Funny: Thief: The Dark Project

  • The first mission Lord Bafford's Manor hits it off with a goofy conversation between two guards about bear pits.
    Guard 1: Hey, I'm going to the Bear Pits tomorrow. Ya wanna come with?
    Guard 2: T-uh! Couldn't pay me enough!
    Guard 1: Whaaat? You soft-belly! The bears have got these new muzzles with underslung cheek spikes. Last time I was there, there was a real eye-gouging.
    Guard 2: Nah, nah! It makes me sick! When I was a kid—
    Guard 1: Huh! Surprised you're even in this job.... (Falsetto) 'Oo the blood, it just turns my poor tummy!
    Guard 2: Shut up, you taffer! You want blood? You should've been there years ago! Tell ya...the bears then? They were something to see. Those bears, they didn't need no cheek-spikes and razor collars, and paw hooks, and all that knifery you straps to 'em now!
    Guard 1: No paw-hooks? What'd they do? Just bump into each other?
    Guard 2: Huh! Naaah! The bears back then, they had claws as long as your finger! And wicked teeth!
    Guard 1: Bears? Yer taffing me! They look pretty mangy harmless, long as they're not wearing harness.
    Guard 2: That's why I can't stand the Pits now! You don't know what you've missed. They just don't make bears like they used to....
    Guard 1: Whoa.... Killer bears. Woulda liked to see that....
    • And beyond just being funny, this establishes the strangeness and too-much-too-fast technophilia of the setting, all in a conversation you can just elect to eavesdrop on. Talk about good exposition.
  • Return to the Cathedral, being the forerunner of Robbing the Cradle from Thief: Deadly Shadows, is terrifying, but there's one moment of hilarity: Garrett reading aloud a Hammerite prayer in a tone of utter blistering sarcasm. Stephen Russell nails the total boredom in his voice.
  • While stealing from one of the two leaders of the Downwind Thieves' Guild, Garrett can read a finance log.
    400 Bonus to Downwinder Rafael to offer Hammerites a bribe
    84 Rafael's funeral
  • Raoul, the crazy hermit who used to own the opera house in the "Song of the Caverns" level of Thief Gold.
    (notices Garrett) "What's this? A small fish? Oh... no, it's a big fish! Have you come to sing with me? Come, come! Let us re-enact the dramatic scene between Raoul and the Lady Valerius!"