Funny / West Side Story

  • This dialogue from "Gee, Officer Krupke" stands out:
    A-Rab (imitating psychiatrist): In my opinion, this child don't need to have his head shrunk at all. Juvenile delinquency is purely a social disease!
    Action: Hey, I got a social disease!
  • The opening lines of "America" in the film version:
    Anita: Puerto Rico, my heart's devotion...Let it sink back in the ocean!
    • It's also hilarious in the play, as she counters Rosalia's daydreaming about how lovely Puerto Rico is. Clearly, Anita does not agree:
    Rosalia: Puerto Rico, you lovely island! Island of tropical breezes..
    Anita: Puerto Rico, you ugly island. Island of tropic diseases.
    • "I like the island Manhattan. Smoke on your pipe and put THAT IN."
    • Also in the movie: The "hell, did you just get burned" gestures everyone makes at Bernardo when Anita comments "Don't forget I'm in America."
    • This little exchange:
    Rosalia/Bernardo: I think I'll go back to San Juan.
    Anita: I know a boat you can get on.
    Shark Girls: Bye bye!
    • Hell, this entire scene, but this part especially-
    Anita: "Trusting with our hearts open!"
    Consuelo: "With our arms open!"
    Pepe: "You came with your mouth open!"
    • Anita's delivery of the lyrics "Everyone there will have moved here".
  • "Yes, sir. Would you mind translating that into Spanish?"
  • There's a much-spread urban legend about an onstage blooper in West Side Story. During the final scenes of the show,Chino's gun, which he uses to shoot Tony, didn't go off. But there's no way that the plot can continue without Tony dying. So the actor playing Chino takes off his boot, throws it at Tony, and screams "Poison boot!". After Tony dies (of boot poisoning, naturally) Maria threatens everyone... With her poison boot.
    Maria: How much boot poison is left, Chino? Enough for you? Or you? All of you!... How many can I kill, Chino? How many — and still have enough boot poison left for me?
  • The Sharks numerous Schmuck Bait moments with the Jets during the opening sequence—taunting them into a chase, then ambushing them with paint, garbage, etc.