Funny / The Venture Bros.

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  • EVERYTHING Dr Orpheus does. The man's a walking CMOF simply because he's always so melodramatic. But a special mention for the home boy figurine (For it contains the souls of TWO FOUL-MOUTHED REDNECKS!) Also add: "Fetch me my BLUE WIND BREAKER!!!"
    Orpheus: I would not be too hasty in entering that room; I had TACO BELL for lunch!
  • David Bowie
    Bowie: ...Yea? I mean I thought so. But don't you think it was a bit too little, too late?
    Henchman: No, that would be Tin Machine.
    • "Hello, I'm David Bowie." *PUNCH* "Make way for the Homo Superior!"
  • Any time we see Cody Impossible, and the horrible, agonizing life he lives.

    Season 1 
  • Dia De Los Dangerous
    • Hank's summation of
      Hank: He looks like a dried turd on a bad stretch of road.
    • This gem from the Monarch
      The Monarch: Now Doctor Venture will send Samson after us and he'll go totally sickhouse on our asses! I like my ass, gentlemen.
    • Doc's reaction to having his kidneys stolen
      Doctor Venture: Not again! Wait a minute... (counts his back scars) one... two... oh... this is serious.
    • Brock finishes off a mummy by pissing on it.
      Dr. Venture: Was that really necessary?
      Brock: You have to defile a mummy completely or they come back to life. You know that.
      Dr. Venture: Yes, yes, of course.
  • Dr. Venture is mourning Brock, who's buried in the desert in Mexico. He's smashed on nursing a little bit of tequila. Brock then emerges from the ground, grabs the bottle of tequila and chugs the entire bottle.
  • Brock deploys himself into the Cocoon:
    Brock: How long can you live if you're not hooked up to him?
    Dr. Venture: Oh, I dunno... a couple of hours? But it would be very uncomf- (Brock yanks out the tubes connecting Doc from H.E.L.P.eR) GAH!
    (Brock drops his car into the cocoon. He pulls an emergency parachute, which makes Doc calm down... only for Brock to disengage it and crash into the middle of the Monarch's henchmen)
    Brock: You get the boys out of here; I'll take care of these guys...
    Dr. Venture: Brock, are you sure? There's an awful lot of them-
    Brock: (eye twitching) They hit me with a truck.
  • The Mid-life Chrysalis episode:
    Rusty: Crap, who am I kidding? My looks are going down the toilet faster than an unwanted pregnancy on prom night.
    • Hank getting a little too into his Drill Sergeant Nasty routine with Brock. Brock snaps him back with a helpful reminder.
    Brock: Seriously, Hank. When I get my license back I'm allowed to kill you.
  • When Dr. Venture first sees the face of Mr. Brisby.
    Mr. Brisby: Welcome Dr. Venture. TO THE FUNNEST PLACE ON EARTH!
    Dr. Venture: HOLY DAMN IT CHRISTMAS!!!
    • On a similar note, his reaction to seeing the Grand Galactic Inquisitor for the first time: "LADYSMITH BLACK MAMBAZO!"
    • Brisby himself has several moments.
      (After moving his wheelchair too close to the fire and having his lap blanket catch on fire.
  • Professor Impossible meeting Brock:
    Professor Impossible: Samson? You're Venture's bodyguard, you just wanna beat me up! Well come and get me.(Does a weird, hilarious looking boxing stance with his powers.)
    Brock: Stop wigglin' around you jackass!
  • Underbheit in "Past Tense": "Brilliant detective work as usual. You have successfully uncovered my sinister plan to lock myself in a dungeon, chained to an albino!"
    • From the same episode, Orpheus getting payback on Action Man shooting him via impromptu "Fortune Telling":
      Orpheus [grabbing Action Man's hands] Two years, seventeen days.
      Action Man: What?
      Orpheus From a stroke. Good day, sir!
    • Bonus points for it being a Brick Joke a few seasons later.
      Crl. Gentleman: We're all going to die!
      Action Man: Not me! I still got two more years!
  • Trial of the Monarch: "Mecha Shiva? Mecha Shiva! MECHA SHIVA!"
    • Also from that episode, when Hank runs off another of his bizarre sayings, Brock and Dean finally ask him about it.
      Brock: Honestly Hank, where do you pick this stuff up?! I never see you read!
      Dean: It's weird, right?
      Brock: It's like he channels dead crazy people!
      Hank: You think it's a cry for help?
    • Dr. Venture's incessant snark throughout The Trial Of The Monarch and especially during Orpheus' testimony:
      Orpheus: If you are after mere parlor tricks, you will be sorely disappointed. If I reach behind your ear, it will not be a nickel I pull out, BUT YOUR VERY SOUL!
      Venture: Good night, ladies and gentlemen, you've been a great crowd.
    • The judge chastising the Monarch for his behavior in court, telling him he's on thin ice but instead of getting off the ice he jumps up down like an epileptic having a conniption fit. Followed by the Monarch screaming his head off about his so-called "Jury of peers."
    • That the entire plot started off because someone (21 and 24) wrote an unauthorized biography about the Monarch behind his back. It includes a passage where the Monarch shoots himself in the thigh while in a diner and needs help from a waitress.
      21: You told me he wouldn't find out!
      24: You're such a dick, you put his face on the cover!
    • The Monarch saying said book is actually a suicide note, and the euthanasia will be carried out by him. 21 and 24 then shoot some poor bastard with a tranquilizer dart and pin a note that reads "I did it" to the back of his head. What happens to the guy?
      Dr. Girlfriend: You should have replaced his blood with acid after this part! The sharks are never gonna touch him now.
      The Monarch: Thanks, Dr. Girlfriend. LOWER THE GIANT HAIRDRYER!
    • The Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend arguing about her past relationships.
      The Monarch: Here's a photo of you sitting on Monstroso's lap!
      Dr. Girlfriend: That doesn't mean anything look at his lap, it's HUGE. There's like five of us on it.
    • When Phantom Limb gives Dr. Girlfriend her old Queen Etheria costume, she notices some hard chunks stuck to it. Phantom Limb says they're his "Tears." Cue the Monarch, in court, screaming about Phantom Limb "Pounding his INVISIBLE MEAT-!"
  • The incredibly epic and quotable scene of another episode with The Monarch in jail talking to juvenile delinquents using their vernacular. Priceless.
    • Had to include the first part.
    Monarch: You're here cause you done f(beep)ed up too many times! Sure, you think you're hot s(beep)t in a champagne glass, but you're really cold diarrhea in a Dixie cup!
  • Are You There God, It's Me, Dean is a weird mixture of funny, awesome and heartwarming. Due to an impasse forced by The Guild of Calamitous Intent's rulebook, Hank and Brock are at the Monarch's place while Rusty treats an injured Dean. It happens to be the Monarch's birthday and an incredibly slow day, since most of his scheming is about Venture and at this moment he can't really do anything. Brock feels sorry for him, so he starts fighting his henchmen and wreaking havoc, just so the Monarch can have a bit of fun and prove himself as at least an entertaining villain. Once Rusty calls, they immediately cease their shenanigans and attempt to do their best not to show anything suspicious.
    • Not to mention the entire subplot and reason for this happening in the first place, Dean having what's essentially described as his testicles being twisted. Billy spends the second half of the episode committing surgery trying to fix the problem, and by the time the episode ends, it's like we're right back at the beginning but paraphrased. Then Hank's testicles get twisted too. The entire episode ends with the Ventures obviously reading off a teleprompter for an awkward and stilted message about testicular torsion.
    • And this exchange shortly after lampshading Hank sleeping in his Limited Wardrobe.
      Monarch: What about you, you need anything?
      Brock: I didn't sleep in my clothes.
      Monarch: 27, burn his sheets!
  • Rusty's response to the problems Gargantum 1 was suffering. "Why this thing didn't follow down Skylab I'll never know."

    Season 2 
  • After the death of Hank and Dean Venture at the end of Season 1, we get the Hank and Dean Death Montage. The sequence Crosses the Line Twice a dozen times in a row in rapid succession and alludes to several Noodle Incidents for good measure along the way.
    Dr Venture: Look, if you have a clumsy child you make him wear a helmet. If you have death-prone children, you keep a few clones of them in your lab.
  • In the same episode;
    Orpheus: “Who is you grief counselor, Mother Teresa?!”
  • Also in that episode when the new, underdeveloped clones escape and Rusty tells Brock to put the back.
    Brock Sampson: Ugh... I hate touching them. They feel like giant Stretch Armstrongs.
  • The scene where Henchman 21 is singing an a capella rendition of "Mars, the Bringer of War" from Holst's Planets Suite while kitting up for his return to the Cocoon, with hi-tech sound effects. And then 24 joins in.
  • The plan to retake the Cocoon from henchmen who turned out to be gangbangers... is led by 21, 24, The Monarch and Dr. Venture, all armed with 21's nerd paraphernalia (including Hulk Hands and Magic: The Gathering cards)
    The Monarch: What the hell are we supposed to do with this crap? Make them laugh so hard they blow malt liquor out of their noses?
    Dr. Venture: No, I think we'll have that part covered when we storm the room in butterfly costumes.
  • Victor Echo November, the boys are on a double date, and Hank tries to impress.
    Kim: I'm going to be a supervillain!
    Hank: Yeah, I'm gonna be Batman (said with unbelievable confidence).
    Both Brothers: Go Team Venture!
    Triana: See, what did I tell you?
    Kim: Uh, I think I just found my first archenemies.
    • Or earlier, when Hank gets water on his crotch? Funny. When he tries to dry his pants off, only to light them on fire, and Dean repeatedly slaps him in the crotch? CMOF!
      Hank: It feels like a guy with a fever is yelling at my junk!
    • Brock rather harmlessly stabbing a Guild Blackout agent for info. When he removes the blade, he comes convinced he's dying. Even begging Brock to sign a Technotronic song to him.
    Brock: *Sigh* Baby let me...
  • In the episode Twenty Years to Midnight: The Grand Galactic Inquisitor: "IGNORE ME!" and of course later in the episode where he sees a baby unattended: "Someone lost a baby... IGNORE ME!"
    • His voice sounds like it's being run through the low-quality, rattling speaker of a drive-thru, and it makes Hank grab his balls in pain.
    • One of the funniest scenes from Twenty Years to Midnight
      • Especially the ending, which the video unfortunately cuts off:
        Dr. Venture: [Wakes up] Ack! I thought I was done with those crappy dreams!
        Inquisitor: [Hunched behind Venture] THAT WAS A WEIRD ONE.
        Dr. Venture: Great! You can read my mind!
        Inquisitor: IGNORE ME! [beat] YES, I CAN.
    • Rusty's rage towards the alien.
    Rusty: Why. You. SON OF A BITCH! Do you know what you just put me through!? What the fuck were you thinking!? What kind of fucked up planet are you from!? Where you think showing up as my dead fucking father, is suppose to make me feel any better!?
    Alien: Look, I-
    Rusty: YOU PRICK!
    Alien: Look, I just saved your entire planet.
    Rusty: PRICK!
    Alien: Alright, Fine! You wanna see, Here!
    (Shows his true form, causing everyone to get scared shitless)
    Alien: There! That would've been better!? If I showed up like that out of nowhere!? Look at you, you practically crapped your pants!
  • In Love-Bheits, Brock Samson tortures one of Underbheit's henchmen for info by squeezing his groin. He finds a lump. Cue sad and awkward conversation.
  • From The Stinger in "I Know Why The Caged Bird Kills", Doc has spent most of the episode denying that Myra is the boys' mother. However, Hank and Dean keep questioning him about the holes in his story, until finally, he responds with this:
    Dr. Venture: All right! So I f***ed her! What of it?!
    • However, it was later revealed that she wasn't really their mother after all.
  • The Monarch's henchmen's reaction when they discover Brock Samson and the Ventures are locked in one of the cocoon's holding cells... after being given specific instructions not to screw with the Venture family with The Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend's wedding coming up:
  • "Dr. Orpheus, it's your landlord. We're trapped in a cliche. Use your fake impossible magic to get us out."
    • "Hank, get off those spikes! It's not a ride!"
    • "Spiked walls? How fast?" "Uh, slower than 'haunted house' spiked walls, but not quite as slow as 'evil scientist' spiked walls."
  • Watch heckling Ward to pick a song in "Venture, Echo, November"
    Ward: How many Yaz albums do you have on here?!
  • 21 and 24's attempt at striking out on their own: To recap, 21 forges an incredibly fake arching license, the "leather outfits" he promised 24 were Double Dare jumpsuits with ridiculous helmets, 21 is too fat to fly so he has to borrow 24's rocket pack and goes hurtling out of control and sets his shoes on fire, and he picked the codenames "Jet Boy and Jet Girl", which 24 refuses to dignify. 24 sums up his view on the experience thus:
    I can't hear you! Because I hate you!

    Season 3 
  • The flashback in Shadowman 9: In the Cradle of Destiny where we see Phantom Limb revealing his supervillain status to Dr. Girlfriend:
    Phantom Limb: Behold! [drops his pants to reveal his invisible legs]
    Dr. Girlfriend: What... happened to your legs?
    Phantom Limb: What do you know… of evil?
    Dr. Girlfriend: Why? You... "evilled" your legs?
    Phantom Limb: Evil is misunderstood. Society slaps our wrists and tells us to simmer down while she wages her murderous wars, destroys our planet, and prays to the mighty dollar.
    Dr. Girlfriend: ... And then she made your legs invisible?
    • Also, this little bit of Medium Awareness:
      Monarch: W-wait. Did that video have a wipe?
      Councilman 2: Councilman 3 got Adobe Premiere.
      Councilman 3: Was it too showy? I thought it would make it more lively.
      Monarch: And why did you change the music?
      Councilman 4: Pardon?
      Monarch: A man remembers what was on his car radio when he taps his future wife. That was not the song.
      Councilman 4: Oh, we couldn’t afford the rights.
      Councilman 5: Einar's was ready to sign, but Bjork's lawyers just would not budge!
  • Hank and Dean T.P. Dr. Orpheus's corporeal form while he is astral projecting.
  • This exchange between 24 and a captive Dermott in "Tears of a Sea Cow":
    24: Who are you?
    Dermott: I'm Hank's friend!
    24: Eh, I doubt that.
    Dermott: Would you believe I'm... Brock Sampson's long lost son?
    24: If that were true, I don't think I would have caught you so easily.
    Dermott: I couldn't run because... I had a lighter up my ass.
    24: Okay, now I believe you're Hank's friend.
  • Brock attempts to readjust his car in "ORB", which leads to some hilarious results regarding Brock's easily broken temper.
    Brock's Car: Clearance level: 10. Identification required.
    Brock: Alright, uh-
    Brock's Car: Incorrect identification!
    Brock: That wasn't a number, that was-
    Brock's Car: Incorrect identification!
    Brock: I KNOW, KNOCK IT OFF!!
    Brock's Car: Incorrect identification!
  • After Brock finds Hank with him in his car in "The Family That Slays Together, Stays Together Part 1":
    Rusty: Oh well hello, Mr. No Radio Contact. (Dean, cheerfully in the background: Hi, Brock!) Miss us already?
    Brock: Take a look around the cockpit, Doc. You forget something?
    Rusty: Er, travel bingo...?
    Brock: Try your son, Doc.
    Rusty: No, Dean's right here-
    Brock: HANK, ASS!
    • Doc thinking the boys are roughhousing: "See, boys? This is why daddy has to drink to relax!"
      • Which gets funnier when Brock dumps the body in the bathroom.
  • The lead-up to the death of 24. Just the pathetic way he says it twice. Somehow, it's also a Tear Jerker.
    21: Why did you buckle up?!
    24: (desperately) I don't know!
    24: (sobbing) I don't know!
  • In The Buddy System, the Pupae Twins are undercover and recording footage of the Venture Compound. The Monarch is watching on his laptop.
    Monarch:Yes! This is perfect! How do I record this?
    Presses some keys
    Monarch: Ah, crap! I just made an umlaut!
  • The Pirate Captain's Tranquilizer Dart Addiction in The Lepidopterists:
    [holds out tied-off arm]I'm not supposed to be in here!
    I got the daarrrrt monkey on me back! Oh, it's like gettin' sucked off by an Angel. A sweet angel with a... Tranquilizer—
  • "Brock, I'm trapped down here with a confessed arsonist! HELP ME!"

    Season 4 
  • "What?! My name is a sex act?!?!"
  • The way Brock says in an off-handed, friendly, and totally normal sort of greeting;
    Brock: Hey, Hank. Killed Hitler.
    • Before that, when Dean says (at the time out of context due to the anachronic order of the scenes) "I love Hitler and Hitler loves me! Why can't you just give Hitler a chance?"
    • This comment from Orpheus:
      Orpheus: Bad news Dean. Your dog is the spawn of hell.
  • All of Handsome Ransom.
    Dr. Venture (talking about Hank): Do you know what Mr. Smartmouth called me when he stormed out of the house this morning? A honky.
    Monarch: *snrk* Did you really?
  • The end of "Perchance to Dean", when the deformed Dean clone mistakes a Rusty-statue-bomb for the real Dr. Venture:
    Dean clone: I LOVE YOU DADDY- *explodes*
    Pan over to the real Dr. Venture and Sgt. Hatred
    Venture: Who the Hell was that?
  • This bit from "The Revenge Society":
    Future!Rusty: I'm you from the future! We have to finish our time machine before the Angels of Destruction find the portal!
    (Dean and Rusty stare in fear and shock. Future!Rusty shifts back into David Bowie.)
    Bowie: Just messing with you.
    • Pretty much everything involving Phantom Limb's "teammates", especially Red Mantle and Dragoon's reactions to the sheer lunacy on display:
      Phantom Limb: Meet Wisdom, our fix it man. [pulls out a mug with 'Wisdom' written on it] Demolitions, communications, new technology. Wisdom's the one we- hmm? Oh! And yes, the spiritual heart of our team. Namaste, Wisdom, forgive me.
      Dragoon: That is a mug!
      Phantom Limb: A face only a mother could love! But what a mind! [pulls out a toaster] That's Chuck. Named so for his abilities in the ancient art of nunchaku. He's the muscle! Also quite handy with dismantling traps. Hmm? Oh, [laughs] but not very humble! Chuck you imp! He's always doing that.
      Billy: [From inside the bag] Why can't I hear them?
      Red Mantle: Because you are sane!
      Phantom Limb: [Holding up a woman's high heel shoe] The looker here is Lady Nightshade. Her skills are obvious. But hands off, gentlemen, she's spoken for.
      Dragoon: ... Am I missing something?
      Red Mantle: The man is a fruit loop!
    • This exchange between between David Bowie and Phantom Limb:
      Phantom Limb: Don't move, or I'll activate this! (pulls out Wisdom)
      David Bowie: Oh, please don't activate a broken coffee mug.
    • This other bit:
      Red Mantle: Two heads are better than one!
      Dragoon: What does that have to do with anything?
      Red Mantle: Nothing, I've just been wanting to say that all day. I got sick of waiting for an opportunity.
    • The Reveal near the end when it flashes back to when Sandow and Lloyd Venture are talking about the orb. This time everything is shown. The previous flashback made it look like Sandow killed Lloyd by snapping his neck. However, it is revealed that he simply crushed the orb instead. At first, Lloyd is pissed and Sandow, without missing a beat, tells Lloyd that his orders had been to kill him. Lloyd, also not missing a beat, instantly changes his tune, forgives, and even thanks Sandow. Then pointedly mentions that they should never speak of it again.
  • From Self Medication:
    Dr. Venture: Well Daphne I believe she got around quite a bit, but *Velma?* I always thought she was...
    Action Johnny: Everybody did, but I got a pack of herpes that say otherwise.
    • And speaking of... Action Johnny starts a barfight.
      Johnny: Hey, nice cold sore. You been kissing your wife's ass again?
      After I put herpe on there.
  • From "The Better Man," Triana is sitting with her cat watching Dr. Orpheus attempting to open a portal:
    Dean: Ooh, can I pet your pussy?
    Triana: There's no irony in that, is there?
    Dean: No, it's soft. [The cat hisses and runs off] Your pussy hates me!
    • From the same ep, the entire 'gay dingus' conversation between Hank, The Alchemist, and Jefferson Twilight:
      Hank: Hey, can I ask you something? You're... gay, right?
      Alchemist: Yeah...
      Hank: What's it look like? I mean, does it look real or is it all Frankenstein?
      Alchemist: Hank?
      Hank: Your dingus. Does it look real?
      Alchemist: What'ss this kid crazy talkin' about?
      Jefferson: He thinks you're transgender.
      Alchemist: Hank, it looks real because it is real. I'm gay, that doesn't mean I was born a woman! I have a regular "dingus," as you say.
      Jefferson: Hank, aren't you just a little ashamed of your ignorance?
      Alchemist: Just a little?
      Hank: Yeah, constantly.
      (This conversation went on a bit longer in the deleted scenes, the next two lines weren't in the final episode)
      Alchemist: Can I give you some advice? Run away from home. Why do you stay?
      Hank: Three words: Free. Cable. Television.
    • And later when the triad is in hell:
      Jefferson: I'M TOTALLY MAGIC!
      Alchemist: Ugh, we are never gonna hear the end of this!
  • From Pinstripes & Poltergeists:
    Dr. Venture: [Looks at watch] Ah, intruders at the front gate...
    Hunter Gathers: ... How much you want for that watch of yours? Ours is way too creepy.
    • From "Pinstripes and Poltergiests", Shore Leave and Mile High's "sacrifices" speeches.
      Mile High: I pretended to be in love with Shore Leave!
      Shore Leave: (irritated) Oh, and I pretended to enjoy having sex with him every night!
    • Monstroso offering the Monarch a cigar four times in the space of a minute, despite Monarch's repeated refusal. The final time, Monarch just gives up.
      Monarch: All right, fine, give me a f#*@ing cigar!
    • At the end of the episode, 21 goes to pay Monstroso a visit...and then botches his cool entrance by not being able to open the door.
      (door rattling)
      Monstroso: Can you?
      21 (from the other side of the door) Is this locked or something?
      Monstroso: It goes counter-clockwise.
  • The Butter-Glider song. Good God, the butter-glider song.
    • Also, just about everything Hank said during "The Diving Bell VS the Butter-Glider"
      • He made a Golden Compass reference. Hank. Made a Golden Compass reference. For no reason whatsoever.
        Hank: An aeronaut! And an armored bear...
      • "I'm all out of gun food!"
      • "I told you it was gum."
    • The Operation thing, mostly when Shore Leave joined in.
    • And the Monarch get this awesome line when he first swoops in on the glider:
      Monarch: They're henchmen, you don't explain it to them. They do your bidding. When you say jump, they say, "What shark?"
  • From Pomp & Circuitry:
    Dr.Venture: This must be one of those Take Back the Night rallies... Great place to pick up chicks, by the way! Meow! Yeah, a little college tip there for you from the old man.
    • Hank delivers a pretty awesome speech in front of the S.P.H.I.N.X members about why he should be allowed to join them and when he finishes, one minion stands up and starts to slow clap, then the Colonel throws his phone at the back of his head, knocking him out.
  • Every Which Way But Zeus
    • The whole fake kidnapping, but especially Dean coming in at the end with the Teddy Ruxpin.
      • The entire conversation with Doctor Venture and the Teddy Ruxpin.
        Teddy: I love sliding down rainbows!
        Dr.Venture: Crack? Meth? PCP? I can get you anything you want, it'll be our little secret.
        Teddy: Let's cuddle!
        Dr.Venture: You untie me and I'll do things your girlfriend would never do for you.
    • Pretty much General Timothy Treister, especially the meeting on how to find Zeus:
      General Treister: One: In all reported cases the abductor was Zeus, the Greek god of thunder and rock 'n roll. Yes! Agents Kenan and Kel!
      Councilman 3: We just want it on record that we don't like our code name.
      General Treister: Noted! Two: In all cases, Zeus was floating before the abductee. Explanation? Yes! Agent Kelly Clarkson?
      Gathers: Son of a bitch was wearing a jetpack.
      General Treister: Ah! If you read the print, you would know that no latent fumes were detected. Thank you for wasting the ink on my printer! Yes! Agent Matthew Perry!
      Professor Impossible: Mirrors. Holograms. According to the print, there's no account of anyone actually touching Zeus. He could've been a projection.
      General Treister: Oh You beautiful deflated man, don't make me feel guilty for the mean things I said about you on my blog!
      Professor Impossible: I read the supplied material.
      General Treister: Well, while your head is up there, can you take a look at my prostate? Daddy fears the can-cer. Yes! Agent Orville Redenbacher?
      Stormfront: The abductee was under the effect of a hallucinogenic!
      General Treister: Not bad, Orville. Agent Topanga Lawrence?
      Brock: Flight mutation. You know, maybe the guy could actually fly.
      General Treister: Finally! Now, I want you to- (Councilman 3 raises their hand) What now, Agent Kenan?
      Councilman 3: Okay, I'm just gonna throw this out there: What if it is Zeus? The actual god Zeus? All... pissed off because no one cares about Zeus anymore?
      General Treister: I'm... just gonna rule that one out. Break up into groups! I want you all to have solutions by the time I finish this juice box. Warning! I am thirsty! And it is fruit punch! And it is delicious!
    • Plus the entire "power inhibitor" exchange:
      Ward: Okay, who's getting the shot?
      Phantom Limb: Okay, but you may have to give me it in my derrier. Needles can't penetrate my electro-impalpable limbs.
      Ward: Needles? Yeah good one! Try HUGE SPIKES!
      Watch: They're wonderful, and frightning, and they go into the sides of your neck and replace all your blood!
      Ward: You get your blood back at the end of the summit, unless that whole "loss of life" thing happens. Then we'll send your next of kin a big jug of blood and a very nice card!
    • After going to a strip club offscreen , Brock and Gathers discuss how small and sad a stripper's tits were. They describe them as things like "mournful", "a dollar's worth of change in to some old socks and taped them to her chest", and "two suicide notes stuffed in a glitter bra". This is made funnier by the fact that they are sitting in a jet fighter.
      Gathers: I want to build two little caskets and give her tits a tasteful, dignified funeral.
  • Everybody Comes To Hank's:
    Sgt.Hatred: Yeah I always wanted to run my own hash house. Oh and by the by we only serve eggs now. Scrambled with ketchup.
    I've been sitting here for hours eating nothing but eggs waiting to do this!
  • Bright Lights, Dean City:
  • 21 and Dr.Girlfriend dressing up in S&M gear and a cheerleader outfit respectively to distract the Moppets.
    • The Ego:
      Ego: And the little guy is Eros. The jerk who made The Rusty join
      Eros: He's gotta at least try to get some lovin.
      Ego: And the one with the umbrella is Thanatos. The... jerk who made The Rusty quit
      Thanatos: Hey, many of these women could be murderous gold-diggers or at the very least carriers of chlamydia.
    • "What happened today was 'like a nightmare'. What happened when I was 16? That is my life!"
    • The vomiting thing:
      (Orpheus is getting ready to exorcise Rusty when he notices that Shore Leave has a bucket, Hank has a camera, and Dean has a rain slicker.)
      Orpheus: And the bucket?
      Shore Leave: Oh. That's for the geyser of pea soup vomit.
      Orpheus: And the camera?
      Hank: Also for the vomit.
      Orpheus (To Dean): Do I even have to ask?
      Dean: They said there was gonna be vomit.
      • The kicker is later when the boys brace for possible vomit: Hank readies the camera and Dean puts his hood up.
  • Operation P.R.O.M.
    Dean Venture: You know what I think? Fuck you!
    • The scene right before that where Dean mistakenly dresses up as a KKK member.
    • Alchemist, Shore Leave, Colonel Gentleman, Watch, Ward, Triana, and Brock all describing a "Rusty Venture". Transcript follows.
      • Rusty's reaction to this news is arguably funnier than the acts described.
        Rusty: WHAT?! My name is a sex act?! When did that happen?!
      • Here are the various definitions provided by said characters, in Urban Dictionary form.
  • The Mutated Fly Rusty uses for Spanish Fly:
    Billy: Oh My God!
    Rusty: Don't touch it, it spits acid when it's angry and I already got it angry when I ripped its wings off.
    • General Treister having a post-it note on his chest saying "Fix it!"
      • After shooting himself out of a rocket wearing an American Flag like a toga, hoping that aliens would cure him.
    • "I've got a date for the prom!"
  • Rusty on some of the women invited to his 16th birthday party.
    • "And I think actual whores. Real prostitutes."

    Season 5 
  • From the season 5 premiere:
    St. Cloud: Just 100 pennies. Eat them, and the plasma engine is yours.
    Billy: I'm not gonna eat pennies!
    Pete: Billy, eat the pennies. It's just pennies. So you poop pennies, big deal.
    St. Cloud: All right, I'll sweeten the pot.
    Billy: What, a H.E.L.P.eR model?
    St. Cloud: It's the real H.E.L.P.eR, thank you. I recently purchased him from Dr. Venture.
    Pete: Aw, he sold H.E.L.P.eR too? That is just cold.
    St. Cloud: Eat the pennies and he's your as well.
    Pete: Just eat the pennies.
    St. Cloud: Eat the pennies, Quizboy.
    Pete: Eat the pennies.
    Billy: I won't eat pennies!
    St. Cloud: Listen to your sidekick and eat the pennies.
    Pete: I am not a sidekick! Billy, eat the damn pennies already!
    St. Cloud: Eat the pennies.
    • The follow-up: St. Cloud changes tacks, challenging Billy to a quiz competition and asking him to bet Pete on the game. Billy accepts immediately.
    • There's also Sgt. Hatred's talk with one of the green-clad workers on the rayshield project on the mutants walking around.
      Sgt. Hatred: Jeez, you guys move fast. Only been here what, three months and you've got legends of saviors?
      Tom: You're talkin' about a bunch of geeks from State University. You mutate that kind of outcast, and it gets all Syfy channel original feature real quick.
    • In the opening scenes of that episode, Rusty wakes up the morning after the prom, after apparently having sex. He turns around to his partner and wakes "her" up.
      Rusty: Alright babe, time to hit the road. Daddy's got work to do.
      (The "woman" turns around showing she is a mantis like monster.)
    • There's this bit which doubles as Nightmare Fuel. Sergeant Hatred is told that Rusty's college interns only eat "student green" ( Referring to the students in green suits.). Hatred finds out the interns are mutating into giant monsters and witness's one of them eat the green suit interns.
    • The Monarch cosplaying as Khal Drogo for some bedroom roleplay, only to find that Dr. Girlfriend thought he meant Ivan Drago and cosplayed as Rocky. To his frustration, Dr. Girlfriend has never heard of Game of Thrones.
      The Monarch: You were supposed to be my Khaleesi!
    • The best part is when Tim-Tom comes in halfway through their conversation, dressed as Mickey.
      Tim-Tom: You're a bum, Rock!
      Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Not now, Tim-Tom!
    • Followed later by Kevin, dressed as Clubber Lang.
      Kevin: I pity the fool!
      The Monarch: No! Leave us, imp!
    • A bit of dark humor: When Dr. Venture tries to clear out a compound (which earlier in the show was made into a nest for different animals), Billy lures out a gorilla as bait, which Hatred then shoots dead. He then turns around to find the Gorilla's offspring looking for their mother. He shoots them as well, in tears. The next scene when he sets up the tents he's still crying about it.
  • "Venture Libre": Dean's utterly calm reaction to an Army unit bursting into the kitchen, guns aimed at everyone's heads.
    Dean: May I be excused?
    Gets up and leaves
    • Rusty foreshadowing Hank's reaction to caffeine:
      Rusty: No caffeine for this one. The last time you got a hold of some dark chocolate you were up two nights straight destroying my walls to build a murphy bed.
      Hank: Murphy beds. Still haven't found all of 'em. I am that good.
      • Becomes a Brick Joke a few minutes later when Dean, looking for supplies to repair H.E.L.P.eR., ends up getting hit by one of the beds.
    • And Hank's actual caffeine high was hilarious (as well as one long CMOA for him), including his increasingly unhinged inner monologue.
      Hank: Yes, Mother, I shall become a bat.
  • In "Sphinx Rising", when Hank starts wearing the Strength Suit of the former Countessa of Sphinx. Highlights include:
    • Calling himself a 'golden goddess'.
    • Destroying the ceiling and floor of Sphinx H.Q. when he first tried the suit.
    • Prancing around as if he was a typical Ms. Fanservice female second-in-command, with multiple ass-shots of his armor.
    • At one point forgetting that he was in a Strength Suit.
    • Gary showing that he worked for the Monarch for way too long.
      Gary: Alright, [the Cocoon] is coming in low and slow. That's classic Monarch "look at my cool new thing" approach. (Hatred proceeds to neutralise the "cool new thing") Okay, now he's in a panic. He's gonna have to do something, or he'll look like a total douche. So here's where he makes the incredibly bad decision to-
    • Rusty and Hatred mistaking Hank's excited chatter about "being ready for destiny" for him having a date with an actual woman called Destiny.
      Rusty: I knew this day would come, but come on, "Destiny"? Destiny is a stripper's name — that's a loose woman. He's going to be having dangerous sex with a trollop that has "pray for us sinners" tattooed across her forehead.
      Hank: (off-camera) I told you I can handle it! I'm ready to be a man!
      Rusty: Aw, listen to him. He's like his old man. But he's too young for someone named Destiny. He should be with a Pam, or a Pamela.
      Sgt. Hatred: Or a Pammy.
      Rusty: Pammy? The boy is not ready for a damn Pammy!
  • "Spanakopita!" reveals that Hank has kept the Countess' armour from the last episode, and his body language when wearing it remains as fanservice-y as ever.
    • Also, this exchange:
      White: You know, I've known Rusty for like twenty years, and I have never seen him like this.
      Billy: What, happy? I know, it's kind of creepy.
    • Not to mention White actually bursting into flames when the sun touches him.
      • As well as Brock having slept with some of the women on the island and thus having kids that look exactly like him.
    • The Original Team Venture's epic battle against L. Ron Hubbard.
    • Billy's Clash of the Titans inspired dream in all its Harryhausen-esque glory, especially Kraken!St. Cloud going "Raurgh" in his soft, snooty voice.
    • This line in the same dream:
      Kraken!St. Cloud: Harryhausen is a friend.
  • From O.S.I Love You:
    • Molotov escapes from the in-air O.S.I facility that she was held at along with Monstroso while the doors close for lockdown. Brock tries to catch her by flying a jet out of the closing doors... only to be ejected out when the jet gets crushed between them. His deadpan delivery really sells it.
      Brock: Shit.
    • The complete disbelief of the Mister interviewing him makes it even better.
      Mr. Frost: YOU FELL OFF? How the hell are you still breathing oxygen?
  • Hank is still wearing the strength suit
    Hank: No man can fight his destiny!
    Doc: Or your stench. You're really starting to stink in there hank.
    • Hank sniffing his pits during the scene transition afterwords
  • Brock letting out a groan as Monstroso and Cocktease give OSI a "show".
  • Gathers' tit-envy returns after he see Hatred with a pair. Along with that, after Hank finally gets his suit off, the doctor tells him he should be able to work back most of his muscles. Cue this line from Gathers:
    Gathers: You'll never get over the lost of your breasts! You'll miss them forever...
  • Momma's Boys: You had to admit the ending is this what with Hank's, Rusty's, and Dean's faces.
    • Plus the villainous introductions of Viceroy, Enrico Matasa, Flying Sidekick, and especially Crime Robot.
    • Hank's explanation on how Rusty easily fell for his ruse. If you've seen 70's-era David Bowie punching out a man with no limbs on your front yard, you would believe anything.
    • During the riot at the asylum: Hank weakly flipping a table over and then walking away for no reason other than to contribute to the madness.
    • Just the fact that Rusty actually thought that Ted was real is hilarious. Missed A Spot Check at its finest.
  • St. Cloud being denied access to the Guild nightclub in "Bot Seeks Bot".
    • Followed by Brock and Shore-Leave in villain disguises being let in.
    • The episode ends with the Monarch confronting Rusty alone, only for the disco ball that Shore Leave was cutting earlier to fall down and crush him. It's so out of nowhere, it's hilarious.
      The Monarch: Alright Venture, it looks like I got you right where I w- *Rusty is crushed by disco ball*
  • After all his monologues about 21 being his favorite henchman, we get this gem from the Monarch after Hatred shoots the cocoon into the house.
    Monarch: Who the fuck is Gary?
  • Dean's answer to the first item on "Colonel Gentleman's list of things not to do".
    Dean: I can safely promise that I won't get involved with a six-year-old.
  • The whole sequence when Hatred attacks the Cocoon with his Hover-tank, especially when he says Gary that he still hates him but that he's got to get out of there! Also counts as a hilarious call-back to season 4, in which he said that he didn't want to pilot the X-1 at night because he kept mixing-up the lights with the lasers and blowing stuff up by accident. Also, the obligatory Hindenburg reference when the cocoon crashes and explodes in a huge fireball.
    Hatred: OH THE HUMANITY!

    Season 6 
  • "All This and Gargantua-2"
    • Sgt. Hatred realizing a little too late what the power being back on means for the fire trucks he called to put out the compound. Cue the trucks being shot to shit by the lawn-mounted lasers.
    • The Captain's accordian rendition of "Mmm Mmm Mmm" By the Crash Test Dummies during JJ's funeral in the epilogue.
      • The fact that it was part of JJ's will.
    • Killinger matter-of-factly denying the Monarch a Guild spot.
      • After he heals Dr. Mrs. The Monarch of her gunshot wound, he gives her a lolipop. Which she does, in fact, eat.
    • "I'd like to exchange 20 Hank bucks for some of your fake plastic money."
    • Treister's triumphant return and transformation into a Hulk.
      • The first thing Treister does when he recovers from being frozen in space: he mistakes JJ and Billy as aliens.
      Treister: The star people fixed my pee-pee cancer!
      • Dr. Venture's utterly deadpan reaction to seeing him out in space, hulked out, punching asteroids.
      Dr. Venture: "Eh, learn not to ask."
    • The pile of stuff that comes out of Fat Chance after he's incapacitated on Gargantua-2, especially the zebra (which becomes a Brick Joke thanks to Amber Gold).
    • That Gary or rather the Sovereign makes a Totally Spies! reference and actually refers to "Alex, Sam, and Clover," which means that Totally Spies! is an actual show in the Venture Brothers universe.
    • As the Sovereign is detailing his plans to destroy Gargantua-2, Phage keeps pointing out the Sovereign's butchered metaphors and misquotes with increasing frustration.
    • The Monarch, in Daredevil fashion, uses gasoline to create his fiery logo on the Venture lawn. This ironically leads to the entire compound burning to the ground.
    • In one of the most hilarious Anti-Climax moments to date, the eagle form Sovereign being shot down by Headshot entirely on accident.
  • "Hostile Makeover"
    • The opening scene where the Venture group moves to NYC after getting JJ's inheritance including the bit where Dr. Venture meets with his new staff and tells them "YOU'RE ALL FIRED!"
    • The return of the pirate captain's tranquilizer dart addiction.
    • Brock likening Hank's new appearance to Justin Bieber.
    • What is Richard Knight's superhero name? Nightdick.
      • The fact that he goes straight to his backstory immediately after saving Hank.
    • HELPeR spends the entire episode being one-upped by the Ventures' new robot, but finally gets his revenge in The Stinger in a blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment where he just casually shoves JBot off a ledge.
  • "Faking Miracles"
    • During the party, Hank tries to hide from Wide Wale's guards. He hid in a bathroom where Red Mantle/Dragoon are with Redusa, and she finds out that Red Mantle is two people, and shrinks Dragoon's head, making him sound like a baby whining.
  • "Rapacity in Blue"
    • 21 shows that Blue Morpho/Monarch's dad is actually a bad guy by showing a video of him and Jonas Venture with two prostitutes. Unfortunately, Monarch watches more of the video and...
    • Brock's flowery, anguished declaration of lust to Warrianna, all in Patrick Warburton's hammiest voice. She's a little weirded out at first, before deciding to roll with it.
  • "Tanks for Nuthin'
    • Few of the guild members are there via hologram, prompting Dragoon to ask why bother going to the asteroid when they can just use holograms.
    • Watch and Ward give Dr. Venture a guild helpline card, and when Think Tank attacks, he calls them while Brock and Think Tank attack each other.
    • Monarch/ the new Blue Morpho decides to flyby to Venture's to take a dump in his pool.
    • Brock wakes up after being with Warrianna back in Rapacity, and gets saved by her when Think Tank shoots him, she decides to go back after hearing what happened.
    • Both Think Tank and Battleaxe die because Battleaxe swerved and crashed into Think Tank and they both fell into the hole, killing them.
  • "It Happening One Night"
    • Everything about the Doom Factory. A post-modern group of villains that throw a drug-fueled party in the Venture compound while filming a bizarre art film with Rusty in his underwear, all so they could steal his technology. Rusty is left confused on what just happened.
    • Yumi, the Ninja Restaurant.
  • After Blue Morpho(Monarch) lands on Venture's roof, a button gets pressed by the ground, blowing up the Doom Factory lair and killing all of the villains there. His only reaction is to geek out to it towards Dr. Venture and state how awesome it was.

  • "From The Ladle To The Grave: The Story of Shallow Gravy":
    • Many from the "Jacket" video:
      • Dean dressed up as the devil dancing around the campfire
      • Dr. Venture in drag.
      • Pete Whites cameo when they say "Double Breasted Jacket!", complete with smug grin.
    • H.E.L.P.eR.'s appearances in the special, beeping for a bit with a bandanna around his head while at a strip club.
    • Dermott claiming that he got in trouble as a youth and he and his family were on the lam a lot as a result... only for his mom to tell the cameras they've lived in whatever undefined area the Ventures live in his entire life.
    • Dermott figuring that he has to become an ultimate fighter during the band's brief separation.
    • The first interview with a digitally blurred Gary on Shallow Gravy's first album:
      Gary: It was just about 30 minutes of what sounded like an exploding car made out of bases. It was awesome.
    • The Monarch's Cameo
    • During the sequence of Billy and Pete recording the band we have Pete swinging Billy over Shallow Gravy on some kind of harness.
    • Dermott nunchucking himself in the back.
    • Dermott telling the camera that he decked Dean's ass.
      Dean: He's lying, I decked him!
    • The Brick Joke of "I thought we set the kitchen on fire." Sgt. Hatred does not look pleased.
  • A Very Venture Halloween
    • "Super fuckin run away!"
  • Dean and Ben's conversation After Ben tells Dean he's a clone off-screen
    Ben: Look I was conceived in the backseat of a packard, you were conceived in a tank so what?
    Dean: So I have no mommy, no daddy?
    Ben: Dean you have it all wrong. You have a mommy and your dad is your dad, they made you by getting drunk and forgetting to wear a condom like everyone else. And when you got a boo-boo, your dad patched it up.
    Dean: You brought me back to life!
    Ben: Well you and your brother had some pretty big boo-boo's
    • Ben's monkey Rico's obsession with Dean's balls.
      • "That just means he likes you, or your balls at least"
    • Orpheus' master turning into Santa (long story) and blasting away hundreds of zombies with a Spirit Bomb is this for being so out of left field and a CMOA.
      Master: Don't worry, Orpheus, they didn't know daddy's gun had bullets in it.
    • Also the Master ending up telling the party members the true meaning of Christmas... on Halloween.