Just For Fun: Backstroke of the West

"The front is a lemon avenue flying straightly"
Ratio Tile (Obi-Wan Kenobi)

The war came!
The republic encountered
Two squares fight the vehemence
The improbity fills the world
The space general of the alliance is skillful
Kidnap the D the speaker the conduct
The proper abruption alliance troops tries
Ratio prosperous drive with the

Star War the Third Gathers: Backstroke of the West is a Recursive Translation of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, found in China by this blogger.

The name is taken from the translation of the opening crawl (the original saying, obviously, "Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith".

Some sentences are absolutely mangled in the translation (read: most of them) while some sentences still have their original meanings intact. This particular bootleg has been subject to Memetic Mutation, perhaps the most famous example being "do not want".

A fanmade Hong Kong Dub using the same script also exists, with even lulzier results.

Note: Only tropes about this particular translation should be put here. Anything on the proper translation should go on the proper page.

Provides examples of:

  • A Dog Named Dog: Bail Organa was renamed to "Senator". He is a senator.
  • Angrish: Gold's reaction to not being granted a title by the Presbyterian Church is as incomprehensible as the rest of the script.
    "Can be how like this!? Like this too wide of the mark! Like this inequity! I can how belong to the parliament, but is not!?"
    • Ratio Tile reacting to Allah Gold's killing of younglings:
    "This is what who fuck!"
  • Artificial Human: Allah Gold briefly mentions the fact he was just made by the Presbyterian Church (the sentence ends there) to Ratio Tile.
  • Artistic License – Biology:
  • Ascended Meme: By accident. The translation unintentionally references the memetic nature of the "Unlimited power" line.
  • Awesome Mc Coolname: Allah Gold.
  • Bad Boss: The Space General threatens to feed dog to his troops—who are robots.
  • Big Stupid Doodoo Head: The Space General refers to Allah Gold as "smelly boy".
  • Boomerang Bigot: Text How Big says, "We can never compromise to black." He is black himself.
    • Allah Gold also calls The Plum Of an "unknown white", even though he is also white.
  • Born in the Saddle: It seems when they're not talking about elephants, the characters really have a thing for horses. More specifically, their hooves.
    "Make him on the hoof very dangerous."
    "As long as he is on the hoof."
    "He returns incredibly on the hoof."
    "I can feel she return on the hoof."
  • But for Me, It Was Tuesday: Inverted by The, who says that he "has been hating" Allah Gold since their previous encounter, even though he spent most of that encounter fighting with Ratio Tile and then Vanquish Is.
  • Camera Fiend: Implied. Ratio Tile claims to be in whole photographing.
  • Character Level: Apparently the Hopeless Situation Warriors have something similar to this, as Allah Gold boasts to The that "My force has promoted two times" since their last encounter.
  • Church Militant: The Hopeless Situation Warriors that are in the Presbyterian Church qualify.
  • Cool Airship: There are no spaceships here, just airships. With elephants in them.
  • Complaining About Rescues They Don't Like:
    • After being saved from the disgusting things by Allah Gold, but getting his airship damaged in the process, Ratio the Tile simply responds by saying "Good kind of!"
    • This extends to other people's rescues too. He says the same thing to R2 when he destroys a disgusting thing who attacked Allah Gold's airship, despite him managing to beat its inside without hurting Gold or damaging himself or the ship in the slightest.
  • Cuckold: At one point, Allah Gold speaks to The Pudding of ensuring the safety of his cuckoldry. Who It Gets The Rice is cheating with is not stated.
  • Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: When Allah Gold and Ratio Tile escape, the Space General orders his troopers to "batter to death them!"
  • Death Seeker: It is speculated by Ratio Tile that The was this.
    • "The ever since that time willing to dies."
  • Department of Redundancy Department: A lot, most notably with Darth Vader's alternate name.
    • "The general space can always succeed to succeed."
    • "But we can will account and then account."
    • "That he must the square who study it the square"
    • The Space General commands his troops "Batter to death them!" twice. In the dub, he says this three times.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: After expressing discomfort due to decapitating The, Allah Gold is comforted by D, who tells him that the business of vengeance is very familiar.
  • Drugs Are Bad: Used by The Plum Of when she tells Allah Gold he's too high to own an expectation value.
  • Eats Babies: Implied. "Is that baby on the hoof?"
  • Famous Last Words: "Very Good." Said by two of The Space General's robots when they see an approaching elevator, thinking that it will crush Allah Gold. He manages to avoid it and it ends up crushing them instead.
  • Fire/Water Juxtaposition: D seems to see the Wish Power as this. He says that the Dark World is like "a fire of water."
  • Gaia's Vengeance: One possible interpretation of D's claims that Reach the Man was killed by "his land".
  • Go for the Eye: Ratio the Tile instructs R2 to destroy the last Airship Robot by "beat[ing] it the in-between eye".
  • Good Is Bad And Bad Is Good/You're Insane!: This exchange.
    Ratio Tile: "The peaceful is willing to, D the superior is a bad person!"
    Allah Gold: "To me hero's is just bad person!"
    Ratio Tile: "Friend you are crazy!"
  • Gratuitous German: The Pudding would be aller strong and big than anyone.
  • Growing Up Sucks: Played with. Ratio the Tile comments "I was old" after Allah Gold uses his powers to jump out of an elevator.
  • Handicapped Badass: Ratio Tile claims to be this, though he shows no signs of being handicapped. Despite calling himself disabled, he is determined to solve.
  • Horrible Judge of Character: When confronting Space General again, Ratio Tile claims everyone is good. He also has no problem with letting Allah Gold - who thinks that the best way to put an end to war is to have less freedom and start more wars - participate in peace negotiations.
  • Ho Yay: This video combines several scenes of Ho Yay.
  • Hulk Speak: Ratio Tile expresses how civilised he is.
  • Human Sacrifice: The would like to sacrifice Allah Gold.
  • Hypocritical Humor: A super battle droid calls Reach the Man a "stupid robot" before said robot defeats him and another droid of the same model rather embarrassingly by spraying oil in their faces and lighting them on fire.
  • I Have Many Names: A few characters.
    • Obi-Wan is alternately called "The Willing to Compares" and "Ratio the Tile." The opening scroll also calls him "Ratio Prosperous."
    • Anakin is usually referred to as Allah Gold, or sometimes simply Gold. After his turn to the Black Influence, he is referred to as The Peaceful Is Willing To. Several times, The Plum Of calls him simply Line.
  • The Insomniac: Reach the Man apparently had to be killed by his land before he could go to bed. Could also be an example of The Sleepless.
  • I Surrender, Suckers: Apparently how Vanquish Is managed to get into The Pudding's throne room.
  • Immediate Self-Contradiction: Allah Gold creates one when asking to join the Parliament of the Presbyterian Church.
    "Let me enter the Parliament, do not let me."
  • Lame Comeback: Not that the original insult was all that witty, but Space General's comeback is just bad.
    Space General: "Smelly boy."
  • Like Is, Like, a Comma: Ratio the Tile speaks like this sometimes.
    "Like, reach the man, good good good let us counter-attacking."
    "Like, this time do not calculate in fact."
    "The Presbyterian Church like, enjoys you not."
    "Like, record, you owe me a."
  • Large and in Charge: Size equals authority and power in this universe.
  • Mercy Kill: Possibly. Speaker D claims that Reach the Man (Darth Plageuis) was killed by his land so he could go to bed.
  • Moment Killer: When Gets The Rice and Allah Gold kiss, Blow the Skin complains they are kissing too loudly.
  • Non Sequitur: Happens constantly, due to the poor translation.
  • Not So Different: Allah Gold accuses The Plum Of's tone of resembling the Abruption Doctrine.
  • Noodle Incident:
    • Apparently there was some kind of fair the day before the movie began. For some reason, it is very important that it is now the day afterwards.
    • When summarising a combat report that Allah Gold missed, Ratio mentions that he is apparently depraved. He doesn't elaborate and changes the subject quickly.
  • Obligatory Swearing: Particularly bad since the original film had no swearing in the first place. Here however, Ratio the Tile drops The F-bomb more than once.
  • Older Than They Look: The Space General may be older than he appears, even as a cyborg. He refers to himself as "old man" when telling his troops that he'll fight Ratio Tile alone.
  • Old Windbag: The Hopeless Situation Elders of the Presbyterian Church are this to Allah Gold. Shortly after organizing a strategy for an important battle, Allah Gold's first thought is, "Is really boring."
  • One Steve Limit: Averted by R2. Not only does he share his normal name with all the other astromech droids, he's also referred to as "Reach the man", which is also the name of...the original film's Darth Plagueis.
  • Our Zombies Are Different: It turns out that, despite showing no signs of it, Ratio Tile is a zombie, as revealed when Space General mentions that he died to settle an unspecified struggle.
  • Overly Long Gag: An unintentional example. Having the Jedi be referred to as "Hopeless Situations" is funny at first, but the word "Jedi" is said a lot in this movie, so it really can get grating after a while.
  • Plant Person: Allah Gold thanks Ratio Tile for cultivating him after revealing he is an Artificial Human as mentioned above.
  • Pluralses:
    • Allah Gold talks about how he does not like "politicseses".
    • He later speaks to Vanquish Is about the "dreamses" he's been having.
    • At one point, Text How Big talks about the "troopseses".
    • At the very end of the movie, the droids are referred to as "childses."
    • The Pudding commands Allah Gold, "Doing you needses must its matter."
  • Religion Is Magic: The Force does not exist. There is only The Wish Power. Let alone the fact that the Jedi Council is translated as the Presbyterian Church.
  • Right Hand Versus Left Hand: Speaker D apparently had to beat the Republic's Intelligence Bureau to the telephone in order to figure out where the Space General was hiding.
  • Robosexual: Senator seems to be this, as evidenced by his sudden declaration that Blow the Skin "is my wife" in the penultimate scene, something that even Blow the Skin seems shocked about.
  • Run Don't Walk: A rare example outside of a video game. The Plum Of can't walk on a road meant for running about.
  • Run for the Border: Vanquish Is states that he must leave the country after being defeated by The Pudding.
  • Satan Is Good: Allah Gold wants to hold tight a devil to win the war.
  • Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: Turns "I have the high ground" into "The geography that I stands compares you superior."
  • Skewed Priorities: Despite needing R2 to activate the elevator, Ratio the Tile's first priority is to find out if he "is fucking."
  • Space Jews: The Hopeless Situation Warriors may be this, depending on how you read Ratio Tile's statement that "Our faith believes in our religion, but is not to believe in a certain person."
  • Spell My Name with a "The": Possibly the most triumphant example; Count Dooku was renamed to simply "The".
  • Start X to Stop X: Allah Gold suggests that "less freedom with more wars" will make it easier to end war.
  • The Reach the Man Behind the Man: This translation makes R2 a Sith Lord, given that both he and Darth Plagueis are referred to as "Reach the Man."
  • The Power of Hate: Though the Sith from the original are known to fuel hatred into strength, D seems to take it a step further here: he declares to the Senate that "My power has always been to have no like!"
  • Take That: Chewbacca is simply referred to as "Drag Along".
  • This Is Gonna Suck: When trying to fly into The Space General's airship, only to notice the rapidly closing gate, Ratio the Tile says "I feel far from good."
  • Totally Radical: Allah Gold has moments of this. "This is really too sick."
  • Translation Train Wreck: Does not even begin to cover it. Let's see what some of the names were translated to:
    • Jedi Council -> Presbyterian Church
    • Jedi Knight -> Hopeless Situation Warrior / Hero's Ground
    • The Dark Side -> The Dark World / The Black Influence
    • Sith -> West
    • Sith Lord -> South Host
    • Separatists -> Abruption Doctrine
    • Anakin Skywalker -> Allah Gold / The Peaceful Is Willing To / Line
    • Obi-Wan Kenobi -> Ratio Tile / The Willing to Compares
    • Count Dooku -> The / Drop
    • General Grievous -> Space General
    • Chancellor Palpatine -> The Speaker D / The Pudding / Prime Minister
    • Padmé Amidala -> It Gets the Rice / The Plum Of
    • Yoda -> Vanquish Is
    • Mace Windu -> Text How Big
    • C-3PO -> Blow the Skin
    • R2-D2 -> R2 / Reach the Man
    • Chewbacca -> Drag Along
    • Bail Organa -> Senator
    • Darth Vader -> Reaching the West of Reaches
    • The Galactic Empire -> The Empire of the First Choice
  • Unexplained Recovery: Reaching the Man (Darth Plagueis) apparently lost his power and died at some point, somehow got better, and then was killed a second time so that he could go to bed. It's possible that he is alive yet again now, since the D refers to him in present tense.
  • Unfortunate Names: Everyone and everything related to the Jedi, who are translated as "Hopeless Situations," giving us names like "Hopeless Situation Warrior," "Hopeless Situation Parliament" and "Hopeless Situation Presbyterian."
  • War Is Glorious: Allah Gold thinks that "less freedom with more wars" is a good thing and doesn't understand why anyone would disagree with him. He also overtly states that he seems to treat every battle as a game.
  • Word Salad Philosophy: Many, many mangled sayings come off as this.
  • Word Salad Title: Due to being mangled in the translation, of course.
  • Working Through The Cold: The Pudding has an intense duel with with Vanquish Is mere hours after telling the Parliament that he became disabled and sick.
  • You Can Say That Again:
    • Allah Gold says this word-for-word to The Pudding.
    • "He cans say that again that system is very," said Text How Big when deciding to send Ratio Tile after the Space General.
  • Your Cheating Heart: It Gets the Rice accuses Allah Gold of having an affair, but he denies it.
    • Of course, an earlier scene had D telling Allah Gold, "This will be an unprecedented affair."
    • He also stated that his tutor (implied to be Reach the Man) told him about an affair concerning the Dark World.