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Funny: White Dark Life

From the comics

  • Dark Matt's first attempt to ambush Matt and Collin during the "Galaxina's Inside Story" story arc.
    Dark Matt: Okay, gotta be sneaky... AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Drunk Driving with Tora. Epic Fail only scratches the surface.
  • In Scoot-a-loo, Cosmo chases after Collin. The joke comes from the fact that Collin is running away on a chair!
  • In "X, Y U No here yet?", Damien and Nessie crash into a GameStop to buy Pokemon X & Y without knowing the release date.
  • The fact that post-time skip Tori is literally a fat cat.
  • During Christmas, Dark Matt gave Devin a Wii U; her idea on a return gift?
    Devil Devin: Stab him!
    Angel Devin: Shoot him!
  • An early comic is called "It's a PDGM". What does PDGM stand for? Poorly Drawn Giant Mecha.
  • The cartoonist doesn't keep himself out of a few gags. One example is a meme template about how he recently got into DDR. The last image is of a rock with the caption "What my dance skills feel like right now."
  • The comic which compares Galaxina to Bella Swan. The whole thing is one massive hilarious Take That at Twilight.
  • "Blindly fooling thyself" gives us a look into a drunken Collin's head. He views Tora's death threats as offers to listen to his problems because his alcoholism is a sign he has a serious problem.
  • Several comics have the cartoonist taking the place of the Avatar from Fire Emblem Awakening. The gags typically come at his expense, such as him using a thunder tome as toilet paper.
  • Timeskip Matt has a badass scarf and a new jacket. But in combination they resemble a certain Ice Cream-loving Vocaloid.
  • Priscilla tried to dye eggs with Ophelia once. The eggs suspiciously disappeared into Ophelia's mouth.
  • The author comments typically hold ridiculous comments on the situation. "Crybaby", for example says that Matt (who is bawling his eyes out) has more important things to worry about. Specifically the ice cream right in front of him.

From the roleplays

Note: the folders are arranged in the chronological order of the roleplays. This means that pre-time-skip roleplays are listed before post-time-skip ones. Some of the folders are empty for the sake of maintaining the proper order of the roleplays. Also, the roleplays are named based on the comics/bios/supplementary materials they're attached to, but do not take place in quite the same order.

    open/close all folders 

     "Dark Matt Bio" 
  • Dark Matt becoming an X-Naut.
    Dark Matt: *wearing X-Naut uniform* I already hate this job.
  • Luigi poking Ganon.
  • Matt and Dark Matt KOing each other with frying pans.
  • Dark Matt trying (and failing) to capture Sonja as Goemon.
  • Annie's stream of non sequiturs after being driven insane by Mysta using Reisen's Spell Cards. Or, more accurately, she ends up hallucinating and perceives everything that everyone else says as a non sequitur, which she repeats back to them in a futile effort to distinguish between her hallucinations and reality. It is much, much funnier than it sounds, simply by virtue of the misheard statements being incredibly random and nonsensical.
    • The joke is prevented from going on so long that it becomes tragic by virtue of Artemis punching Annie so hard it knocks her back to her senses after five or so "roleplay turns"note . And she started coming back to her senses on her own two turns before then (the stuff she misheard people saying at least rhymed with what they actually said).
    • Annie's reaction to the others' reactions once she stops hallucinating.
    • Artemis herself being utterly insane as a result of Mysto and Mephiles' Combination Attack stirring her memories of Altair. note 
  • Dick Dastardly Pack.

     "It's A PDGM" 

     "Gone" 
  • After Cosmo gets poisoned (and only saved due to Mighty witnessing the poison beginning to take effect by peeping on her in the shower), Mighty asks the Heroes' League who wants Cosmo dead. Charmy's first guess? Wendy Witchcart.
    • Mighty has no idea who Wendy Witchcart is, or why she'd want to kill Cosmo. Luigifan tells Mighty to ask Tails about it.
  • Luigifan and Garcia explaining how the poison works, and only realizing the full implications after they're done explaining.
    Garcia: I just finished analyzing the poison. It seems to be a mixture of three compounds - one to digest chlorophyll, one to digest cellulose, and one to permanently bind to RuBPcoase.
    Everyone except for Luigifan, Annie, Tails, and Luther: *confused*
    Luigifan: *sigh* Cellulose is the material that plant cell walls are made out of, chlorophyll is the pigment that plants use to absorb light energy, and RuBPcoase is the enzyme that fixes CO2 into sugar.
    Everyone except for Garcia, Annie, Tails, and Luther: *are even more confused*
    Garcia: In short, the poison is designed to kill plants, specifically by crippling photosynthesis and making the plant fall apart.
    Luigifan: Yeah, it's just a question of whether the plant starves to death before or after it disintegrates. ... *realizes what he just said* Oh dear.
    Ray: *begins panicking*
    Tails: *faints*
  • Flora becoming nervous at the sight of Entegra, resulting in Phillip trying to kill the drider with a can of Raid.
  • Wario trying to ambush Annie with a Ground Pound from high up in the air, only for Annie to spot him crashing down towards her and dive out of the way, leaving Wario to piledrive part of the couch she was sitting on into the ground.
    • Cream, who was sitting on the other end, getting catapulted away and hurled into a wall.
      • Mario distracting Wario from chasing Annie by mentioning Captain Syrup appearing on a talk show in Rogueport shortly after the events of Wario Land: Shake It.
    • Lindsay blowing up Wario's castle to stop him from chasing Annie (after Mario already stopped the chase with the aforementioned distraction) and subsequently getting chased by him.
      • Synder trying to get Wario to leave Lindsay alone, only to get tossed into Annie. Twice.
  • Pommy trying to troll Sonja in the worst possible way after she randomly passes out.
    Sonja: *has randomly passed out and begun having prophetic dreams*
    Pommy: *begins to open his mouth*
    Bomberman: No, it cannot be "raep tiem", you little psycho.
    Reuben: ...Er, what time?
    Luigifan: *notices that Sonja is unconscious* I think Pommy was about to troll Sonja in the absolute worst way possible.
    Cassandra: And if Collin knows what's good for him, he won't even try it...
  • Entegra taking notice of Flora's arachnophobia and deciding to mess with her.
  • Matt muting everyone when they start making so much noise that Tails can't concentrate on hacking into Artemis's computer.
    • Annie freaking out when Luigifan accidentally gives her the impression that coyotes are nearby.
    Luigifan: *holds up a sign* Why do I feel like I'm in a Wile E. Coyote cartoon?
    Annie: *holds up a sign* Coyotes?!? Where?!?
  • Matt misinterpreting the evidence Tails found through his hacking to pin Entegra as the poisoner.
    • Luigifan defending Entegra by pointing out that she has no logical motive for trying to kill Cosmo.
  • Scooby-Dooby Doors at Dark Matt's house.
  • Artemis's nude pictures of Matt and Cosmo. They are both understandably freaked out by this.
  • Entegra and Collin getting confused by the Pichus that live in the Pikachu Cave.
    • Entegra and Collin accidentally frightening the Pichus into attacking them, kicking off a prolonged (and pathetic) fight scene.
  • The poison that nearly killed Cosmo and kicked off the roleplay? Turns out it was made by Dark Ben as a benign herbicide. Then Devin, who was carrying it, lost it, and Collin mistook it for rancid soda and dumped it into the Pikachu Cave's water supply. Matt's reaction to finding all of this out was epic.
  • A member of the Tom-Tom gang hitting on Sonja. She tries to politely turn him down at first, but when he doesn't listen (and gets increasingly lewd), she eventually resorts to whacking him in the groin, then hitting him over the head with his own motorcycle.
  • Altair's response to Pommy telling him that Lily is pregnant in a side rp.
    Altair: They're breeding!
    Matt: And [there's] nothing you can do about it, seeing how witches were actually saved because they were expecting.
    Altair: FFFFFUUUUUU-!

     "Trollin'" 

     "Devin Bio" 
  • Luigifan and Pommy making Shout Outs to the Narm of Mega Man X4.
  • Entegra's mood swings when Matt holds Devin near and far away from her.
  • "Hackey-Snow party at the Mobian Museum!"
  • Luigifan just keeps saying inappropriate things... Garcia is not amused.
  • Crotch log.
  • Pommy anticipating a Cat Fight and throwing gelatin at Felicia and Entegra.
    • Devin then proceeds to eat the gelatin.
      • She gets so sick that she actually throws up.
    • Kirby, watching Devin eat the gelatin, asks the others to remind him not to challenge Devin to a Gourmet Race. Matt then proceeds to point out that Kirby is... overestimating Devin, or at least her control over her appetite.
      Matt: Kirby, we'd all know what would happen if you and Devin did Gourmet Race...
      *scenario of the unlikely event*
      Devin: NOM NOM NOM!
      Waddle Dee: Um... You're supposed to keep going...
      Devin: Stupid thing shut up and let Devin eat!
      *end imagine spot*
      Matt: I mean it's not like she eats everything whole... well most everything... (I'll never forgive her for eating my cheese wheel.)
  • Sonic pratfalling after Damien Kane loses his concentration on keeping him in the air.

     "A rare moment indeed" 

     "About dang time" 
  • Luigifan trying to find Shamu, his Kyogre, in his PC... and taking way longer than should be necessary in order to do so.
  • Flora being terrorized by Luigifan's Durant, which has no idea why she finds it so scary. (Though it becomes a Tear Jerker when the reason is revealed.)
  • Johnathan falling for Matt's bacterial illusion and trying to weaponize it, only to end up looking like an idiot when Lucy's only reaction is wondering what the hell he's trying to do.For a bit more context... 
  • Synder, Entegra, and Matt's reactions to Margaret's backstory, serving as very nice comic relief from the Tear Jerker nature of the backstory itself.
    Synder: *faint*
    Entegra: DEAR LORD!
  • Annie freaking out at the sight of Bill Stuffner, who actually means no harm this time.
  • "Atta girl, Lucy!" (It's funnier if you know where the quote's taken from.)
  • Garcia's Celebi, desperately searching for a way to save Lucy from being transformed to ice by The World, goes to the future to look for ideas, and ends up watching Frozen. It then returns to the present and tries to convince the Rescue Squad to employ the Curse Escape Clause that saved Anna in the movie. The Rescue Squad is... skeptical. (And outright enraged and disgusted by the idea of putting Lucy's prepubescent sister in harm's way.)
    • Arthur has no idea what Disney is.

     "Tori Bio" 
  • Artemis being a Love Freak.
  • Dandelion curiously messing with Artemis, starting with mistaking her for a lizard and culminating in yanking on her tail.
  • Dandelion unwittingly tumbling down the Freudian Slippery Slope.
    Rudy: ...Unfortunately, Mysto still tries to kill Dandelion on a regular basis... So we have to constantly keep an eye on her.
    Dandelion: *nods gravely* That purple hedgehog is really scary! I have to constantly be alert to make sure she doesn't hit me with her glowing green balls! note 
    Luigifan: *falls off his chair laughing when Dandelion mentions "glowing green balls"*
    Annie: *having just wandered into the room* ...Dandelion? I think you might want to phrase that a bit differently...
    Dandelion: Huh? Why not? ... *suddenly gets it* Oh... It's because balls have something to do with that "sex" thing you guys don't want me to know about, isn't it?
    Annie: ._.;
    Rudy: ._.;
    Tulip: ._.;
    Luigifan: ._.;
    Dandelion: *oblivious to the shock of the grown-ups* Should I have said "orbs" instead?
  • Tora is drinking in a bar (which is inexplicably underground), and downs her entire glass (both figuratively and literally) upon seeing the wacky chase occurring outside.
    • Then Matt accidentally blows the bar up.
    • Flora — or, more accurately, the last mini-Flora that survived being attacked by Necrodeus — raiding the ruins of the bar for food to bring back the other mini-Floras. This results in the original mini-Flora getting completely hammered in the process, to the utter exasperation of Flora's heroic heart (which was earlier stated to be Flora herself, or at least her conscious mind).
  • The Ant God running away crying after being pulverized by Matt and Tora.
  • Flora winding up drunk off her rocker after taking Necrodeus's staff and restoring herself to normal. And saying some really funny stuff while drunk.
    Flora: *to Bowser Jr. while he's throwing spikeballs at Lindsay* Hey, shtub thrawin' those spikebulls arund, they relly hurt lotsh.
    Flora: *to the Ant God as it flees from Matt and Tora* Notsh sho tuff with yer body covered in welts, are ya, ya big beashtie?
    Flora: *about Lindsay after she falls from the sky and lands on Entegra* Her ash is grash.
  • People falling from the sky and landing on Entegra. It happens three times — first with Lindsay, then with Tori (and Matt), and finally with Bowser Jr.

     "Altair Bio" 
  • Mighty and Altair brawling over Altair nearly killing Galaxina in his previous roleplay appearance. note 
  • Altair trying to kill Lily with a goheinote , which only makes her wonder what he's doing.
  • Altair terrorizing the Koopalings.
  • Lindsay humiliating Regulus in increasingly audacious ways, culminating in spray-painting his armor to make him resemble a clown and somehow stuffing him in a tutu.
  • Mysto describing her efforts to kill Jesus Christ.
    Mysto: Every time I struck him down, he was back on his feet, alive and kicking, in just three days!!!!!!!!!
    • The Heroes' League deciding to run like hell when Mysto and Altair start brawling.
    Luigifan: Bail?
    Annie: Bail.

     "Fatty vs. Fairy" 
  • Dark Matt mimicking the Old Spice Guy and utterly confusing the rest of the cast.
  • Eggman throwing a hissyfit over the correct usage of the words "theory" and "hypothesis".
  • Garcia's epic analogy.
    Luigifan: Remember that time Pommy bonked Artemis on the head with a Bible? And then Mighty tried to bash her skull in with it? In retrospect, it was actually kinda funny. Shame Artemis nearly died, though. Or is it?
    Garcia: *Garcia promptly begins berating Luigifan for his lack of tact.* And once again, you demonstrate about as much respect for the current conversational topic as Genghis Khan did for the concept of monogamy.
  • Pommy pranking Lily with Galaxina's UV lamp. Lily is incredibly displeased and promptly smashes the UV lamp, to Galaxina's dismay.
  • Boar's complete nonchalance to the sight of Mysto and Mephiles cuddling, even as Luigifan is convinced that they're doing the nasty.
    Luigifan: MY EYES, THEY BURN!!!
    Boar: All I see is a female animal with a frozen fetish.
  • Devin watching Legault and Lily having sex, much to the horror of everyone else.
    Devin: "Learning useful mating tricks."
    • The discussion of age.
    • A certain anatomical fact about canines makes the nearby conversation much more awkward. note 
      • Eventually, Devin is dragged away by Marian and Marion after they have had enough of her watching Legault and Lily go at it.
      Devin: I made you two too strong...
  • "THOSE HORRIBLE, PERVERTED, DEMENTED SONS OF GODDAMN BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!"
    • "I regret all my pervert dreams! I regret every single one I've ever had!"
  • Luigifan calling in the Elite Beat Agents to help deal with the Happy Sperm Club. The reactions of the other characters are priceless.
    • Devin yelling at the EBA and trying to mess up their rhythm.
  • "Even in your helicopter, F! O! E!"
  • Eventually, Devin gets hungry while the cast contemplates what to do with the minions of the HSC.
    Synder: SPIT THAT OUT RIGHT NOW!!!
    • The action causes the mooks to try and pin the blame on who stole Tori on each other and Luigifan to request that someone shut them up before "Boar and I start chopping off heads!!!"
      Sonja: Aren't Boar and I the same person?
      • Luigifan then does a complete 180 mood swing after correcting himself, asking Boar if Sylvia is his girlfriend.
  • Discussing the events of Sonic Unleashed... in Professor Pickle's office.
    • Tori thinks Chip is literally a chip and has no idea why everyone is crying.
  • Luigifan's reaction to Boar threatening to wipe all the data in his house because of his Shipper on Deck tendencies.

     "And that's why he shakes" 
  • The senile Yoshi elder.
    Yoshi elder: I want no part in your flower-humping.
    Luigifan: What.
  • The first time in the roleplay that Entegra actually manages to catch Wrapsodi. Wrapsodi, having just escaped Lily after receiving a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown, is reduced to asking Entegra what she thinks of the weather. Entegra then proceeds to summon Matt, mimic Garland, and pick up right where Lily left off, with Matt's influence and some quick thinking on Wrapsodi's part being the only reasons why she's not reduced to a bloody smear on the ground.
    • Lily chasing Wrapsodi around the beach on Yoshi's Island.
    Lily: *appearing in front of Wrapsodi* Boo.
  • Wrapsodi pulling the "Look Behind You" trick on Lily. Lily actually falls for it and begins to look around the area in a paranoid panic, oblivious to Wrapsodi running away. Needless to say, Lily feels like an idiot upon realizing that Altair wasn't actually in the area.
  • Luigifan's absurdly minimalist synopsis of the plot of Persona 4, followed by Shadow's deadpan reaction, after Boar suggests the TV world as a way to get rid of Wrapsodi.
    Luigifan: Basically, some murderer was throwing people into televisions and letting their own subconscious flaws kill them off. Also, mysterious fog. The guy who looked like the murderer was framed by some crooked detective. Oh, and it turned out that the whole thing was masterminded by a gas station attendant who was actually the Japanese deity Inzanami testing humanity.
  • Devin stealing the Master Emerald in the hopes that the Masked Trio will give her cookies in exchange for it.
  • "YOU JUST HANDED OUR HOSTAGE TO AN IMPOSTOR, YOU NITWIT!!!!!!"
  • Sonic trying to run back to the Hidden Palace with the Master Emerald, only to be weighed down and miss his first jump.
  • Pommy scaring the hell out of Lily by letting Luigifan's Volcarona out of the PC. Volcarona has no idea what's going on, and upon finally figuring it out, just goes back into the PC while muttering about taking pity on Lily.
  • Lindsay setting up several boxes full of tarantula-hawk wasps around Green Manor.
  • The big argument just before the battle for Albion.

     "The maid" 

     "Pay Day" 
  • Depowered Altair making a fool of himself by trying to take on Mysto, and getting his ass kicked horribly.
  • Luigifan and Flora pissing off Brauner by revealing what becomes of him and his "daughters".
    • Marcus's complete lack of surprise at the revelation that Brauner is Donald Stuffner's cousin.
  • Lily, Legault, and Carnation beating the crap out of Luigifan for almost killing Carnation with his Ultimate Rage Bursts.
  • Artemis's reaction to seeing Perun and Veles.
    Artemis: Whoa, when'd you two get back? You've been missing for almost as long as I can remember!
  • Altair's reaction to being kissed by Mephiles. (Not that Mephiles did it willingly.)
    Altair: POISON!!! YOU HAVE DEFILED MEEEEEE!!!!
  • Cassandra insulting Mysto in her native language.
    Cassandra: Na koliny, suka!
    Mysto: ... ... ... *pissed* WHAT WAS THAT?!?!?!?
    Heroes' League: *confused*
    Cassandra: ...Let's just say I used a very strong Ukrainian phrase implying that we made Mysto our bitch.
    Mysto: Zamknesh!!!
    Luigifan: ...What?
    Cassandra: ...I don't know much Ukrainian, but I believe she just told us to shut up.
    Randy: Well, you did call her a whore and tell her to get down on her knees and beg for mercy...
    Luigifan: *facepalm* I don't want to know.
    Sonic: *Sonic falls into a hysterical laughing fit at this, and Tails winds up having to drag him out of the way of an Avascular Mass spell.*
    Mysto: Yes, I said shut up!!! *Mysto begins hurling spells at Sonic and Cassandra, apparently trying to kill them as painfully as possible.*
  • Blake trying to help Mysto nuke Tori, and just annoying Mysto instead.
  • Luigifan trying to pass on a hint as to what Annie should name her daughter... by singing snippets of songs from Anastasia. Nobody else gets it. Except for Mysto.
    Luigifan: Have you heard? There's a rumor in St. Petersburg.
    Annie: *confused*
    Luigifan: Dancing bears, painted wings! Things I yearn to remember!

     "Butter" 
  • "The voice of reason is unconscious."
  • Manny, Wrapsodi, and Valdez panicking upon finding Natural Gropius Harmonia and Zekrom in their hideout.
    • Bonus points since said hideout is the former Team Magma hideout, so N has more reason to be there than Wrapsodi does.
    • Bonus bonus points for N being perfectly polite during the entire exchange, and (understandably) being utterly bewildered when Manny, Wrapsodi, and Valdez flee.

     "Disgaea: Wedding Bells" 
  • "Oh. I seem to have been impaled."

     "Drunk driving with Tora" 
  • Luigifan revealing that he showed the infamous Sonic Advance 2 Retsupurae to Cream. note  Legault, Tori, and Boar are understandably horrified.
  • Luigifan calling Bowser Jr. "B. Junes", and the latter's incredulous reaction.
  • Disrupting Flora and Phillip's date at the movie theater.
  • Rudy vs. the Injun-Hunter. The confrontation is almost entirely verbal, so it contains some epic lines. For instance:
    Injun-Hunter: Are you messing with me, or are you really that stupid?
    Rudy: Are you messing with me, or are you really that racist?
    Lindsay: Oooh, burn!
    Maya: If you didn't want to be used as training for a guardian angel, then maybe you shouldn't have been such a huge jerk! I'll draw it out so you understand. *Maya doodles Tulip and Lily* Once upon a time these two girls ventured out into the world of technology. *Doodles Tulip and Lily marrying their spouses* They married some dudes and learned all sorts of things. *doodles the Injun-Hunter, he looks really dumb* Then the big bad racist showed up. He claimed all the land belonged to his people, even though the people didn't care. *doodles herself being given orders by Galaxia* So sensei instructed me to come to this universe and KICK YOUR ASS! *the last page has Maya punching the Injun-Hunter in the face* And then everyone but you lived happily ever after. *bashes the Injun-Hunter in the face*
    Tora: Whoo! Violence!
    Boar: Stop being a "bro", Tora.
    • Maya traps the Injun-Hunter in ice and then carves the ice in such a way that he is now in a stereotypical Native American outfit.note 
    Maya: Your critique is welcome.
    Legault: ...That seems oddly poetic...
    Luigifan: *Luigifan, who has been desperately trying to hold in laughter as he watched the Injun-Hunter making a fool of himself, now completely loses it and drops to the ground, convulsing in laughter.* I know love conquers all, but this is completely ridiculous!!! The feared Injun-Hunter, vicious and remorseless serial killer, defeated by sappy romance!!!! Now this is what I call a fairytale ending!!!!
  • Boar punching out Luigifan for calling Japan weird.
    Boar: Stop being stereotypical! There's more to us than tentacles and lolicon.

     "Library work" 
  • Traveling Vegetarian Vampire pack, do not kill.
  • Teresa sleeping on the job, to Persephone's displeasure.
    • Lily swiping and destroying the Light Demons' cocaine from right under Teresa and Persephone's noses.
    Lily: Hey jerkfaces! I'm in your base, erasing your coke!
  • Teresa's reaction to Anya stabbing her in the crotch.
    Teresa: You do not mess with a rabbit's ovaries!
  • "WHY THE HECK IS THERE A FOX IN THE ROAD?!?!?!?"
  • Kirby getting increasingly incredulous as his allies make mistakes against Necrodeus.
    Kirby: *facepalm* Dagnabit!
  • Lillian blasting Phillip when he questions her and Patrick's relationship. Repeatedly.
    • Phillip, refusing to take the hint, ultimately gets himself knocked unconscious.

     "Love at First Blindsight" 

     "Pretty Fly for a... Fly" 
  • Matt's response to the prospect of fighting Andross.
    Matt: *runs away from Andross* Nopenopenopenope!
  • Nessie driving Tora and Collin insane, leaving Tori and Cosmo as the Only Sane Women.
  • Mysto and Altair fighting (Mysto getting completely distracted from fighting the Heroes' League to do so). Altair is ultimately defeated by Nessie.
  • Randy's utter panic when Margaret gets into trouble.
  • Eggman panicking as the Heroes' League considers destroying the Extractor.
  • 12+ people piling into an Armored Core. Needless to say, it is very difficult for anyone to move in there.
    • The maid constantly complaining about people (usually Tori) being pressed up against her breasts.
      • Tori getting sick of said complaining and threatening to claw the maid's breasts off.
        Maid: That'd be nice actually.
  • Lillian accidentally revealing the maid's true identity.
    Maid: You are the worst heroes and secret keepers ever! I can't trust you with even a task as simple as being quiet!
  • Luigifan calling Antasma the lovechild of Dracula and Cackletta, to everyone else's horror.
  • The maid's gruesome death threat to anybody else who learns her secret, which causes Luigifan to run away screaming.
    Maid: If I find anyone who wasn't in that mech today or already aware of the fact with knowledge of my true name, I will thrash them so utterly that their entrails are launched across the planet.
  • Anya's suggestion for how to get one's bearings in a cornfield.
    Ben: Getting out of a cornfield is simple, you just pick a direction and choose. We should be back with the rest especially soon.
    Anya: And it's go even faster if we set the corn on fire!
    Ben: Personally, I'd rather live, Anya.
  • The Pichus trying to hold a funeral for Tora, who was sent to the Pikachu Cave by Matt after being paralyzed by wasp venom. The kicker? They somehow found Boar and brought him to the Pikachu Cave to perform the eulogy.
  • Tora muttering in her sleep as she begins recovering from the venom.
    • Tora revealing some details of her relationship with Boar that the latter would prefer to remain a secret.
      • Boar trying to deny that he's genuinely fond of Tora. Nobody is fooled.
      • Boar ultimately resorts to trying to threaten the others.

     "The meaning of a song" 
  • Matt going insane as Krieg.
    • According to Cosmo, his ramblings are him complaining about people finding Toriel sexually attractive.
  • Amy trying to beat Sprout to a pulp.
  • Entegra telling Cream exactly what happened to her.
    Entegra: *to Cream* There is a pretty good chance [Sprout's] body committed pollen rape on you.
    Cosmo: Entegra..!
    Entegra: *mockingly* Yes, that is my name. Telling things bluntly is my game.
  • How William and Serena arrive. They accidentally come in through a portal Luigifan opened. Followed by a mafia car that was chasing them. The car promptly crashes.
    Luigifan: *opening a portal to Westside Island* Can we just get to Linus's place already? *Just then, two biker foxes - a female fox and a male hedgefox - come crashing through the portal. Followed by a car full of mafia goons. The bikes manage to swerve, but the car wipes out and crashes into a nearby wall.* The hell-
    Lindsay: *facepalm* William and Serena pissed off the mafia again?!?
    William: Hey! Our latest package turned out to be something they didn't want delivered!
    Lindsay: Every other package you two deliver turns out to be something the mafia doesn't want delivered.
    Serena: True. Hey, thanks for opening that portal right in front of us. We probably wouldn't have gotten away from those goons without your help.
    Luigifan: You're... welcome...?
    • Later, Luigifan opens another portal, and another mafia car comes through. And crashes.
    Luigifan: Just how badly did you piss off the mafia this time?!?
    • Later still, Luigifan opens another portal and peeks through to find a mafia helicopter hovering overhead.
  • Collin's suggestion for how to deal with the mafia.
    Collin: I vote we raid the "hammer" base and have an awesome explosion ridden movie made about it. With a sex scene between the two guys who just showed up. Will and overly complicated name girl.
    Cosmo: Serena isn't overly complicated.
    Collin: Shut up Cos... Coz... Cosmo.
    Cosmo: *facepalm*

     "For tuna the can tolls" 
  • Tori's cat antics.
  • Tori is in complete control over Matt because of her necromancy powers. One thing she forces Matt to become? Neco Arc Chaos.
  • Luigifan's reactions to nearly causing Tulip's death.
  • Felicia crashing Boar's car.
    Shadow: She knows how to hotwire a car... but not how to drive one. What the f***.
  • Tails freaking out when Margaret zaps him awake.
  • Boar asks that Phillip and Flora not make out on his couch. Tora, on the other hand, doesn't mind.
    Tora: If they wanna kiss, let 'em kiss! If they wanna f-
    Tori: Rrrrrrr...
  • Luigifan calling Lysandre the psycho lovechild of Malthus and Manny Green. It Makes Sense in Context, taken Up to Eleven.
  • Tulip hiding from Yveltal in the bathroom.
  • Rudy making death threats against Yveltal, which frantically tries to warn him that acting on those threats would be a horrible idea.
  • Luigifan letting Xerneas out of its Pokéball... in Boar's house. Ceiling damage ensues.
    Boar: Are you always this dumb or are you playing stupid to get on my nerves?
  • Boar disapproves of Matt and Tori's relationship. Tori disapproves of Boar's disapproval. Boar is oblivious.
  • After Luigifan explains a vision Sonja had (which perfectly predicts a future event in "Esther Bio"), Boar asks Luigifan if he's on hallucinogens.
    Boar: If a man talks about you're [sic] sister marrying a man and then their daughter being chased by one of their friend's son and it involves the man trying to make your sister marry the man then make their daughter fall in love with the friend's son but fails completely, you don't take his word for it, you question it!
    • Shortly after Boar vows to "tear [Sonja's] dream to pieces" and Luigifan interprets this as a vow to kill Dream (Sonja's not-yet-born daughter), this exchange occurs:
    Boar: *To Luigifan* What in the nine hells are you talking about? We are talking about dreams of the future, not the dreamer's daughter. Honestly how do you confuse the word dream for a person?
    Tora: What if that was that person's name?
    Matt: What kind of a name is I?
    Boar: I hate you.
  • Pommy sends Flora a racy picture... of a girl tied up and about to be eaten by a spider. note  Flora, being arachnophobic (and scared of arthropods in general), promptly faints.
  • Lindsay scaring Legault half to death by explaining why she is completely unimpressed by Pommy trying to scare her with a picture of a girl Strapped to a Bomb.
  • The X-Nauts blowing up the ceiling of Tori's house in an attempt to kill Tulip.
  • Luigifan trying to convince Boar to accept Matt and Tori's relationship by revealing the events of "Pay Day", only for Boar to staunchly refuse to believe that they happened.
    • Matt actually takes Boar's side on the argument when reminded that his future self dealt with the Avascular Mass spell.
      • Boar claiming that Garcia's Celebi is a fake.

     "Boar Bio" 
  • Nessie trying to help Luther build a time machine. She... doesn't really help...
  • Matt and Tori reference the Blues Brothers.
    Matt: "Ugh, the HSC."
    Tori: "I hate the HSC."
  • Knuckles and Sonic argue with each other after a failed scouting attempt.
    Sonic: "I'm no tool! I'm way past cool!"
  • Matt whines about his bad luck at Mario Kart, and is rightfully called out on being more worried about a videogame than Rebecca's sisters.
  • The comedy of errors at the Aran Islands, culminating in Knuckles causing a small landslide and getting himself concussed by it (to Julie-Su's immense displeasure).
  • The running gag of Sonic being less than happy with Luigifan's choice of meeting areas.
  • Luigifan steadily getting himself in deeper and deeper trouble with his family over the course of the story, culminating in nearly crippling the investigation by accidentally making his extended family think he's retarded.
    • And it actually gets even worse from there.
  • Linus almost strangling Donovan O'Toole for sleeping with his daughters. Never mind that he only did it so that the Happy Sperm Club wouldn't pummel them.
  • A flashback reveals that Sonic put a stop to Enrico Pucci's plans to restart the universe completely by accident.
  • The Sundering of the Fourth Wall. It must be read to be believed.

     "Future: A shocking diary" 

     "Full moon empty stomachs" 
  • Matthew Prower running headlong into the wall of the Mokarays' house and knocking himself out after being startled by Saru.
  • Due to pommyman screwing up a post and Luigifan taking it at face value, the Prowers think that Tora, not Saru, was the one who threatened to eat Matthew. This leads to Tora showing up, completely drunk off her rocker, and proceeding to make outrageously inappropriate (and hilarious) comments.
    Tori: *to her children, who are insulting Matthew and Annie* I can't believe I raised all of you to become so critical and thoughtless towards others. Matthew spying on us may have been wrong but you don't need to take it out on Annie.
    Tora: Yeh, jus pown Madfew an ged on wif lief.
    Tori: That is horrible advice.
  • Uma's reactions to being hit on by Matthew Prower.
    • Uma attacking Matthew after he accidentally peeks up her skirt.
    Tora: You are now a woman Uma.
    Tori: Beating up stalkers has nothing to do with physical maturity!
  • The flashback to Michael and Miledy's senior prom. Which Saru decides to use as inspiration to keep her parents from messing with her prom.
  • Matthew Prower's stream of unintentional Double Entendres. (He's referring to his Gigalith, not his penis.)
  • Matthew Mokaray going into full-blown Overprotective Dad mode.

     "Esther Bio" 
  • Matthew Prower dropping Brick the Gigalith on Altair's truck (and squashing Priscilla) is funny enough, but Artemis's angry ranting afterwards is utterly hilarious. As is Dark Matt rewriting the events so that Matthew gets hurt instead.
    Artemis: *is quivering with anger* You... Child molesting... Psychotic... Murderer! You're going to prison! No trial! No excuses! And I am going to watch you get shanked to high hell before i finally tear out a messily devour your soul for this and I mean your SOUL!!
  • Dream's constant inappropriate remarks are great for a laugh.
  • Uma completely rebuffing Matthew's attempt at Rescue Romance.
    Uma: *calmly gets up and dusts herself off*
    Inu: *waits for Matthew to recover before speaking* Were you by any chance using this attack to further your lewd goal of taking away my sister?
    Uma: *seems to only view Matthew in a slightly better light*
    Priscilla: Be proud dear foolish Matthew, your desire for four year olds allowed you to do something actually useful. But next time use more flattery.
    Uma: This moron could flatter me for a year and I'll still find him undesirable. *to Matthew, but not facing him* I have no interest in obsessive book dumb foxes.
  • Matthew Prower being freaked out by Priscilla's Precocious Crush on him, only made worse by Dream explaining it to him in the most awkward way possible. Artemis, needless to say, is horrified. And Priscilla herself doesn't help.
    Dream: Oh my. Is Priscilla wet for Matthew?
    Anastasia: *shocked* DREAM!!!!!
    Janine: ...You did not just say that.
    Tails: *facepalm* Ugh...
    Artemis: *has a "WTF?!?" expression*
    Matthew: *confused* ...What does that even mean?
    Dream: It means she has a crush on you.
    Matthew: Er... what?!?
    Dream: Oh for crying out loud! She feels for you like you do for Uma!
    Janine: Phrased in a way that made it sound like she ejaculated. Somebody get me some brain bleach.
    *later*
    Artemis: *is still appalled that Priscilla is displaying interest in Matthew* But she's... Only a year old...
    Artemis: Please no...
    Priscilla: Untold riches...
    Artemis: Let me calm down...
    Priscilla: Sexy wife!
    Artemis: No, just no. Don't ever say that while you're still so young.
    • The last one is soon proven false, as an adult Priscilla shows up, but it turns out she inherited her mother's "assets".
  • Matthew Mokaray is still overprotective, leading to frantic efforts to keep him from finding Matthew Prower apparently dry-humping Uma thanks to Mysto's magic. The characters involved have some really great lines. Highlights include:
    Dream: You have to give Mysto props, that was quite creative. I'm sure we'll all find this hilarious in about ten years.
    Uma: I am really uncomfortable with this!
    Saru: *to Matthew* Either you're just weak willed or I'm going to assume you're enjoying this.
    Artemis: Dream, I would prefer it if we figured out a way to keep the man capable of turning into Superman from finding out Mysto is trying to make an innocent kid into a sex offender.
    BILL: I am not okay with sexual harassment.
    Matthew: Enjoying it- are you kidding? This takes the concept of "awkward" to frightening new levels!!!! Yes, I like Uma, but this is ridiculous!
    • Later, after Matthew Prower is pried off of Uma (and Dream has half-jokingly accused him of masturbating):
    Uma: If you value your life you will NEVER mention this.
    Artemis: Right if Matt finds out about this. well, I hope you're good with block puzzles.
    Uma: I was thinking more about tearing him apart myself.
    Inu: Uma, you can't even cut cardboard very well.
    Uma: *to Matthew* MY. SELF.
    • The Yandere Song.
      Matthew: I really don't like this song anymore...
      Synder: I guess we have no choice but to humor him. Annie, Tails, I am so very deeply sorry for the insults being thrown at your son.
      • Which is quickly replaced with Goodbye by Save Ferris.
      • After Ben threatens to smash Matt's guitar.
  • Luigifan attempting to get Uma to fall in love with Matthew Prower with a homemade love potion. Luigifan is not a chemist and has no idea what he's doing. Hilarity Ensues.
  • An adult Priscilla helps Luigifan finally understand a strange message he received with the hidden message "Help Ophillia my daughter". Luigifan is raring to save the incorrectly named girl, only for Priscilla to reveal that child services already gave custody of Ophelia to her.
    Luigifan: ... ... ...I have no idea how I should feel about this.
  • Alen is immediately one-shotted by Ben right when his theme music starts playing.
    • Dream (who Alen was about to fight) then points out that she would have kicked Alen's ass anyways... but that the way Ben did it was funnier.
  • Three words: "What's a penis?" note 
  • When Memori shows up and starts trying to get Winter killed, Luigifan freaks out and thinks she's possessed by the Watchers.
  • Blake summons the Knights of the Round (which he stole from YUFFIE) to kill Winter. Unfortunately for him, Arthur is rather unnerved by Synder and focuses on keeping his weakest knight out of her sight.
    • It's stated the 13th knight is a new recruit who replaced the last 13th knight after he got hit by a stray supernova.
    • Mordred and Miriam confuse Arthur for their father, Arthur, albeit only briefly.
    • Dream steals the materia from Blake. He doesn't notice until the Knights of the Round turn on him.
  • Dream intentionally telling Artemis about Mordred's attempt to kill Damien so that Artemis will kick his ass for it.
  • Alen and Elan's reactions to learning that they've been sent on an utterly pointless distraction mission.
  • Luigifan tossing Damien at Lysander to retrieve Dark Matt's book and save Dream's life, only for Dream to point out that Damien is now in danger.
  • After Miriam gets way too awkward with Ne (including talking about her breasts), Ne gropes Miriam in an effort to "unlock the beast within". Miriam promptly faints. And then, after waking up, tries to get him to grope her again. And then Cassandra shows up, thoroughly pissed off and demanding to know who molested her daughter.
  • Mildred yells obscure hints at Dream for several turns on how to get rid of Blake. When Alen asks where she gets all the air for yelling:
    Mildred: From your heads.
    Elan: Oohh...
  • Dark Matt to Artemis after she makes an off-color comment: "You ate a drug dealer again, didn't you?"
    D.Matt: Natural beauty comes from within! The girl is flowing with inner beauty!
    Artemis: Who cares about inner beauty when you can make your boyfriend bend head over heals for you? In less than a decade he'll be doing anything to get closer to that rack!
    D.Matt: THAT'S LUST NOT LOVE! WHAT GOOD WILL IT DO TO HAVE HER OVERFLOWING WITH CLEAVAGE?
    Artemis: YOU NEED SOMETHING SPICY FROM TIME TO TIME! WHY HAVE BITTER INNER BEAUTY WHEN YOU CAN HAVE SPICY MELONS?!
  • Luigifan accidentally tipping Tails off to the maid's true identity, at which point she makes good on her promise from "Pretty Fly for a... Fly" and tries to kill the fox.
  • Artemis suddenly trying to encourage Dream and Damien's relationship... which only succeeds in making them uncomfortable.
    Damien: My bits feel cold and shivery for some reason.
    • Dream babbling in panic about how it's unrealistic to expect her to have a lot of children.
      • Dream fainting as a result of Artemis's "queen bee" attitude and, according to Ben, treating her like a guinea pig.
    • Luigifan wondering how the hell Artemis plans to have so many kids before deciding that he doesn't want to know.
      • Luigifan squicking himself and Damien out by wondering what Damien's penis looks like.
      • The maid bluntly informing Luigifan that Damien's penis is no different from a normal human's, and upon asking why nobody asked her, is told by Esther that it's because she's a jerk.
  • Uma inexplicably shows up to criticize Matthew's persistence. Unfortunately, she doesn't know that Matthew was afraid that she'd been killed by the stinkbomb. Uma is promptly tackled by Matthew and hugged tightly enough to crush her ribs.
    • Then, after Matthew lets go of Uma and gets up to yell at Luigifan over the stinkbomb, Matthew is nearly driven to tears by his own rant and tries to hug Uma again. Uma steps away, resulting in Matthew hugging Janine instead.
    Janine: Holy crap this is tight!!! No wonder Uma hates being hugged by you... Let me go! I can't breathe!!!
    • Uma immediately proceeds to verbally thrash both Matthew and Luigifan. Which is followed by Matt physically thrashing Matthew.

     "In your base, drinkin' your booze" 
  • Pommyman had no idea how to continue after Luigifan18's vague post. So instead he starts with a short paragraph of Nessie worrying about Damien.
  • Dream continues to be a one-girl comedy squad, and with the first half of the roleplay focusing on her, she has a lot of great moments. Highlights include:
    • Dream pointing out that Lydia just had her first period last night.
    • Dream exasperating Lydia with nonstop Cool, but Inefficient antics.
      • Performing Link's arm-twist throw from Soul Calibur 2.
    • Dream making Lydia freak out by claiming that Damien is going to eat her after the X-Nauts take her hostage. She does get taken hostage, but all that happens to her is some broken ribs and crushed hands courtesy of the maid.
      • All the while, Nessie keeps telling Dream that Damien wouldn't do that because he'd get sick and start vomiting people left and right, and when told how bad adding holy to the raw live meat would be...
    Nessie: "Lydia would smell very bad... Hee hee. Holy vomit."
    • Dream hugging Damien as though she's going to make out with him on the spot after the battle's end, only realizing what she's doing when Lydia reminds her that she's late for class. She then hastily gets up and walks away.
  • The characters' reactions to the back half of the Astarte manor exploding. Especially Dark Matt.
    D.Matt: *walks around to the backyard* And just exactly who...DESTROYED THE HOME I BUILT?!
    • Which has a Nichijou icon of all things in it.
  • Crump's reaction to Dexter attacking the X-Nauts.
    Crump: HOLY XENU IT'S A LION! GET IN THE EGGTAIL!
  • Tulip needlessly worrying about Dandelion's safety.
  • The maid verbally abusing Lydia.

     "Professional apologizer" 
  • Matthew's Golurk accidentally tossing Ray directly into Matt, knocking the former unconscious and forcing the latter to save him.
    • Flora pointing out that this is exactly why she didn't let Golurk throw Justin.
  • Queen Sectonia apparently once tried to kidnap Ivy and Sky. Matt was NOT amused.
  • Collin's attempt to retrieve the Crystal from the Ripple Star palace... while Ribbon is using the Crystal to fight the Drathlings attacking the planet. And Collin is also drunk.
    • Collin vomiting on a Drathling, which responds with an Armor-Piercing Slap.
    • Collin's inability to climb stairs.
      • Yet somehow climbs up anyway by not climbing up the stairs.
  • Collin running away from Lydia in a panic when she attempts to comfort him over his gynophobia.
    • Which was actually just her walking over to him and asking if he's okay, as Collin flees before she can do anything.
  • Ivy and Raynote  being quite upset with Matt when he accidentally reveals that he gave Ivy a headache in order to catch up to her.
  • Leila getting insulted by the others' (justified) distrust of Slavs.
  • Collin accidentally touching Leila and curling up into the fetal position.
  • Sky hiding under the table after Snake-Jaw attacks.
  • Mysto being utterly exasperated by Lydia reciting the Lord's Prayer.
    • Mysto screaming at Lydia so loudly that the heroes can hear her from several miles away.
  • Phillip getting fed up with the turtles in the Tropical Jungle.
    Luigifan: All the bacon in the world couldn't save you now!
  • Justin's extreme distrust of Prince Sunlight.
  • Ivy fights with Matt when he keeps the equipment he finds for himself. The end result is her winning and equipping the game breaking Blood Weapons ala Firion's Dissidia outing.
  • Sky's attempts at trying to distract Mysto.
  • Princess Torch generates a lot of these.
    Uma: *eyelid taunts Torch*
    Torch: *Torch looks blankly at Uma, completely unaware that she's being taunted.* Cutie brain-girl? You okay? Your eyes seem to be having a seizure.
    • Inu getting increasingly hostile to Torch as the trek continues.
    • Torch glomping Inu again after escaping the tower, to the mutual incredulity of Uma and Matthew.
      • Matthew asking Uma if she has any words to describe just how wrong the situation is, expressing his desire to hear what she has to say, and then promptly reassuring Uma that he isn't trying to hit on her.
      • Luigifan making the situation several times worse by reassuring the group that it could be worse — namely, that Torch could be drunk and/or rambling about "making beautiful firebird babies". Keep in mind that Torch is 9 and Inu is 5.
      • Torch and Sunlight's father, Silver the Hedgehog, showing up just as Luigifan makes the aforementioned comment. Hilarity Ensues.
  • A random Slogra's response to being impaled by Ivy.
    Slogra: Oh, *** you. *dies*
  • Yuga's appearance as the second boss of the tower, in which his creepy Jerkass behavior bewilders the heroes and leads to a lot of Black Comedy.
    • Yuga insulting Sunlight's hair.
      • Torch actually agreeing with Yuga.
      • The best part is that Sunlight's hairdo almost exactly resembles Silver's. So Yuga is really mocking Silver's hair.
    • Yuga taking offense to the heroes' first impression of him. Which does not help said impression in the slightest.
      Justin: ...Uh, the doors just closed behind us. I think this guy's supposed to be our next boss fight. Never mind that he looks utterly ridiculous.
      Yuga: RIDICULOUS?!? *angered* How dare you? I am the very visage of perfection!!!
      *You can practically hear the crickets chirping as all of the heroes look upon Yuga's so-called "perfection".*
      Justin: If you consider that to be perfection, you must have some very strange standards.
    • Yuga revealing up front that he has absolutely no interest in Mysto or her plot — regardless of the fact that she resurrected him after what Link did to him — and is only guarding the tower because he has nothing better to do. At least until he sees Flora.
    • When Yuga takes an interest in Flora, she initially thinks that he's hitting on her.
      • Phillip panicking as Yuga fixates his attention on Flora and gets increasingly creepy.
      • Flora basically ignoring Yuga's fixation on her, insisting that she doesn't have time for him. At least until he turns her into a painting.
    • Sunlight calling Yuga creepy, which prompts Justin to glare at him in a fashion accusing him of hypocrisy.
    • The Hanging Ivy. note 
      • Matt is exasperated that he sat around doing nothing during this.
      • Ivy is not happy with Justin for accidentally peeking up her dress.
  • Sky's reactions to Mysta vowing to kill him for interfering with his plans for Torch's death. He ends up breaking into Mysto's tower and draining the kelpie's pool almost completely by accident, then punches the kelpie out of the tower. What really sells it are his lines.
    Sky: *while punching the kelpie out of the tower to stop it from eating Torch* Bad horse!
    • Torch, upon regaining consciousness and being told about what Sky did, immediately proceeds to hug him, declare her undying gratitude, and kiss him repeatedly.
    • Tora's reaction is also comedy gold.
    Kelpie: *lands unconscious next to Tora*
    Tora: Uh... Someone care to explain what the heck just made it rain a horse?
  • Ne playing dead, causing Miriam to become worried sick.
  • Torch and Sunlight's mother, Blaze the Cat, showing up and immediately proceeding to ignite Mysta upon learning about what happened inside the tower.
    Mysta: AIEEEE!!! MY PRECIOUS FLESH!!!!

     "Blindly fooling thyself" 
  • Luigifan's Vomit Discretion Shot after Dream reveals what Mr. Snow plans to do to Memori. note 
    Luigifan: There's cruelty, and then there's that. Excuse me for a moment. *runs inside the house, into the bathroom, and throws up*
  • Saru's extreme violence against the Sectras/Antrs that try to attack her.
  • Kirby wonders whether or not Queen Sectonia is on Pop Star. He is immediately called by King Dedede and Taranza, who inform him that Queen Sectonia is on Pop Star.
  • After Matthew rescues Uma from Wrapsodi in a manner most awesome, he then tries to make sure she's okay in a manner most awkward.
    Annie: *regarding Matthew treating Uma's injuries and getting Wrapsodi's webbing off of her* Please tell me that didn't involve any bad touching...
    Uma: It's involving a lot of bad touching!
  • Uma misinterpreting Matthew's "World of Cardboard" Speech in which he promises to do his best to earn her love.
    Uma: Oh wonderful Matthew... For rescuing me you have earned the right to stop caring about me as a person while I prepare myself to become your bride. Is not what you are getting. Outdated concepts such as making me your property simply because you saved me won't work on me. All it does is prove that you are selfless. Not that I have to marry you.
    • In Uma's defense, Matthew phrased his speech in a way that implied that Uma wouldn't have any choice in the matter, without even realizing that it could be interpreted that way. He was quite shocked and apologetic when Uma pointed out the Unfortunate Implications.
      Matthew: *to Sonic and Noah, while removing Wrapsodi's webbing from Uma and unwittingly touching her in inappropriate ways in the process, and also making the mistake of speaking about her as though she's not right in front of him* I know full well what this looks like, and rest assured, I'm not actually making any moves on [Uma] - I think I need more time to grow up before doing that. Well, that, and I need to train my brain more. But... when I saw her in trouble... I know, she's not going to be that impressed... but still... I can't just let Uma die. I love her, Uncle Sonic. And I know I'm not worthy of her yet. But I'm trying my best, and someday... I swear, someday, I will be. That day is not today, and it will not be tomorrow. It will not come for several years. But I am preparing myself. And I will eventually make myself worthy to take Uma as my bride.
      Noah: *sweatdrop* Matthew? You really shouldn't have said that out loud...
      Matthew: Why not?
      Sonic: *sweatdrop* You do know she's still right in front of you, right?
      Matthew: What? *Matthew looks down at Uma, who has a very skeptical (and slightly frightened) expression on her face.* *blush* Eep! *Matthew quickly resumes untying Uma.* Damn, Wrapsodi wrapped you up tight... Don't worry, I'll have you out of that webbing in a few minutes. Uh... forgive me for being so earnest... Um... Uh... Yes, I meant all that - the good and the bad... about myself, I'm talking about myself! You're wonderful!
      Uma: ...
      Matthew: *still blushing madly* Yeah, I still want you, but I can't force you to like me, I have to earn it... *blush* ...Wait, what did I just say?!? *facepalm* God, I sound like a creep... I'll just shut up now. *Matthew stops talking and focuses on unwrapping Uma.*
      Noah: *Noah sighs and runs off to fetch Anastasia so she can heal Uma properly.*
      Luigifan: *arriving along with Kirby, Saru, Esther, Priscilla, Mighty, Galaxina, Morgan, Mordred, and Meta Knight* Atta boy, Matthew! *thumbs-up* We overheard the entire thing!
      Matthew: *Matthew looks up and realizes that the new arrivals include Saru, Esther, and Priscilla (who look angry, exasperated, and heartbroken, respectively).* Oh God... *extremely nervous* Don't hurt me!
      Mordred: After everything Michael, Esther, and I said to you... You're still going after her?!?
      Matthew: Er... Sort of. I'm not "going after her" just yet... I just stepped in to stop Wrapsodi from killing her. I'm going to work towards becoming smarter and more competent before trying to win her over again. And I know I can do it - I'm the son of Miles "Tails" Prower, after all!
      Sonic: *chuckling* That's the spirit, kid.
      Luigifan: *thumbs-up* Atta boy, Matthew!
      Matthew: *facepalm* God help me. How can I become smarter when I'm surrounded by idiots?
      • Even better, pommyman didn't realize he was pointing out any Unfortunate Implications. As far as he knew, she was simply overreacting to him trying to be selfless.
  • Uma's reluctance to show Matthew any gratitude for saving her life.
    Uma: *to Matthew* ... Mature or not, I have no intentions of marrying you. Friendship is the start and end of this relationship.
    Esther: Yeah, Uma, don't you think you're forgetting something?
    Uma: I refuse to put my lips on him.
    Esther: No, something less related to love. Something your mother told you to say when someone helps you. Like say, what Matthew just did right now?
    Uma: *mumbling* Thank you.
    Esther: Urgh, you are insufferable... He saved your life simply to save your life this time. He's not trying to force you to marry him this time.
  • Priscilla being driven to tears by Matthew's determination to earn Uma's love. Not because it's heartwarmingnote , but because Priscilla herself wants him.
  • Luigifan accidentally jinxing Matthew and Uma's relationship by expressing curiosity about how they'd engage in foreplay. And then attempting to explain himself by saying that it's For Science!.
  • Matt steals Collin's thunder by using an EX Burst on an already defeated Snake-Jawnote , causing Collin to lament that now no one will find his birthday joke funny.
  • Saru believes that Jonah is the guy she's been trying to work up the courage to talk to at school. One of her first actions is to ask Luigifan if he's into "T" or "A". As Luigifan has no understanding of the lingo, she simply yells out to ask whether he is into breasts or butts.
    • After narrowly avoiding creeping out Jonah, Alison assumes out loud that he's into DFC.
      • Luigifan doesn't know what this means either, so Alison tries to explain, only to be interrupted by Saru stomping on her foot.
  • Dream blurts out the maid's real name in public. The maid goes berserk and promptly shoots herself, only to be revived by Dark Matt and storm off.
  • Plumbing is Serious Business.
    • Priscilla humiliating Uma.
      Priscilla: Ducky lover, ducky lover!
      Uma: *storms off in embarrassment*
      Dark Matt: I have unleashed a second brat upon the world.
  • The elven catfight between Myla and Charmory.
    • Dark Matt trying to end the fight with a Game Face, only for it to pick right back up when Charmory claims that Dark Matt's not that scary and pokes fun at Myla for being terrified.
  • Matt threatens Miriam with a "nice game of Slender", scaring Miriam badly and confusing Cassandra. When Luigifan explains what Slenderman is, Cassandra is outraged at Matt for using him to threaten Miriam.
  • Justin and Lydia arguing about Prince Sunlight.
    • Dark Matt trying to end the argument, only for it to pick right back up. And the argument also prompts similar arguments between Phillip and Flora (which ends on its own) and Luigifan and Kirby (which doesn't).
    Meta Knight: They're all behaving like children.
  • Damien Astarte unexpectedly arriving just as Dream has put her foot in her mouth regarding her crush on him. Dream promptly faints.
  • Monstro is listed as one of the reasons why Damien is anti-humanitarian.
  • Uma upstaging Matthew when he tries to personally defend Priscilla. And then proceeding to explain that she's trying to drive Matthew away by making him useless.
    • Uma then proceeds to be extremely mean to Matthew, while Priscilla tries to defend him.
  • After Maxmillian and Diego rescue Esther from Necrodeus, Maxmillian gets a little too up close and personal when asking if she's all right, causing everyone to realize that Maxmillian has a crush on Esther. Everyone, that is, except for Maxmillian himself, who has no idea what a crush is.
    • Luigifan approves. Matthew and Uma do not. Justin is just exasperated. And as for Lydia, she's kinda on the fence about it, but doesn't hesitate to point out that she noticed said crush instantly.
    • Luigifan had been calling Ben to inform him of what was happening to Esther. Due to several miscommunications, Ben briefly thinks that Luigifan killed Esther. Thankfully, the misunderstanding is cleared up before it escalates to violence.
  • Justin and Lydia's reaction to Archer Kirby's ability to completely avoid all harm simply by hiding beneath cardboard cut-out camouflage.
  • When Torch arrives to back up the heroes, Matt immediately proceeds to verbally attack her, due to Leila making him think that Torch had been "molesting Inu again".
  • Synder raging at Lillian for failing to save Esther, due to Lillian making Synder think that Necrodeus actually killed Esther.
    Lillian: Don't burn me! I'm just the messenger!

     "Sneaky little rat" 

     "Artemis Bio F" 
  • Nikolai is dumped into a cell with some criminals with some... less than criminal qualities.
    Inmate 2: I've been banking on getting out through good behavior and I'm still stuck in here.
    Inmate 1: You got a life sentence Frank. People don't like it when you kill the president.
    Inmate 2: If they didn't want me killing the president, then why were they saying he should go die?
    Inmate 3: Because you're an idiot.
  • The inmates' response to Nikolai explaining why Leila dropped him in the prison.
    Inmate 1: Kid. You're an ***.
  • After Carnation protests Nikolai's imprisonment by pointing out that not only is it unlawful, his parents don't know about it and will file a missing persons search, Artemis calls them to tell them about it. Carnation is unamused.

     "May the odds not be in your favor" 
  • After Manah explains the myth of Jarilo and Marzanna, Esther immediately proceeds to debunk it.
  • Maxmillian is still incredibly awkward around Esther, and doesn't know why. Manah outright tells Maxmillian that he's in love with Esther, and he still doesn't get it.
  • Nobody likes the Westboro Baptist Church.
  • Tora joins the team to stop Rebecca just because she's still angry that Collin drank her beer.
  • Rebecca helps out the Maid by repairing B.I.L.L., much to the maid's annoyance.
  • Leon offers to help the heroes confront Rebecca, and quickly proves to be an annoyance and a hindrance. He is ultimately sent flying by Tora.
  • Not only does Maxmillian not understand being in love, he doesn't even understand sexual desire.
    Maxmillian: What is so interesting about a woman's body that would drive a man to such incredible lengths just to see or touch it?
  • The party discussing Rebecca.
  • The Head Maid manages to join the group without Rebecca knowing and requests that they board up the door to trap her.
    • Rebecca is completely oblivious to Tora trying to kill her.
    Esther: "Did... Did you even graduate out of middle school?"
  • Rebecca flees with surprising speed, prompting the Maid to remark about her not having a car.
    Nessie: Make lair obvious.
    Tora: I was thinking she made that connection from more along the lines of her moving thirty plus miles on foot.
  • Rebecca trying to pretend to be Snake-Jaw's sister, and speaking horrible Ukrainian. This just confuses Snake-Jaw and drives it to actually speak English just to get the humiliation to stop.

     "Inu & Uma Bio" 
  • Matthew looking up the actual deviation post and Eric claiming "Romance" should be added to their dislikes.
    Eric: "On second thought, no, it's not romance they hate so much as perverted morons."
    Torch: "... Did you just call me a moron?"
  • Matthew being just as mean to Torch as Uma is to him. Eric then says that maybe Matthew is Uma's soulmate.
  • The Maid's take on this whole thing.
    Maid: "I have no idea what either of your problems are, but must I remind you two that children make bad spouses?"
  • "Yandere Conversion started."
  • Lydia, Ivy, and Sky consistently being a step behind the Prowers and Astartes, and Justin being two steps behind Lydia.
  • Gardon's reactions to Justin making death threats against Prince Sunlight.
  • Dream enthusiastically hugging and kissing Damien after being rescued, to Damien's confusion.
  • Torch learns of the truth about Sky's "courage" due to the Maid using Eustace's Mask.
    • Though sad, Torch then rants about how Sky needs to be courageous for them to be an item, but Ivy just questions why she can just magically claim a boyfriend and that makes it true.
      • Ivy yells at Torch for calling Sky a baby, driving Torch to tears. Sunlight retaliates by throwing a fireball at Ivy's feet, intending to startle her. Justin, however, completely overreacts and begins beating the crap out of Sunlight.
  • The introduction of Mickey,
  • Matthew once again puts himself in an unfortunate situation with Uma.
  • Mickey's antics with Torch.
  • Matt mimics Avdol and uses his power over fire to stop Mysto's fire attacks, and answers her shocked reaction with Avdol's Gratuitous English.
    Matt: "Yes! I am!"
    Tori: "Dear... That's not exactly a full sentence."
  • After Uma crosses a terrible line and makes Matthew go into a despair coma, Katelyn tries to get her and the rest of the Mokarays to apologize by messing with their emotions. Hilarity Ensues.
    • The best part of it is probably Saru acting like a stoner.
  • Matthew and Torch's displeasure at everyone trying to get them to be a couple.
  • Ivy reminding Justin that absolutely nothing happened to her while everyone was fighting Mysto.
  • Mickey Falls for Ne's rubber Mouse trick almost immediately.
  • Saru's superb Precision F-Strike.
    Tori: How can one child ruin friendships forged over years in just a few months?
    Saru: Simple, he single mindedly focuses on ***ing the little girl.

     "Easter teeth" 
  • Ophelia's complete nonchalance towards being attacked by Raphael.
  • Ophelia has zero understanding of the significance of the Belnades bloodline.
    • Ophelia is wearing the Philosopher's Necklace and doesn't even realize it.
  • Collin has no idea if he can pull out Damien's "Blake" persona before "Blake" has been formed.
  • Uma reveals that she has started to return Matthew's affection. Inu is incredulous. Matthew is so taken by surprise that he faints on the spot.
    • Uma then proceeds to shut Inu up by revealing that he has a crush on his assistant.
    • Uma later begins to regret asking Matthew out due to his overly giddy reactions.
      • After Uma claims that it is Matthew who will be "abused", Ophelia asks if Uma is a pervert.
      • However, Uma later reveals that she was planning for Matthew to marry the Robot Duplicate, leaving the ship sunk once again.
  • Inu attacks "Blake", but being a weakling, he doesn't end up hurting him at all. "Blake" even speaks his first coherent words just to mock him.
  • Uma is revealed to be a robot duplicate being controlled by the real Uma, pointing out that only an idiot would go to Hell in person. Inu is noticeably upset because this includes him.
  • Damien yells at Shadow Damien for calling himself Ophelia's father, and then belts out a "The Reason You Suck" Speech that probably sounded better on the drawing board:
    Damien: Father? You come into my sister's home, planning to ruin everything I have done for my daughter, and you have the nerve to call yourself her father?! How easy is it for you to claim such a title? Have you nurtured her? Have you defended her from bullies? Did you break an animatronic bear at a pizza joint because it was scaring her?!
    Everyone: ...
    • Regarding a later comic post titled "Freddie Fun Fest", the implications are that he destroyed Freddy. But still, the prospect of punching a singing animatronic bear is ridiculous.
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