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Funny: The Three Mushketeers
This is only the beginning.

A webcomic bent on being funny sometimes fails its job by making bad jokes. This comic, however, certainly doesn't.

Warning: There's unmarked spoilers! —-

    open/close all folders 

     Chapter 1 
  • "We will...buy you a candy bar at Circle K or something." "YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A DEAL!"
  • "Sorry, I don't speak nutcase."
  • "Yum...cupcakes..."
  • "ULTRA SUPER SPECIAL ANNOYING SINGING ATTACK!"
  • "How long have you been there?" "About three and a half hours..."
  • "Attack, my spherical Goomba army!" "These things are the precise reason I don't play Super Mario World anymore."
    • "We're here! We're sphere! Get used to it!" "...I don't visit San Fransisco anymore either"
  • "Oprah Winfrey Attack!"
  • "It looks like Gamefreak...has just been fired!" "YEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"
  • "Are you Professor E. Gadd?" "Yabbo yaboo!" "No, I think he's Fred Flintstone."
  • "THERE! ARE! FOUR! LIGHTS!"
  • "Feels great to be back to my old self! Although I have a sudden desire to be the center of attention..."
  • "I guess Mason and I were wrong. It's not Stewie Griffin." "You guys owe me 50 coins!"
  • "Wow! He can create things with mere words. Think about it: Mason solves world hunger!"
  • "I removed his mouth. What, you like hearing him speak?!"
  • "Fourteen! Fourteen Goombas! Ah ah ah!"
  • "You're still having to pay me, doc."
  • The page picture.
  • "Attack Formation Delta!!" "What was that?" "I dunno. It just sounded cool."

     Chapter 2 
  • "You mean you want him to speak?" "That's what I said!"
  • "Well, that's not how I was going to restore Mason's mouth, but that works too..."
  • "If one of us you wish to be, please answer these riddles three!"
  • This image.
  • The entire Christmas comic.
  • "That cheapskate! She owed me 200 coins!"
  • "I've been following you for the past six hours with my super stalking ability!"
    • "That's just creepy. NEXT!"
  • "Well, one night, my mommy and daddy loved each other very much..." "NO!"

     Chapter 3 
  • "Yes, but he doesn't have cable."
  • The Mason Mobile. "To the Mason Mobile!"
  • "Do you want to know who's going to get in our way?" "Gary freaking Oak."
  • "Must you resort to petty name-calling?"
  • "I'll play the catchy Inspector Gadget tune and get it stuck in your heads!" "You monster!"
  • "How are you going to pay us, master?" "Let's see... I have three bottle caps, a button, and some pocket lint!"
  • "I left biscuits in the oven at home. I'm sure they're burnt by now!"
  • "QUICKIE! GET OUT OF MY LABORATORY!"
  • "I have some very important business elsewhere..." "We now return to Sanford and Son..."

     Chapter 4 
  • "Do you accept Visa?" "Now you're talking..."
  • "Well, on very rare occasions they cause heart attacks but we should be fine."
    • "...Neptune?"
  • "We're underwater, guys!" "Duh."
  • "The ocean is filled with the most hideous creatures around." "Do you guys want to go jellyfishing with me?" "It's hideous."
  • "Taking down this Christmas tree underwater is going to be a pain."
  • "I need it for my plan to turn all of the water's oceans into Coca Cola!"
  • "Whatever you say, Kamek."
  • "Be glad that I have cable!"
  • "Can you define 'work' please?"
  • "Prepare to be defeated, Galactic Petey! I have some Weed B-Gone!"
    • "It...didn't work? It seemed to work fine on that Bulbasaur earlier..."
  • "That's because you have no fingers."
  • "Now I've wasted a perfectly good musical number! Get the heck away from me, jerks!"
  • This conversation, which also doubles as Getting Crap Past the Radar, considering this is a family comic.
    Mason: Can we use your pipe?
    Creepy Toad: What makes you think I carry one of those cancer-causing things?
    Solar: No, stupid. He meant the Warp Pipe you're standing in front of.
    Creepy Toad: Oh, certainly!

     Chapter 5 
  • "It's not that bad. Come on, sing with me! The sewers, the mighty sewers..."
  • "I got a rock."
  • "I'M NOT MASON!" "Please never, ever do that again."
  • "Question 1: How do you say the word "embarrassed" in Spanish?"
    • "You rang?"
  • "Oh, come on! I like how it wouldn't have made any sense if you answered it the hard way!"
  • "What in the world would make you think chocolate is a round food?"
    • "Oh, I thought she said brown food!"
  • "If I can't quiz you to death, I'll CRUSH YOU LIKE ANTS!"
  • "Look, cute rats. No, NO!! GET THESE THINGS OFF ME!!!"
  • "That was a tough fight." "Of course it was. It's not like we ever defeat anything in one hit or anything!"
    • Cut to Villains Anonymous. "Thank you for this session, Ralph. All five of us have been defeated by the Mushketeers in a single hit."
  • "One time I put a quarter up my nose and it came out a week later!"
  • "Good...Because otherwise I'd have to take a rusty screwdriver and-"
  • "This outfit was at the dry cleaner."

     Chapter 6 
  • "I have HAD it with these monkey-fighting Cobrats on this Monday to Friday plane!"
  • "All three of you are good to go with your luggage... but we're a little troubled about the guy with the red hat. The Weed-B-Gone, coins and highly dangerous magic wand are all fine but why in the world do you have three issues of In Touch magazine?"
    • "It's not like that! I'm carrying them for someone else!!!"
  • "They're Hebrew National Franks."
  • "They must have been working for Mr. Bones." "...Leon Schuster?"
  • "I'm sorry, Mason, but if you ever, ever make such a horrible pun ever again I'll have to barbeque you."
  • "I stored them safely within the confines of my-" "WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW!" "...Hat."
  • "You lied to me Geico Gecko!" "Di'n't yew save at leas' fifteen percen' on caw insuwance?"
  • "That's Mr. Bones. Max HP is 21, Attack is 100, Defense is 100, and Speed is 84. He was probably a real Koopa Troopa...long, long ago..." "His hidden weakness is to hear late 1960's hit rock pop singles!"
  • Neptune Heart Attacks... 6!!!!!
  • The entirety of Issue 71.

     Chapter 7 
  • "Wait, I'm not a torch! I'm-" (Anton blows Solar Blaze out) "...One of the fighters."
  • "They will be fighting our lowest-ranked fighters, Ed, Edd n Eddy!" "Don't jump to conclusions, guys, I think this is purely coincidental..."
  • "Mushketeers win! TOUCALITY!"
  • "Too easy!" "Piece of cake!" "...Entire cake."
    • "Our Mushketeers gave a real whoopin' to Bundt..." "Bundt, by the way, was delicious!"
  • "No! I'm reminded of my highschool days!"
    • (Flashback) "It's swirly time, nerd!"

     Chapter 8 
  • "I need a crowd for my puppet shows, don't I?" "You monster!"
  • "Hmm... I think I'll have me some Filet-O-Toucan tonight." "You monster!"
  • "Your chin! It's hilarious!"
  • "Nice going, Mason."
  • "Gah, I can't stand Neptune's stunning good looks!"
  • "Woah, it's Solar from summer camp! I remember the time you ate a snail. Gnarly, dude!" "I TOLD YOU TO NOT TELL ANYONE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED IN SUMMER CAMP!"
  • "MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE GOOMBAS TO THE YARD!!!" It defeats Tucayo.
  • "EEYUCK! I've been slobbered!"

     Chapter 9 

     Chapter 10 
  • "Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there...To get us to the Cotton Candy Desert! Mwahahaha!"
    • "I have Geico!" "Isn't that a gewd fing?"
  • "My Choclate River? That can kill you...Need any help getting in?"
  • "I'm Smasher, a protagonist. Yep."
  • "If you want to live through this place-" "That's enough!" "Good, we're out of rhymes."
  • "You can still eat anything." (Bloopers appear) "...Almost anything."
  • Smasher's five helpful tips!
    1. You three are stupid.
    2. Krizzy's a bad guy. Beat him.
    3. You're morons for not noticing.
    4. I'm taking Bloops to the hospital.
    5. You guys are idiots.
  • "Dude, I can just float over the Yoshi Eggs." "I hate you."
  • "WATCH ME CRANK IT, WATCH ME ROLL!"
  • "Neptune! Mason stupidity code 437!"
  • "Did you really have to change styles in that frame?" "At least I have style."
  • Land on a Blooper, and it could be boredom for you!
  • "But I think Mason might be dead..." "Again?"

     Chapter 11 
  • "How many coins was that again?" "I WAS KIDDING!! IT'S ON THE HOUSE!!"
  • "FUGLAMUGAP'OH!"
  • "Me regret nothing."
  • "So Mother BRAIN was the one you were scrubbing the feet of? Is there going to be any more style clashing?"
  • "Soon, they'll realize the barrier is nothing more than Hot Wheels packaging!"
  • "ARE YOU TELLING US THIS WHOLE JOURNEY WAS FOR A CANDY BAR?!"
  • "If those weren't the real Mario Bros., then did I really kidnap Princess Peach?" "All another illusion." "I think I'm gonna be sick..."
  • "Heh heh, I mean MY planet, Homertopia. Suckers! No one will dare to drop another dome on Springfield with these aliens protecting it..."
  • "Gee, I hope Gamefreak sure doesn't give me some pie. That'll surely, uh, kill me." "Nice try."
  • "HOW THE HECK AM I FLOATING IN THE AIR?!"
  • "We're proposing a treaty to kick Gamefreak's rear for forgetting to lock us up like everyone else!"

     Final Chapter 
  • "For the last time, Urchin, that wasn't the song!"
  • "Edgar has now become Tedgar. Farewell..." "63 issues of buildup for THAT?!" "I'd say more than 63..."
  • "So, Mason, how long should we barrage him?" "Until he becomes a corpse state in which he could barely be considered alive." "Yikes."
  • "I thought as Oprah, Mason would give me a free car."
  • "Looks like Solar is delivering the final blow." "I see what you did there."
  • "I hope you realize if it goes to space it might-" "LA LA LA, I'M NOT LISTENING!"
  • "But why are you in charge of the arrest?" "For the pun in the fourth panel."

"YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU ALL TO THE UNDERWHERE!"

~fin
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