Just For Fun: How to be the Captain
So you want to be The Captain; the Big Boss, the star of the show. It's easy! Here are the steps....
- Get yourself a state-of-art, one-of-a-kind ship. Boat, airship, or starship — or car, or train. Or even a police public call box that's bigger on the inside.....
- Round up some True Companions. Then give them lessons in being badass. If you don't have buddies, then just get yourself a Squad.
- It helps to be a guy.
- .....But women can do this too.
- When asking questions, never expect your subordinates to answer you right away.
- Treat your crew like they're your own family.
- Be polite and courteous to others on your ship. Bonus points if you have side hobbies like poetry, classical music, and of course, Shakespeare. Double bonus if you play the violin.
- Be best friends with at least one person in your crew.
- You don't have to be a Captain to be ''The'' Captain. Sometimes a Commander will suffice.
- You absolutely MUST be a Bad Ass.
- Every once in a while, quit being the big guy(lady) in charge. Just for a little while. Besides getting a much needed vacation, your crew will see that the new guy is nowhere near as good at the job as you are and they'll be thrilled when you come back.
- It's okay if you "bend" the rules every now and again, as long as it works.
- If you report to a boss who just happens to back you up and remains supportive of you, in spite of your ''antics''....stay on his good side.
- Never EVER needlessly sacrifice your crew just because you can — or even to look impressive.
- Enjoy being The Captain. Just don't enjoy it too much.
- Never EVER accept a promotion. Remember, it's good to be The Captain. Keep the job as long as possible.
- Keep a diary of all your adventures.
- Special Note: If you follow all these steps, but you just can't swing the Cool Ship, then consider being a Colonel instead.
- Remember what's most important to your subordinates; when you don't do everything you can to make sure everyone gets the best food or equipment, you practically invite the Reliable Traitor or The Starscream to start acting up.
- If all else fails, have the other Captain(s) die.
- If someone on your crew suggests an idea so ridiculous it seems doomed to fail, remember it just might work.
- You gotta think fast on your feet.