Funny / Zoolander

  • "God? What the shit are you talking about?!"
  • The Last of These Is Not Like the Others
    Mugatu: Do not be distracted by the beautiful celebrities...
    (cardboard cutouts of Lance Bass, Lil Kim, Fred Durst, and....Garry Shandling pop up)
    • Comes back again during the actual assassination attempt, with all of the aforementioned celebrities sitting front row. Even Shandling.
  • Derek's and Hansel's epic staredown, trash talking and subsequent "walk-off."
    • And shortly beforehand, there's the arrival of David Bowie, for which the film stops to introduce him while "Let's Dance" plays. It's fun to imagine this was how he entered a room in real life.
  • The unveiling of Mugatu's model for the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good.
    Derek: What is this? (smashes model on the floor) A center for ants?!
    Mugatu: ...what?
    Derek: How are we supposed to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?
    Mugatu: .....Derek, it's just a mo-
    Derek: I don't want to hear your excuses!!! The center has to be at least... (thinks for several beats) ...three times bigger than this!
    Mugatu (wanting to move on): He's absolutely right! *shrug*
  • Matilda admits to Derek and Hansel that she was a bulimic teenager.
    Derek: can read minds?
    • The tender moment of Matilda opening up to Hansel and Derick screeching to a halt by Derick offhandedly going "Ew!" when she mentions she used to be fat (though he's tactful enough to apologize immediately after).
  • Maury Squicking Mugatu out with his prostate troubles.
  • The famous merman scene. The sheer narminess of his line, the motions of the obviously photo-edited tail, the way he moves on screen...
    Merman!Derek: Moisture is the essence of wetness...and wetness is the essence...of beauty. (awkwardly wiggles away offscreen)
  • Derek's left walk is so beautiful that everybody is stunned, his father instantly takes pride in him despite hating everything he represented up until then, and a shuriken stops in midair.
  • Derek's "eugoogoolizing." Big word + stupid person = comedy gold.
    "A eugoogoolizer. You know, one who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?!"
  • "But why male models?"
    • " serious? I just... I just told you that a moment ago."
      • "Oh."
    • Made funnier as this was the result of Stiller forgetting his next lines, causing Duchovny to ad-lib.
    • And before that during the exposition where he says that all male models are gullible and stupid enough to be brainwashed into doing just about anything.
      Derek: "That is not true!"
      J.P. Prewett: "Yes it is, Derek."
      Derek: "Okay."
      • "You're a monkey, Derek!"
  • The "Unfortunate gasoline fight incident."
  • During his Villainous Breakdown, Mugutu points out an elephant in the fashion industry's room:
    "Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigre? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody else notice this?! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I invented the Piano Key Necktie! I invented it! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, DEREK?! NOTHING! YOU'VE GOT NOTHING!! NOTHING!!!"
    • What's more hilarious is that Mugatu's own reaction to Magnum completely defies his screeching, barely seconds later.
  • Spoofing the world of Conspiracy Theories, by offering the alternate history of male models as assassins:
    • John Wilkes Booth: the first actor-slash-model! (He even gives the camera a Face while shooting Lincoln)
    • Lee Harvey Oswald wasn't a model, "but those two lookers on the Grassy Knoll sure as shit were!"
  • Derek, Hansel, and Matilda decide to have a threesome. Then they are joined by two Finnish dwarves, a Maori tribesman, and a Tibetan monk.
  • Derek's attempt to work the coal mines with his family back home. "Attempt" being the operative word here - he poses and struts through his shift and generally looks completely out of place.
    Derek: *Coughs once* I think I caught the black lung, pop.
    Larry: Christ, Derek, you've been down there a day! Talk to me in thirty years!
  • The Running Gag of Hansel failing to pronounce Malaysia correctly, with each attempt more pathetic than the last.
    • Apparently, Derek can't get it right either - he addresses the prime minister of Malaysia as "Mr. Prime Rib Of Propecia"... In subtitled Malay no less.
  • The computer scene.
  • Derick speaking to his reflection in a puddle.
  • Hansel smashing the computer that holds evidence they need.
    Hansel: Where'd all the files go?
  • Maury calls his wife to bring the zip drive he's stored all the evidence against Mugatu on...and then everyone has to sit through their argument as she was about to put dinner on and doesn't want to deal with the traffic. "IT'S A CASSEROLE SHEILA! IT'LL KEEP!!!"