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Funny: VEEP
  • Amy's opinion on Dan in "Fundraiser":
    Selina: Okay. What do you think of Dan?
    Amy: Oh, Dan is a shit.
    Selina: You want to expand on that?
    Amy: Sure. He's a massive and total shit. When you first meet him, you think surely to God this man can't be as big a shit as he seems, but he is.
    Selina: See, I -
    Amy: 'Cause like if there were a book with covers made of shit, you'd think "That's intriguing. I wonder what's in this book that they saw fit to give it covers made of pure shit." And then you open it and... shit.
  • In "Nicknames":
    Dan: I was trying to use Jonah for intelligence.
    Selina: That's like trying to use a croissant as a fuckin' dildo.
    Dan: I thought...
    Selina: No no no, let me be more clear. It doesn't do the job, and it makes a fucking MESS!
  • In "D.C.", Selina telling Jonah to fuck off in various ways:
    Selina: Jonah, don't talk, don't stay. You need to fuck off and go back to Westworld.
    Jonah: But, ma'am...
    Selina: You need to fuck off.
    Jonah: But, ma'am.
    Selina: I said fuck off. Three fucks, you're out.
    • Later:
      Selina: Excuse me, Ben. Gonna go see the president.
      Ben: Uh, no. No, you're not. He's canceled. And you're gonna meet with me instead.
      Jonah: Ma'am, that is what I was going to tell you earlier today, until you told me to-
      Selina: Fuck off.
      Jonah: Are you finishing my sentence or are you telling me that again?
      Selina: Both.
    • And finally:
      Selina: Jonah. Hey, listen, settle something for me.
      Jonah: Okay.
      Selina: You like to have sex and you like to travel?
      Jonah: Yes, ma'am.
      Selina: Then you can fuck off.
  • In "Special Relationship", Jonah reading Dan's chart after Dan had a nervous breakdown, ended up in a hospital and got fired as campaign manager:
    Jonah: Dan Egan. 67, female. Unemployed campaign manager, thirty different types of semen pumped from stomach, inverted nipples, abnormally high douche readings - that makes sense -, cancer of the soul, traces of dog excrement found around the corners of mouth, chronic cretinism, leprosy, anal bleeding, uh... tiny child balls?"
  • After getting the news that the President is resigning, making Selina his successor for the next few months, Selina and Gary pretty much go Laughing Mad, while also having to deal with Gary getting a nosebleed.
  • In "D.C.", Dan's response when he is asked whether Selina plagiarized a speech:
    Dan: Was your mom plagiarizing the Bible last night when she said 'oh God oh God'?
The OriginalsFunny/Live-Action TVVegas (2012)

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