open/close all folders
- From issue eight of the original series, Beast takes his uncomfortably small shoes off in a cafe full of beatniks, who begin reacting in an astonished fashion. They then proceed to carry him off, declaring his feet a sensation. He has no idea what is happening.
- Not to mention said beatniks drawing faces on his size EEE soles.
- In the otherwise serious issue 108, when the X-Men meet Jahf, guardian of the M'Kraan Crystal, Wolverine thinks he can take the guy easily.
Cyclops: "Wolverine, be careful. We don't know what we're up against!"Wolverine: "You be careful, bub. That's your bag, ain't it? 'Sides, I ain't gonna hurt the lil' fella — much."Jahf: (Drawing back a fist) "That's for sure."SFX: POW![Wolverine goes flying far and fast enough to reach escape velocity.]
- Beast's reaction to getting zapped with a multi-kilovolt static charge by Magneto during a fight.
(weakly) "S' all ri..., Storm... only hurts when I... I laff..."
- Later on during the same fight, Magneto uses his powers to make Wolverine punch himself in the face.
- Astonishing X-Men was full of these from the beginning.
Wolverine: Every time you do that, I wonder how screwed up the world is that it put a frickin' nuke inside the head of someone like you.
- Kitty accidentally being late to the assembly Emma is holding for the students in the Danger Room.
Emma: This children, is Kitty Pryde, who apparently feels the need to make a grand entrance.Kitty: I'm sorry. I was busy remembering to put on the rest of my clothes.Emma: So gushingly glad you could join us.
- Wolverine sitting on the foot of Cyclops and Emma Frost's bed asking the former "whatstage of grieving" their sleeping together is. Followed by him getting blasted out a window.
- Their first mission, rescuing the hostages from Ord, involves Kitty phasing people through the floors under said Ord's nose.
- "Who are you talking to?" *soldier looks out an empty window* "My swim coach..."
- Lockheed popping out of nowhere and flaming Ord in the face. This leads to Wolverine thinking he should be team leader.
- The party they had to literally crash to rescue? It was a fundraiser that Frost's family had supported for "generations," and now that she's a public mutant she isn't invited. How she convinces the organizer to let her back in the loop? Threatening sexual obsession with Leroy Neiman's artwork.
- Beast is analyzing a sample of "Hope", a "cure" for mutation, and is seriously considering using it. Wolverine starts a fight with him over it that spills through a wall. One student's observation: "So, what - the teachers spend all their time here trying to kill each other? This place is so cool."
- Emma Frost being a teacher of "ethics."
- When they attack Genetec, the source of the Mutant "cure," Scott is shot and bleeding out. His hallucination is hilarious.
- The team is facing Ord for a second time, coming up with a plan that will probably involve his eyes and other "soft" parts. But before they can finish it, Beast, Logan and Frost are all surprised because Colossus, who has just returned from death, is standing behind Ord. That look is priceless. Ord assumes something else:
"Is that dragon thing behind me?"
- John Cassaday's facial expressions totally sell the scene.
- When asked how they know it's Colossus they just found, Emma tells Agent Brand she read his mind, Beast tells her he checked his DNA, and Wolverine simply says "I smelled him." Beast chimes in with "I did that, too."
- Colossus throwing Wolverine in a Fastball Special is his first act out in the sunlight. Doubles as a CMoA.
- "You bite, I'll heal. I pop, you won't."
- While the team is fighting a big monster in downtown New York (to which The Thing yells is supposed to be the Fantastic Four's gig), each page is panels of them with their internal monologues about various emotional struggles. Then we get to Wolverine, who has 3 panels of nothing, followed by:
Wolverine: I really like beer.
- After the Danger Room has been shut down by becoming sentient and leaving, Logan takes a bunch of new students down there for fight training. When one asks what the danger will be, Logan turns off the lights. One long panel of darkness, followed by a second. In the second, "shinkt."
- Cassandra Nova, controlling Emma, regresses Logan to his childhood as effete, pampered rich boy James Howlett. How is he awakened? What else - A beer.
"I'm the best at what I do, and what I do... is so terribly pretty!"
- The highlight is probably his prayer when cornered by a feral Beast: "Dear God, I promise that if you let me live I'll be nicer to the poor, unless you don't like them for some reason and that's why they're poor."
- To awaken Beast from his feral nature, Blindfold hands him a ball of yarn. One that is chemically treated to restore his mind.
- Also from the "Torn" arc, when Kitty and Peter have sex for the first time, and Kitty ends up falling through the floor into the TV lounge directly below Peter's bedroom.
Kitty: I can't believe I phased just then. That's never—it was all your fault.Peter: I like to think so, yes.
- And the next morning, at breakfast, Logan just looks at the two of them and says, "About time."
- The Once More with Clarity page, when the mental dialogue is added in when they are discussing their plans. Especially Kitty and everyone's reaction to her.
Kitty: I object!Piotr: Is not courtroom drama, Katya.
- "Can I help you?" "Are you a beer?"
- Emma deleting the memory of bad guys: "You feel no pain. You will go straight to a hospital. Remember nothing of this place. And every time you hear the words "parsley", "intractable" or "longitude", you will vomit uncontrollably for forty-eight hours."
Cyclops: "My girlfriend is very weird."
- This exchange between Wolverine and the Thing:
The Thing: Didn't they come up with a cure for your kind?Wolverine: You got a problem with mutants?The Thing: I meant Canadians.
- When Wolverine nearly kills her during training, Armor curses at him in Japanese. Wolverine immediately responds in the same language, much to her horror.
- After Cyclops has one-shotted a building-sized monster, literally blowing it in half (down the middle, if you were wondering).
Cyclops: I just get sick of all the long fights and faffing around, you know?
Wolverine: You're a nutbag, Cyke.
- Kitty accidentally being late to the assembly Emma is holding for the students in the Danger Room.
- "Cyclops—Scott Summers. Leader of the X-Men. Owner of a jetpack." After literally decades of the same "optic force beams" intro blurb, we finally get an awesome (and hysterical) new one.
- There are many, many moments in Wolverine: First Class, usually courtesy of Kitty Pryde.
Thor: Is there anything on thy mind?Kitty: Actually, yeah. I was wondering... How long does it take you to get your hair looking so good?Thor: Mine... hair?
- Logan gets some in too, of course:
(Robots attack as Logan's trying to watch hockey.)Logan: (pops claws) Gotta warn you flamin' robots... I'm the best at what I do. And what I do is — (as he destroys the robots) WATCH HOCKEY! WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT! FOR AS LONG AS I FEEL LIKE IT! It's my moral right as a Canadian.
- Logan gets some in too, of course:
- This scene from New X-Men which sorta doubles as Getting Crap Past the Radar:
Fantomex: Jean, England is that way down the track; the tilt of your pelvis tells me you find me too attractive to permit them to capture me again.Jean: (irritated) Ten minutes of falling debris, "Fantomex." Au revoir. Run.
- Scott Summers gets one in X-Men #1:
Jean: I must confess, infuriating and arrogant as Gambit can be... those eyes, that grin, the body — it takes a girl's breath away.
Cyclops: Oh, really? When next the opportunity presents itself... remind me to drop a truck on him.
Professor X: Cyclops.
Cyclops: A big truck.
Professor X: Cyclops.
Cyclops: A really big truck.
Professor X: Cyclops!
- Of course, this is just after we find out that Cyclops has gone to the trouble of building a robot double of his girlfriend, programmed to explode when Gambit kisses it. This was presumably intended as a form of aversion therapy.
- X-Men #8: "A plasma rifle 'gainst a boysenberry pie? Can you see the crazed psychopath in this picture?" Naturally, Rogue gets the Pie in the Face.
Bishop: Is this wise?
Gambit: Keep laughing or she'll kill us.
- Mind you, that's a boysenberry pie charged with Gambit's energy. (Don't worry, Rogue was in her "stolen Ms. Marvel's powers" phase, so she wasn't hurt. Just pissed.)
- In the second New X-Men series (about new students at the Xavier School), Elixir, a mutant healer, discovers that his powers can kill as well and doesn't handle the discovery well, turning his golden skin black while he broods about it. During a psychic conference with the other senior X-Men, Kitty Pryde brings her concerns for his well-being... it turns out she needn't have worried◊.
- Rockslide. Just... Rockslide.
- Or if you need specifics, try The Quest for Magik or To Serve And Protect. The former is a pretty creepy story, and yet he still manages a CMOF in almost every appearance.
- "Welcome to our Brotherhood."◊ Magneto's totally-aware-of-the-irony smirk is hilarious, but what makes the gag is the looks on Cyclops and Madrox's faces, and Layla behind them, trying her damnedest not to cry laughing.
- In a What If? story where the all-new, all-different X-Men never existed, the original X-Men plus Havok and Polaris still go to space to the Starcore space station and are about to make the fateful journey back into Earth (in the mainstream universe, this is where Jean Grey became possessed by the Phoenix Force). Keep in mind Polaris wasn't with the X-Men when this happened. Just as Jean is about to take matters into her own hands, this argument breaks out.
Jean: My telekinetic powers will screen out the harmful radiation—I'll be all right!Cyclops: For how long?! Even your power—Polaris: Will you two shut up!? I can bring this shuttle down to Earth without the computer, without piloting skill, without even leaving the shielded life cells! I have magnetic powers, remember? Sheesh!Jean: ...Oh.
- X-Men (2nd series) #75 had several great moments. Cecilia Reyes wearing a Wasp costume reject Beast had stolen from the Avengers. Cecilia acting like an ER doctor towards a blood covered Wolverine (she IS a doctor by the way). Cecilia's face when dropping in front of a demon. Also Marrow's when Maggot uses her for a fastball special. Finally Cecilia Reyes destroying a magic demon artefact when she drops on it with her buttocks.
- $#%^ing unicorns!
- Kurt and Warren using the Danger Room to roleplay Pirates of the Caribbean (and some sort of fantasy RPG that's mentioned, but not seen) in Ultimate X-Men.
- In the Second Coming crossover, members of the "X-Club" (team of scientists put together by Beast) are sent to an alternate future to save the world. Their plan involves using a cat as bait to lure away mutant-hunting robots, and they eventually succeed... only to discover that this "future" was a simulation, all done to trick the X-Club into synthesizing a "cure" to wipe out the X-gene from all mutants. X-Club member Madison Jeffries's relieved response is, "You mean... the kitten didn't die?"
- During the team's first encounter with Alpha Flight, they're on the run in Calgary. The team is set to meet at a rendezvous point, but Wolverine, Nightcrawler, Banshee, and Storm are missing. Cut to Banshee shopping with Storm. Granted, it's so that they can disguise Storm who sticks out like a sore thumb, but still.
- For a time, Wolverine operated in Madripoor as "Patch", which involved him wearing an eyepatch and taking no other disguise precautions. Throughout the "Gehenna Affair" storyline, people keep revealing that they've known Patch is Wolverine all along, but Jessica Drew explains why nobody told him: "When somebody with claws and a temper wants to believe he's fooling people, well... no one wants to be the one to say, "Hey, Wolvie, what's with the stupid eyepatch!" Not coincidentally, this was written by Peter David.
- The first issue of Wolverine and the X-Men ends with a brochure detailing the new school's classes and activities. Amongst these are:
- "Ethics 101: Forgetting Everything You Learned From Emma Frost", taught by Kitty Pryde (an awesome Call Back to a moment from Astonishing X-Men detailed above)
- "Algebra Sucks, I Know, But You Still Have To Learn It", taught by Iceman
- "Diction and Linguistics", taught by Rogue
- "The Art of Fighting Without Fighting", taught by Wolverine... followed by "The Art of Fighting With Fighting", also taught by Wolverine
- "Sex Ed", taught by Gambit
- "Know Your Alien Races (And How To Kill Them)", taught by Lockheed
- "Flying Into Things Headfirst", taught by Cannonball
- The "Let's All Clean Up After Ourselves" Club, with Custodian Toad.
- And the "inaugural flag football game vs. Avengers Academy" (which then actually happened towards the end of Avengers Academy)
- And let us take a moment to appreciate the school motto "The best there is at what we do"
- This quote from Nightcrawler at the beginning of The Dark Phoenix Saga:
Kurt: "Figures—We get away from the Hellfire Club with our skins intact, only to get trashed by one of our own! Oi-flipping-vey!"
- Iceman and Angel #1: The eponymous duo are going up against "GOOGAM, THE THING FROM PLANET X!" and wonder where the Avengers, Fantastic Four and military are when there's a giant monster trashing Manhattan. The Avengers: fighting Kang. The FF: fighting Annihilus. The military: um...
- Cyclops #1: Cyke's day has been vastly improved by the chance to loosen up... by taking down the Circus of Crime, at one point pulling a Hero Stole My Bike and leaving a note with an apology and phone number.
Princess Python: We don't exactly look like the kind of people who care, now do we?
Cyke: You look like a dollar store Cirque de Soleil, lady. C'mon, walkie-talkies? Are you supervillains or mall cops?
Cyke's Internal Monologue: So their boss is rich, old-fashioned and needs a lot of obsolete tech nobody else wants. Doesn't sound like anybody I ever heard of. Who is he, the Mad Hoarder? Baron von Antiques Roadshow?
[at the end]
Xavier: News reports of a supervillain crime wave with suspected mutant sightings, SHIELD agents inquiring whether one of my students has gone rogue... and a Mr. Herman has been ringing the phone off my desk demanding to know what I've done with his bicycle. What on earth have you been up to today?
- Every single panel of Doctor Nemesis in the X-Club miniseries. Especially after he gets the starfish.
Nemesis: Eat viral liquefaction, unethically cloned carbon waste! I'll put my science in you! I'LL PUT MY SCIENCE IN ALL OF YOU!
Starfish: I have no idea what I'm saying.
- X-Men #9 (v2): Beast, in the middle of a fight after Wolverine growls, says "Logan? I realize you're having trouble holding onto your ever tenuous grip on humanity, but "grrrr" falls somewhat short of articulate." *Wolverine launches himself at an enemy behind Beast* "Of course I'm a firm believer in free expression!"
- A group of female X-Men travel into Wolverine's mind to stop a Demonic Possession. They find multiple doors...
- Emma Frost finds the "Sexual Fantasies Door", which contains herself, Spiral, Mystique, Jewel, and Squirrel Girl, who is ridiculously well-endowed.
- His current girlfriend Melita Gardner finds the "Hopes and Dreams" door, which, while we don't see it, has him living out his life with Jean Grey. Oooops.
- Kitty Pryde finds the "Reasons To Hate Myself" and "Secrets Of Weapon X" doors and pities him.
- Jubilee finds the "X-Men I've Had Sex With Door" and remarks "Okay... that's definitely not what the Danger Room is for".
- Rogue finds... the "How I Cheat At Cards Door" and she remarks "I knew it!"
- Finally, when Wolverine is asked if he wants to go on living or take this opportunity to die, the scene flashes to one more door: "People I Need To Kill Before I Die".
- A+X #13: Cyclops trying to hit Captain America in the face with a frying pan.
- Professor Xavier and the X-Men #5: A pair of random mercenaries' dialogue before the X-Men show up.
Mercenary A: I hate this! I'm a trained mercenary! I know 64 ways to kill a guy with a spoon and I'm stuck guarding an electric generator.
Mercenary B: D'you mean you can kill a guy who has a spoon — or that you can kill a guy with your own personal spoon?
Mercenary A: Must...reach...spoon.
- And three pages later, after they've been clobbered.
- In her first meeting with the X-Men, Scott's then-girlfriend Madeline Pryor is asked to hold a blanket-wrapped Lockheed. She parts the folds to get a look at the "cat." The following exchange has Madelyne wearing an utterly, rigidly blank expression.
Madelyne grabs his tie. "Scott.""Yes, Madelyne?"Madelyne pulls his tie so he's basically face to face with her."Something the matter?""Just exactly who are these people and what the blazes have you gotten me into?"
- In the first episode, a giant Sentinel walks by, causing civilians to scream and panic. In the background is a child's voice saying "Mommy! Buy me that, buy me that!"
Sentinel: Surrender, mutant.Cyclops: *puts hands up* Of course... *pulls down glasses* NOT!
- Later on in that same episode, Cyclops gets ambushed by a Sentinel which tells him to surrender. Cyclops pulls an I Surrender, Suckers
- It gets funnier: Cyclops' blast knocks off the sentinel's arm, startling some guy watching TV who it lands next to. The sentinel then declares it needs repairs, and then flies off to home base, where it crash-lands.
- One of Wolverine's best lines: "Trail went cold outside her house. Got bit by a dog, too."
- Episode 36; Jubilee seems to be channeling Storm. "JUBILEE, THE PRINCESS OF PYROTECHNICS, COMMANDS YOU TO RELEASE HIM!"
- Longshot gets one in "Mojovision" According to Word of God the entire episode was written building up to this joke.
Longshot: Y'know, I used to date an actress with two heads.Spiral: Was she nice?Longshot: Yes and no.
- Earlier, there's Mojo's freak out when Jean manages to mess with his broadcast.
Mojo: Controooool room. What are you doing up there SITTIN' ON YER HANDS?! G-go to a commerical! Go to reruns! Go to an infomercial GO TO SOMETHING! I'm losing my audience to a bunch of dead trees.(It cuts to the entire audience having spontaneously started reading)
- Mojo in general, due to being a Large Ham Take That at corporate executives. Upon first learning about the X-Men and their potential for his next show, he exclaims "I'm making money just standing here thinking about it! Am I standing?"
- Mojo appears to Scott and Jean on a television while they're at an electronics store.
Mojo: Don't touch that dial!
Clerk: That's odd. [presses buttons on the remote]
Mojo: Hey, I warned you! [ZAP]
- Earlier, there's Mojo's freak out when Jean manages to mess with his broadcast.
- When Gambit sends a kinetic-charged Ace of Spades card down a freight elevator to a bunch of waiting Sentinels, this unexpected exchange happens:
Sentinel 1: What is that object?Sentinel 2: It appears to be the Ace of Spades.(Card blows up.)
Kelly: Whaaaat?! You can't do that to me! I'm a United States Senator!
- What sends this into even more ridiculous territory is that one puts their face right up to it to say what it is, rather than do something like scan it.
- From the same episode:
- There's a glorious moment in an earlier episode where Master Mold stands up and attempts to stride out into the world... and is promptly halted by his power cord, which is still plugged into the wall.
- The Christmas Episode begins with Jubilee, Rogue, and Scott decorating a Christmas tree while singing "Deck the Halls." Scott hits so many wrong notes, you can almost hear his VA deliberately messing up the song.
- Later, Jean and Gambit are the ones in charge of the food. Hilarity Ensues.
- Narm: Cable in Beyond Good And Evil part 3. While hunting Apocalypse in ancient Egypt, Cable sees his teammates engulfed in a bright flash from a room away in a tomb. His reaction after he storms into an empty room to see his teammates laying on the ground is unintentionally hilarious. "WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?!"
- In "Days of Future Past, Part 1," Xavier reads Bishop's mind and the memories are displayed on a computer screen for the X-Men to watch. After some clips of a Bad Future, the screen displays an older Wolverine.
Wolverine: At least I don't lose my hair.
- During Magneto's attack on a chemical plant, he briefly muses on how much Charles Xavier's appearance must have changed over the years:
Magneto: I wonder how you look, Charles, after so long? Perhaps, a toupee?
- In "The Dark Phoenix Saga" part 3 episode, Rogue has to catch the X-Men that gets knocked off by the Dark Phoenix.
Rogue: What is this? "Catch the X-Men" Day?
- In the first episode, Morph's channel surfing and amusing himself by turning into and imitating someone from each. His take on Senator Kelly:
"My fellow Americans, I am an idiot."
- In "Bloodlines", Mystique impersonates a downed member of the Friends of Humanity, directing other members to where the other mutants are. She quickly gets up and shapeshifts back after they leave, quipping:
Mystique: Rather dim, for defenders of humanity.
- In "Cold Comfort," Iceman begins attacking a government facility, so Xavier calls up the available X-Men to intervene.
Wolverine: What are we up against with this Iceman?
Xavier: We're not against him, Wolverine.
Wolverine: So, then we're with him?
Xavier: Of course not! He's destroying government property.
Wolverine: Boy, I'm glad we cleared that up.
- On a meta level, James McAvoy and Nicholas Hoult (who portray Professor X and Beast in the film series) can hum the theme song.
- Barely Political's "X-Men 5: The Broadway Play", which features a parody of Patrick Stewart's Professor X and Ian McKellen's Magneto bickering Like an Old Married Couple. note The characters later talk to a psychologist in what feels like a marital therapy session.
- Honest Trailer's assessment of the original X-Men trilogy.
- What if Wes Anderson directed X-Men?
- In the first episode, Hank is conducting a lecture at the college he's working about enhancing the intelligence of cephalopods (squids basically). However none of his students are buying it and aren't doing a good job of holding back snickers. Once Hank gets the call he tells the students he's leaving the squid in charge of them. Which causes them to start laughing, until the squid tells them to quite down.
- While Scott and Logan are playing pool in episode 4, when Scott's about to clear the table (again), we get this:
Logan: No way Summers, you are not clearing the slate on me again! Stop! (tries to stop the ball by blowing it in another direction, with his breath)Scott: Look I know your full of hot-air but that's not gonna work. (despite Logan's efforts the ball lands in the pocket) Told yeh.
- During episode 9, while Scott, Logan, Storm and Hisako are looking for Emma. They come across what appears to be a secret door. Logan tries to muscle it open, only for Scott to stop him, and find the button to open it a second later. Logan's pouting-face is priceless.
Storm: Come on Logan, put those overgrown toothpicks away.
- In episode 11, Logan has Beast overload his sensory input by punching him repeatedly so he can go into a berserker rage and kill Nueron. His plan appears to work all to well until he stops just short of skewering Beast, and confesses that last freak-out was just him messing with Beast, just before he collapses from exhaustion.
Beast: I think that about shaved two years off of my life.Logan: Don't sweat it, I think the jokes actually on me. (chuckles weakly as he collapses)
- After Mastermind and the Inner Circle are defeated, and Takeo's ascension. Scott gives Hisako Jean's necklace and tells her he's proud to have her on the team. Hisako engages in some Scott/Emma shipping!
Hisako: But now you have to be nice to Emma too. She taught me everything! I bet she could even teach you a thing or two.Scott: Geh, wha? (looks at Emma confused)