''So you want to be TheCaptain; the Big Boss, the star of the show. It's easy! Here are the steps....''
# [[TravelCool Get yourself]] a [[CoolShip state-of-art, one-of-a-kind ship]]. [[CoolBoat Boat]], [[CoolAirship airship]], or [[CoolStarship starship]] -- or [[CoolCar car]], or [[CoolTrain train]]. Or even a [[Series/DoctorWho police public call box that's bigger on the inside....]].
# Round up some TrueCompanions. [[BadassCrew Then give them lessons in being badass]]. If you don't have buddies, then just get yourself [[TheSquad a Squad]].
# It helps to be [[AlwaysMale a guy]].
# .....But [[Series/StarTrekVoyager women can]] [[Anime/MobileSuitGundamSEED do this too]].
# When asking questions, [[NeverGiveTheCaptainAStraightAnswer never expect your subordinates to answer you right away]].
# [[AFatherToHisMen Treat your crew like they're your own family]].
# [[OfficerAndAGentleman Be polite and courteous to others on your ship]]. Bonus points if you have side hobbies like [[CulturedWarrior poetry, classical music, and of course, Shakespeare]]. Double bonus if you [[Literature/AubreyMaturin play the violin]].
# Be best friends with at least one person in your crew.
# You don't have to be ''a'' Captain to be [[TheCaptain ''The'' Captain]]. Sometimes [[Franchise/MassEffect a Commander will suffice]].
# You absolutely MUST be a badass.
# Every once in a while, [[TenMinuteRetirement quit being the big guy(lady) in charge. Just for a little while]]. Besides getting a much needed vacation, your crew will see that [[ReplacementScrappy the new guy]] [[TyrantTakesTheHelm is nowhere near as good at the job as you are]] and they'll be thrilled when you come back.
# [[IDidWhatIHadToDo It's okay if you "bend" the rules every now and again, as long as it works]].
# If you report to a [[DaChief boss]] who just happens to [[BenevolentBoss back you up and remains supportive]] of you, in spite of your [[MilitaryMaverick ''antics'']]....stay on his good side.
# Never EVER needlessly sacrifice your crew [[WeHaveReserves just because you can]] -- or even [[GloryHound to look impressive]].
# Enjoy being TheCaptain. [[TheChainsOfCommanding Just don't enjoy it too much]].
# Never EVER [[LimitedAdvancementOpportunities accept a promotion]]. Remember, it's good to be TheCaptain. Keep the job as long as possible.
# [[CaptainsLog Keep a diary of all your adventures]].
# Special Note: If you follow all these steps, but you just can't swing the CoolShip, then consider being [[ColonelBadass a Colonel instead]].
# Remember what's most important to your subordinates; when you don't do everything you can to make sure everyone gets the best food or equipment, you practically ''invite'' TheStarscream to start acting up.
# If all else fails, [[YouAreInCommandNow have the other Captain(s) die]].
# If someone on your crew suggests an idea so ridiculous it seems doomed to fail, remember [[CrazyEnoughToWork it just might work]].
# You gotta [[IndyPloy think fast on your feet]].