Funny / Witches Abroad

  • The story of Bear Mountain's name. It was a bare mountain, but nobody ever bothered to change the name because of the profit from tourists buying maps, souvenirs, trinkets, and hiring guides to help them hunt the bears.
  • "You mean everyone brought potato salad?"
  • There's nothing wrong with a good squint. Looks good on a witch.
    "But you have to know how to use it," said Nanny Ogg. "Old Gertie Simmons used to have a squint and she was always putting the evil influence on the end of her own nose. You can't have people thinkin' that if you upsets a witch she curses and mutters and then her own nose drops off."
  • Whenever Nanny tries to talk in foreign languages.
  • Nanny knows how to start spelling 'banana', but not how to stop. Thus: 'banananana.'
  • One of Magrat's martial arts books is authored by a certain Grand Master Lobsang Dibbler of Ankh-Morpork.
  • Granny and Nanny meet Mrs. Gogol and her black cockerel, Legba.
    Nanny Ogg: That's the biggest cock I've ever seen, and I've seen a few in my time
    Granny Weatherwax: She never had no proper upbringing.
    Nanny Ogg: What with growing up next to a chicken farm and all is what I was about to say next!
  • Granny being angry at an alligator, which just ate her hat. She then proceeds to Whip It Good. With a snake. It's hard not imagining it going pleading-puppy-eyed at her, begging to be let go.
  • Vampires have risen from the grave, the tomb or the crypt... but none have ever risen from the cat.
  • Almost any time the Duc's title comes up, because the witches think it's pronounced "duck". There's this prince, who's a duck, who's really a frog...
  • Jason Ogg being worried about his mother and Granny Weatherwax running into the 'fearsome wild beasts in foreign parts' ... because some of those poor beasts are nearly extinct.
  • The Mystic Horseman's Word used by Jason Ogg (and later Granny Weatherwax) to tame even the wildest of horses: "Well, ma'am, what happens is, I gets hold of 'un and smacks 'un between the eyes with hammer before 'un knows what's 'appening, and then I whispers in his ear, I sez 'Cross me, you bugger, and I'll have thy goolies on t'anvil, thou knows I can'."
  • Unintentional example: the Italian translation of the book is missing a few pages. Thus, in one page, the witches celebrate that now Emberella won't be forced to go to the ball, as there's no footmen, no dress, no carriage, and no horses available; they then decide to go celebrating Samedi Nuit Mort, with Nanny claiming that "There's a chance on a million" that things will go wrong. The next page, Emberella is standing next to the carriage's ruins, with the footmen and the horses nowhere in sight; (initially) no explanation of how they got restored or replaced; and the witches approaching her. And then Greebo talks to Nanny, and it's only until he decides to get into the ball that we get to read a description of his new human form.
  • Casanunda shows up at the ball, as a Royal Guard, to try and seduce Nanny Ogg.
    • Later, when she's in prison, Nanny Ogg asks him how he's a Royal Guard, the rest of whom are at least 6 feet tall, despite being a dwarf.
    Casanunda: I lied about my height, Mrs. Ogg. I'm a world-famous liar.
    Nanny Ogg: Is that true?
    Casanunda: No.
    Nanny Ogg: What about you being the world's greatest lover?
    Casanunda: Well, maybe I'm only No. 2, but I try harder.