An exchange early on between Sam and two frat boys, after Bumblebee illegally parks on the college campus.
Sam: No, seriously dude, this car belongs to my friend over there. We were looking to see if we could get you a tighter shirt. Frat Boy 1:(wearing said tight shirt) THERE ARE NO TIGHTER SHIRTS. Frat Boy 2: WE CHECKED.
Sam's mother getting absolutely trashed on pot brownies and proceeding to make a total ass of the whole family on his first day at college, forever staining his reputation.
Jetfire: What sort of hideous mausoleum is this? Answer me, pawns and knaves! Show yourselves, or suffer my infinite wrath! You little spinal-cord-based organisms...! (bangs his head on a satellite, which drops, closely missing Sam) Jetfire: Oh, bugger it!
"STARSCREAM, I'M HOME!" Someone else said it best: Domestic Abuse is funny when it involves giant robots.
"It's an ass-whuppin', it's supposed to hurt!"note Keep in mind that anytime Mudflap and Skids say anything ghetto, this is the voice ofSpongebobsaying these lines. And that's not even getting to Wheelie.
"THIS IS COMBAT, MAN! WHAZZWRONG WIT'CHU?" *smacks Mudflap*
"'Cuz yo' a pussy."
Wheelie shamelessly humping Michaela's leg.
Sam trying to persuade Megatron not to kill him... with the exact same speech he tried to use to persuade his girlfriend not be be mad at him earlier in the movie.
Simmons telling Leo how not every adventure ends in success.
Sometimes you get to the end of the rainbow and the leprechaun went and booby-trapped it!
What am listening to you for? You live with your mother!
The entire scene where Lennox and his team ditch major Jerkass Galloway in the middle of some random Egyptian desert by faking some sort of a malfunction and convincing him that he needs to parachute out of the aircraft.
Lennox taking advantage of the frightened and confused man by tricking him into pulling the cord by screaming instructions into his face ("Red's backup, blue's primary! I want you to pull the blue! I need you to pull it hard!"), then admonishes the man with "Not now! We're on the plane, dumbass!" moments before Galloway flies off the plane.
Earlier in the film, when Lennox informs General Morshower that Jerk Ass Galloway has been appointed liaison for the Autobots, he finishes with an eye roll.
During the debriefing with General Morshower, when Galloway starts berating Optimus that they didn't agree to share the Autobot weapon technology, this exchange takes place:
Epps: We've shed blood, sweat and precious metal together.
Galloway: Soldier, you're paid to shoot, not talk.
Epps (in an undertone): Don't tempt me.
The entire scene of the arrival to Egypt. "This'd be a perfect moment... except you landed on my testicles."
The entire sequence in Simmons' mother's butcher shop.
Mikaela: (sarcastically) You live with your mama?
Simmons: No, my mama lives with me. There's a difference.
Devastator's CGI model was so complex that it caused a computer to catch fire and melt while rendering it. That's right. A computer melted down trying to render a pair of extremely detailed robot nuts.