- The entirety of Zack and Miri's scene together, but especially the extremely awkward "Let me see them tit-tays" and Zack's follow-up comment that his boobs are bigger than Miri's.
- Miri's objection to Zack's dirty talk — specifically, the use of the word 'pecker'.
- "I'm gonna fuck you with my penis!"
- During the above scene: while Zack and Miri have sex, the others talk about LOST.
Deacon: They're on the island, they're off the island, who can keep track of that shit?
Bubbles: I think they're in Hell.
- Zack's conversations with Brandon and Bobby at the high school reunion.
- "Her name Bubbles."
- This exchange:
Zack: Okay, you don't want to fuck a stranger in a porno movie, for some weird reason. I guess... we could fuck!Miri: Ew.Zack: Fuck you!Miri: I mean, you're a nice enough looking guy and everything...Zack: Holy fuck, thank you. You're an all right enough looking girl, how does that feel?
- Zack and Miri brainstorming porn titles. Includes such gems as A-Cock-In-Lips Now and Star Sex 2: The Wrath Of Kunt. Later, when they decide to make a Star Wars parody saga, we get The Phantom Man-Ass and Return Of The Brown-Eye.
- "And Revenge Of The Shit! The all-anal final chapter!"
- Brandon talking about starring in movies with 'all male casts'.
Zack: Like Glengarry Glen Ross?Brandon: More like Glen and Garry Suck Ross's Meaty Cock and Drop Their Hairy Nuts in His Eager Mouth.
- Every scene with Brandon, really.
- Zack has just stormed off the set:
Delaney: Can you believe this shit?
Zack: Editor and DP, looks like you got your shit covered.Deacon: Please, do NOT say 'shit covered' to me again.
- And the Call Back later, after Deacon shows Zack the work he has done editing the film:
- A drunk Steelers fan shows up at the coffee shop... right in the middle of Stacey and Lester's scene. What follows is the most uncomfortable transaction and small talk ever.
- Bonus funny: Lester actually works the guy's drunken ramblings into his performance.
- Zack's rationale for why a tape of them would sell.
- "Everybody wants to see EVERYBODY fuck! I can't stand Rosie O'Donnell, but if someone told me there was a tape of Rosie O'Donnell getting fucked STUPID, I'd be like 'Why aren't we watching this RIGHT NOW?!'"