fragments and create Soul Jars, I will hide one of them between the couch cushions.
1099. If I make the first of a new race of ultimate life-forms and it turns against me, I will not attempt to make another until I figure out what went wrong the first time. I especially won't attempt to make the new version stronger.
1100. When I "retire" my minions for reasons other than treason or gross negligence, they actually retire. To a nice resort somewhere with a beautiful retirement villa for them and their family to reward them for their faithful service. This is good PR as I am seen as a generous Overlord and improves morale as my current minions have living proof that a rosy retirement awaits them. It also sets up communities already predisposed to be loyal to me and their children will grow up hearing what an awesome person I am. This makes an excellent recruitment pool of potentially skilled and loyal minions. In a clutch these veterans make excellent ad hoc advisors and in the worst case scenario they will likely try to avenge my death.