- Hanson and Penhall's interactions when they are at the car workshop when Hansons car is being repaired there after it got damaged. Hanson reacts to that as if the car is a living being, and tries to run to it several times, with Penhall physically holding him back from that. note
Hanson: [This car] is a work of art, it's like a Da Vinci.Penhall: Well, now it's a Warhol.
- Hanson flipping out when realizing he drunkenly got a tattoo note last night, and then blaming his friend Russell for letting him get it.
Hanson: How could you let me get a tattoo?!Russell: Would you forget about the tattoo!Hanson: You can't forget about a tattoo, that's the point!
- Hanson and Russell are heavily arguing when they're driving down a country road, which causes them to run over a cow—both screaming an incredibly long "WHHHHOOOOAAA!!!", which is funny to begin with. Then they wind up in the county jail and have to deal with a grumpy sheriff, while Russell is his wacky self while still trying to convince Hanson to go stop a wedding of an ex-flame.
Russell: [To the sheriff] Give me a break. Vehicular cowicide? Is that really on the books?Sheriff: That was a fifty-five-hundred dollar cow, and you don't have any insurance.Russell: Well, neither did the cow. This is a no-fault state, isn't it?Sheriff: [To Hanson, pointing at Russell] Where the hell did you pick up this fellon?Russell: I appreciate that, Sir.[...]Russell: [To Hanson] You are one yard away from the goal line and you call time out. Don't. Play. For the. Tie. Go. For. The. touchdown. Go... for the... ahh... ahh.. touchdown... ahh... ahh... touchdown!Sheriff: [To Hanson] Who is this guy?
"Draw the Line"
- The scene when Booker arrives with Hanson (having gotten the latter out of prison under the pretense that Harry died) at Penhall's—everything's funny about it (in an otherwise grim and tearjerkery episode). First Penhall's look of utter unbelief contrasted with Hanson's nonchalant expression. Then the confusion stemming from Hanson's (wrongly) believing Harry has just died:
Hanson: Doug, I'm sorry about Harry.Doug: It's o.k., he'll snap out of it.Hanson: [Turns to look at Booker] He doesn't know?Booker: I meant to tell you...Penhall: Tell me what?Booker: Not you...Hanson: [Turns to Penhall] Doug... Harry's dead.Penhall: No!Booker: [Matter-of-factly] No.Hanson: What do you mean, no?Booker: He's still in the hospital.Penhall: YOU SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME!Hanson: [Confused] Then what am I doing here?
- Then Hanson's repeatedly exclaiming "What for? WHAT FOR???" talking over Penhall. Then Hanson's aloof uttering of (to Penhall) "Listen to him. I'm going to grab a beer". Then, while Hanson does so, Penhall and Booker's yelling at each other and talking over each other. Then it is sealed by Hanson's asking "Is this a twist-off, or do I need an opener?" over Penhall and Booker's still continuing yelling over each other.
- Penhall throwing a temper tantrum when he can't eat on a long-distance bus-ride, ending in him screaming at the top of his lungs "I WANT A SANDWICH RIGHT FREAKING NOOOW!!!". He and Hanson and Lance are promptly thrown out of the bus.
- Luckily a man in car offers them a ride soon, but in his own words, "...unless you're a communist, a cop or a queer". They don't answer to that last part and just get in the car, but ironically Lance is a communist (or pretending to be) and Hanson and Penhall are cops.
- Either Lance or Penhall has to participate in a drinking game to get a hotel room, and when they hear it involves arithmetic:
Lance: [Looks at Penhall expecting him to go] I'm bad at drinking.Penhall: [Looks at Lance equally expecting him to go] I'm bad at math.
- Lance goes, and then turns out to be bad at both math and drinking, as he fails easy arithmetic and soon starts to vomit from the beer.
- Even this otherwise Tearjerker episode (featuring the civil war and human right violations in El Salvador) had funny moments.
- Penhall and Hanson, driving a rental car, are stopped by the corrupt army—who blow up the tyres of the car. Penhall says "Great, what do we do now?", the soldier says a word in Spanish, then realizing they don't speak Spanish, puts his index and middle finger on the palm of his other hand, upon which Penhall and Hanson at the exact same time exclaim "walk". When they walk away they start bickering in a Heterosexual Life-Partners way about whose fault it was that the soldiers got angry, and it ends with them simultaneously exclaiming: "They took our badges. We don't need our stinkin' badges!".
- When someone knocks on their hotel door in the middle of night, alarming them, Hanson for some reason puts a towel on his head as if it is some veil, and takes a drawer in his hands ready to defend himself with.
- Hanson exclaiming in a squeaky, high pitched, exasperated voice "We don't even know who you are!"
- The one-strap/two-strap backpack situation.
- "You have the right to... to suck my dick, motherfucker!"
- "I did read him his rights. I did a version of that."
- Also, the apparent need to scream "FUCK YOU!" after every arrest.
- Jenko and Schmidt getting even with one of the One Percenters by dry-humping him and tea-bagging him ("Drop my nuts on your muthafuckin' forehead!"), respectively. Schmidt celebrates their arrest by firing his gun in the air, sending bystanders scurrying for cover.
- "I did read him his rights. I did a version of that."
- Captain Dickson's rant about being an Angry Black Man stereotype.
- Pretty much everything he says is hysterical.
- Even better, he's played by the guy who rapped "Fuck the Police".
- Capped off in the end credits where his name appears over a shot of a police car.
- Jenko messing with Schmidt during his phone call.
- Schmidt's Delayed Reaction to getting stabbed during a fight.
"Oh, shit. When did I get stabbed?"
- The crowd starts to wither with this news, until Schmidt goes "That's awesome!", causing the entire party to go back into full swing.
- Jenko's chemistry quiz.
Question: How is a covalent bond different from an ionic bond?a) YOU'RE AN IDIOT.b) NO, I'M NOT.c) YEAH YOU ARE, DUMBASS.d) FUCK YOU, QUIZ.
- After taking HFS, Jenko returns to class and writes on the whiteboard, while high.
"One particle of Unobtanium has a nuclear reaction with a flux capacitor; carry the 2, changing its atomic isotoner into a radioactive spider!" *turns around, revealing he's written the number 4 all over the whiteboard* "Fuck you, science!"
- The shot during the credits is equally funny, where instead he just wrote the word "BOOBS" in gigantic letters.
- The car chase which lampshades the Every Car Is a Pinto trope throughly.
- And the scene right before, where Jenko and Schmidt steal a driving school's car; the teacher tries to stop them before abruptly giving up, muttering, "Oh, who cares?"
- The coach getting his dick shot off and trying to pick it up with his teeth.
You shot him in the dick!YOU SHOT ME IN THE DICK!
- If you have good enough eyesight, you can see that he's actually trying to pick up half of a hot dog... and his actual dick is next to it.
- Schmidt and Jenko getting high. First, they promptly try to get rid of HFS before it gets into their system by shoving their fingers in each other's throats to force a vomit reflex, but wind up having to go to class altered beyond belief. Hilarity Ensues.
- Or more importantly, the screen cap for the last stage of "FUCK YEAH, MOTHERFUCKER!" to whomever is on the stuff.
- After Schmidt and Jenko go to 21 Jump Street after their HFS mishap, one of the undercover recruits mock them for it.
- Jr. Jr.: Meanwhile, you two were fingah-poppin' each otha's eesho's (finger-popping each other's assholes).Schimdt: We weren't "fingah-poppin' each otha's eesho's." We're getting shit done.
- After Schmidt and Jenko throw a wild house party at Schmidt's parents' house as part of their cover, Mrs. Schmidt completely freaks out at them; at one point during her rant, she states that "I used to party with Robert Downey, Jr. before he got sober! When he was REALLY fucked up! And FUN!"
- Possibly due to the fact she was high (or at least getting there) on the trip home just before they find the party in full swing.
- Hell, Schmidt and Jenko planning the party. They realise they'll need beer & comment that they'll need fake I.D.s to do so; cue uproarious laughter from the two since they're both over 21. Then they realise they'll need drugs & comment that they'll need to find a dealer; cue uproarious laughter from the two since they know a way to get a shit-load of drugs for free — raid the evidence lock-up for several large bags of pot.
- Jenko initially goes for cocaine, but Schmidt shoots it down: "We're trying to show them a good time, not ruin their fucking lives!"
- Schmidt praying to Korean Jesus for help and getting yelled at by Dickson for wasting Korean Jesus' time.
Dickson: Hey! Stop fuckin' with Korean Jesus! He ain't got time for your problems! He busy! With KOREAN SHIT!
- "HAVE SOME FAIRY DUST MOTHERFUCKER!"
- The "ZZ Top" biker turns out to be Hansen, played by Johnny Depp himself! And Penhall's back too!
Hansen: You little turds! You just ruined a five year investigation!Schmidt: Dude, we had no idea! You're like an amazing actor!Hansen: You see that nose? That is a FAKE nose! You wanna wear a fake nose all day?? GLUE and shit?!Schmidt: ...There are worse things in the world.Hansen: We had to get TATTOOS on our DICKS.Penhall: Uh actually I said that just to mess with you.Hansen: ...What?Penhall: It looks tough!]]
- Schmidt and Molly walk in on a girl-boy-girl threesome, with the guy in the middle. When they walk out, Molly starts laughing and asks, "What was the girl in the back doing?"