- Most of the show.
Jeff: So movies make good musicals?
Hunter: ...well, they make musicals.
- Pretty much all of "Original Musical", and Hunter calling Jeff a "cracker".
"But, more recently, musicals have been based on movies like My Favorite Year, Footloose, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Big, Saturday Night Fever, the Wedding Singer, the Full Monty, the Producers… (runs out of breath, deeply inhales) Thoroughly Modern Millie, Hairspray, Beauty and the Beast, Billy Elliot, Spamalot…"
- During Die, Vampire, Die!:
Susan: You sketched that turtle you saw in an ad on late-night cable TV!
Heidi/Hunter/Jeff: Tippy Turtle!
Susan: But your fourth-grade teacher said:
Heidi: "You can't draw!"
Susan: Oh, those vampires just won't let you be!
Hunter/Jeff: Fuck you, Ms. Johnson! Word.
- Also during "Die, Vampire, Die!": Susan's opening line.
Susan: There are some people in the world who say that writing stories, or composing music or dancing sparkly dances is easy for them. Nothing interferes with their ability to create. While I celebrate their creative freedom, a little part of me just wants to punch those motherfuckers in the teeth. This song, I sing this song for you guys and for all the rest of us. Help me out y’all
- "THAT'S THE NOTE I'M SINGING, JEFF!"
- When Heidi starts singing "Dream On" by Aerosmith randomly when "Secondary Characters" is almost done. It goes a little like this:
"SUSAN! AND HEIDI! SUSAN AND HEI-HEI-DAAAY! SUSAAAAN. DREAM OOOHN. DREAM OHHHHN. DREAM OOOOOHHN."
- And she's singing this incredibly high and riffing. It's epic and hilarious.
- Hunter and Jeff determining that a $90 Broadway ticket for a 90 minute show meant people would pay a dollar a minute, so they'd have to make sure something big was happening onstage every minute for people to get their money's worth... then spending the next minute or so sitting onstage doing nothing.