Funny / WildStar

The Game

General

• Damn near everything a Chua (especially Mondo Zax) says is hilarious.
  Situation critical! Need a hero! Will settle for you.
  Science without body count is not true science!
  Mondo not bloodthirsty. SCIENCE bloodthirsty. Mondo just scientist.
  Science achieved! And now? More science!
  Good work! Now, do more good work! Yaaayyyy...
• Queen Myala Everstar is equal parts funny, awkward, and depressing.
  You're doing great! And you're, uh, gonna keep doing great!
• Anything that is related to Protostar is bound to be horrifically unsafe, mired in red tape and protocol, and positively hilarious.
• The Caretaker has a number of amusing comments regarding your use of the Transmat Terminals:
  Everything should have their place in the universe; yours is right here... my condolences.
  Know that wherever you go, you will always end up right back here... wait, no, that's a terrible thought, forget I said anything.
  About to have your atoms scrambled, and that's what you're wearing? Huh. Suit yourself.
  Two legs? Still the same gender...? Whew!
• For such a tragic figure, Victor Lazarin is full of laughs, however unintentional.
  I fear your work is not yet finished... actually, I know it isn't.
  We murder the few so the many may—actually, they'll probably die, too.
  I wish you good luck. Though, coming from me, that might not be beneficial...
  If you die, die well! Oh, and leave your corpse somewhere I can find it.
  Forgive me, my ears do tend to decompose. Was that 'no'?
  Destiny can be a difficult burden to bear... especially when you're basically a zombie.
  Death continues to deny me... perhaps I shall have a funeral and see if he shows up.
• Previously, instead of "Male" and "Female," the mono-gendered Chua have "Chua?" and "Chua!"
• The /strain emote. A horrific Strain beast erupts from your chest and starts gnashing at the air. Your character is properly horrified and covers their eyes. Then the creature shoots straight back into your chest, your character dares to open an eye, pats their chest, decide that they're fine, and shrug off the incident immediately afterwards.
  • They also have a fantastic "nobody saw that!" expression as they pat themselves, glancing about in terror. "Is it gone?"
• The Draken Mailbox. Usually, Draken architecture is very pointy, feral, and imposing, but their mailbox is the unfortunate corpse of some poor animal skewered on some spears, letters put into its open mouth, with some extra envelopes and a package impaled on one of the pikes. Skulls, of course, form the base.

Arkship The Destiny

• No matter what you answer in the quiz, you are always deemed loyal. Particularly amusing is when you choose not to be a fan of Artemis Zin:
  Axis Pheydra: Subject displays questionable taste.
  • Choosing that you hunger for brains:
  Axis Pheydra: System suspects vitamin deficiency. Recommend nutritional supplements.
  • And if drinking large amounts of beer appeals to you:
  Axis Pheydra System recommends referral to substance abuse counselor.
• The Artemis Zin impersonators. You crush their dreams by taking Lady Zin's camera bots back (amusingly named "D-0c," "AR-2ms," and "Z-1n"), and each has a different line when you do.
  No! Being Artemis is my dream!
  You fool, I am the real Artemis Zin!
  I guess it's back to searching through her trash again.
• When you collect your first weapon:
  Danger awaits! Or maybe not! Be careful.

Arkship Gambler's Ruin

• On the way into the Rockin' Rowsdower, you can see a drunk guy swimming in the fish tank with a Rowsdower while his poor wife looks on.
• Settlers' first improvement? A giant tank of booze. Drinking it gives you "Liquid Courage," a damage boost, and disorients you for about two seconds.
• In the greenhouse area, the first mission is to rescue some animate quasi-sentient veggies from chua attackers. After you get them to safety, a 'hungry aurin' comes up, and ends up chasing around one of the veggies until he catches and eats it.
• Arwick Redleaf's first appearance is him sitting on his corpse pile. One of his victims is still alive and kicking, literally—everything from his waist up is buried under his buddies and his legs are sticking out and flailing.
• Stick around in the cryo silos, and you can witness a nurse throwing out placebos to patients that beg for drugs.
  Nurse: Have some placebo!
  You want drugs? Have some of this, I guess...

Everstar Grove

• In order to get honey for his afternoon tea, Malvolio Portius sends an entire team of Chua out to retrieve it. Problem is, bees on Nexus are the size of shuttles, they don't appreciate people stealing their honey, and said team wasn't briefed on the former two facts. But, given that said team was Chua, this probably brought a smile to Malvolio.

Algoroc

• Though terrifyingly destructive and powerful, watching the Annihilator try to get its foot unstuck is always amusing.
• In the midst of intimidating an unfortunate citizen, Darkspur Cartel members Jagg and Alphonse have a discussion about carbohydrates, bread, and low-carb bread.
  • You can find them again in Galeras, this time discussing exercise, scheduling, and the "Hakira Horndancer" dance video series while next to a shallow grave they just dug.

Deradune

• The Dominion Soldier path has you test grenades out on monkeys. You throw an active bomb to the monkey, who thinks it's a fruit and smashes it on the ground a few times... cue explosion and Ludicrous Gibs.
  • Fortunately, every player can get in on its larger version: killing poachers using Mammodin (rhinos) strapped with explosives as large as the animal itself.
• A Chua managed to get himself eaten by a Mammodin, a large alien rhino. When you find the right one, and you attack it to get him out, he starts complaining about how you're hurting him, too.

Ellevar

• Toric Antevian's book collection, featuring:
  • "From Behind: How to Outflank your Enemies in Battle"
  • "50 Shades of Green: Understanding Patina and its Effects on Armor"
  • "In Bondage: The Story of One Man's Rise From Oppression" [ACCESS DENIED. ENTER CLEARANCE CODE TO CONTINUE]
  • "Blood and Sweat: Courageous Tales from the Battlefield"
  • "Unstoppable Passion: A Vigilant's Tale"
  • "Forsaken Love: The Tragic Tale" ^note This book is dog eared and worn. Copious notes have been scribbled in the margins.
  • "Rock Hard: A Study on Gnoxian Physiology" (You now know far more than you ever wanted to about the internal structures of the Gnoxian race.)
• Searching for steamy romance novels in Webwood, a forest infested with giant spiders. Even better is that you can reread them at your leisure back at Mistymurk Camp.
  • You can also find Treerotica, "The Trees Also Have Roots" in that same camp.

Auroria

• "Pink Slips for Everyone!" where you fire Protostar employees.
  • The first, trapped on top of a rock with angry Freebots waiting for him below, swears he will file an Unjust Termination claim against you once he gets down.
  • The second claims you cannot fire him if you cannot catch him, and blasts off on a jetpack.
  • The third cannot take the stress and has a heart attack right there and then.
• The entire "Cubig Quota Quandary" episode. Of particular note is sending Cubig Prime back by strapping a rocket pack to him, then watching his landing once you get back to the farm.
  • There's also the Great Cubig Heist. Nothing more fun than foiling a security system while stealing cubigs!
  • Don't forget the tower of Cubigs, and the one upside down one. This troper had to stop and laugh for a while.
• There is some extremely black humour during the Hycrest Epidemic episode, one of the darkest arcs in the entire game. Once you have whipped up three experimental batches of plague cures, you test them out on a Dagun, a Rowsdower, and a Lowborn Cassian, in that order. The first mutates into a horrible monster, the second explodes, the third is cured.
  Please don't explode, please don't explode...
• The effects of Protostar "Cure All!"

Galeras

• In the XAS Forward Camp, you can find two scientists grilling some food.
  Scientist 1: I thought the Darkspur stole all our supplies.
  Scientst 2: They did.
  1: So where'd you get the calamari?
  Scientist 3: Has anyone seen my pet squirg? I can't seem to find him!
  1: ... You didn't.
  2: It's best if you don't ask.
  3: Oh, whatever you're cooking smells delicious!
• In Thayd, one of the Secret Op reports has an additional note at the end.
  The XAS wishes to reiterate, particularly to the esteemed Dr. Lazarin, that XAS members are NOT authorized to obtain a sample of the Strain for their "own personal studies".
  • In another report, Commander Stonebreaker wishes to acquire vastly more beer rations for his troops "for science."
  • Deadeye Brightland offers to put a couple of bullets into the Entity, and is soundly rejected.
  • Queen Everstar reiterates her wish to "hug each and every Exile" on the planet, and studies about the physical and psychological benefits of the endeavour are ongoing.
  • A hilariously passive-aggressive note, encouraging Dr. Lazarin and his team to show respect for the remains of the Elderoot - and to keep any particularly gruesome experiments away from the Aurin.
  Otherwise, Dr. Lazarin will need to fill out many more injury liability reports, and we are certain he doesn't want to do that AGAIN.

Whitevale

• "Where have all the Groomsmen gone?" in Whitevale, as part of the "Here Comes the Lopp" quest arc. The player is put in charge of looking for the Lopp groomsmen who had mysteriously disappeared after a wild bachelor party in Thermock Hold, and an ambush on the way back home.
  • The first Lopp groomsman is stuck under a Snoglug. He had been dared to salt it and when you're a drunk, 3 foot high bipedal rabbit and a Snoglug is a 4 foot high, 4-6 feet across alien snail, it goes about as well as you'd expect.
  • The second Lopp groomsman is hanging out by the hay stacks near the Kurg pens. He complains about how the bride should marry him while puking his guts out.
  • The third Lopp groomsman is hitting on a female snow Lopp.
  Groomsman: Why you gotta be sho cold, baby?
  • The fourth is with two dead(or possibly passed out) Granok women.
  Groomsman: What have Lopp done? What have Lopp done?! I mean... Lopp done nothing wrong, nothing wrong at all! (long pause) Tell no one! *hops away*
• Krag Studrok taking advantage of the Lopp treaty to try and chat up Huntress Kezzia. She is naturally horrified. Though one line almost works!
  Krag: So tell me, love, did it hurt?
  Kezzia: What?
  Krag: When you fell from heaven.
  Kezzia: Awwww!
  Krag: Because your face is really messed up!
  Kezzia: Ugh....
  Krag: Boom! You just got Stud-rocked!
  Kezzia: Go crawl under the rock from whence you came, you blithering idiot!
  Krag: Your anger only confirms the burning passion you have for the Rok! Baby, shut the hell up and give me some of that sweet, sweet lovin'!
  Kezzia: Ack, you're a monster, get away from me!
  • Earlier still you can find him attempting to and failing to flirt with many of the female bar patrons at the Last Man Standing. Particularly amusing is when he gets violently rejected by Aurin, creatures several times below his size, and still goes down hard from a simple slap.
  Aurin Bar Patron: Your breath smells like dirt. Literally.
• At another part of the zone, you find a wrecked ship, with the pilot and co-pilot arguing about who's fault it was. Particularly amusing is that when the co-pilot expresses disgust at the blame being pinned on him, he realizes that yes, it was his fault.
  Co-Pilot: Uh, oops?
• During the crazed Freebots episode, you have the option of obtaining emergency rations (Walatusk livers) for the pilots who had crashed their ship. Once you collect all the required livers, you come back to a corpse and four very well fed pilots.
  PC: Uh...
  Pilot: What? Quit starin' at me like that!

Wilderrun

• All of the Lucy Lazarin quests in Fool's Hope. You get transformed into a splorg, then blow up those poor ICI agents by priming bombs with your little bug legs. There's also this gem:
  Here's a potion I want to test—err, give to you...
• The Pix Pox sidequest. You have to treat and cure sick and injured Mordesh by injecting them with the antibodies and bandaging them up, respectively. Throughout the entire infirmary, you are projectile vomited on. The real crowner is one of the cured Alchemists realizing he now has to go back to work, and starts debating if he was better off with the Pox.
  • Though some of the other cured Alchemists are surprisingly cheerful for Mordesh.
  Cured Alchemist: Wait, I think I'm going to spew! Haha, fooled you.

Malgrave

• As part of becoming a Protostar Junior Security Officer at Area 77, you have to pass a quiz. No matter what your answer, you fail horribly. Returning to the Protostar Assistant Security Officer, he asks you how you did.
  Player Character: Umm... I passed!
  • Also amusing are the explanations about why your choice was so horrible. Liking the colour red, for example, points towards a disposition to violence, disobedience, and drunken bar fights, among other things.
• When pressed on why the Sandthorne Eco-Terrorists are disrupting Loftite mining operations in Area 77,
  Protostar Employee: Does Protostar seem like a heartless corporation who will do anything in the name of profit to you? ... Wait, don't answer that.
• After burning the Falkrin's children (eggs) as part of Marshall Yatish's war against them, he makes an off-hand comment about how it smells like roast chicken now and his tummy is rumbling because he hadn't had lunch yet.
• Deputy Whirlscrew is enthusiastic but not the most efficient of lawmen. His first order is having you deliver subpoenas to the Falkrin—that is, you throw the subpoenas at them and the documents have enough weight to knock the Falkrin and Murgh flat on their backs on impact.
• After you capture RIX, you can see him and his Freebot Rehabilitator in Shinysand Oasis.
  Benevolent Servant RIX only wants to help! Help everyone! Help! Help! Help me...
• Attempting to wow the Darkspur Cartel with your karaoke prowess, which treats you to a brief cutscene.
  Survive the bar brawl your "singing" has caused.

Grimvault

• "I Shall Call It..." where your character constructs the Big Mama, an obscenely powerful gun with an equally obscene amount of recoil. While it will damage your enemies to near death you'll be in the same situation too. Even more amusing is your character enthusiastically clamouring for its mass production.
• In the Arborian Camp in Western Grimvault, there is a Granok chasing an Aurin who has accidentally consumed Red Bull.
  Aurin: It feels like I have wings!
• In that same camp are an aurin, a mordesh and human having an amusing conversation about TP-ing the nearby dominion camp as a prank.
• Your response to Corporal Hauser complaining that he didn't expect his reinforcement to be a single Exile.
  Player Character: I'm pretty bad-ass, actually.
• Corporal Hauser tells you that he can't afford to send anyone else after Trooper Richter.
  Player Character: So I'm his only hope?
  Corporal Hauser: If that's how you want to think about it, yep.
• The Caretaker's sudden and odd use of euphemisms.
  The Caretaker: Quite the "shopping list" you've gathered, [Name]. Without too many "cooks in the kitchen", you should have little trouble with this next step.
  Player Character: Why are you talking like that?

Blighthaven

• The entirety of the Rocket Science quests, with two very distinct flavours of humour depending on faction:
  • The Exiles get plenty of euphemisms and extremely uncomfortable dialog as the Override finds the process of getting his parts shot into the Globellum... pleasurable.
  • The Dominion get a Freebot screaming and agonizing over his parts as they are used as receivers for an EMP.
• A Mordesh and an Aurin discuss the unnecessarily large delivery cannon in the Uncanny Advance. The Aurin uses surfer slang for whatever reason. Particularly fun is shooting yourself out that same cannon just as they discuss the possibility of doing so.
• After collecting perfectly marbled Golden Roan meat, you have the option of participating in the cook-off involving said ingredient. The mini-games are fantastically difficult and almost always fail unless you have superhuman skills. But, no matter how badly you cook the meat, how poorly you relay instructions to your sous chef, and how awful the finishing touches were, you can always save the day and win every single time by the use of one magical technique: add Cubacon.
  • The judges themselves. You have an extreme sports star, a food critic who's allergic to most everything ^note She judges foods by what doesn't give her a deadly allergic reaction., a Chua Warplot veteran, and a popular maternal advice column Aurin.

The Defile

• The entire quest involving the all-Aurin girl band.
  • The player character dancing with Avra Darkos of all people, in the ending cutscene.
  • Picking the Mordesh as the new lead singer.
  Morgano: What this band needs is a little more death... I can provide that.
• Finding Kit Brinny's scattered belongings. Ominious, yet hilarious thanks to the commentary every time you find another item.

Galactic Archive, Lore, Journals, Character Interviews, TFBTF

Galactic Archive

• The lyrics to "Veggie Girl" in the GA entry for the Veggies.
  • A professor notes that the walking, talking veggies might put him off vegetables for a while.
• Scan-Bot Analysis, which are oftentimes less extensive examinations on the observed phenomena, more your little probe's personal notes and woes latched onto education entries.
  • On Skeech: It begs to keep one of their plushies after you are done studying them.
  • Also on Skeech: It asks that it be given an oil-bath after studying their internals. Should an oil-bath prove impossible to prepare, it asks that you just press the self-destruct button.
  • On Terranite: It wishes that it could have a Terranite coating, but the substance would render it completely unable to float. It rests easy knowing it's practicably indestructible anyway as it definitely does not get destroyed on a regular basis then downloaded into a new shell without any knowledge of its multiple demises.
  • At one point the Scanbot comments about how Eldan tech was not always as murderous and bloodthirsty, then goes onto a brief tangent about the Eldan's seeming need to directly control the "lesser" beings they created, as though they had no free will. "Brief", because the philosophical musing is interrupted with a shock, an "OW!" and a firmware reload that leaves the Scanbot starting over from a blank slate.
  • On shellarks, armored aquatic creatures that will take bites out of anything near:
  "If scanbot may be allowed a moment of editorial freedom, scanbot would say this is typical of the Eldan: to take a perfectly terrifying and relentless killing machine, give it a good long look, and then say, 'Yes, what the universe needs is a cross between a shark and a tank.'"

Lore

Warrior Lore

• "And while none would dare impugn their courage, their intelligence is another matter entirely."
• "While reforms spearheaded by Bellitorus the Organ Grinder such as a Warriors School had fizzled out because the invitees were "sorta busy fighting,"..."
• "Nevertheless, in 1414, Vagnathrox belatedly received recognition for good intentions in the form of a statue of his decapitated body, which to this day enjoys the occasional visitor behind the restrooms of the Neglected Military Near-Heroes Museum on the nameless 18th moon of Perambuthorus VII-b. "

Journals

Wilderrun

• "Spiders of Nexus." It's formatted in such a way that you need to scroll down to see this gem:
  I WAS WRONG. I WAS SO HORRIBLY WRONG.

Malgrave

• The first 2/3rds of "Black Bret's Demands." The first third is him struggling with a transcriber who does not know what to and what not to put down on the paper (with blood, too, and that stuff doesn't erase), the second third is Threadmire's amusing running commentary on Black Bret's overly long speech, complete with helpful tips to the people of Gravestone.

Grimvault

• War Action Nurse #377, an intentionally horrifically bad parody of pulp fiction. It is glorious.

Character Interviews

• From Meet the Draken:
  Reporter: Okay, that's a wrap. Thanks again, Khuvor…
  Khuvor: No. We are not finished.
  Reporter: Sorry?
  Khuvor: The time has come. You may have a five minute head start!
  Reporter: Head start? For what?
  Khuvor: The hunt! And there is no hunt if there is no chase! The chase burns in the blood of every Draken! You thought I would stand for your insolent questions without reason? I have studied you. Your weakness. Your survival instinct. Your fear. They are strong. You will make for... unusual prey.
  Reporter: Me? But I'm just a reporter! I have deadlines. I'm out of shape. And I'd be very stringy…
  Khuvor: I thirst for the kill! And I have never stalked a “reporter” before. Even if the hunt is short, your skull will indeed be a rare trophy!
  Reporter: This is crazy. Please, don't do this!
  Khuvor: Very well. You have ten minutes! Now get moving. The stench of cowards is easy to track!
  • From the same interview:
  Khuvor: I have also slain many Skeech! Foul little cave-dwellers found on Nexus. Foes like Marauders and Falkrin prove a test of skill… but the Skeech are a test of endurance! Their numbers are many. They are too stupid to retreat. And they die by the score!
  Reporter: How do they taste?
  Khuvor: Terrible and blue! They are only good for slaughter!
• After the reporter is done interviewing Mondo Zax, the latter reveals he brought his Organ Immolator to the interview for field testing. Its victim? The unfortunate reporter.
  Reporter: ARRRGGGHHH! MY PANCREAS! IT BUUURRRNNNSSS!
  Mondo: Interviews fun! Can't wait for next time.
• At the beginning of the interview with Victor Lazarin, he recommends that the reporter drink the liquid he left for them. However, at the end of the interview, it turns out that the liquid wasn't what it seemed to be:
  Reporter: Thanks for your time, Dr. Lazarin. Good luck with finding your cure.
  Lazarin: Your attentions are appreciated, as is your assistance.
  Reporter: Thanks. Wait, what?
  Lazarin: I took the liberty of testing my latest tincture on you.
  Reporter: Uh, when was this?
  Lazarin: Your beverage.
  Reporter: What did you give me?
  Lazarin: Assuming my proportions were correct, in moments you will be experiencing pan-dimensional synoptic enhancement, enabling you to simultaneously see in eight spectra and thirty-eight dimensions. I suggest exercising caution, however. The inhabitants can see you as well.
  Reporter: Ha, you had me going there for a sec— AAARRGGHHH!!! The HORROR! I CAN SEE TOO MUCH!!!!
  Lazarin: Solvent successful.

Tales From Beyond The Fringe (TFBTF)

Mystery and Mayhem

• Pretty much ALL of the facial expressions as Dr. Lazarin explains the Mordesh's history.

The B-Team

• One of Arty's chips took a hit on Arboria. It's left him a little... unstable and excitable. (The replacement's on back order.)
• Meatspeak.

Flicks

Official "Paths" Flick

• Agent Voxine's "different alternative" for her class.
• The cliff the Explorer drawing is standing on breaking off, taking him and his flag with it.
• The actual Explorer falling to his death.
• The Distant Reaction Shot with the Settler.
• The positively horrified looks on the Cassians faces and the only Mechari in the class chewing his "nails" in fear, contrasted by the well and truly psyched Draken.

Debut/Blur Trailer

• Liara discovers Sarge using plants as target practice.
  Liara: Every life on this planet is precious! (Stemdragon emerges from the ground.) Except that one.
• Another point where Buck, the human, finds a giant robot and winds up getting too close:
  Buck: [to himself, disgusted] Haaaaad to go and touch it.
• And to bring things full circle, when they crash into some Eldan ruins:
  Buck: Nobody. Touch. Anything.
• The look on Buck's face when he sees the Stemdragon Liara and Sarge were running from. Then, when the Power Trio reunite, surrounded by enemies all around.
  Sarge: Back so soon?
  Liara: And you made friends.
  Buck: (Deadpan) Shut up and kill something.

"Meet the Exiles

• "I'm so excited, I think I might wet my britches!... Oh..."
• Each subject in the species Kit Briiny is describing seems to react to her descriptions.
• Kit gets so worked up talking about how the Exiles are gonna fight the Dominion for Nexus that she punches her cameraman.

"Meet the Dominion"

• When Malvolio Portius mentions that the Mechari are "A bit a lacking" in the sense of humor, the accompanying video shows a Mechari male getting hit with a paper airplane, and zapping the source in response.
• His casual dismissal of the Chua as he passes the blaster rifle on display "Aaaand... not going to talk about them"
• He finishes off by crushing his glass of wine, then as he walks away he demands someone fetch him another drink... Something expensive.

"Dirty Little Secrets"

• The Mordersh stroking and comforting its pet Squirg in a beaker. Poor thing barely fits. Considering what it's capable of, though, it's probably better this way.
• YMMV, but this troper found it positively hilarious that Malvolio Portius was being poured a new glass of Something Expensive in the beginning of the video.
• Malvolio's reaction to a Chua putting a bomb in his goblet.
  Malvolio Portius: (completely deadpan) Oh, not again...

"What is WildStar?"

Narrator: "Where is this lost world? What mysteries and wonders would be found there? And does it conceal ancient technologies and forbidden magic of awesome, unimaginable power? Guess what: You're gonna find out, Cupcake!
"Nexus has just been discovered, and things are about to get [BLEEP]ing real."

Classes

• Ish'mael the Bloodied hiding behind a brick wall, obviously having just ran as fast as he possibly could. It doesn't save him from the Warrior's arm cannon.
• His run-in with an Esper.
  But these Espers use their friggin' minds to make swords, and beasts, and... WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!
• Ish'mael's airship spiraling away and blowing up after a Spellslinger shoots the engines.
• Ish'mael raiding a town with one good arm and the other in a sling. You gotta admire the man's drive to keep on raiding, looting, and pillaging despite all of his injuries.
• The Female Draken Stalker is obviously having fun murdering the Marauders. That Ish'mael and his now non-functioning liver are in the foreground just make it funnier.
• Later is his futile attempt to run from a Medic, especially when he has one casted leg before his innards are boiled.
• After his unfortunate first meeting with an Engineer, Ish'mael is in a full-body cast. What makes this especially funny is that he's still trying to reach for his drink.
  Engineers? Never 'eard of 'em. What're they gonna do, change me oil and tighten me screws? Hahahaha! [Engineer appears with a full cadre of bots] ...Ah, bloody hell.

Adventures

• A very minor Freeze-Frame Bonus: there is a portrait of Ish'mael the Bloodied in the Granok hide-out, and he yelps when the door is slammed into his face.
• The group in the Malgrave Trail stop and stare at their fallen comrade, done in by a falling boulder.

Warplots

• The Granok narrator uses an orbital strike on the enemy Warplot. The device ends up overcharging and proceeds to incinerate a huge portion of Nexus itself. The Stinger is that he's still alive, only singed and his sunglasses are ruined.
  [sees red bar on remote control] (deadpan) Oh boy...

DevSpeak, Disclaimer Guy

Though Carbine is serious in their commitment to making games, they also know how to have fun. And lots of it.

Disclaimer Guy

• Read them all here.

DevSpeak: Paths

Disclaimer

This video you are about to seed does not represent the final version of Wildstar. You will see content in these videos that are works in progress, some more than others. All player abilities will likely change in some way before launch. This video is our attempt to provide as detailed an explanation of Wildstar's core gameplay, while still leaving content for you to discover once we go live. Enjoy.

When DevSpeak begins, please fasten your seatbelt. Insert the metal fittings one into the other, and tighten by pulling on the loose end of the strap. If you do not have a seatbelt please notify a nearby friend of family member and use your best efforts to secure yourself to your chair, sofa, stool, beanbag, or exercise ball.

Take a moment to locate the emergency exits around you. In some cases, your nearest exit may be behind you. If an evacuation of DevSpeak is required, the resulting blue screen of death will direct you to leave your current location, stand on the street, and cluck like a chicken. Imitations of similar poultry- such as ducks, geese, emus, and guinea fowl- are also acceptable.

In the case of decompression, players already inside our closed beta tests will have oxygen masks descend from above. Please place mask firmly over your mouth and begin breathing normally. However, usage of the oxygen mask in view of others will constitute public acknowledgement of your placement in the beta, which is a violation of our Non-Discolsure Agreement. Consider your options carefully.

We would like to remind you that this is a non-smoking video. Tampering with this video to add smoke through the use of post-production software is prohibited by the cinematics team. If you do, however, see smoke, there is something wrong with your computer, and you should probably turn it off around now. Or don't. I mean, it's your power supply. You're an adult, and you get to decide what that means.

If you have any other questions regarding DevSpeak safety, please reference additional information at our website, www.wildstar-online.com On behalf of all us at Carbine Studios, we'd like to thank you for your attention throughout this disclaimer, and for your continued patronage. Now, please sit back, relax, and enjoy the video.

No you cannot have any peanuts.

• All that flashes by the screen in roughly 2.5 seconds.

DevSpeak: Ability Mechanics

• The disclaimers of Ability Mechanics provide more gems such as a paragraph from Thomas Jefferson that he definitely didn't say since it was about playing Wild Star, and another wherein the writer professes to writing it for procrastination purposes.

I don't really have a joke here, but I'm trying to avoid writing up this really complex bug report for one of our in-game cinematics. Do me a solid and just play along and act like this panel was funny, but not so funny that one of my bosses goes like "Hey, what's so funny?" and wants to read it themselves. Thanks for being a sport.

DevSpeak: Movement

Disclaimer

The video you are about to see does not represent the final version of Wild Star. You will see content in these videos that are works in progress, some more than others. All player abilities will likely change in some way before launch. This video is our attempt to provide a detailed explanation of wildstars core gameplay, while still leaving content for you to discover once we go live. Enjoy.

Ha! you guys and gals read this stuff after all. Please don't tell the legal team, or it's only a matter of time before they start insisting that this space be filled with a whole lot of 'whereas' and 'ipso facto', instead of the opportunity that i now have to relax and enjoy your fine, frame-by-frame advancing company.

Can i just take a moment, though, to say how nerve-wracking an Easter Egg like this can be? Everyone has such high standards. "Hey, Disclaimer guy, you should reveal one of the unannounced races!" "Disclaimer guy, what the business model gonna be?" "Hey Disclaimer guy, are you going to clean the kitchen or am i going to have to get a court order" Wait, that one's my roommate.

But no, it's not all wine and roses making secret stuff like this. There were five meeting debating the typeface and kerning alone. You don't want to know how many more focused around whether to refer to the actual meetings in this very panel. there were another two on whether to call them 'panels'. And then another on if we should make that joke.

Am i meta yet?

Alright, I should probably wrap this up. Look, if you wanna get a head start on seeing behind the curtain go to this URL: dft dot ba slash dash, plus the first word of each of the first three paragraphs of our post about the M30 patch notes, all together, no spaces. That should get your started on your sacred quest. And once you're done with that, maybe watch the rest of this video, K? My mom thinks it's really cool.

• Seriously, try it. It's hilarious.

DevSpeak

• The Voice of DevSpeak, Stephan Frost has thing for Rowsdowers, so much that they have become the unofficial mascot and the highlight of every video. Unsurprisingly, they have appeared in every DevSpeak so far.
  • In "Housing," after murdering the indigenous squatters on his sky plot and blowing up the trees, he walks up to a Rowsdower and says this:
  Frost: Oh hey. You can stay.
  • In "Movement," he uses dash to get near one.
  Frost: That little sheep over there! What up.
  • In "Paths," as his Soldier Stalker Brofessional, he murders one.
  Frost: Me? I just like to kill things!
  • In "Aiming," Brofessional ups the ante by blowing up scores of Rowsdowers to appropriate Magnificent Bastard music.
  Brofessional: (laughs as scores of Rowdowers are turned into Ludicrous Gibs, then cockily does a "TA DA!" to the carnage.)
  • In "Crowd Control," Karma and the Rowsdowers come back to bite Brofessional, when he's killed and the sheep-aliens brought a friend.
  Demon Rowsdower: SOON.
  • After a marked absence, the saga of Brofessional and the Rowsdowers makes its triumphant return in "Stalker." Picking up right after "Crowd Control," Brofessional is dead and at the mercy of the Demon Rowsdower. He's revived by one of the unrevealed classes... then we see that the Demon Rowsdower exists in the land of the living, too. He also knows what unrevealed class it was.
  Demon Rowsdower: Totally know what class it is!

DevSpeak: Housing

• Frost demonstrates how flexible the system is:
  Frost: Build a floating chair on an upside down table! See if I care!
• Before the video ends, Frost wishes that you enjoy housing as much as he does.
  Frost: (shot of a sleeping naked Granok covered in plushies) Well, maybe not as much as I do...

DevSpeak: Crowd Control

• As usual, the Disclaimer is hilarious.
  Frost: This is the disclaimer... not sure what this is... order up!
• Though Breakout Gameplay may seem easy on its own...
  Of course, in the heat of combat, this can be... challenging. (whispering) Breakout gameplay.
• Frost demonstrates "Disorient."
  (disoriented) What the (bleep)?! Left is up, and down is—AAAAAHHHHHH! (falls into lava)
• He also demonstrates "Blind."
  Nice job: you just healed a tree.

DevSpeak: Warplots

• Frost has an incredibly intricate strategy that obviously has to fall apart at the seams in action. His accent when he panics and realizes his plan isn't working so well is just what makes it.
  Their's is bigger! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
  One inch to the left! ONE INCH TO THE LEFT! DAMN IT, GALLAHAD, WHY DID YOU PLACE IT SO FAR TO THE LEFT?
• The post-credits scene: Frost is kicking players from his Warparty. In true Wild Star fashion, they explode.

Blog Posts, Carbine

Blog Posts

• Carbine explains their business model in a simple and extremely entertaining way.
  • It's really the expressions that make it.
• Even the patch notes are hilarious. The first words of the first three paragraphs of M30 are part of a secret URL. Get it right, and you will be rewarded with getting Rickrolled.
  • "Fixed an issue in Galeras where Assistant Wandersprout suffered from random bouts of narcolepsy."
• After the "What is Wildstar" trailer was released, the devs mentioned that one of the top comments was "They blew up the planet before we could play the game!"

Meet the Crew

• Meet Crunch Food Thief and Lead Scripter Doug Koup
• Meet Art Director Matt Mocarski

The official Tumblr

• Question: How do Granok reproduce? Are they carved from stone?
  Scanbot will be happy to field this query from user! As user knows, scanbot is quite familiar with Granok biology, and has observed Granok reproduction on several occasions, even when scanbot has been repeatedly asked to cease and desist from such observations. Do not judge scanbot!
  
  Anyway, over time scanbot has determined that Granok reproduce in much the same way as other biological species - very carefully!
  
  Yes, Scanbot will be here all millennium, users. Please tip user’s wait-staff.
• Dr. Lazarin's Amorous Advice. Just, all of it.
  • Bonus points to Victor's hilariously dark Mood Whiplash in the Ms. Squeezikins letter.
  I will and must find a cure. The answer lies here somewhere. It must, I tell you! Damn this pitiless universe and all the horror it contains! I cannot go on!
  I hope this advice proves helpful.
  • The draken's ALARMING USE OF CAPITALS from the 'Infuriated' letter. Also, Victor solving the "recipe" for love.
  Even then, it should have been painfully obvious to anyone with a microscope and basic understanding of thermodynamic phase transitions that the base was 95% nutmeg and 3.8% barium sulfate.
• Aurin can in fact grow facial hair. At will and at a shockingly rapid pace, for both genders. They just don't do it because beards aren't quite as fashionable with Arborians.

Livestreams

• During the Livestreams, one of the Carbine staff has a NERF gun to shoot people with whenever someone curses, or makes an awful pun or impression. Particularly funny is how Tony Rey is almost always at the receiving end. In one episode, Frost panics because he is right next to Tony, and could be hit if the shooter misses.