Funny / Undercover Brother

  • Conspiracy Brother discussing the prevalence of the Black Dude Dies First.
    Conspiracy Brother: A movie? C'mon man! Why, so I can fall in love with a cute black man that teaches white people everything they know about the shrimp industry before they kill him 30 minutes into the movie? Huh? Hey, why don't you walk down that tunnel, black man? Hey Black Man, turn on the generator, there's dinosaurs out there! Hey Black Man, look out! He's got a gun!
    Gets shot in his bullet-proof vest
    Conspiracy Brother: Oh, I'm hit! But my vest caught it, bitch! Yes! I'm alive!
  • This doozy.
    Undercover Brother: Are you telling me there really is a Man'?
    Conspiracy Brother: What do you think? Things don't just happen by accident! Sometimes people - mostly *white* people - make things happen!
    Undercover Brother:: So the conspiracies we've believed for all these years are true? The NBA really did institute the three point shot to give white boys a chance?
    Smart Brother: Absolutely!
    Undercover Brother:: Then the entertainment industry really is out to get Spike Lee?
    Conspiracy Brother: Come on man! Even Cher's won an Oscar! Cher!
    Undercover Brother:: Then O.J. really didn't do it?
    The Chief: We... we ain't got time for this!
  • Sistah Girl and White She-devil's fight. With a healthy dose of Pass the Popcorn. And the condoms.
  • The Chief turns to a framed picture of Danny Glover behind him as he says, "I'm getting too old for this shit."
  • Lance's reaction to being called a ''sissy''.
  • This final conversation:
    Undercover Brother: Behind every great black man...
    Conspiracy Brother: Is the police.
    Smart Brother: A bunch of slow, white athletes.
    White She-Devil: Cute butt.
    Lance: Probable cause.
  • "Oh shit, it's Macy Gray with porkchop sideburns!"
  • Basically anything Conspiracy Brother says, but that's no surprise as it's Dave Chappelle. Particularly his assertion that George Washington Carver made the first computer "out of a peanut." And his reason for never using the word "good."
  • This:
    Conspiracy Brother: What the fuck? Chief! I've never seen this bitch in my secret agent classes! I'm still paying the loans off, man! I sleep on a pissy mattress! I ain't got good food to eat! I borrow money for my weed! I quit! That's it. Y'all ain't got Conspiracy Brother Jones to kick around anymore! Give me a pillow case... I'm joining the Klan!