- Columbus trying to ride off on a motorcycle to save Little Rock and Wichita like a heroic Badass... and failing.
- "I'm in Garland, Texas. And it may look like zombies destroyed it, but that's actually just Garland."
- Columbus revealing his greatest fear while sitting on a toilet when a Monster Clown bursts out from under the door (fortunately its only his imagination).
- After the girls run off again:
Columbus: (to Tallahassee) You're like a giant cockblocking robot built in a secret fucking government lab.
- When Columbus finally overcomes his coulrophobia by smashing in the face of a zombie clown with a sledgehammer, the impact of the blow causes a comical clown nose *Honk*.
- This part of the 406 sequence:
Columbus: * holding a blender as a weapon* Now listen, 406, I don't want to hurt you but—* blender falls apart*Columbus: "...Shit."
- The poor weapon choices continue later in that scene as Columbus attempts to bash 406 over the head with a bag of cotton balls, followed by a roll of toilet paper.
- "Somebody's ear is in danger of having hair brushed over it!"
- Columbus chucking the whiskey out the car window is done so perfectly, it's probably the best example of quickly-disposing-of-stuff-whilst-other-person-ain't-looking on film.
- Columbus' final stand off with a zombie clown. The scenario is hilarious enough, but what he says before we see the clown is what sells it.
Columbus: Oh my god, look at this fucking clown.
- Tallahassee raging about the Hostess truck being filled with snowballs, when the viewer can see what looks like a blurry crate of Twinkies by the door◊, just out of sight.
- "Thank God for rednecks!" After finding a very hillbilly house with an H3 Hummer. With a case of weapons in the back.
- After Little Rock takes them hostage a second time, Tallahassee shrieks "Don't kill me with my own gun!"
- When they're raiding Bill Murray's kitchen.
Little Rock: No Twinkies.Tallahassee: Shit-fuck!
- Tallahassee gushing over Bill Murray — "I've been watching your movies since I was...old enough to masturbate! Not that those two things are connected."
- Tallahassee: I've never been good with goodbyes so... That'll do pig.
- Tallahassee attracting zombies by playing "Dueling Banjos" from Deliverance on a banjo, then smashing a charging zombie's head in with it while yelling "You've got a purdy mouth!"
- "You've never heard of Willie Nelson?" "No." "Willie. Nelson."
Little Rock: Who's Bill Murray?Tallahassee: ...I've never hit a child, but asking who Bill Murray is?? That's like asking who Gandhi is!!Little Rock: ...who's Gandhi?
- "Blind spots are for other drivers!"
- How about when Columbus and Tallahassee are talking about the last time they got laid and they see a zombie in the middle of the road eating a person?
- Tallahassee: Look, whatever you have waitin' for you in Columbus, I promise you it ain't any prettier then our friend here enjoying her manwich.
- Tallahassee then steers the Cadillac around, driving at a reasonable speed and opens the door, smacking the zombie in the face while he laughs.
- Tallahassee's verbal backtrack:
- Tallahassee: [Pacific Playland] totally blows![Little Rock and Wichita give Tallahassee angry looks]Tallahassee: ... my mind. Just fun for the whole family.
- "Oh. My. God. You're thinking about fucking Wichita. Well, wish granted, boy! She's been fucking us for the past 24 hours!"
- "You weren't exactly storming the trenches when I came in."
- During the driving montage, the brief shot of Little Rock explaining how Hannah Montana works to a surprisingly enthralled Tallahassee. With "Popular" by Kristin Chenoweth playing in the background.
Wichita: "This is the freeway, so you can go up to 65, but you don't want to go over 75..."Columbus: "You don't want to go over 20!"
- And the bit of the montage where Little Rock is driving.
- Wichita's Janine Melnitz impression after she, Tallahassee, and Bill Murray get stoned and re-create the ballroom scene from Ghostbusters (1984).
- Wichita punking Columbus for the second time and going Bummer.
- The zombie three-legged race in the opening sequence. Note how the opening sequence alternates between awesome and funny with every shot?
- The stereotypical Suburban Mom Van being mobbed by an army of small zombie girls dressed as princesses.
- Unrelated to the story, and just for the amusement of the audience, a narrator declares that "Zombie Kill of the Week" goes to Sister Cynthia Knickerbocker with a falling piano, of all things.
- On repeated viewings, when you realise that the guy who gets killed in the bathroom to demonstrate rule #3 is the same guy who gets conned by Wichita and Little Rock in their flashback.
- The appearances of the rules on screen when they're applied. The words appear on the screen, always in a manner appropriate to the scene - and when "Enjoy the little things" floats over a destroyed tacky souvenir shop, cracking, creaking and the word 'things' about to fall off the sentence at any moment...it's a hilarious visual gag.
- Even better is the rule #1 Cardio.
- As Columbus runs from the zombies at the gas station, the rule appears and one of the zombies smashes hip-first into the rule and breaks it. In lap two, that zombie is limping far behind.
- Columbus giving both barrels to not-actually-zombie Bill Murray.