Funny: Total Recall (1990)

  • The Johnnycab scene:
    Johnnycab: Please state the street and number.
    Quaid: Drive! drive!
    Johnnycab: I'm not familiar with that address. Would you please repeat the destination?
    Quaid: Anywhere just go! Go!
    Johnnycab: I'm not familiar with that address. Would you please repeat the destination?
    Quaid: Shit! shit!
    Johnnycab: Would you please repeat the destination?
    Quaid: [Quaid rips the Johnnycab out and starts to drive himself] Aaahhh!
    • In an earlier scene:
    Quaid: (confused) Where am I?
    Johnnycab: You're in a Johnnycab.
    Quaid: How did I get in here?
    Johnnycab: I'm sorry. Would you please rephrase the question?
    Quaid: How did I get in this taxi?
    Johnnycab: The door opened, you got in. Hell of a day, isn't it? (rolls his eyes)
  • Beeeny!! SHKLEEEEW EWE!!
  • "Hahahahaha! You think this is the real Quaid? It is!"
  • Ahnold's animatronic "big lady" disguise fails him, so he pulls off the fake head and throws to a guard coming for him:
    Quaid: Here. Catch.
    [A surprised security guard catches the head]
    Disembodied Fake Head: Get ready for a surpriiise!
  • After a door gets shut, causing Richter to lose Quaid, this happens.
    Richter: Open the goddamn door!
    Everett: I can't.
    Richter: [grabs him] OPEN IT!
    Everett: [pushes him off] THEY'RE ALL CONNECTED!
    [They both then just awkwardly stand and look at each other for a moment]
  • "In 30 seconds you'll be dead, and I'll blow this place up and be home in time for cornflakes."
  • This little exchange:
    Richter: I want that fucker dead!
    Helm: I don't blame you, man. I wouldn't want a guy like Quaid porkin' my old lady.
    Richter: You saying she liked it?
    Helm: Uh... no... I'm sure she hated every minute of it.
  • "You are not you. You're me." "...No shit."
    • "Just shove real hard."
  • Lori's death scene:
    Lori: Doug, honey... you wouldn't hurt me, would you, sweetheart? Sweetheart, be reasonable. After all, we're married! [Lori goes for her gun, Quaid shoots her through the head]
    Douglas Quaid: Consider that a divorce.
    [Melina gets up]
    Melina: That was your wife? [Quaid nods] What a bitch!


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