Groin Attack / Web Original

Played for Comedy
"He keeps kicking me in the dick! Why?! Why does he keep kicking me in the dick?!"

  • In a (mercifully non-canon) comedic scene at the beginning of insideLG15's "An LG15 Wedding", lonelygirl15's Danielbeast is shot in the crotch by Lucy.
  • The last attack in the over the top Chris Harry, complete with giant shockwave.
  • If you have a penis as long as you are tall, don't display it to a high-ranking member of an asexual race.
  • Used repeatedly in the blog novel Fartago. Punching in the crotch seems to be Farta's preferred method of exacting retribution on Tago for any pain Tago causes Farta. Later justified as the pre-monolith tribe's method of exerting alpha male authority and punishing losing contenders, and also subverted in that the scene when the entire tribe lines up to punch a losing alpha male in the crotch is definitely not played for laughs. The cries of anguish of the abused loser depress Farta and Tago so much, they're unable to do anything but drink.
  • That Guy with the Glasses:
    • During the First Year Anniversary Team Brawl, The Angry Video Game Nerd hammers The Nostalgia Critic in the groin with a rapid-fire series of punches (essentially working his nuts like a speedbag), causing him to reel backward and squeal out "I'm in pain!" in a high-pitched voice.
    • In a Nostalgia Critic Halloween episode, when the evil Teddy Ruxpin doll bites the Critic in the crotch because of his "mean" review on Teddy Ruxpin dolls.
      • Aaaand...there was the first Nerd vs Critic battle, when they fought with light sabers, but the Critic accidentally had his upside-down...
      • And during his series, video game confessions, where he's a bartender at a restaurant that sees many video game characters, Samus is apparently the giver of 2 crotch shots, and I mean "with the lazer gun" shot, to both Justin Bailey, and Leisure Suit Larry, because she hates it when people ogle her.
    • Bennett the Sage claws That Guy's nuts when That Guy tries to shoot Bennett for being such a sick bastard.
    • In Kickassia, the Critic finally got to do this to someone else, showing Lee one of the few downsides of being three-dimensional.
    • In Nostalgia Critic's review of Casper, an animated Casper infuriated by the Critic's panning of his film states that if he can't have a lasting impact on popular culture, he can still have one on his balls. Cue Groin Attack.
    • In the "You're A Dirty Rotten Bastard" Christmas Special, before meeting his guardian angel, the Critic clamps the poor guy's balls.
    • Happened a few times in Suburban Knights, especially with Malachite using magic to force Nostalgia Critic to hit himself in the balls, 15 times.
    • Nash is bitten in the groin by Domo-kun in the episode of What the Fuck Is Wrong with You? featuring JesuOtaku. (Groin attacks are a semi-regular appearance on the stories featured on WTFIWWY.)
    • Todd in the Shadows made a Top Ten List of movie groin shots. (In the spirit of Hypocritical Humor, he included Ow, My Balls! from Idiocracy, noting that it would have to be a hideously stupid world where audiences liked a show that was just a series of people being hit in the groin.) Also, he still missed one
    • After viewing Zardoz, Oancitizen takes the "Gun is Good, Penis is Evil" message too literally and goes to the bathroom to shoot off his groin. He somehow misses.
    • At the end of the Nostalgia Critic's review of Man of Steel, Superman opts to defeat Zod by Heat Vision castration instead of killing him.
    • In the NC's review of Nicolas Cage's The Wicker Man (2006), in order to get Critic to reference the infamous NOT THE BEES scene, Tamara holds onto him while Malcolm hits his groin with a baseball bat. Every time the Critic is hit, his voice gets higher.
    • The Angry Joe Show: At the end of his review of the Deadpool game, Joe is confronted by Deadpool, angry at dissing his game. Joe manages to convince him the game was lacking... in kicking guys in the balls. Deadpool agrees, and thanks Joe... with a punch to the nuts. After that, Joe swears to not review any Deadpool game again.
  • This 4EverMario video.
  • Turns up in the Gag Dub of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by My Way Entertainment. The Shredder takes a swing at Splinter. Splinter coutnerattacks with a kick to the gut, making Shredder crumple over in pain. Xavier Nazario (voicing Shredder) quickly shouts out, "AUGH MY NUTS!" followed by Randy Hayes' Leonardo going, "Damn, somebody's nuts just got fucked up!"
    • And later on, when stranded with Splinter, Shredder runs off, going, "Man, fuck this shit, you're gonna kick me in the nuts! I'm off this motherfucker! Sheeeeit...fuck you!"
  • A party themed Happy Tree Friends Smoochie involves the character Nutty getting hit in the groin with a yo-yo. To make things worse, it continues to spin rapidly, with the frition causing smoke, resulting in him bursting into flames, with all the while Nutty screaming in agony. It's the first item on the list, the toy.
  • A series of videos on YouTube entitled "Kicked in the Nuts" involves a man in an orange afro wig kicking (supposedly) unsuspecting people in the nuts. They invariably react at first with pain and/or anger, until he points at the camera and informs them that "You've been kicked in the nuts!", at which point they're just happy to be on camera.
  • This episode of Rooster Teeth's Red vs. Blue does this to hilarious effect. It defies description, but not count: seven separate groin attacks. All on the same guy.
    Grif: What is your problem with my balls?!
  • Inverted in Ultimate Muscle Roller Legend.
  • In the Super Mario Land series of web videos on Newgrounds, specifically the ending clip of the first episode before the credits, Mario attempts to go down a pipe, only for a fist to emerge from the pipe right underneath him, with Mario expressing a shocked face as the camera pans up to the sky to which a loud holler is bellowed.
  • A member of the LiveJournal comm Fanficrants, upon hearing about a fanfic in which characters used glue as personal lubricant, responded with "OW MY PENIS ... I DON'T EVEN HAVE A PENIS AND YET OW MY PENIS".
  • A variation occurs in I'm a Marvel... and I'm a DC, where the Joker straps a bomb to Green Goblin's crotch.
    Batman: "So, you went after Harley, huh?"
    Green Goblin: "Yeah. The Joker tends to go for the really obvious jokes, doesn't he?"
  • As part of a montage of Captain Hammer's jerkass humiliations against a helpless Dr. Horrible, he gives the doctor both a knee to the groin and an extremely painful-looking wedgie.
  • Lady Lumps VS Boy Bumps has hundreds of examples with characters from all kinds of different series. You can even fill out a template and ask the creator for your own character to be in an animation!
  • This happens to Mr. Mack in Episode 51 of The Most Popular Girls in School, after he asks Brittnay Matthews to try to simulate a resolve with Jenna Darabond. He tries playing Jenna, the one who seemingly blew up Brittnay's car, in a recreation of the scene, and well...he asks Brittnay if those were cleats on her shoes.
  • Used in None Piece to an unnamed pirate.
    (after being kicked in the balls) "My only weakness! MY BALLS! How did you know?!"
  • In The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon, when Jack tries to go after the Ginosaji with a buzzsaw, the Ginosaji makes him saw his own crotch instead. Even the Ginosaji cringes.
    • In "Save Jack", one of the options you can pick is Jack kicking the Ginosaji in the crotch. Like every other attempt to stop the unstoppable Ginosaji it doesn't end well.
  • Done to a headless (played by Miles) at the end of Spoony's Ultima Underworld 2 review.
  • RWBY:
    • In "Yellow", Yang interrogates Junior by grabbing his crotch and squeezing. His voice goes high-pitched and girly sounding until she lets go.
    • In "Breach", Coco boots a Beowolf in the crotch. It staggers and whimpers, right before she crushes its skull with her handbag.
    • "New Challenges" sees two flaming coconut propelled through the air toward Scarlet during a tournament march. He gets smacked by the first one in the face, leaving him staggered enough to not expect the second one that hits lower from off-screen, knocking him out from the tournament.
    • In "The Next Step", Jaune gets knocked back by an attack and ends up hitting a rock crotch first, and his next comment is a priceless "you'll be fine without a weapon, you're the strategist!".
  • In Bee and Puppycat, Bee accidentally hits her neighbor Deckard when her collapsible umbrella extends right into his crotch.
  • In the Dragonball Z Abridged adaptation of "Cooler's Return", Meta-Cooler kicking Vegeta in the dick is a Running Gag.
    • In the adaption of "Super Android 13", the titular villain punches Goku so hard in the dick it Ret Gones Goten! Which gets fixed at the end via senzu-beans.
  • Episode 7 of Final Fantasy VII: Machinabridged has Tifa render Reno unable to continue fighting by punching him in the crotch; an X-ray shot is provided to show the structural damage Reno took to the pelvis. In Episode 13, Reno is subjected to surgery to restore his pelvis, but one of his testicles is confirmed to be destroyed outright.
  • Sword Art Online Abridged has a self-inflicted example at the end of the first season, when Kirito wakes up in the hospital and immediately tries to limp after Asuna.
    Kirito: Gotta find Asuna... gotta find Asunó hey, is that a catheter?
    (SPLORCH, followed by a horrific shriek of pain)
    • The next episode reveals that this meant Kirito had to stay in the hospital longer than the other SAO survivors due to the required reconstructive surgery.
      Kirito: (sporting a Thousand-Yard Stare) Sometimes, late at night, I can still hear it. Tearing...
  • Enter The Dojo: A staple of the slapstick humor on the show:
    • The prime MO of Ameri-Do-Te and Rachel's specialty, as demonstrated in "Destroy the Groin".
    • A sparring match between Billy and a student from a rival dojo consists entirely of groin grabs in "Kung Foolishness".
    • "100 Ways to Attack the Groin" is by far the most watched video Enter the Dojo has yet produced.
  • During In The Little Wood and Strippin's golf challenge, the latter hits the former in the balls with a club, causing him to wince in somewhat comedic pain.
  • The Yogscast song "Carrot for a Cock" shows that the snowman with the titular vegetable appendage is apparently "terrified of rabbits". Can't imagine why.
  • In X-Ray & Vav, the titular heroes start their counterattack on the Corpirate with a literal Groin Attack: smashing their groins against his head.
  • In one of Thomas Sanders' Vines, he gets the "Left foot, red!" cue in Twister and applies that foot to a guy wearing red shorts.
  • In The Salvation War, Uriel gets this with two AIR-120 missiles it's the least of his worries.
  • Not surprisingly, the Whateley Universe stories have many, many instances of this, both done for laughs and in earnest (see below):
    • 'The Second Book of Jobe' has a disturbing number of (generally well-deserved) groin attacks, most of which straddle the line between drama and lulz, such as when a now female Jobe's recently created bio-prosthetic penile replacement is forcibly removed by a panicked Misty.
    • Phase gets poorly repaid for his generosity when Fey and Generator play a prank on him by switching on the 'special' features of one of the showers (which he'd paid to have installed as a gift to his female cottage-mates) while he is washing up.
    • In another case which could be read either seriously or for fun, the battle at the restaurant in 'Ayla and the Birthday Brawl' is literally kicked off by Phobos when she retaliates against a mercenary who tried to hold her hostage. Phobos is another Exemplar, and she has goat-like legs and hooves, which leads to the merc getting a world of hurt. Every male (or former male) in the room is stunned for several seconds before the fighting resumes.
    • Generator builds a set of nunchaku, with the predictable result while practicing with them.
  • Morons VS Wild is an animation of Two Best Friends Play, taking the audio from their Man vs. Wild playthrough and animating Matt and Pat suffering the game's many groin attacks while Woolie laughs in the background.
  • When Cinematic Excrement was reviewing The Host, his "Soul" makes him punch himself in the groin after he tried to stop her.
  • My Little Pony Meets
    • In "Rapunzel meets My Little Pony" the small diamond dog orders Rapunzel to give him the jewel necklace she has, but she refuses and kicks him in the "crown jewels."
    • At the very end of Sonic meets My Little Pony Scratch has this happen to him when he and Grounder get a piano dropped on them, courtesy of Derpy.
    Scratch: Right on the little chicken giblets.
  • Enter The Dojo's most popular video by a country mile is 100 Ways to Attack the Groin.
  • One Punch Stan has an inversion:
    Sonic: I wager the softest part of my body is stronger than your hardest!
    Stan: I--What?
    Sonic: OBSERVE!
  • From the SCP Foundation, one result from testing SCP-914 on a stress ball was a stress ball that would throw itself at the face of the nearest person every 1 to 5 minutes. If the face was protected, the ball would alternatively target either the stomach or crotch.
  • Analyst Bronies React: Midnight Sonata drops a stack of binders on Thespio's lap. He shouts "OH, MY HORSE APPLES!"

Played for Drama

  • The second installation of Awkward. contains two in quick succession. First Alex against Lester in a staged fight to make Kevin look like a hero (which later leads to some unforgettable mental imagery when Lester remarks, "It's like a cat tried to suck my dick."), then Henry against Kevin. He takes a run at it.
  • Spc. Crota from Darwin's Soldiers sneaks under a guard and shoots him in the groin.
  • In The Gamer's Alliance, groin attack is Ax's preferred method of dealing with male enemies. Poor Refan gets to experience it first hand.
  • In chapter 13 of Tails of Fame, Rast cuts off Seamus' penis with bolt cutters while he's torturing him to death.
  • In chapter 14 of Smirvlak's Stone, Nick bites off Lorko's penis while he's orally raping him.
  • In Worm, Taylor needs to incapacitate Lung as quickly as possible, so she uses her bug control powers to make black widows bite his genitals. Fortunately for Lung, Good Thing You Can Heal is in full effect, at least, once the rotting is finished.
  • During the backstory of To Welcome Oblivion, Elara kicks Rhett Talbot in the groin (and breaks his spine in the process) in order to stop him from killing her sister.
  • As has already been said, Whateley Universe has several serious takes on this as well.
    • Not only does Counterpoint deliver an Exemplar-strength kick to Jobe's nads (which speeds up his Gender Bender transformation), but more seriously, Carmilla later detaches his penis outright while completing the change.
    • In what is probably the most tragic and disturbing case, Generator, after returning to being male after managing to become female temporarily, takes a scalpel to her male genitals and cuts them off, repeatedly, while the keep regenerating, finally passing out from blood loss after over an hour of frenetically hacking at herself.
    • After Carl de-pantses Paige (whom he didn't believe was a Hermaphrodite) at a family gathering, she proceeds to open up a can of whoop-ass on him that even the other weres in the room were stunned by, including a series of vicious blows to the gonads. She had to be restrained from cutting them off once he was down, and while it was clear everyone thought he deserved it (and knew he would regenerate soon enough), the sheer intensity of her assault was considered excessive.