- The fake trailers and ads at the start of the movie. Done well enough to make a theater audience momentarily think it's for real before going over-the-top in ridiculousness.
- Most of Kirk Lazarus' lines, which would be trite/offensive if he actually were a black guy, become hilarious because he isn't. His speech when Alpa Chino says the n-word, the line "Everybody's gay once in a while! This is Hollywood!" and the exchange:
Kirk: What do you mean, 'you people?'
Alpa: What do you mean, 'you people?'
Tugg: There were times while I was doing Jack where I felt...
Tugg: ...retarded. Like, really retarded.
Tugg: In a weird way, I had to sort of just free myself up to believe that is was okay to be stupid or dumb.
Kirk: To be a moron.
Kirk: To be moronical.
Tugg: Exactly, to be a moron.
Kirk: An imbecile.
Kirk: Like the dumbest motherfucker that ever lived.
Tugg: (pause) When I was playing the character.
- It's got to be when Kirk finishes off his words of wisdom to Tugg on acting with:
Kirk: Never go full retard.
- There's this one:
Tugg: I killed one, Rick...the thing I love most in the world.
Rick Peck: A hooker. Oh Jesus, you killed a hooker!
- Early on in the movie, Jeff tries to do some heroin, but a bat swoops down and steals it, causing him to chase it down in a futile manner. He later winds up a sobbing wreck on the ground when it flies away.
Jeff: (As he chases the bat) No! No, that's my jelly beans! (Falls to the ground) No, shit...!
Jeff: You go to Hell!!
- "Let's go. We only have sixteen hours before they wake up."
- During the trailer for Kirk's movie, it mentions the actors accomplishments, stating how Kirk Lazarus has 5 Academy Awards, and Toby Mc Guire has MTV's best kiss award from the first Spider-Man movie.
- As hilarious as Kirk Lazarus is, the film's Crowning Funny Moment comes near the end of the final action scene: Tugg, escaping from the drug cartel with a toddler he tried to adopt hanging off his back repeatedly stabbing him with a knife, finally gets fed up and throws the toddler off the bridge into the river, emphasized by the fantastic mid-air cartwheels he sent the kid into. The kid, amazingly enough, survives, too, and looks none the worse for wear (merely extremely pouty) so you don't even have to feel bad about the horrific child abuse!
- Kirk Lazarus as Lincoln Osiris as a Peasant Farmer showing Tran exactly where his farm is.
- Near the end, when Tugg is in shell shock, it cuts to Jack Black screaming, "MY ASS! MY ASS!"
- The entire movie was a Funny Moment, but special mention goes to Les Grossman.
Oh, okay, Flaming Dragon. Fuckface. First, why you don't take take a big step back, and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE
! Now, I don't know what kind of pan-Pacific power play you're trying to pull here, but Asia, jack, is my territory, so whatever you're thinking, you better think again because otherwise I'm gonna have to head down there and I will rain down an ungodly fuckin' firestorm upon you! You're gonna have to get the fuckin' United Nations to sign a fuckin' binding resolution to keep me from utterly destroying you! I am talking scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! I will FUCK YOU UP!
- And after hanging up, he turns to one of his assistants and nonchalantly asks them "hey, could you find out who that was?".
- The stunned look on Tran's Dragon's face tops it off, as does the Stunned Silence on Flaming Dragon's end of the call after the rant.
- Also, the scene immediately after that, when Les and his assistant attempt to convince Peck to abandon Tugg via bribery and, uh, dance.
- The scene where Jeff is trying to have some of his heroin and Kevin comes up behind him.
Kevin: Hey Jeff, what are you doing?
Jeff: FUCKING! Nothing, man, it's jelly, I'm eating Jelly Beans!
Kevin: Ohhh..Wow I love Jelly Beans, can I have..?
Jeff: NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY FUCKING JELLY BEANS!! They're mine. You think you're the only one who gets sick when he doesn't have his Jelly Beans? Boundaries, man, fuck.
- "They're not jelly beans."
- "Yo, asshole, this motherfucker's dead!"
- Robert Downey, Jr.'s in-character DVD commentary is priceless. ("Remember when you told [Brandon Jackson] to slap me all goddamn day, Ben? I remember. Like it was fuckin' yesterday.") He even switches to an Australian accent when Kirk has an identity crisis and realizes he is not any of his characters.
- "He ain't playing God! He being judged by Him."
- "Your mother's a cankerous whore!!! Hey, remember that time I called your mother a cankerous whore? I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."
- Kirk attempting to convince Tugg of his true identity:
Kirk: Now you gonna focus up, motherfucker, and say it! "It's me, Tugg!"
Tugg: It's me, Tugg.
Kirk: That's right! Now Tugg who?!
Tugg: Tugg who? I don't know. Who are you?
Kirk: Me?! I KNOW WHO I AM! I'm a dude playin' the dude disguised as another dude! You a dude that don't know what dude he is!
Tugg: Or are you the dude who has no idea what dude he is and claims to know what dude he is by playing other dudes?
- Kirk's intensely confused expression after that last line.
- The scene by the river.
Kirk: We lost! WE FUCKIN' SUPER LOST, MAN!
- Kirk then distracts Tugg by asking him how he keeps in shape before snatching the map from him. Classic Lazarus.
Any tips? Any tips you got? (beat; snatches map from Tugg) Gimme that goddamn map! FUCK YOU!
Tugg: We're supposed to be a unit.
Kirk: Suck my unit.
- "WHAT YOU GETTIN' AT WITH THE BOOK-SCRIPT?! SPIT THAT SHIT OUT, MAN!"
- This exchange between Kirk and Alpa Chino:
: Why am I in this movie? Maybe it's because I knew I had to represent. They had one good role for a black man, and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee
Kirk: (stops smiling) Pump your brakes, kid. That man's a national treasure.
Alpa: I just wanna throw another shrimp on your barby.
Kirk: That shit ain't funny.
: I'm just messin' with you, Kangaroo Jack
. I'm so sorry a dingo ate your baby!
Kirk: Y'know, that's a true story? Lady lost her kid. You 'bout to cross some fuckin' lines!
- "You Australian! Be Australian!"
- The last time the running gag of all the characters surprise at Four Leaf actually having hands culminates in Jeff asking him if he grew his hands back.
- The fake previews at the beginning.
- "I've been a bad, bad boy, Father."
- And Satan's Alley can easily come off as Spider-Man/Iron Man slash.
- From the Rain of Madness documentary: Kirk is informed that his mother has passed away, and he's talking about his mom when Cockburn comes up behind him and generally starts goofing off. Cockburn finally goes too far and puts his hands on Kirk's neck, causing Kirk to jump up and grab Cockburn before proceeding to punch him, make him sit down in his chair and say goodbye to his (Kirk's) mother. Take note that Kirk is still in-character as Lincoln Osiris while this is happening.
- When Les Grossman has a video conference with Damien, and is very displeased about the delays and screwups.
Grossman: And who here is the key grip? You? You! Hit that director in the face, really fucking hard!
- The dialogue in the Fake Action Prologue which is so cheesy it's a wonder the book became a movie.
- When Kirk runs to Tugg in a Call Back to the opening of the fake movie and forgets they are not actually soldiers or armed.
Kirk: Cover me!
Kevin: How do we cover him?
- At the end of the movie, when Tugg wins the "Best Actor" Oscar, the look on Jon Voight's face (and what he's obviously saying under the crowd noise) is a gem.
- When Alpa accidentally outs himself to the guys at the campfire:
Kirk: When you wrote 'I Love Tha Pussy,' was you thinking about danglin' your dice on Lance's forehead?
- One that's easy to miss: Cody lost a finger during the filming of Driving Miss Daisy. How the—?
- When the guerillas are shooting at the actors, Tugg charges forward, screaming and baring his chest while he shoots blanks. Alpa Chino tops that by dancing while he shoots. Anyone with half a brain would know how insanely stupid it would be to do that in real life.