- The fake trailers and ads at the start of the movie. Done well enough to make a theater audience momentarily think it's for real before going over-the-top in ridiculousness.
- Most of Kirk Lazarus' lines, which would be trite/offensive if he actually were a black guy, become hilarious because he isn't. Some of the highlights include his speech when Alpa Chino says the n-word, the line "Everybody's gay once in awhile! This is Hollywood!" and the exchange:
Kirk: What do you mean, 'you people?'
Alpa: What do you mean, 'you people?'
- And this one:
Tugg: There were times while I was doing Jack where I felt...
Tugg: ...retarded. Like, really retarded.
Tugg: In a weird way, I had to sort of just free myself up to believe that is was okay to be stupid or dumb.
Kirk: To be a moron.
Kirk: To be moronical.
Tugg: Exactly, to be a moron.
Kirk: An imbecile.
Kirk: Like the dumbest motherfucker that ever lived.
Tugg: (pause) When I was playing the character.
Kirk: When you was the character.
Tugg: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, as Jack. Definitely.
Kirk: Jack. Stupid-ass Jack.
- It's got to be when Kirk finishes off his words of wisdom to Tugg on acting with:
Kirk: Never go full retard.
- There's this one:
Tugg: I killed one, Rick...the thing I love most in the world.
Rick Peck: A hooker. Oh Jesus, you killed a hooker!
- Early on in the movie, Jeff tries to do some heroin, but a bat swoops down and steals it, causing him to chase it down in a futile manner. He later winds up a sobbing wreck on the ground when it flies away.
Jeff: (As he chases the bat) No! No, that's my jelly beans! (Falls to the ground) No, shit...!
Alpa: Yo man, I got a Bust A Nut.
Jeff: You go to Hell!!
- "Let's go. We only have sixteen hours before they wake up."
- Maria Menounos getting in a dig on Simple Jack during Access Hollywood
Tugg (in Simple Jack footage): You ma-ma-ma ma-ma-ma-ma-make me happy!
Maria: But now the question is, can Speedman ma-ma-make audiences happy?
- During the trailer for Kirk's movie, it mentions the actors accomplishments, stating how Kirk Lazarus has 5 Academy Awards, and Toby McGuire has MTV's best kiss award from the first Spider-Man movie.
- As hilarious as Kirk Lazarus is, the film's Crowning Funny Moment comes near the end of the final action scene: Tugg, escaping from the drug cartel with a toddler he tried to adopt hanging off his back repeatedly stabbing him with a knife, finally gets fed up and throws the toddler off the bridge into the river, emphasized by the fantastic mid-air cartwheels he sent the kid into. The kid, amazingly enough, survives, too, and looks none the worse for wear (merely extremely pouty) so you don't even have to feel bad about the horrific child abuse!
- Kirk Lazarus as Lincoln Osiris as a Peasant Farmer showing Tran exactly where his farm is.
- Near the end, when Tugg is in shell shock, it cuts to Jack Black screaming, "MY ASS! MY ASS!"
- The entire movie was a Funny Moment, but special mention goes to Les Grossman.
Oh, okay, Flaming Dragon. Fuckface. First, take take a big step back, and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE
! Now, I don't know what kind of pan-Pacific bullshit power play you're trying to pull here, but Asia, jack, is my territory, so whatever you're thinking, you better think again because otherwise I'm gonna have to head down there and I will rain down an ungodly fuckin' firestorm upon you! You're gonna have to call the fuckin' United Nations to get a fuckin' binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you! I am talking scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I will FUCK YOU UP!
- And after hanging up, he turns to one of his assistants and nonchalantly asks them "hey, could you find out who that was?".
- The stunned look on Tran's Dragon's face tops it off, as does the Stunned Silence on Flaming Dragon's end of the call after the rant.
- Also, the scene immediately after that, when Les and his assistant attempt to convince Peck to abandon Tugg via bribery and, uh, dance.
- The scene where Jeff is trying to have some of his heroin and Kevin comes up behind him.
Kevin: Hey Jeff, what are you doing?
Jeff: FUCKING! Nothing, man, it's jelly, I'm eating Jelly Beans!
Kevin: Ohhh..Wow I love Jelly Beans, can I have..?
Jeff: NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY FUCKING JELLY BEANS!! They're mine. You think you're the only one who gets sick when he doesn't have his Jelly Beans? Boundaries, man, fuck.
- "They're not jelly beans."
- Jeff tied up during the campfire scene, trying to convince the others to let him out so he can score more heroin.
Kevin: Jeff, you're just gonna have to tough it out.
Jeff: Alpa, if you untie me I will literally suck your dick right now.
Alpa: I told you, for the last time, I love the pussy!
- "Yo, asshole, this motherfucker's dead!"
- Robert Downey, Jr.'s in-character DVD commentary is priceless. ("Remember when you told [Brandon Jackson] to slap me all goddamn day, Ben? I remember. Like it was fuckin' yesterday.") He even switches to an Australian accent when Kirk has an identity crisis and realizes he is not any of his characters.
- "He ain't playing God! He being judged by Him."
- When the Flaming Dragon scouts find the group of actors just after Cockburn has stepped on a landmine, they report them as "a heavily armed American force." Nevertheless, they get ready to kill them...only to keep watching as Tugg nonchalantly sticks Cockburn's severed head on the end of his rifle, turn towards the scouts' position (inadvertently), and flaunt Cockburn's death. The head scout reports in a tone of complete and serious astonishment:
Scout: They have no fear of death.
- Kirk attempting to convince Tugg of his true identity:
Kirk: Now you gonna focus up, motherfucker, and say it! "It's me, Tugg!"
Tugg: It's me, Tugg.
Kirk: That's right! Now Tugg who?!
Tugg: Tugg who? I don't know. Who are you?
Kirk: Me?! I KNOW WHO I AM! I'm a dude playin' the dude disguised as another dude! You a dude that don't know what dude he is!
Tugg: Or are you the dude who has no idea what dude he is and claims to know what dude he is by playing other dudes?
- The scene by the river.
Kirk: We lost! WE FUCKIN' SUPER LOST, MAN!
- "WHAT YOU GETTIN' AT WITH THE BOOK-SCRIPT?! SPIT THAT SHIT OUT, MAN!"
- Even better is Robert Downey, Jr. briefly corpsing after the line. Even funnier is the bizarre open mouth stare he leans forward with.
- This exchange between Kirk and Alpa Chino:
: Why am I in this movie? Maybe it's because I knew I had to represent. They had one good role for a black man, and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee
Kirk: (stops smiling) Pump your brakes, kid. That man's a national treasure.
Alpa: I just wanna throw another shrimp on your barby.
Kirk: That shit ain't funny.
: I'm just messin' with you, Kangaroo Jack
. I'm so sorry a dingo ate your baby!
Kirk: Y'know, that's a true story? Lady lost her kid. You 'bout to cross some fuckin' lines!
- "You Australian! Be Australian!"
- The last time the running gag of all the characters surprise at Four Leaf actually having hands culminates in Jeff asking him if he grew his hands back.
- The fake previews at the beginning.
- "I've been a bad, bad boy, Father."
- And Satan's Alley can easily come off as Spider-Man/Iron Man slash.
- Peck saving the day by delivering a TiVo as promised. The way he escapes by running unnaturally quickly away is nothing short of hilarious.
- From the Rain of Madness documentary: Kirk is informed that his mother has passed away, and he's talking about his mom when Cockburn comes up behind him and generally starts goofing off. Cockburn finally goes too far and puts his hands on Kirk's neck, causing Kirk to jump up and grab Cockburn before proceeding to punch him, make him sit down in his chair and say goodbye to his (Kirk's) mother. Take note that Kirk is still in-character as Lincoln Osiris while this is happening.
- When Les Grossman has a video conference with Damien, and is very displeased about the delays and screw-ups.
Grossman: And who here is the key grip? You? You! Hit that director in the face, really fucking hard! (After the director is punched) This is all your fault, you limey FUCK!
- The dialogue in the Fake Action Prologue which is so cheesy it's a wonder the book became a movie.
- When Kirk runs to Tugg in a Call-Back to the opening of the fake movie and forgets they are not actually soldiers or armed.
Kirk: Cover me!
Kevin: How do we cover him?
- At the end of the movie, when Tugg wins the "Best Actor" Oscar, the look on Jon Voight's face (and what he's obviously saying under the crowd noise) is a gem.
- When Alpa accidentally outs himself to the guys at the campfire:
Kirk: When you wrote 'I Love Tha Pussy,' was you thinking about danglin' your dice on Lance's forehead?
- One that's easy to miss: Cody lost a finger during the filming of Driving Miss Daisy. How the—?
- When the guerillas are shooting at the actors, Tugg charges forward, screaming and baring his chest while he shoots blanks. Alpa Chino tops that by dancing while he shoots. Anyone with half a brain would know how insanely stupid it would be to do that in real life.
- After Tugg realizes trying to return to the plantation is a mistake, he runs back across the bridge with Little Half-Squat clinging to his back and trying to stab him; he literally gets him off his back by throwing him through the air like a rag doll.