Funny / Thief: The Dark Project

  • The first mission Lord Bafford's Manor hits it off with a goofy conversation between two guards about bear pits.
    Guard 1: Hey, I'm going to the Bear Pits tomorrow. Ya wanna come with?
    Guard 2: T-uh! Couldn't pay me enough!
    Guard 1: Whaaat? You soft-belly! The bears have got these new muzzles with underslung cheek spikes. Last time I was there, there was a real eye-gouging.
    Guard 2: Nah, nah! It makes me sick! When I was a kid—
    Guard 1: Huh! Surprised you're even in this job.... (Falsetto) 'Oo the blood, it just turns my poor tummy!
    Guard 2: Shut up, you taffer! You want blood? You should've been there years ago! Tell ya...the bears then? They were something to see. Those bears, they didn't need no cheek-spikes and razor collars, and paw hooks, and all that knifery you straps to 'em now!
    Guard 1: No paw-hooks? What'd they do? Just bump into each other?
    Guard 2: Huh! Naaah! The bears back then, they had claws as long as your finger! And wicked teeth!
    Guard 1: Bears? Yer taffing me! They look pretty mangy harmless, long as they're not wearing harness.
    Guard 2: That's why I can't stand the Pits now! You don't know what you've missed. They just don't make bears like they used to....
    Guard 1: Whoa.... Killer bears. Woulda liked to see that....
    • And beyond just being funny, this establishes the strangeness and too-much-too-fast technophilia of the setting, all in a conversation you can just elect to eavesdrop on. Talk about good exposition.
  • Return to the Cathedral, being the forerunner of Robbing the Cradle from Thief: Deadly Shadows, is terrifying, but there's one moment of hilarity: Garrett reading aloud a Hammerite prayer in a tone of utter blistering sarcasm. Stephen Russell nails the total boredom in his voice.
  • While stealing from one of the two leaders of the Downwind Thieves' Guild, Garrett can read a finance log.
    400 Bonus to Downwinder Rafael to offer Hammerites a bribe
    84 Rafael's funeral
  • Raoul, the crazy hermit who used to own the opera house in the "Song of the Caverns" level of Thief Gold.
    (notices Garrett) "What's this? A small fish? Oh... no, it's a big fish! Have you come to sing with me? Come, come! Let us re-enact the dramatic scene between Raoul and the Lady Valerius!"
  • Also from Thief Gold, Garrett is musing on a very old map leading to one of the artifacts he needs to find, which was last in the Keepers' possession. The map reads "Stand not against us, lest you suffer the sting of ignorance's barbs!" Garrett replies "Sounds like Keeper-talk for 'We've rigged the place.'"