Funny / Xavier: Renegade Angel

  • "I pulled the guy's heart out, and showed it to him, and he was like, 'Nice.'"
  • "They say when you die, you *** your pants. But not me; I'm gonna *** my heart."
  • "Are you so retarded you even answer rhetorical questions?"
  • "At least he died with God in his heart. You can taste it. Could use a little coconut."
  • "It's an earthquake, a SOULSHAKE!"
  • The hot dog business meeting.
    Xavier: I know I was moving my hot dog in and out of Peterson's wife's buns last night. (Laugh Track)
    Peterson: My wife is dead. (Audience goes "Aw...")
    Xavier: I never said it was consensual. (Laugh Track) Don't worry, I used condiments. (Laugh Track) She enjoyed it with relish. (Laugh Track) Her mouth passed mustard. (Laugh Track) I could hardly ketch-up to her vagina! (Laugh Track)
  • How to distract sports fans: Simply pump your fist and chant "SPORTS!"
  • Four words: Blue Chocolate Chip Tampons.
  • The Circular Reasoning in "Bloodcorn".
    Xavier: Rain, it's just God's tears. I know a shamanic Navajo rain dance that hasn't just blown minds, it's blown ducts, tear ducts.
    Farmer: I'm willing to try any precipitation boogie you got!
    Xavier: HAY A HO HAYaaaw, shucks, I forgot it! But we can jog my memory, with the Lakota memory jogging dance.
    Farmer: Just show me how!
    Xavier: AY YO HWA! AY...can't remember the memory jogging dance. I know, the irony is rich, so all we have to do is the Iroquois irony melting dance, and we'll be golden.
    Farmer: Do you remember that one?
    Xavier: Of course! This noodle is a steel cage! But only God can do that dance. And it has to be raining. That's the irony part.