- Twofer leaves briefly because of his treatment at the office, and a condition of his return is they call him by his real name instead of Twofer. They immediately start throwing out new nicknames until they annoy him into being called Twofer again.
Victoria Q. Nerdballs!
Splock. Short for "Black Spock."
Threefer, cause yer also gay!
- Oh, The Ones. Remember the Derailing Love Interest for Jack, the Ax-Crazy Elisa?
Jack: *upon realizing his fianceé killed her husband* Then why aren't you in jail?
: Brrrah! Elisa, Elisa, la viuda negra! Elisa—
- Also in Jackie Jormp-Jomp:
Jenna: Fine, but I have to pee first!
- Jack's wonderful tolerance and compassion:
Jack: This'll show my mother, always saying the name 'Donaghy' is Gaelic for 'failure'. What the hell does she know? She's a Murphy. Bunch of mud farmers and sheep rapists.
''Jack: I know we like to tell ourselves that, Lemon, but when I was dating Condoleezza Rice, there were very real cultural tensions. For example, we'd go to the movies, and she'd yell at the screen...
- Even more so in a recent episode, when Connie appeared on screen.
- Actually Condeleeza Rice: Mars Attacks is AWESOME!
- Jenna's attempt to write an un-spoofable song in "Kidnapped by Danger" (plus the response from "Weird Al" Yankovic)
Jenna: I eat pizza, I eat cheese
I eat lots of brocollis
I eat ice cream way too fast
Burritos always give me gas
Fart so loud, fart so loud
Yum yums make me fart so loud.
- Tracy Jordan acting a black stereotype:
Tracy: I studied fried chicken at the school of hard knocks!
: You're making a mockery of the Source Awards! Wait til I tell Tupac
- When Jack's trying to get Tracy to publicly endorse the Republican party:
: ...And let's not forget, the GOP is the Party of Lincoln
: Lincoln was a Republican? Dot Com
: Actually, the modern Republican party would be unrecognizable to Lincoln. He fought a war to preserve federal superiority - that doesn't exactly sound like small government. Jack
: Dot Com, this need you have to be the smartest person in the room is very off-putting. Dot Com
: Guess that's why I'm still single.
- Liz's reaction when her sandwich is stolen:
Liz: I don't know how, but you're gonna get me another sandwich or I'm gonna cut your face up so badly you'll have a chin. You'll all have chins!!!
- WHERE'S MY MAC AND CHEESE?!?! *table flip*
- The whole Maury dream in "Fireworks", especially Alec Baldwin playing Thomas Jefferson.
Dream Jefferson: Embrace who you are, Tracy Jordan. And may the force be with you always.
- Also from the dream in "Fireworks."
Maury Povich: Sally Hemmings just called you a dog, Thomas Jefferson!
- MILF Island.
- "Seinfeld Vision" from the same episode. In particular, the in-house singers crooning "Sein-feld VII-SHUN".
- Dennis Duffy's entire break-up speech, written and read off of a fast food wrapper:
Dear Liz Lemon: While other women have bigger boobs than you, no other woman has as big a heart. When I saw you getting ready to go out and get nailed by a bunch of guys last night, I knew for sure it was over between us, and for the first time since the '86 World Series, I cried... I cried like a big, dumb homo. And if it was up to me, we'd be together forever. But there's a new thing called "women's liberation", which gives you women the right to choose and you have chosen to abort me, and that I must live with. So tonight, when you arrive home, I'll be gone. I officially renounce my squatter's rights.
- The entire episode "Believe in the Stars," which guest-starred Oprah Winfrey.
- The moment when Al Gore looks off as though he's heard something and then declares "I have to go, a whale is in trouble!"
- The Call-Back in his second appearance, where he advises everyone to "Recycle everything, including jokes," and then exits in the exact same fashion again.
- Back in the first season...
: Oh, there is nothing
like New York
in the spring!
It's—OH! [slams from another passerby into garbage bags]
- Two words: Bitch Hunter.
Put the mimosas down, bitches.
- Every single sequence showing how people see the world in "Apollo, Apollo."
- Plus the callback later on, when everyone walks in front of a special camera that shows how they view themselves.
- Especially as Kenneth is a Muppet.
- Liz Lemon's secret shame: "Tom" (her mustache named after Tom Selleck).
- Liz Lemon's OTHER secret shame: 1900-OKFACE (a phone sex hotline commercial she did when she was young, needed the money and had a passing resemblance to Billie Jean King).
- Pretty much any reference to Jack's political beliefs, although these two instances stand out:
Kenneth: Oh no, sir, I don't vote Republican or Democrat. Choosing is a sin, so I always just write in the Lord's name.
Jack: That's Republican. We count those.
- Any scene in which Tracy blubbers improvised lines, especially at the end of "Emmanuelle Goes to Dinosaur Land" and his "I can't read" speech.
Tracy: I think I voted for Nader! Nader!!
- Tracy's description of a sex dream he had of Kenneth. "I had a dream that Kenneth and I got intimate in a portable Jacuzzi. It was crazy, glistening black and white skin. It looked like a close up of a killer whale being born."
- From Black Light Attack!
Lutz: It's not what you think! It's something I need to wear to support my breasts!
- Most of St. Valentine's Day, but the end of the episode's plot conclusions:
- Kenneth, who had been getting Tracy to help him with a date with a blind girl, largely by speaking for him. When Kenneth finally speaks, the woman asks to touch his face (in Rocky Dennis fashion). As she reaches his chin, she begins to recoil and makes up a pathetic excuse to leave. Tracy tries to insult her looks in Kenneth's defense, but eventually gives in.
- The escalation of events over Liz and Drew's first date, culminating in the death of his "mother":
Liz: I don't know...
Drew's Grandmother: You have to tell him, or I won't get into heaven! *Dies immediately*
- Earlier in the episode Jack goes into a confessional and lists off some of his past sins (most of which are from previous episodes) culminating with:
Jack "I may've sodomized the former vice-president while under the influence of weapons-grade narcotics."
- Tracy's anniversary gift for Angie, culminating in a choice between a jacket with "HOT BITCH" in diamonds, or a slanket.◊
- Jack pitches a voice controlled TV, which responds to voice commands such as "Off" and "Mute"...unfortunately, it also responds to things said by the characters on screen. Not good when Richard Belzer mentions deleting everything on his DVR. After his idea is rejected, Jack says "Crap!"...and the TV changes channels to Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
- Lemon, trying to chase down her man in an airport before he takes off, is unable to choose between said man and a sandwich at security. She compromises by stuffing the entire sandwich down her throat, in a single shot.
- While dipping in sauce and saying "I can have it all!"
- The scene in the first season where Jack, while on a stress-eating binge, carries on a heartfelt conversation while eating half of Kenneth's sandwich and sticking the other half in his suit pocket. Baldwin could not have been more subtle.
- Also, the famous "therapy scene." Just watch it. Words can't do it justice.
- The Tracy Jordan sex dolls in the episode with Steve Martin. Especially their use at the end.
- The Donaghy Estate wine subplot, especially when they film a rap video to promote it.
- "Liz, are you familiar with Japanese 'Moe' relationships, where socially dysfunctional men develop deep emotional attachments to body pillows with women painted on them?"
- "I'm the actor James Franco, damn it, and I'm in love with, and common-law married to, a Japanese body pillow!"
- "Objects are made by men, and used for a variety of tasks, but we do not love them.
- The Ruuur Juuur.
- This exchange between Jack and Avery:
Jack: And I think we can both conclude that we finished Q-one with better than expected results. And I can promise that my performance will improve, especially if you're a little more flexible on your end.
Avery: I love it when you talk dirty to me. I cannot wait to see you tonight.
Jack: What are you going to wear?
Jack: Oh, God bless you. I'm picturing it right now. Uh, and the opposite of that just walked in.
Avery: Tell Liz I said hi.
- "Because the future is like a Japanese game show—you have no idea what's going on!"
- All of Tracy's scarring memories of his old neighborhood from "Emmanuelle Goes to Dinosaur Land" including seeing a baby give another baby a tattoo (they were both really drunk) watching a pack of dogs run a Wendys, and seeing a clown stab a hobo.
- Also, him using that in his performance in Garfield 3: "I hate you Nermal!"
"THE G TRAIN, NERMAAAL"
- "Our basketball hoop was a ribcage!"
- The episode "Brooklyn Without Limits" reveals that a hip clothing store is actually a front for Halliburton, complete with a hilarious photoshop of Dick Cheney in skinny jeans. When Liz learns this, she wears the shlubbiest, most unflattering thing she owns - overalls with shorts.
Jack: Lesbian Mario Brothers!
- "I knew it, Lemon. You're blonde in your fantasies. It looks terrible."
- At the end of College.
Liz: Wanna see me shotgun this?
(Pete and Jack nod, then react in horror as she grabs the entire pizza instead of a beer)
Jack: OH GOD, SHE MEANS THE PIZZA!
Pete: SHE'S UNHINGING HER JAW!
- Jenna's bout of Angrish when she sleeps with Frank, and discovers the next day that he's the one who is embarrassed about it, and wants it kept a secret.
Jenna: Last night was the best thing that ever happened to you. It was my mistake. I'm the one who had to take the silkwood shower this morning.
Frank: Okay, fine, whatever. But you'll be cool about this?
Jenna: YOU the one who cool should be!
- "Top front? Good lord, Lemon, that's your worst quadrant."
- That whole episode with Liz pretending to be a crazy homeless woman and her superhero-style rooftop confrontation with Jack.
Jack: There's a war going on and soon you'll have to pick a side. I've always wanted to say that and I can't believe I wasted it on you.
- Tracy's behavior when he's off his medication;
- "JENNA IS LISTENING! LISTENING LIKE THE SUN IN THE SKY!!!!"
- Dot Com's reaction to the fact that Ned Stark is dead.
- In Hogcock!, Jenna travels to Los Angeles to get back to film acting. However, stepping off the airplane, every single woman is a young, hot, buxom model, mostly blonde. When a porter asks her if she needs a wheelchair, Jenna says, low-voiced, "Shut it down", wheels around, hands the dog she was carrying off to someone else and gets back on the airplane.
- When Tracy is hit by a car while reading a script for a Harriet Tubman biopic, he gets counseling from a mental image of Tubman herself, who happens to look like Jack.
Tracy: I only read the first page of the script.
Harriet Tubman: Use context clues!
- Tracy, off his meds, sees Pete wearing a toupee:
Past Pete is here to kill Future Pete!
- When the writing crew asks Tracy to come up with a normal story he can tell on Late Night with Conan O'Brien, his first response is, "Me and my wife like to play 'Rape'! She go to the bathroom, do her hair, I put on a ski mask..."
- Tracy's birthday invitations:
Tracy: Wait. What is this? 'Give to charity, please. No presents.'??
Dot Com: Yeah. That's what you told me to put on the card.
Tracy: No, Dot Com! I said 'Give to charity? Please no!! PRESENTS!!!!!!'
- This quote from Jack: "Sometimes your only choice is to blow everything up and build something better out of the rubble. Look at Sherman’s march to the sea. Or what my good friend Bane tried to do to Gotham."
- In one episode of season 4, Tracy makes a sandwich for his bedridden wife and tries to go to her room and deliver it to her. One scene transition later, and he's managed to leave the building and go to a strip club, still holding the plate with the sandwich on it.
- Liz goes into Jack's office to see him being buttoned up into a tuxedo.
Liz: Why are you wearing a tuxedo?'
Jack: It's after six o'clock. What am I, a farmer?'
- Any time Jack references business school.
If I had done that during a mock negotiation in business school, Professor Widmer would have spanked me in front of the whole class. Bare bottomed.
- The entire third season episode, "The Bubble" - Jon Hamm guest stars as Liz's boyfriend who, as Liz discovers, has lived in the bubble where people treat him well because he's so attractive. It's brilliant and hilarious, from beginning to end.
- Liz and Tracy roasting each other to the tune of Uptown Girl.
- Pretty much anything that comes out of Dennis' mouth will be pure gold.
- Jenna running through a window on live TV.
- In "The Moms", Liz and Buzz Aldrin yell at the moon.
Buzz: I own you!
Liz: You dumb moon!
Buzz: I walked on your face!
Liz: Don't you know it's day? Idiot!
- "It's Tergis! With Tracky Jon-Jon and Jimmy Moop!"