Funny / Zombieland

  • Columbus trying to ride off on a motorcycle to save Little Rock and Wichita like a heroic badass... and failing.
  • "I'm in Garland, Texas. And it may look like zombies destroyed it, but that's actually just Garland."
  • Columbus revealing his greatest fear while sitting on a toilet when a Monster Clown bursts out from under the door (fortunately its only his imagination).
  • After the girls run off again:
    Columbus: (to Tallahassee) You're like a giant cockblocking robot built in a secret fucking government lab.
  • When Columbus finally overcomes his coulrophobia by smashing in the face of a zombie clown with a sledgehammer, the impact of the blow causes a comical clown nose *Honk*.
  • This part of the 406 sequence:
    Columbus: * holding a blender as a weapon* Now listen, 406, I don't want to hurt you but—
    * blender falls apart*
    Columbus: "...Shit."
    • The poor weapon choices continue later in that scene as Columbus attempts to bash 406 over the head with a bag of cotton balls, followed by a roll of toilet paper.
  • "Somebody's ear is in danger of having hair brushed over it!"
  • Columbus chucking the whiskey out the car window is done so perfectly, it's probably the best example of quickly-disposing-of-stuff-whilst-other-person-ain't-looking on film.
  • Columbus' final stand off with a zombie clown. The scenario is hilarious enough, but what he says before we see the clown is what sells it.
    Columbus: Oh my god, look at this fucking clown.

  • Tallahassee raging about the Hostess truck being filled with snowballs.
  • "Thank God for rednecks!" After finding a very hillbilly house with an H3 Hummer. With a case of weapons in the back.
  • After Little Rock takes them hostage a second time, Tallahassee shrieks "Don't kill me with my own gun!"
  • When they're raiding Bill Murray's kitchen.
    Little Rock: No Twinkies.
    Tallahassee: Shit-fuck!
  • Tallahassee gushing over Bill Murray — "I've been watching your movies since I was...old enough to masturbate! Not that those two things are connected."
  • Tallahassee: I've never been good with goodbyes so... That'll do pig.
  • Tallahassee attracting zombies by playing "Dueling Banjos" from Deliverance on a banjo, then smashing a charging zombie's head in with it while yelling "You've got a purdy mouth!"
  • "You've never heard of Willie Nelson?" "No." "Willie. Nelson."
    • Later...
      Little Rock: Who's Bill Murray?
      Tallahassee: ...I've never hit a child, but asking who Bill Murray is?? That's like asking who Gandhi is!!
      Little Rock: ...who's Gandhi?
  • "Blind spots are for other drivers!"
  • How about when Columbus and Tallahassee are talking about the last time they got laid and they see a zombie in the middle of the road eating a person?
    Tallahassee: Look, whatever you have waitin' for you in Columbus, I promise you it ain't any prettier then our friend here enjoying her manwich.
  • Tallahassee's verbal backtrack:
    Tallahassee: [Pacific Playland] totally blows!
    [Little Rock and Wichita give Tallahassee angry looks]
    Tallahassee: ... my mind. Just fun for the whole family.
  • "Oh. My. God. You're thinking about fucking Wichita. Well, wish granted, boy! She's been fucking us for the past 24 hours!"
  • "You weren't exactly storming the trenches when I came in."
  • Tallahassee points out that some rules no longer apply in Zombieland while Little Rock is driving:
    Tallahassee: You don't have to worry about blind spots, blind spots are for the other drivers!

Wichita and Little Rock
  • During the driving montage, the brief shot of Little Rock explaining how Hannah Montana works to a surprisingly enthralled Tallahassee. With "Popular" by Kristin Chenoweth playing in the background.
    • And the bit of the montage where Little Rock is driving.
    Wichita: "This is the freeway, so you can go up to 65, but you don't want to go over 75..."
    Columbus: "You don't want to go over 20!"
  • Wichita's Janine Melnitz impression after she, Tallahassee, and Bill Murray get stoned and re-create the ballroom scene from Ghostbusters (1984).
  • Wichita punking Columbus for the second time and going Bummer.

  • The zombie three-legged race in the opening sequence. Note how the opening sequence alternates between awesome and funny with every shot?
  • The stereotypical Suburban Mom Van being mobbed by an army of small zombie girls dressed as princesses.
  • Unrelated to the story, and just for the amusement of the audience, a narrator declares that "Zombie Kill of the Week" goes to Sister Cynthia Knickerbocker with a piano drop, of all things.
  • On repeated viewings, when you realise that the guy who gets killed in the bathroom to demonstrate rule #3 is the same guy who gets conned by Wichita and Little Rock in their flashback.
  • The appearances of the rules on screen when they're applied. The words appear on the screen, always in a manner appropriate to the scene - and when "Enjoy the little things" floats over a destroyed tacky souvenir shop, cracking, creaking and the word 'things' about to fall off the sentence at any's a hilarious visual gag.
  • Even better is the rule #1 Cardio.
    As Columbus runs from the zombies at the gas station, the rule appears and one of the zombies smashes hip-first into the rule and breaks it. In lap two, that zombie is limping far behind.
  • That moment when they grab a map in Hollywood that you realize that there's a zombie who's dressed like Charlie Chaplin.
  • Columbus giving both barrels to not-actually-zombie Bill Murray.
    • Not to mention this quote following that scene:
      Little Rock: "Do you have any regrets?"
      Bill: "Garfield, maybe."
    • Tallahassee examines the wound, saying that they probably won't be able to stitch it up.
      Bill:: Uh, that's still tender.
    • The team tries a 21-gun salute, only for Columbus to have to reload halfway through...and after the drop the body, Columbus offers Purell to anyone who wants it. Everyone accepts.
    • What about his final breath going on FAR too long.