Funny: Vigil

From the fanfic:

  • How XCOM's Commander secured funding for the organization despite several countries trying to pull support:
    I called dibs on the psionics.
  • Doctor Zakharov's initial findings regarding the "Flashlights:"
    Zakharov: Until we have a better name for them, I would recommend we use the designator “Flashlight” for their platforms. History has shown us that no matter what silly name the men in the field come up with for the enemy, we invariably take their capabilities seriously.
    (scene break)
    Random XCOM trooper: When we get down there, I want to make one of those Flashlight heads into a hat.
  • The fact that one of Zakharov's infomorph research teammembers constantly shows up as a giant black cube because everyone's autocensoring his avatar.
  • Tevos and Aethyta's meeting. For context, the fact that they're talking without killing each other is a miracle in the first place.
    Tevos: Would you like a drink Aethyta?
  • James Vega's introduction to a horrified ATC guard.
    Lieutenant Tamarkus glanced between the XCOM troopers, and then up over the captain’s shoulder, and then up… and up.
    “Sup, hombre,” Private Vega growled at the nervous lieutenant’s stare.
    “You, um. You have a bear.
  • James Vega is an uplifted bear. There is absolutely nothing more that can be said that makes that fact funnier or more awesome.
  • The abrupt, complete Mood Whiplash when Alma goes from being a Creepy Child to a squeeing, happy child when she sees Vega.
  • Admiral Victus lampshading a depressing tendency in nearly every Mass Effect crossover (as well as Mass Effect itself):
    “For some reason, everyone always expects first contact scenarios to end in some idiotic shooting match for the flimsiest of reasons."
  • Much of the conversation between Garrus and Alison. They bicker Like an Old Married Couple.
  • The fact that part of the reason humanity is helping the geth bring the quarians back is out of pure spite.
    Chambers: “But the Ethereals wished the quarian species wiped from the galaxy. At the very least we’d welcome the chance to bring your Creators back, if only to stick it to those fuckers.
  • Marshal Disler's completely deadpan reaction to being kidnapped, murdered, and cannibalized.
    “I was killed again, wasn’t I?”
  • Most of what Garm says. Hell, Garm himself: an uplifted ninja-commando-viking cat.
  • Xelen, the most foul-mouthed, heavily-armed hanar cop you will ever meet.
    (while shooting at a cyborg): “This one finds it appropriate that your mother has sexual relations with elcor who possess unattractive pheromones.”
    (after driving said cyborg with More Dakka): “The illegitimate offspring of diseased varren and krogan fecal matter may return. Prepare your weapons to reduce him to slag if he possesses insufficient intelligence or sufficient reproductive fortitude to attempt another attack.”
  • This line from a random XCOM soldier (It Makes Sense in Context):
    “Is that skeleton doing parkour?”
  • When Fettel pulls Shepard into a hallucination and begins monologuing, Shepard's response? Shoot Fettel in the face.
  • "Nanomachines, Sun?"
  • Alma reads Saren's surface thoughts. Her conclusion?
    Alma: He's... a bit of an asshole, sir.
  • The fact that Garrus tracks down Fettel by figuring out that he really just wants to eat a cheeseburger.

From the webcomic: