Wicked (the book)
- When poor Boq confesses his feelings to Galinda, and Elphaba is snarking at him the whole way for sounding rehearsed. Galinda scolds her, while at the same point ripping on Boq with "Let me consider his stupid idea", while he's still sitting right there.
- When Fiyero asks Glinda if she has children.
"Chuffrey is dry as two baked walnuts."
Wicked (the musical)
- Glinda's Crowning Moment of Awesome
Glinda: You heard me! (while gesturing arms to spell C-P-T-V-T) Captivity!
- Another point for her would be:
Galinda: And he's been thinking, which really worries me.
- Which is followed by
Fiyero: Uh, listen, I've been thinking...
Elphaba: Yes, I've heard.
- Which is followed by
- Damn near everything said by G(a)linda because it was written for Kristin Chenoweth and she's always adorably hilarious. Such as the following:
Galinda: Doctor Dillamond, why do you keep talking to us about the past? You're supposed to be teaching us history.
(Everyone, especially Elphaba, give her a long look.)
- The following exchange between Elphie and Glinda that leads to a Catfight:
Glinda: And what have you accomplished besides flying around on that mangy old thing!?
Elphaba: Well we can't all come and go by bubble! Whose idea was that? The Wizard's? Of course! Even if it weren't he'd still take credit for it.
Glinda: Well, he's not the only one taking something that doesn't belong to him.
Elphaba: Oh ho. Now wait just a clock tick! I know that it is difficult for that blissful little blonde brain of yours to comprehend that someone like him could choose someone like me! But it's real, it's happened, and you can wave that ridiculous little wand of yours all you want you can't change it! He doesn't belong to you, he doesn't love you! He loves me!
(Glinda smacks Elpheba)
Elphaba:...AHHH HA HA HA HA HA!!! Feel better now?
Glinda: Yes I do!
Elphaba: Good. (smacks Glinda) So do I!
(Cat Fight ensues, complete with Glinda swinging her wand around like a weapon until the Ozian guards break it up)
Glinda: LET ME GO I ALMOST HAD HER!!!
- A few seconds later, Fiyero literally (at least in some productions) comes swinging onto the scene, screaming "LET THE GREEN GIRL GO!". He's swinging on a vine in a cornfield. Even Glinda's confused by this.
- In some productions, Fiyero is apparently short on rifles, so his bluff-threat of Glinda is done with...a broomstick.
- Galinda says "Something's wrong...I didn't get my way..." before nearly fainting.
- "It's SHOES, Elphaba. Let GO, already." Considering how dark the scene is, and what it's regarding... absolutely HILARIOUS!
- This line:
Galinda: Now, let's tell each other a secret that we've never told anyone before! Fiyero and I are getting married!
Elphaba: He's asked you already?
Galinda: (gleefully) Oh, he doesn't know yet!
- From the song "What Is This Feeling?":
Both: There's been some confusion
Over rooming here at Shiz:
Elphaba: But of course, I'll care for Nessa.
Galinda: But of course, I'll rise above it.
Both: For I know that's how you'd want me to respond.
There's been some confusion
For you see, my roommate is—
Galinda: Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe—
- Almost the entirety of "Popular". "La la, laa-aa, laaaaa!" For certain the moment when Galinda tries to use her new wand to turn Elphaba's frock into a "pretty ball gown".
Galinda: *ahem* (in a lilting, fairy-like voice) Ball gown. *nothing happens* *ahem* (In a decidedly LESS fairy-like voice) BALL GOWN!!!(shakes wand) "Is this thing on?" (tosses wand aside) "Wear the frock, it's pretty!"
- This little gem:
Fiyero: You think I'm really stupid, don't you?
Elphaba: No, not really stupid.
- Nessa's hand gestures (indicating shortness) when mentioning Boq during "Dancing Through Life".
- During Popular: "Toss-toss". This usually leads to Corpsing from both actresses.
- In addition to this, in Kristin Chenoweth's final performance as Glinda, she throws in a little surprise for everyone, including most of the backstage crew, in the form of a book called "How to be Popular"! She had Idina Menzel in stitches, and somehow managed to keep a straight face through it all! Can be seen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUOiios1J6o
- Glinda introducing herself to the Wizard.
Glinda: My name is Glinda, the "uh" is silent.
(Wizard gives an extremely bewildered look)
- This little gem, which doubles as a Take That:
Wizard: Where I come from, we believe all sorts of things that aren't true. *beat* We call it history.
- When you put "Defying Gravity" through Google Translate, you get "Ignoring Gravity".
- Kyle Dean Massey tells the story  of one incident while playing Fiyero where a touring production of Wicked had done something that accidentally left either oil or grease on the floor. Unfortunately during the scene where Fiyero and Elphaba run into the field after rescuing the Lion Cub, Kyle slipped, crashed, and the cage broke open displaying the mangled puppet to the audience. The funny part? The slip happened between two very specific lines, and Kyle couldn't think of anything else to say other than the scripted line.
Elphaba: Don't shake him!
(Fiyero crashes and breaks open the cage)
Fiyero: I'm not.
- In the intro of the stage production, Glinda repeatedly tries to float away in her bubble (which is of course physically suspended from the ceiling of the stage by some means or another), only for the Ozians to ask her yet another question, forcing her to come back down. Finally, someone asks her if it's true she and the Wicked Witch were friends. After a long beat, Glinda motions for the stage hands to lower her back down yet again.
- This little Shout-Out:
Nessarose: Mmm... What's in the punch?
Boq: Lemons and melons and pears.
Nessarose: Oh my!
- Fiyero delivers this weird little gem:
Fiyero: There's no pretense here. I happen to be genuinely self-absorbed and deeply shallow.